Chapter 38 - Jenna

From the moment Lev helped me back into the resort, I thought I was going to pass out. Not just from the stress and my aching head, but because I was terrified Lev somehow knew my involvement in the entire messed up kidnapping.

I had been able to run on adrenaline for the ride back, keeping Mrs. Hardy's own gun trained on her with steely determination while she pretended to be unconscious. It took quite a bit of self-restraint not to give her a slap or two to make up for my stinging cheeks, but I was just glad no one that mattered to me was dead.

It should have given me pause when Aleks met us on the side of the road, and Max continued on in his car with the two unlucky captives. The look on Max's face was far too bloodthirsty to trick me into believing he was going to drop them off at their home after a stern lecture. But I didn't care at all what happened to them, no matter how much I searched my conscience. They had fully meant to kill Lev, and despite getting them to agree to use me as a shield so he wouldn't come in raining bullets down on them, it was obvious I wasn't going to make it out alive if they got their way and were able to get rid of Lev.

Of course, I'd only wanted to buy him time to assess the situation and hopefully figure out a way to keep Mrs. Hardy from shooting me in the head, but I'd never dreamed he'd take such a daring shot. The memory of his eyes as his glance skated over me to make sure I was all right, then the way they turned icy cold as they focused, had been a sight to behold.

Even as I was falling to the floor with that screaming harpy, I was filled with pride and gratitude. We were going to get out of there, and it seemed foolish that I ever doubted him.

But now, as we were rushing to the nearest hospital in a car behind Katie and Aleks, the look in his eyes had changed. The concern was still there, and it was clear he was almost as worried as I was about Katie, but there was a distance in them that scared me.

Did he know?

At the hospital, Katie was whisked back to a room, at that point practically yowling like a stray cat from pain. Aleks followed her, leaving Lev and I alone in the waiting area.

"You need to get checked out," he said gruffly, taking my arm and leading me to the check-in desk.

"I'm fine," I said for at least the dozenth time, but he took my hand and pressed it lightly against the back of my head.

He lifted a brow when I winced in pain, surprised at the good-sized lump back there and the matted blood in my hair.

"She might have a skull fracture," he told the nurse behind the counter.

She told us she'd get me back for a scan as soon as possible. It looked like Lev might try to throw his weight around, so I squeezed his hand and dragged him to a seat.

"I'm sure I'll live for however long it takes them to get a machine ready," I said, trying to soothe the scowl between his eyes and joke away the dark cloud that seemed to hang over him.

The scowl only deepened, but he sat beside me in one of the hard plastic chairs. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, especially the realization I'd come to about my feelings, but awkwardness took hold, and I could barely look at him. Except for staying close to my side, he made no effort to talk while we waited, and anxiety that he might somehow already know that I set out to betray him gnawed at my stomach.

How could I explain my earlier anger and desire for revenge? Would he understand something like that after growing up in the Bratva, or would he only see it as betrayal? Was I going to lose him right when I decided I wanted to keep him?

Someone called my name, and I stood up, putting my hand on Lev's shoulder. "Let me go back on my own," I said. "It won't take long, and I don't want you ordering a bunch of unnecessary tests."

There was a very faint glimmer in his eyes, along with a tiny twitch of his lips since I was right, but he only nodded and stayed in his seat. Had I expected a reassuring hug before I went back? I was disappointed that I didn't get one, which added to my fears.

"Is there any chance you could be pregnant? The nurse asked once I was in a curtained-off area in the emergency room.

I started to shake my head when it hit me that I absolutely could. I never could stick to the Lev diet, no matter how deep I was in my revenge plan. He was too irresistible and the thought those days might be over because of what I'd done nearly doubled me over.

"Yes," I said miserably. "There's a pretty good chance, actually." Was I hoping?

The nurse gave me a plastic cup and pointed me toward the bathroom. The next few minutes were almost worse than when I was locked in that awful room in the cabin, and when she returned, her face was inscrutable.

"The test was positive," she said, without a hint of emotion. "Since we're only scanning your head, it won't affect the pregnancy."

My hand went to my stomach without thinking about it, frowning when I heard her impassive voice refer to my baby as ‘the pregnancy.' I was stunned, unable to follow her as she turned toward the opening in the curtain. Everything in my mind went blank.

