Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Vale

As we'd crept back toward my cage over the past few days, the stars bore down on me, but I was waking up. I had one last night of freedom. One last chance to grasp the bars and throw them wide before I had to play the game in the capital.

And we'd spend it in the hot springs.

Cypherion's eyes burned into my back as I led him through the narrow, winding jungle trail, but I relished the sting his attention left along my skin.

We'd left the horses at the inn after securing a room in the town near the springs—two beds this time. I was sure he'd be thrilled.

"Are we almost there?" he asked.

"Patience," I answered, but the bubbling water was growing louder, my heartbeat pounding with it. Unable to help myself, I shot him a small smile over my shoulder.

"What is that?" Cypherion asked, his breath fogging in front of him.

I didn't answer, instead picking up my pace and taking the rest of the trail in a few steps.

Sweeping away the last of the plants, I ducked into the secluded, misty clearing and spun toward him. Cypherion's eyes widened, bouncing from the steaming hot spring pools up the cliff to the top of the waterfall.

Trees formed a dense ring around the springs, but the canopy overhead was open, a clear shot to the stars. The rock wall before us formed tiers, a large pool at the base collecting the water from the falls, but smaller pockets of steaming baths nestled in each step.

For some reason, the water was hot here all year round. I'd found this spot as a girl, and any of the few times I was allowed away from Valyn, I took the chance to escape alone here.

Cypherion's eyes widened as he took it in. Nerves fluttered throughout my body, and I sucked in a breath, waiting for him to say something about this secret I'd kept for years.

"This is magnificent, Vale," he finally said, awe-struck, and satisfaction settled my racing heart.

"The water is always warm, so we can swim even in the winter."

His eyes snapped to me then, the blues so deep, an ocean swirling with questions. "I don't…"

I scoffed, turning to the edge of the rock and kicking off my boots. "Don't be so shy, Cypherion."

Keeping my back to him, I untied my cloak, dropping it to the ground. My top, skirt, and undergarments followed, leaving me in nothing but my silver jewelry.

One chance. I had one chance at freedom, one night to indulge. If Cypherion Kastroff was too modest to join me, that was his choice. But the babbling of the falls called to pieces of me I'd long ago kissed goodbye, and I couldn't stifle them tonight.

Looking over my shoulder, I caught him staring at my body, eyes falling over the curve of my waist and ass like hot honey across my skin. It was nothing he hadn't seen before—exalted even—and while he claimed we were friends, there was nothing friendly in that stare.

Every inch of me heated in response, desire waking. For his hands on my body, to bite down on his bottom lip. For the pleasure he wrung out of me.

No , I told myself. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want you .

And though it broke my heart to remind myself I had let him go, I refused to allow that pain between us to dampen this place.

"Scared, Cypherion?" I teased.

I waded into the water before he could answer, but I thought I heard him mumble something along the lines of " fucking terrified, " and I smirked.

The waterfall was slower than most, the babble a hum of music rather than an overbearing drone. It was serene. I ducked beneath the water, surfacing quickly and brushing my hair back from my face.

The heat stung my skin in the most delicious way, soothing not only the sore muscles from days of travel but my worries as well. Taking thoughts of tainted sessions, Angel emblems, and Titus. Here, in this bubble, none of it mattered as I crouched down so the water came to my shoulders and steam swirled about my ears.

The spring's current shifted around me, and I spun.

Cypherion was there, his long hair damp and darker than usual, blue eyes shining by starlight, and his skin covered in small beads of water. They trailed between the defined lines of his muscles, sliding down…

He hadn't left his undershorts on like I thought he would. The water came to his hips, but it was clear from here that he was naked. And every salacious memory of how he felt between my legs poured back into my mind.

"What are you looking at, Stargirl?" he teased, and though I'd been caught staring, I didn't care.

Not tonight, with strings of freedom dancing at my fingertips.

And he'd used that name again. He'd become selective with it, only letting it slip when his guard was down.

Instead of answering immediately, I stood. The tide only came to my waist, but my hair was behind my shoulders, breasts out. "Nothing."

We remained like that for a moment, some silent dare hanging between us. Do it , I said with my stare. Knock down that wall you've built .

His eyes dropped to scan my body, his hands fisting at his sides.

Then, he backed down a step. Sank beneath the water and came back up further away from me.

