Chapter 19: Sienna

I'm so fucked up , I thought to myself, laying on the bed, eyes fixed on the spinning fan hanging off the ceiling.

My mind was a myriad of thoughts, all overlapping like a tidal wave and crippling my ability to think straight.

What's the plan? What are you going to do now? a voice spoke in my head.

There's nothing to do. You have to come clean with Mom and Dad, period, my voice of reason said with finality. Mom is already asking questions, and you see the way she looks at you lately. She's a woman, and she knows this kind of stuff.

True. Mom had had her eyes on me recently; she'd been watching my every move, asking questions that hinted at her suspicion. And although I always brushed off the subject, saying that I was fine, I could tell that she didn't buy anything I said.

These days, I'd been avoiding her because her gaze each time she saw me was starting to make me feel so uncomfortable. She would always look at me as though she was trying to figure me out. And sometimes, she'd ask if there was something—anything at all—that I wanted to share with her. On several occasions, I was tempted to come clean and just let her in on what was going on, but I couldn't.

It's not that simple, I thought.

But it was that simple sleeping with Vlad, wasn't it?

Okay, time out, the other voice chipped in. You're not helping here. Can't you see she's torn between everything?

I can see that, and that's why I'm proposing that we get this over and done with. Sia, you're kicking the can down the road. Your silence is only a temporary reprieve.

"Argh!" I buried my face in my pillow, banging on the bed in frustration.

This isn't gonna help. Get off your ass and do what needs to be done. That's the only way you can find peace.

You make it sound so easy, but you know it's not, the other voice said.

It is, actually. It's very easy. Sia, all you have to do is damn everything and take full responsibility for your actions. You're a grown woman. What's the worst thing that can happen?

I could think of a few, but that pesky little voice in my head had a valid point. Mom was already suspecting that something was off about me, and I felt terrible lying to her, but it couldn't be helped. I wasn't ready yet.

Telling Mom and Dad that I'm pregnant is one thing; telling them that Vlad is the father of my unborn child…that's an entirely different thing altogether, I said to the voices in my head.

They'd freak out, yeah—maybe throw some tantrums—but they'll get over it. Just talk to them, Sia, my voice of reason replied.

I got out of bed and paced around the room as I thought about what to do next. I was so confused that it felt like my head was literally on fire. My eyes were heavy, and it was as if there was a blending machine turned on in my head.

Going over to the drawer, I helped myself with some aspirin and a cup of water. It didn't kick in immediately, but it would, eventually. In the meantime, I would have to bear the aches.

What about Vlad's proposal, you know…the marriage thingy?

Yep, there was that—the other problem.

I massaged my temples and stared at my reflection in the mirror with a soft sigh.

Vlad was…well, he was Vlad.

I was so deeply attracted to the man that I had done silly things around him on multiple occasions. He used to make me happy, stirring up butterflies in my stomach, and my goodness, he was great in bed, an expert in pleasuring a woman. And even though we had different opinions about life in general, I still thought we were compatible. I still thought unlike terms attracted.

But right now, I wasn't so sure anymore. Now, I was starting to question everything because forever was a long time to spend with the wrong person.

You don't think he's right for you? one of the voices asked.

Honestly, I don't know.

A few weeks ago, I would have answered this question with a positive response without hesitation, but things were different now.

Vlad's cold attitude toward me was the driving force that had pushed me away, and the space he once occupied in my heart was now vacant…maybe not entirely, but still.

You still love him, don't you?

I exhaled sharply, looking in the mirror. Love was a strong choice of word at the moment, and I wasn't sure how I felt. How could I marry someone who I wasn't sure how I felt about?

My parents weren't perfect, but I'd always admired their relationship, the love and understanding they shared. I couldn't settle for less.

Vlad was a very powerful man, a dangerous one at that….

You knew that when you slept with him. Why's he suddenly so bad in your eyes?

I really wished I could strangle that annoying voice of reason that wouldn't, for once, take my side.

You love him. You're just hurting, and that's why you can't make a decision right now, the voice added.

I stared at my belly; it wasn't protruding yet, though. Gently, I rubbed my palm over it, thinking about the life inside.

"Hey, sweetheart. Mama's really confused right now. She doesn't know what to do. Any ideas?" I said softly.

Yes. Come clean.

I ignored the voice and drew in a deep breath, imagining thoughts about what the baby would be like—who it would take after, me or the father? Would it be a boy or a girl?

I found myself smiling because, somehow, the thought of the baby being born was peaceful and comforting.

It would be nice keeping it, and honestly, I wanted to keep it. I wanted to have the baby, to watch them grow and have their own life. But on the other hand, I was worried about Vlad's ability to be a father. Considering the type of man that he was, I had my doubts about him being a good, loving, and caring father to the kid. Would he even have the time to teach them stuff? Would he ever be present? Judging by the way he saw the world, I didn't think he'd make a great father, and that scared the shit out of me.

I tossed myself into my chair and smoothed my hair back. This dilemma was threatening to drive me insane. I really wished I could talk to Mom about this.

You can. You're just choosing not to. You don't have to go through this alone, you know. Hold on. How about you talk to Vlad?

Hell no! the other voice objected. That's terrible advice coming from the voice of reason.

I looked at my phone, resting on the table, and the temptation to reach out was building by the second.

Don't even think about it. It's a bad idea.

Think about it; it's a good idea.

Fuck! Those voices were driving me nuts, and frankly speaking, it felt like I was losing my fucking mind; they just wouldn't quiet.

I reached out and snatched the phone, blocking out the voices as I typed a text, ready to send to him : Hey, can we talk? I want us to talk.

I stared at the message, my thumb hanging over the send button.

Hit it.

Don't hit it.

For the next few seconds, these voices were busy arguing about what I should or should not do. My head was about to explode from all that thinking. With a single fling, I tossed the phone back on the table and sprang to my feet, throwing both hands in my hair.

Wise choice.

Dumb move.

"Shut up, for Christ's sake—shut the fuck up!" I snapped, clasping my hands against my temples.

Uh-oh, she's pissed.

"You're damn right I am," I said out loud. "Fuck! Now, I'm talking to myself. Great."

Just then, there was a knock on the door, startling me a little. I got a grip of myself after a few seconds and shot a glance at the entrance.

It was Mom. Dad had been out for a while. Or wait, was it him? No, it was Mom. It had to be. She must be back from the store.

Now is your chance, Sia. Tell her. Sit her down and come clean. You might be surprised at her reaction; she just might take it well.

I'm with the reasonable one on this, Sia.

I summoned the courage to finally damn the consequences and tell her everything. She was already suspecting, anyway.

With a sharp intake of air, I headed to the door, and as I grabbed the knob, a thought crossed my mind.

If my mom was the one at the door, why didn't she call my name as she usually did, considering I didn't respond when she knocked?

Hmm. That's worth wondering about.

I opened the door, and my eyes widened at the masked man standing outside my room.

"Hello, Sienna," the man said with a distorted voice, like he was using a voice modulator.

"What the…?"

Stranger danger. Run! the voices chorused.

I tried to slam the door shut, but he held it with one hand, and with the other, he injected something into my neck.

The effect was immediate, and I felt so dizzy; the world around me started to swirl, and my legs could no longer carry my weight. My eyes were heavy, and my vision was blurry. I staggered back into my room, feeling too numb to even scream for help. My legs turned to jelly—literally—and I collapsed to the ground.

His footsteps echoed in my ears as I saw a hazy figure approaching me. His boots were the last thing my eyes caught before I drifted into unconsciousness.