"Do you want your… the man outside to accompany you to the scan?" She turned around, looking impatient that I was still resting on the edge of the exam table, staring past her like she didn't exist.

"No, that's okay," I said before she could go find Lev. If he knew about this he'd be storming the halls demanding for me to be admitted for every test imaginable. And there was another reason I didn't want him to know about this yet, at least until I was cleared.

As I suspected, my skull wasn't fractured, and I didn't even need stitches. I made my way back out toward the waiting room, but Lev was pacing in the hall outside the Doctor's consult room I'd just been in. He pulled me into a long hug, and at first, I relaxed against him, relieved he was no longer acting so oddly distant, but then hit by guilt. A lot of guilt.

"Do you want to go back to the resort and rest?" he asked, rubbing my back.

I didn't deserve the hug, and worse, I didn't deserve to be so happy about my new secret. Maybe he didn't know, and the way he'd been acting before was just concerned about my head injury and about Katie.

"Oh my God, Katie," I said, looking around for signs pointing me to the maternity wing. "How is she? Is everything going okay?"

"Last update, she was still in labor," Lev told me. "Might be a while still, so why don't—"

"No way," I told him. "I'm not leaving until she has the baby, and I know everything is okay." Tears began to well up, spilling down my cheeks, and he once again pulled me into an undeserved hug. "This is all my fault, making her so upset she went into labor. If anything happens…"

"Stop that," he said in a deep rumble, leaning down to press a kiss onto the top of my head. "None of this is your fault."

The tears were threatening to really start flowing, and I pushed away, bereft at the loss of his comforting warmth. "No, it is," I said.

Taking his hand, I led him to a quiet corner with some ancient chairs and a table with a coffee machine on it. He started rattling around, trying to find a water source to make a fresh pot, but I stopped him.

"This is important," I said, unable to meet his eyes.

It was cowardly, but if I had seen that same distant look as when we drove over here, I might have chickened out. It was better he heard it all from me rather than get it from one of his many informants. It was possible he knew already and was waiting to see what I'd do. As much as I craved a bracing hit of caffeine, it was probably better for the baby if I cut back.

Oh, God, the baby. How I wished this was the only news I had to give him, and let myself imagine him sweeping me into his arms and shouting with happiness so loudly that the staff would come running to see what was up. But no, I couldn't tell him about that yet. Not until he knew everything and could make his choice. I wasn't about to hang the baby over his head now that I decided I wanted to stay married to him and build a life together.

"I really don't want to do this in a hospital," I said, buying myself a few more precious seconds before it was all out in the open.

"Then let's go back to the resort. Katie has the best care, and Aleks is here," he said, sitting on the chair next to me and taking my hand.

I slid it away before he had a chance to. The odds were against him still wanting to touch me after I got my confession out.

"No," I said, trying to clear the huge lump out of my throat. "I have to tell you something. Please just listen." My voice cracked, and I swallowed until the tears were held at bay.

"Tell me, Jenna," he said, in a soft voice I'd never heard before. "I'm ready to hear whatever you have to say."

At that moment, I knew he'd already been told, and my heart sank to my churning stomach. He knew and was waiting for me to confess so he could pass down his judgment. I looked up at him, and his face was unreadable, completely devoid of emotion.

But he did care about me, because he'd been waiting for the test results. He'd come to rescue me and was here by my side right now. This was all I had to cling to.

"I was in on it with Hardy." I finally just spat it out, the words leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

"Damn it," he hissed, then lower, "I was hoping it wasn't so."

"He reached out to me first, and I kept messaging him because I was angry," I said, not expecting any forgiveness but needing to defend myself somewhat. "I was so pissed off in the beginning because I wanted revenge, and I wanted out of the marriage—"

He sucked in a breath and straightened up, leaning away from me. I couldn't face his eyes, and kept mine downcast, hurrying to explain the rest. "I thought he had something on you that would put you in jail."

"Good fucking luck," Lev said with a bitter laugh.

"Yeah, I know it was stupid now. I regret it, not just because it all went to hell the way it did. I was out the second I realized how dirty they were. The very second I knew they wanted you dead, I tried to get out, but then he just went crazy, and that's when…"

"He bashed you in the head and kidnapped you," he finished listlessly.