Sighing, I turned away, too, and waded to the other side of the small pool. Embarrassment didn't sting like I expected. I supposed when you'd already shown someone the worst sides of you, the ones willing to lie and hurt them, there was no room left for shame.

I perched on a rock, leaning against the wall as the water lapped at my tired muscles.

"You've been here before," Cypherion said, and the husky sound of his voice shot straight to my core. He may have backed away, but he was not unaffected. He stayed halfway across the pool, though, nearly six feet separating us.

"A few times," I answered, my fingers skimming the water. "I was…busy when I lived in Valyn. Had to be available in case my mentor needed me. Apprenticing was demanding. My readings were imperative, and I was required to be behind those bars at all times."

The thought had my spine straightening. I wasn't sure when I'd started to think of the chancellor's home as a cage. When I'd lived there, it had seemed beautiful and safe.

Safe was not living, though. Safe was not free.

At some point since I traveled with Titus to Damenal, I'd started to see the bars surrounding me and search for the views beyond them. And I thought maybe the man across the pool had something to do with it.

I was still picking apart what was unnatural about my relationship with Titus. My treatment at the Lumin Temple had been wrong. Even as a child, I recognized the uncomfortable feeling it caused in my gut, but until I met someone who made me want to defy my new mentor, I hadn't seen him as a captor at all. I'd thought him a savior.

A subtle ache went through my shoulder, breaking my thought. I rolled it to dispel the pain, likely another stiff joint from travel.

I cleared my throat. "I used to conduct sessions here." Tilting my head back, I searched the view, counting the constellations of each Angel. They were brighter here than in the mountains, in different positions in the sky.

"Did you bring other people here?" Cypherion asked.

I dropped my chin to meet his gaze.

Searing . That's how he looked at me, despite the tendrils of steam softening his features.

"Never."

The jungle's silence pressed down around us, punctured only by the soft roar of the falls and the buzz of insects, secluding us like we were the only two people on Ambrisk.

"Why do you prefer reading here?" A gentleness I'd missed filled the hollows between his words. Saying all the things he didn't.

"Readings always sit beneath my skin," I explained, holding his stare. "My magic bristles until I tap into it, sometimes painfully so. But out here, it's so quiet. It opens up room to truly listen." I pressed a hand to my chest. "The pressure sits right here, and the whispers crowd my mind, but when I dig into them it's…the purest form of ecstasy."

Cypherion's eyes darkened at that. Was there a challenge in his stare? "Is that because of your Fate ties?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Or at least I assume so. I've never been able to talk to others about how many Fates I'm aligned with." His brows drew together. "But no one has ever explained readings to me in the way I feel them."

"That must be…lonely."

I shrugged. "I didn't realize that for a while."

"What do you mean?" There was an edge to his voice now.

"I was used to feeling secluded. Used to my cages and chains, one might say. I did not see them as a problem or recognize the unnatural oppression of my desire to be close to others."

"Spirits, Vale…" Cypherion shook his head.

"I spoke to Barrett about it, actually." Pry apart the wounds . Let him see the person I was trying to become, and maybe he would understand. "The prince has been in chains in a way. He always accepted them because he wanted to uphold his responsibility to his people, but unlike me, Barrett saw his captors for what they were.

"He came to visit me when I was imprisoned in Damenal," I said, and Cypherion's jaw ticked. "He said some things that made me think."

"What were they?"

Had he moved closer? Surely, he was drifting around the circumference of the pool.

"Barrett told me of when he met Dax. Of how he found a light in the darkness that made him want to heal the lonely pieces and fight, to stop being complacent in his own life."

He'd said much more than that. Called me out on my lies and helped me see the pieces I'd shattered. You can make a mosaic with broken glass , he'd said. All you need is determination and a new vision .

"Is that what you've been doing? Trying to repair things? To fight?" He was only an arm's length away now, sitting on a ledge of rock with his elbows on his knees, the water to his ribs.

"I'm trying…" I took a breath. "I'm trying to fight. I haven't quite deciphered the battles. There are so many of them."

Cypherion considered that. Then, he said, "Name each one. Make them seem less shadowed."

I swallowed, my stomach turning at the thought of digging through my fears. But if I was going to do this, I wanted it to be with him.

"Valyn," I began. "The city—I don't know what we'll find there. Just stepping foot within the walls is a mountain to climb."

"Next." His voice wasn't harsh, but it was firm, directing me forward so I didn't get too caught up in one fear. Cataloging them all to make sense of it the way he always did.

