Chapter 36 - Katie

I stared listlessly at my phone, reading the messages from Jenna and my aunt. I put Aunt Marjorie off by telling her I was still swamped with work, and she had stopped hounding me for more than just rudimentary updates. Her treatments were progressing well, and she felt as good as could be expected. My eyes glazed over as I read the last message about her book club, which she'd started going to again.

That was good news, but I felt nothing more than mild satisfaction that she was okay. Jenna's messages were more insistent, bordering on nagging, although that was just my sour mood interpreting her concern. I tried forcing a smile as I read about the last party she went to, where she thought she'd made a good impression on a teacher's assistant who might be able to get her a paid position grading papers.

I wanted to warn her that he might just be hitting on her, but she was usually on her toes when it came to male attention. She'd be fine.

The smile wouldn't come, not even when I scrolled up to see she'd aced her most recent test. It was her mandatory math class, and she couldn't wait until all the boring stuff was out of the way so she could dig into the meat of her major. I pictured her standing on the floor of Congress one day, shining as bright as I knew she could, but not even that favorite daydream could make my lips turn up in any meaningful way.

My alarm sounded, and I tapped it off. Even though I'd been awake for an hour, I kept it set to keep some semblance of night and day. I tossed and turned at night, dozed off in the afternoons, and only left the curtains open when one of the silent maids pulled them, tutting that I could use some natural light.

As regular as my alarm, Olga stuck her head in the door a few minutes later. "Do you want me to shop for you this morning?"

I shook my head, remembering to thank her as she looked sad.

"It's been two weeks. What about your loyal customers?" she asked.

Had it been two weeks since I started hiding in the guest room, as far from Aleks as possible, without going into one of the other wings? I'd thought about doing that. Thought about flat-out leaving, but something kept me there. Just far enough away, but still within reach.

I couldn't leave. And not just because I knew Aleks. Knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he'd find me and bring me back. I just… couldn't.

"Maybe tomorrow," I said, rolling over and pulling the covers over my head.

Olga sighed, but instead of the door clicking shut, I heard her march past my bed and draw open the curtains. Even under the covers, the bright morning sunshine made me squint. I was becoming part mole.

I stayed still until she left, then got out of bed and considered getting dressed. Had I really moped around in this room for two weeks? It felt like just a few days, but also an eternity. I tried to make each day fit into its own place.

The first few days had been torture. The morning sickness that I had previously thought was stress or nerves made me physically miserable. A doctor came and checked me out, saying I was in perfect health and that the nausea should subside over the next few weeks. Running to the bathroom and puking up the food I forced myself to eat for the baby was awful, but it was nothing in comparison to my shattered heart.

My husband, the man I loved, was a criminal. Not just any criminal, either. The big one, the boss. An actual Bratva king. All the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, and I felt stupid for not seeing them sooner. I didn't want to think the worst of Aleks. In my eyes, he could do no wrong. The truth was vastly different. The pain of it came in waves. I didn't know what to do or how I felt beyond the betrayal of being lied to.

Mila came to visit me, probably a few days after the doctor's visit. She tried to get me to understand her family's way of life, telling me she'd answer any questions. Her apology for keeping things from me seemed sincere, but the pain in my heart was stronger than anything she had to say. I only stared at the wall until she gave up and left.

Another message came through from Jenna. She was getting irritated that I wasn't answering calls and barely replying to her messages. It wasn't as easy to put her off as Aunt Marjorie, and my fingers hovered over the phone, trying to find words so she wouldn't worry.

My hypocrisy made me put the phone down without replying. I had barricaded myself in this room, hurt and angry about the lies that had been fed to me, and all along, I'd been doing the same to my family. Jenna didn't know I was married at all, let alone to a mafia boss. She didn't have a clue she was going to be an aunt.

How could I tell her everything now, after lying to her all this time? She thought the money for her new apartment, the DC trip, the upcoming ski vacation, was all from my booming catering business. Just another lie.

There was a light tap at the door, and I scrambled back into bed, pulling the covers over the rumpled pajamas I'd worn three days in a row. I barely had my hair smoothed down when Aleks poked his head in the door.

Just like Olga asking me if I wanted to make the lunch boxes, Aleks brought me breakfast every morning. Sometimes he tried to talk to me, telling me everything about his business dealings and being completely forthcoming now that I didn't want to hear.

He never pushed me, never demanded anything from me, but made it clear he wasn't giving up on us. I always stared at my hands and refused to eat and he'd finally tell me he'd be downstairs in his office if I wanted to talk and then leave. After a few days of being ignored, he stopped being so chatty and would just leave the tray, assuring me he'd be at home if I needed him as he left.

He even started working at home. As far as I knew, he hadn't left the house since we'd come home from the hospital. The few times I looked out the window, the grounds were no longer swarming with guards, but they could be staying out of sight for all I knew.

"Morning," he said, same as always.