I couldn't stop crying, the tears rolling out faster than I could blink them away. At least now I understood all this bawling I'd been doing the past couple of weeks was because I was hormonal and not turning into a massive, blithering wimp.

"I'm so sorry," I cried, salty tears running into my mouth. I tried to wipe them away and reached for one of the stiff paper napkins on the table to blow my nose. "I don't want revenge anymore, and everything about my thinking has changed. I get it if you want to divorce me after what I did, though, and I won't blame you."

I pressed my hand against my stomach to keep it from turning inside out, silently apologizing to the baby for not begging more, for not fighting harder. I still had a shred of pride and would have hated it if Lev only stayed with me out of his strong sense of responsibility.

I got my crying dialed back enough to look up at him. His brow was furrowed, and those lips that I would never get to kiss again were pressed into a tight line. After a long moment of stony silence, it looked like he might finally say something.

If it was something I wanted to hear, I wouldn't find out, because Aleks came skidding around the corner to our little alcove. He had hospital scrubs over his jeans and a harried look on his face that relaxed into relief when he spotted me.

I brushed away the last remnants of my tears before he noticed, but he was in no state to care about whether or not I'd been crying.

"It's time," he said breathlessly, face red. "It's time to push, and Katie wants you to be there."

Jumping up, I ran after him, not forgetting Lev, but focused on my sister getting my niece safely into the world. In their room, Katie was doubled over on the bed, a cup of ice being crushed in her hand, her face ten times redder than her husband's. The doctor was waiting patiently for the next contraction to hit, and when it did, she sprang into action.

Katie flung the ice chips aside and reached for me with one hand, and Aleks hurried to her other side. Her grip on my hand nearly ground the bones together, and I'd never heard such a frightening noise rise up out of her throat as she pushed.

"Almost," the doctor said as it subsided.

"My ass," Katie wailed. "She's never coming out, is she?"

Aleks looked so sincerely worried I didn't dare laugh, and as time wore on and each grueling contraction sapped more of Katie's energy, I lost my sense of humor at her outbursts.

Lev and Nat poked their head in at some point, but Katie chucked her fresh cup of ice at them, and they disappeared. "Quit fucking distracting her!" Aleks shouted.

Finally, finally, the baby found her way into the doctor's hands, and Aleks was right there to cut the cord as I stayed by Katie, who'd collapsed in a heap. Terror struck me, but she reached weakly for her new daughter, a smile lighting up her face and making her prettier than I'd ever seen her, despite the broken capillaries in her sweaty cheeks and the wild tangled mess of her hair.

Aleks brought the little bundle over to her and leaned down to kiss her as he rested the baby on her chest. I stepped aside to give the new family a moment to themselves, getting choked up at how utterly happy they were.

Could that ever be my life? Or would Lev never be able to trust me again?

Now that the baby was born, pronounced healthy and perfect in every way, exhaustion hit me, harder than the tree trunk to the head. That seemed like days ago, and when I saw that it was three in the morning, I swayed on my feet on my way out of Katie's room. Nat and Mila crowded past me to see their new family member, and I reached for the wall to stay upright.

Lev was at my side immediately, taking me by the elbow and silently leading me out to the car. "It's time for you to get some sleep," he said.

The ride back to the resort was silent, but so thick with tension that I couldn't have dozed off if I tried. As I wobbled out of the car, I held my breath, waiting for him to sweep me into his arms and carry me up to my room. Instead, he only put his hand under my elbow again and led me to the elevator, still as silent as a tomb.

He pulled down the covers in my room and fluffed up my pillow, waving for me to get in bed. A hot shower and fresh pajamas sounded heavenly, but I was so weak that I could barely flop onto the crisp white sheets.

"Lev," I said, my voice a squeak. I didn't know what else to say, but it was clear he was about to leave me alone with my thoughts. Suddenly, I wasn't so tired anymore, and my mind was buzzing.

"Get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow."

Before he could leave, I grabbed his hand, which stayed cold and lifeless in mine. "Please," I begged. "I won't be able to sleep until I know what you're thinking. Please talk to me."

He gave me a long look. Were his eyes full of scorn, or was that my fear making me see things? He remained silent but finally pulled up a chair by the bedside. He looked so serious and ice cold I felt a chill run down my spine, on the verge of passing out.

But I was ready to take the consequences, whatever they might be. And I was ready to fight for him if he'd let me.