He was giving me a chance, and I wouldn't be too cowardly to take it.

"Titus," I admitted. "I don't…I don't know how I feel toward him. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about anything."

"You are not supposed to feel a certain way ever, Stargirl." Angels, I loved that name. It pulled me closer to him every time he said it. "There's no right or wrong when it comes to your natural response to someone. We have to work through those feelings, maybe redirect them, but how you feel is never wrong."

That was almost more confusing, trying to convince myself that however I felt was all right. It was a starting point, I supposed. And he said we . Did that mean he would be there while I figured it out?

No, I could not hope for that.

Still—

"You," I said.

"Me?" Cypherion's eyes widened. After a pause, he stood, wading through the waist-high water to stand before me. "What about me?"

"You're one of the battles I'm fighting." I tracked a drop of water as it slid from the curled ends of his hair and carved a path along his sculpted chest, but I swallowed and forced myself to continue. "You've been the battle I've continued to stake my heart against, trying to repair what I broke with my secrets and schemes. I want to fix it, but your intentions are murky, so it feels like another uncertain future I'm fighting."

I paused, letting those words settle between us. When he said nothing, I tilted my head back to look him in the eye. As a cave of steam formed around us, I refused to let my nerve slip. "You've built walls back up between us, and I understand why, but I've been trying to show that you can trust me. To show that I'm sincerely sorry for my choices, but also explain that I didn't understand what I was doing at the time. I still don't.

"Spirits, it's not an excuse." I shook my head. "There isn't one, but I told myself I had to let you go, and for some reason I can't."

"You told yourself what?" His voice was dark, eyes flicking between mine like he was putting pieces together.

"When we started on this journey, I told myself it was in your best interest if I let you go. If I only tried to heal what I'd broken to make amends, but not to return to…whatever it was we were before."

"And what about your best interest, Vale?"

I blinked up at him. "What?"

"What is it that you want?"

"I want…" I exhaled, the thick steam between our bodies clouding my thoughts. "I want room to breathe. I want freedom and choices and a life beyond the damn capital. I want answers, and then I want a fresh start. I want that lightness in my heart like I am precisely where I'm supposed to be, when it feels like it's expanding in my chest, not like I'm being pushed into a future because of the magic I have no control over." I paused, debating the last confession, but the words danced off the tip of my tongue. "And I want…I want you , Cypherion."

"Fuck, Vale." He shook his head. I'd said too much. Pushed too far and made too big of a claim. "I'm so done wanting you."

Can you feel when your heart breaks? Because I did with those words, a split, sharp and piercing and irreparable, right behind my sternum. It ached, but I collected myself around the pain.

I'd found my way out of a cage and was my own foundation. My own strength.

"Then don't." I forced myself to my feet. My breasts brushed his abs, and I almost backed down, but I had to see his expression change at the impact of what I'd say next. "Leave now if you don't want me. Please, Cypherion. Don't continue on to Valyn with me, because I can't do this any longer. I can't fight a battle between us while trying to hold myself together against what waits in that damn city."

My voice shook. My eyes stung.

"Vale—"

"I don't want to hear about your assignment from the Revered. I release you from it." I placed a shaking hand to his chest, tried to force him back. "You may turn off the piece of you that feels like you have to be here because it's your duty. Go back to your friends. I'll be fine on my own."

"You don't understand, Stargirl." His hand curled around mine, pressing it against his chest with a possessive, cementing grip. "I'm done. Wanting. You. "

"Then leave if you hate me so much?—"

"I don't hate you, Vale."

My core throbbed at the low tone of his voice. "You don't?"

"I fear you." My stomach dropped, and both our hearts rioted, loud among the falls. "I fear how thoroughly you wrecked me and how, if I allowed you, you could do it again."

Cypherion shifted, his leg between mine, and…Fates. He was hard as steel beneath the water. He continued, "I've tried so hard to stay away from you." Spirits, he took up all the air. "Told us both I would be your friend and your guard until this was over. But it takes so much willpower to pretend I'm not still mad about you."

He said about . Not mad at me. But about me.

He leaned closer, pinning me against the wall, and my heart climbed further into the back of my throat with every beat. I tasted his crisp bergamot scent on the air, fresh and alluring.

"And I am so fucking tired of fighting myself," he said.

And when his lips crashed into mine, I didn't even attempt to hide the relieved gasp that slipped up my throat.