Chapter 28 - Brooke

My emotions were in a tangle so tight I couldn’t have unwound them with one thousand hours of patience, and my brain was about as helpful as a wad of wet newspaper. It was as if someone had taken my heart, put it on pause, and then froze my brain with dry ice.

Someone had kind of done just that. Max’s confession on the plane had me torn up inside. It was the last thing I expected. I would have been less shocked if he pulled a gun on me and said I was more trouble than I was worth with all my mood swings. The only thing I could think about, that wouldn’t get out of my mind, was the look on his face as he told me how much he cared about me.

Way to throw a wrench into my plans.

There was no way I could react in my current state, so I stayed quiet and aloof. I still had hope burning way down beneath my turmoil, and the next morning I acted like nothing had happened. If I could get him to agree to take me to my campus, maybe I could get him to see how important it was to me.

Someone who purported to care so much wouldn’t deny me my dreams, would he?

The hotel we were staying at was lavish, bigger than my apartment with a spacious open plan living area adjoined to a balcony that overlooked the Bay Bridge. I was staring out the glass doors, building up my confidence and simultaneously trying to block out the fierce yearning in his eyes from the day before. Words were just words, after all, and I’d been lied to more than most by people who said they cared. Actions were going to seal this deal for me.

He’d just looked so damned sincere. Like I was the one tearing his heart out and destroying his peace, not the other way around.

Room service arrived, and I waited until the hotel worker left before finally turning around. The fragrance of freshly baked pastries and scrambled eggs filled the air as I took a seat across from Max. Like me, he was acting like nothing happened, but doing a far better job of it, damn him. I couldn’t bring myself to reach for any of the food, but he dug right in.

“Are you doing anything special today?” I asked. There, that sounded completely normal.

He looked up from buttering his toast and smiled at me, causing a twinge that I shoved away. “I have to check in on some of Lev’s businesses this morning.”

I was thrilled to hear Lev’s name, and since Olivia still hadn’t returned from her vacation, I wondered if he’d be taking me along with him to serve as his assistant. Would I get to see Lev, and possibly even Jenna? The moment I talked to Jenna, this was all over, every last card tumbling down, and he had to know that.

Had he come to his senses at last? Once again, this didn’t give me the thrill it should have, despite wanting to get onto campus and make him understand my side of things. As much as I hated to admit it, his declaration that he loved me was flattering. More than that, it had basically caused me to turn into this pile of mush that couldn’t focus to save my own life.

Who wouldn’t I be flattered? He was brilliant, compelling, and fun to be around when he wasn’t being a tyrant. I still hadn’t gotten enough of his body. That seemed impossible. How easy would it be to accept what he told me as God's honest truth? Not easy at all. In fact, the prospect of cement shoes and a trip to the Pacific’s depths seemed less scary than actually believing someone like Max and I had a real future together.

And was it worth giving up my dreams? Hmph, what were those dreams exactly after graduating from college? I had no real plan, not even a major. Everything was hazy beyond keeping my grades up and finishing strong. Couldn’t I…

Oh my God, what was wrong with me? Try as I might, I couldn’t get my anger back. Imagining Max being taken away in handcuffs as I walked free wasn’t as bracing to me as it once was. Seeing my apartment again, along with all the care I’d put into it and all the memories I had there, couldn’t compare to the way I’d been living. I could already feel my newly won muscles shriveling from lack of time to exercise, feel the good mood the bright sun on my skin always invoked in me dying away from always being indoors. That was what I was fighting to go back to?

Had I grown used to my prison to the point that I was going to miss it?

I pushed aside the food I hadn’t touched and pinned him with a look that had him raising an eyebrow in question. He waited patiently while I struggled to get my thoughts back in line with what I needed. What I thought was right.

“Would you have really stayed in my apartment last night instead of coming here?” I waved my hand at the luxurious surroundings. There was no bright morning sun streaming in through any balcony at my place, no view of anything except the building next door. “If I insisted, would you have stayed?”

“Yes,” he answered instantly, like it was no big deal.

He had no idea what kind of a big deal it was. He didn’t have a clue, and finally, my anger burbled back up through the fog.

“Well, a couple nights would probably just seem like camping, wouldn’t it?” I asked. “Would you live like that forever if that’s what I wanted?”

“There’d be no reason to do that, though,” he said. Completely reasonable, but none of this really made sense to me. None of it at all.

“But what if it was what I wanted. The only thing I wanted.”

Let him fail this test so I could have my sanity back and stop wishing for impossible things. It might take a while, but I could get back on track where school was my only focus, the only thing I cared about.

“What do you mean? Give up my family? My restaurant? Everything?” He folded his arms over his chest, looking me hard in the eyes. “Because that’s a huge thing to ask, especially my family.”

It was something only a monster would demand. I shrugged. “You can’t see most of them anyway, unless you’re willing to tell them the truth about us. I’d wager even your big bad Bratva brothers won’t let you keep a woman against her will.”

He winced, leaning back as if he could dodge my words. He was silent for just a moment, barely a few blinks, and I could see how much torture he was going through. That I was putting him through. But that was fair, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?

“If that’s what you needed to be happy, that’s what I’d do,” he said.

He wasn’t lying. I could tell he was deadly serious, and it shook me to the core of my being. No one, ever, had said they’d give up anything for me, let alone everything. I had seen how close he was with Dima, how happy he was at Aleks and Katie’s. I waited for him to argue against my demands, tell me he would, but then give me a thousand reasons why it would be better not to.

No arguments came, and he never once looked away as I stared in horror at what I’d just learned. That maybe, just maybe, what he’d told me was real. What we had was real.

I couldn’t speak because of the risk of crying, and there was no way in hell I was going to cry. Standing on wobbly legs, I made it to the bathroom and locked myself in. Why didn’t I laugh at him and tell him he was full of shit? There was no way he’d give up his family, his empire, just because I asked. Or, would he?

He’d really do that over just letting me go and risk my safety because some psycho had a thing for me? Or was this his way of telling me I was free to make my own choice? Because that might have changed everything.

After an interminable time to calm down, I burst out of the bathroom to question him more. The suite was empty. He was already gone, and a guard at the door refused to answer any questions or even let me into the hall.

Nothing had changed. Words were just words, after all.