Chapter 16 - Vivian

The sun on my face was a welcome comfort as the wind swept my hair back and reminded me of how much of a joy it was to be out in the pasture, taking in my surroundings with complete appreciation.

I had just finished another perfect ride with the mare and was walking her back into the field with the others. Once I unclipped her lead, they managed to sniff out the treats in my pockets, and I fed the ones crowding around me.

There was no mistaking how much I missed being around horses, and how they had been such a light in my life during hard times. Because of my family, those memories were bittersweet, but with the new stable and the complete escape it was for me, I was able to make new ones.

I was grateful for that and beyond happy that Ari found it within himself to see how much I needed it.

Boarding a horse in another barn would've sufficed, but of course, it couldn't be that straightforward with him. It was still hard to believe the ranch belonged to us, and I could go at my pleasure so long as a driver was available for me.

It wasn't how I'd prefer to go, but it was a decent compromise for us.

Giving the last treat away, I scratched the horse between the ears before leaving the pasture.

I had already been there for several hours, and I knew I'd have to be back home soon enough anyway.

Feeling fulfilled and more than happy with how the day was playing out, I made my way back toward the stable, taking in the sights and peaceful surroundings.

Being in nature and working with horses was something I always enjoyed and pulled a lot of relief from. Over the last few weeks, I was even considering going to Ari about providing lessons for kids or beginners.

It wouldn't be anything too ambitious or overbearing, but something to put my mind to and build some connections. It sounded rewarding, and I liked the idea of it.

But once I reached the stable, I stopped as a wave of nausea hit me out of nowhere. Bracing myself with a hand against the wall, I paused and waited for it to pass, trying to feel out just how bad it was.

Sucking in a deep breath, saliva filled my mouth immediately, and a rush of panic came with it.

I couldn't remember the last time I threw up, but given how sick I suddenly felt, I knew it was coming.

Keeled over behind the barn, I couldn't help as the vomit forced its way out. As ungracefully as possible, I had no choice but to let it run its course, waiting for that urge to pass.

Finally, I wiped my mouth once I felt it was over and tried to regain my bearings. Grossed out by the aftertaste, I tried to ignore it as best as I could and gathered my things before heading toward the SUV waiting down the laneway.

I was somewhat dizzy as I went, wondering why I felt so gross, and what could've caused it.

We didn't eat anything out of the ordinary recently, and regardless of how hard I tried to think about it, I couldn't come up with a reason.

But there was something.

I had been pretty tired recently, and hardly able to finish reading without falling asleep whenever I got home after riding. Yet I had been chalking that up to how busy I had been with the horses. It made the most sense to me.

Ever since Ari and I started connecting, I stopped feeling sluggish and gross due to being stuck in the house. Instead, I was doing a lot better until recently.

As I approached the vehicle while the driver sat with his legs hanging out of the open door, it hit me.

That night when we first had sex. I couldn't remember using any protection.

We had been too riled up and too desperate to even consider it. Plus, I had no idea where I was in my cycle at the time.

There was no missing the worry that swept through me, forcing a wave of adrenaline through me.

Making that connection made everything feel far too real far too fast, and I could hardly stand how it felt to not know.

I could already picture myself going back home and not being able to stop thinking about it, questioning if it was true. I wouldn't be able to sleep, and the thought of approaching Ari about whether I was pregnant or not was too humiliating. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure.

I had to get my hands on a test sooner rather than later.

"Are you all right, Mrs. Levov?" the driver asked, poking his head out.

Blinking through my stupor, I shook myself out of it and nodded. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. I was just hoping we could stop at a convenience store nearby. There's a few things I need to grab."

Even through his black sunglasses, I could see his apprehension, as if considering whether or not it was a good idea.

"The boss said I was to make sure you get here and make it right back afterward, but I don't see how another stop would hurt," he murmured, then gave me a final nod. "I'll find the closest one."

Forcing a smile for him, I tried to make it seem like I was okay even though I felt the complete opposite. The panic was looming over me, and I still felt horrible after vomiting, but I had to hold out until I was alone again. I didn't need the driver tipping Ari off about it.

