Chapter 11

brADY

I shouldn’t have been surprised to see Grace outside my door, waiting for me the following morning.

But I was. Because why would she get up so early just to see me off?

“I’m coming with you,” she said without preamble.

She already had two coffee cups in her hands, and she handed me one. It was an Americano with a shot of cream—my usual order.

“No, you’re not,” I replied.

She just smiled that smile that went straight to my cock. It was a smile that said, You can never say no to me.

“You need moral support. Besides, it’s a long drive to Las Vegas. I’ve done it a billion times, so I would know. And you and I both know you’re shit at driving at night, especially if you’re wanting to come home right after,” she said.

“I wasn’t planning on driving at night,” I said, even though it was a lie.

My astigmatism made it harder to drive at night, but it wasn’t impossible. I did it often. It’d really only been tricky when I’d first started driving as a teenager.

“Well, I know the best rest stops,” Grace continued. She then reached out to touch my arm. “Come on. I know you want the company.”

I did. The thought of going to see Mom in the hospital, to see her dying, to do that by myself ... I hadn’t wanted to think about it. But now, a wave of relief washed over me.

When I still hesitated, though, her eyes narrowed. That look couldn’t mean anything good.

“My mom saw you carrying me inside their house on the security cams,” she said.

She didn’t need to elaborate. “Did your dad see it?” I asked.

Grace shook her head. “No, but I’m not above using that to get you to say yes to me coming with me.”

Now I just laughed. “Dammit, Grace, you’re insane. I also am too terrified of you to call your bluff. But if you come, no back-seat driving, okay?”

Grace grinned. “Deal. But I get to choose the music.”

Luckily for us both, Grace had good taste. She started us off with seventies folk like the Mamas & the Papas and Fleetwood Mac. Neither of us was awake enough to talk much until after we’d finished our coffees, which was fine by me.

As we drove out of Los Angeles, I couldn’t help but wonder what the fuck I’d been thinking, letting her come with me. If Coach Dallas found out we’d gone on an impromptu road trip together, he’d have my head.

“How’s your mom?” Grace asked once we got out of the city, the Mojave Desert turning the landscape stark and bright.

I fumbled around for my sunglasses. Grace handed them to me with a raised eyebrow.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Your mom?”

I shot her a glare. “You’re annoying. You know that, right?”

She just smiled. “I know I am, but what are you?” She poked me in the arm. “Come on, Mr. Grumbly, tell me all your secrets.”

I nearly choked. God Almighty, the last thing I was going to do was tell Grace my deepest, darkest secrets. She’d hate me for all eternity if I did.

“She’s sick,” I said, my tone flat. “I told you that.”

“You said she’s dying. Can she get a liver transplant?”

I snorted. “You have to stop drinking to get somebody’s nice, shiny organ. And my mom isn’t about to give up her favorite thing in the world.”

Grace’s expression turned somber. “That’s awful. I can’t imagine being so addicted to something that you’d choose death.”

“Well, my mom isn’t exactly thinking straight. She’s convinced the doctors are wrong and she’ll get better. Or she won’t die, at least.”

I stared out at the bright-blue sky of the horizon, not a cloud in sight. “And she’s not wrong,” I said slowly. “She has survived against all odds. Hell, I remember her doctor telling her ten years ago she had months to live if she didn’t stop drinking. Yet she continues. It’s amazing what shit you can put your body through.”

“I wonder if she’d live much longer, even with a transplant,” Grace said quietly.

“The rest of her body is a wreck, too. Pancreas, kidneys, stomach. She throws up blood all the time from stomach ulcers.”

I realized I was probably horrifying Grace. I didn’t need to unload all this onto her.

“I wish I could say something beyond ‘I’m sorry,’” Grace said. She touched my arm and squeezed it. “But I hope you know that it’s not your fault. Your mom makes her own choices.”

I knew that. I knew that, yet ... that small voice inside me still whispered that if I’d just tried a little harder, I could’ve saved her.

I shook myself. “This is getting fucking depressing. I need something to distract me.”

Grace didn’t argue. Her eyes brightened as she suggested the game Never Have I Ever, only because she knew she’d win because she was such a good girl.

“Never have I ever had a threesome,” Grace said, holding up her hands and starting the game off with a bang. She looked over at me.

I sighed and put down a finger.

Her jaw dropped. “You slut! Brady Carmichael. How many times?”

I glanced at her. “I’m not telling you that. And you’re a cheater, virgin.”

Grace just giggled.

Now, it was my turn. “Never have I ever ...” I thought a moment. “Eaten sushi.”

“What? You live in LA! And that’s so boring.”

I shrugged. “It never appealed to me. Besides, I knew you loved it.” I grinned.

“I need to take you to eat sushi ASAP. You’re missing out.” But Grace still put down a finger, her nose wrinkled.

We were tied by the time the game got near the end.

Grace didn’t look at me when she said, “Never have I ever had drunk sex after Brady Carmichael took me home when I was smashed.”

I froze. I should’ve known this was coming. It’d been my own damn fault, agreeing to this silly game.

“You were drunk,” I said, my voice rough. “I wasn’t going to take advantage of you.”

“So you did want to sleep with me?” She sounded hopeful.

I groaned. “Grace . . .”

“I wanted you to kiss me.” Her gaze was direct now, her cheeks flushed.

“Which time?”

“Either time. Both times. But you didn’t. Why not? Are you just not attracted to me?”

I had to concentrate on the road. I couldn’t stare at Grace, trying to understand what was going on in her innocent yet daring mind.

“Of course I’m attracted to you,” I said, irritated. “How could you think otherwise?”

“Um, the not-wanting-to-kiss-me thing?”

“I do want to kiss you.” I wanted to drive into the nearest ditch rather than have this conversation, but it seemed like I didn’t have a choice. “I want to do way fucking more than kiss you. But it doesn’t matter. Nothing can happen between us.”

“But why? Brady, I’ve had a crush on you since we were kids.”

I knew she’d liked me when we were kids, but I couldn’t believe she hadn’t gotten over it yet. I glanced at her, and I nearly drove us off the road.

She looked like a woman who desperately needed kissing. And fuck me, I wanted to be that man more than I wanted anything else.

“Just because we want each other doesn’t mean we’d be good together,” I said finally.

“And how do you know that? That we’ll be bad for each other? Isn’t that what you find out after dating for a while?”

She had a point. And like the weak man I was, I wanted to cave. But I reminded myself that if Grace knew the truth about me, she’d agree.

“You deserve better than a guy like me. And I’m not going to change my mind either. I’m sorry I’ve led you on lately. I’ll do better.”

Grace was silent. I watched out of the corner of my eye as she wiped away a tear.

God, I felt like the lowest of the low. I was scum, making this gorgeous woman cry.

But I didn’t deserve her tears. I didn’t deserve her desire, and I definitely didn’t deserve her love, either.

I held on to the steering wheel so tightly that my fingers started cramping. I was glad when traffic started getting worse, and I was forced to pay attention to driving.

“I’m sorry,” I said after we’d sat in silence for a while.

“I still don’t get why you’re sorry, but thanks, I guess.” Grace shrugged. “If you don’t want me, whatever the reason, I’m not going to force you. I respect your decision, even if I don’t understand it.”

So there it was. Anything that had been brewing between us was at an end.

I should be happy, but I could feel only despair.

“Is this where you tell me you’ll always be my friend?” Grace asked, her tone sardonic.

I let out a startled laugh. “Sure, if you want.”

“I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

We arrived in Las Vegas in the early afternoon. After getting some lunch, we headed to the hospital. Although I told Grace she didn’t have to come with me to the hospital, she insisted.

“Unless you’d rather go alone,” she said. “I realize I’m being kind of bossy when it’s your mom we’re talking about.”

“You, bossy? Never.” I grinned, then turned serious. “It’s okay if you come. Just ... keep your expectations low.”

Mom was out of it when we arrived. Then again, it wasn’t much different from how she usually was. But this time, it wasn’t booze making her loopy. She was on such strong painkillers that it took her a second to recognize me.

“Baby,” she crooned. She reached out a hand to touch my cheek.

I nearly flinched from her touch. She looked skeletal, and on top of that, she was so yellow from the jaundice that it was shocking. Her skin, the whites of her eyes. A sickly yellow color that I didn’t think was possible in a human being.

“Is that the nurse?” she asked me, pointing at Grace.

“She’s just a friend, Mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Grace held out a hand, but Mom didn’t notice it. She was too busy staring up at me.

“My baby boy, I missed you so much. I didn’t think you’d come. You never come to see me, your little old mom. I’ve waited so long to see you ...”

I hated myself at that moment. “I’m sorry,” I said.