"Thanks, I appreciate it," I said, climbing in.

On the way back to the city, I couldn't think about anything else. My head was a mess as I considered everything, whether I was pregnant or just making myself believe that was the case.

I imagined having to swallow my embarrassment to let him know if I was carrying his child, and the thought alone scared me. Even if he was my husband, and that wasn't the worst thing to happen to a couple, I didn't know what he would think about it.

Would he hate me for strapping him with a child? Would he learn to resent me for how my body would inevitably change? Would he even want to keep it?

The confusion of it all wouldn't let my head work straight, but before I knew it, the driver pulled into a convenience store parking lot and looked at me through the rearview mirror as he parked and killed the engine.

"I'll be waiting right here. Just make sure you come right back out."

I nodded as I climbed out, acknowledging him, though my mind was somewhere completely different.

Walking numbly to the door, I made my way inside and urged myself to find the nerve I needed. I considered grabbing a few things and forgetting about the test since I would inevitably find out eventually.

But as I thought about how much not knowing would bother me, I knew I had to.

Glancing out the window, I caught the driver watching me from his place by the SUV. Of course he'd be keeping his tabs on me.

To not look too suspicious, I browsed through the cold beverages and grabbed one that looked all right before checking out the candy section. I grabbed a few bags, and then made my way over to the small section of feminine products.

I snagged one of the tests and headed over to the counter to pay.

The driver watched, pulling a few drags from a cigarette while he made sure nothing out of the ordinary happened. Although, he didn't seem to suspect anything.

With everything I bought tucked away in a plastic bag, thankful for the card Ari gave me, I thanked the cashier and headed for the bathroom. I could only hope it wasn't too obvious.

Once the door was locked behind me, I let go of a big breath and got to it.

I swallowed back some of the juice I got, glad that I did have to go in the first place, then tore the packaging open and did what had to be done.

As I capped the test and waited for the results, my head was far too full of panicked thoughts for me to string a coherent one together. Instead, I was too focused on the test coming out one way or another, and questioning what that would mean for me and Ari. If he would accept it, or if a child was the last thing he wanted.

Those few minutes felt agonizing, but once I peered over at the little screen, my heart dropped.

Immediately, my skin felt ice cold, and I could've thrown up all over again.

It was positive.

I was pregnant with Ari's baby.

The floor seemed to move beneath me as I struggled to understand what I was looking at, or what I was supposed to do next. I felt dizzy, reeling from what that meant.

Remembering that I was in a public bathroom, I put a hand over my mouth to stop from making any noise despite how prepared I was to cry from how overwhelming it all was.

Since I knew and would have to get it confirmed at a clinic, that meant I had no choice but to tell Ari. I wouldn't be able to hide it for too long, and I could only imagine how angry he'd be if I kept it to myself.

But the thought of that added so much pressure to my shoulders, I could hardly stomach it.

While I never hated the idea of being a mother, I never thought it would happen so soon, especially not after we had only been married for a handful of months. Sure, I'd have the security and stability I'd need to take care of a child, but if Ari and I weren't okay, there would only be more problems because of it.

Our relationship still felt like a new thing that needed more time and care to make sure it was heading in the right direction, and there was no telling what a newborn might do to it.

Yet, there was no denying how much better things had been, and he was doing his best to prove to me that even if our union was hasty, he had every intention of being a proper husband. He was looking out for both of us and making sure I was as comfortable as possible through the adjustment period.

A strange wave of reassurance surrounded me then, and I wiped my eyes as I tried to calm down.

Whether it was our budding relationship or how paternal Ari seemed given his experience taking care of young children, something in me was almost excited by the idea of seeing him in action.

He told me he had sacrificed everything to take care of his siblings, and I could only imagine how he'd be with his own baby.

Regardless of those conflicting thoughts and emotions moving through me, one thing was abundantly clear: I was dreading telling him.

I didn't know how he would react, and bringing a child into the world wasn't a small thing. I could only hope kids were on the table for him, and that all of my worries were for nothing.

As I threw the packaging out, put the test in my bag, and wiped my tears, I headed back for the SUV, all while mulling over how I would tell him.