Mom just smiled, but she was missing so many teeth that it made her look like she was ninety, not in her fifties.

“Could you do something for me?” Mom asked.

“Sure, I can.”

She tried to whisper, but it came out more like a loud rasp. “Can you get me a bottle of something to take the edge off? I’m hurting something terrible.”

I stilled. Grace looked away. Embarrassment flooded me.

“You’re in the hospital,” I said through gritted teeth.

“They’re total Nazis here.” Mom scowled. “They won’t give me anything. You know alcohol withdrawal can kill you, right? But do they care? No, of course not.”

I sighed. I’d spoken with Mom’s doctor, and I knew that she was being weaned off alcohol slowly and was under medical supervision with her detox. But Mom didn’t care. She just wanted to drink, as always.

Why had I ever thought she’d change? She would go to her grave clutching a bottle of vodka or a can of beer. It was the only constant she had in her life.

“The doctor says your vitals are looking better today,” I said, trying to change the subject. “You might be able to leave sooner than they thought.”

“They always say that, but then they keep you just to get all your money.” Her gaze turned to Grace now. “These places just want money. And then when you die here, they sell your body parts for extra cash.”

“Mom, they do not.” I wanted to point out that her body parts and organs were pretty useless, anyway.

“Who do they sell them to?” Grace asked.

She didn’t sound sarcastic, just mildly curious.

Mom’s eyes widened. “To the Illuminati. Look them up. They’re everywhere.” Mom glanced at the ceiling and then the floor. “Sometimes I can see them from the corner of my eye.”

Mom had always been out of it, but this was new. Was it the painkillers? Or just further deterioration from all the drinking?

“Well, Brady is good at keeping people safe,” Grace said, her tone serious. “So he’ll help you. Don’t worry.”

Mom’s gaze turned back to me. “He’s a good boy who loves his momma. And so talented. He gets that from my side of the family. Your dad and his family were useless pieces of shit, you know.”

Mom then went down a long tangent about my dad, and my dad’s parents, and then somehow we returned to the Illuminati, and aliens, and by the time Grace and I left, I felt a little drunk.

“Sorry about all that,” I said to Grace as we got into my car.

She looked surprised. “Why are you apologizing? Like I said, your mom makes her own choices. Besides, I know she’s sick. Sick people don’t always say the most logical things.”

I almost wished Grace would be judgmental. Then I could tell her to go to hell and end this years-long obsession with her.

Instead, she had to be empathetic, thoughtful, and selfless. The universe loves its cruel jokes, I thought morosely.

Dinner was an awkward affair. I was brooding over Mom, and Grace seemed like she didn’t know what to say. I was glad when it was time to check in to our hotel rooms.

Separate hotel rooms, of course. I didn’t trust myself to behave if we shared a room or, God forbid, shared a bed for the night.

We could’ve made the drive back to LA, but we were exhausted. So I got us hotel rooms for the night, and we’d leave early in the morning.

I was getting ready for bed when I realized I didn’t have toothpaste. I’d packed my toothbrush, of course.

I tapped on the adjoining door to Grace’s room. “Grace? You awake?”

I heard her voice, then some rummaging, before she opened the door. She was flushed and wearing only a large T-shirt and booty shorts.

She was also out of breath like she’d been running. “You okay?” I asked.

That just made her blush harder. “Uh. Yeah. Sure. You okay?”

I inhaled, only to catch a scent I knew all too well. My body tightened.

Christ, had she been touching herself? With just a tiny little door between us?

I felt my entire body alight at the thought. We stared at each other, and I watched as her breathing increased along with my own.

Had she been close to coming when I knocked on the door? Or had she already come once and was going for her second or third?

I wondered how she liked to fuck herself. Did she prefer to concentrate on her clit, or did she like a combo of fingers and clit rubbing? The thought of touching her pussy, licking it, watching her body arch as her orgasm built ...

Fuck, I was going to lose my goddamn mind.

“Toothpaste,” I rasped finally.

It took her a second to register what I’d said. “Uh. Yeah, I have some.”

She went to get the tube. When she handed it to me, though, I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her hand toward me.

I inhaled. Her eyes widened.

I’d been right. I knew that smell anywhere. I let her hand go reluctantly.

“Lock the door on your side,” I commanded. “Don’t let me in, no matter what I say.”

She blinked. Then she nodded and said good night before doing as I’d asked.

I collapsed onto my own bed and groaned. There was no fucking way I was going to get any sleep tonight.