I kept my eyes trained on my hands, that I was twisting in my lap. I made myself stop and accepted the tray. Aleks lifted the cover, revealing a fresh blueberry muffin slathered with butter, French toast with strawberries and whipped cream, and three sausage links. A little silver pitcher of maple syrup sat beside a tall glass of orange juice.

"Is she trying to give me diabetes?" I asked, clamping my lips together. It felt odd to speak so many words at once. My throat was creaky, so I sipped the juice.

Aleks laughed, and I wanted to lean into the sound. We used to laugh together. How amazing that had been.

"Olga said the French toast and the muffin are for the baby. It's just the sausage and juice that's for you. So you should be okay."

I snickered, realizing I was ravenous. Maybe the doctor was right because I didn't feel like racing for the bathroom that morning. Aleks didn't leave but sat on the edge of the bed.

"Everything is taken care of," he said. "We got the final word that anyone left in the Armenian organization has conceded. There won't be any more problems with them."

"With them," I muttered, glancing up to meet his eyes. I thought I could never forget how blue they were, but I was wrong. Deep and vibrant like cornflowers. They took my breath away.

"That's right," he said. "There will always be people who want what we have. But I won't make the same mistakes I made before. You're safe, Katie. I promise you that."

He'd apologized a dozen times already, and I didn't need to hear it again. He seemed to think it was his fault, because if he'd told me the truth sooner, I might have taken his worries more seriously and been more alert. But he hadn't been in that elevator. Didn't see how fast those two ordinary businessmen had transformed into cold-blooded killers. Sergei was a trained professional, but he was still caught off guard. I didn't blame him for the kidnapping, not anymore.

"I feel stupid," I whispered.

"What?" he asked, leaning closer.

"I believed everything you said," I told him, tears threatening to leak out onto my breakfast. "And now I feel stupid for being so gullible. I mean, my father fooled me, too, but I was a kid. Anyone would think I'd have grown a brain in between then and now."

His eyes grew stormy, and he reached out for my hand, not letting me pull it out of his grasp.

"Don't ever think that. You're far from stupid. You're trusting, and that's a gift. I wish I had a tenth of your ability to see the good in people. It's just one of the reasons why I love you so much."

He let up on his grip, and I slid my hand away to fiddle with the muffin wrapper. My cheeks burned at his heartfelt words, and I couldn't look up again.

One of the reasons I love you so much.

"Tell me you'll stop berating yourself," he said harshly. "None of this was your fault."

"Okay," I said. "I'd like to eat by myself now, please."

With a sigh, he stood up. At the door, he paused. "You're mine, Katie. You and our baby are the most important things in my world."

I didn't look up until the door clicked behind him, then I swept the tray aside to jump out of bed and pace. It was my first burst of energy since before the kidnapping, and I needed to put it to good use.

But to do what?

He'd said it himself. I was his. And now that I was pregnant, he'd never let me go.

I was well and truly trapped.

Except, I didn't feel trapped. He'd never told me I couldn't leave the house. It was only my misery, and, yes, fear of the dangers that I now knew lurked outside that kept me stuck in this room. But the shock of the attack had slowly worn away, along with the shock of hearing the truth from Aleks.

He was still the same man as he was before I knew he was head of the Bratva. I pressed my hand to my chest to ease the feeling that it was overflowing. Aleks hadn't changed. He had been a mafia kingpin when I fell in love with him. He was still the man I loved.

And he'd shown me hundreds of times how he felt about me. This morning was just the first time he'd let the words slip out.

I had been alternating between sweats and pajamas, but one of the maids kept bringing me different outfits from my own closet in the hopes that something cute would entice me to get dressed. I dug through the selection and picked out some comfortable jeans and a simple white top. Baby steps.

I found Aleks in his office, poring over a tablet, with papers stacked up on either side of him. He was talking to someone in Russian on speakerphone, but as soon as he saw me in the doorway, he ended the call without even saying goodbye.

"Katie," he said, half wary, half hopeful. "What can I get for you?"

I smiled, actually remembering how. It felt right. "I think I feel well enough to go out," I said, testing the waters. "Maybe get a facial and a pedicure."

He beamed at me, transforming his ruggedly handsome face into breathtaking art. "Of course. I'll cancel my afternoon and join you for a massage."

His relief that I had left the room made me want to hug him, so I took a few steps to separate us. He held out his arms, and I walked into them, sighing as they closed around me, safe and warm. I still loved him, still loved being in his embrace.

I didn't want to fight him, or live without him. I wanted to forgive and move on with the happy life we'd already started. I leaned back and looked at him, smiling again at the love pouring from his eyes.

"You need to teach me how to shoot. Maybe throw a punch, too."

"Yes, absolutely. We can start as soon as you want. Just let me wind up a few things, and then I'll take you to the spa."

I shook my head, wanting to put my final worry to the test. "I want to face my fears of going out without clinging to you," I said. "I want to be with you, not need to be with you. Can you understand?"

He frowned for a long moment, but I was ready to dig in my heels if he argued. I also didn't want to feel like he was keeping tabs on me. The trust had to go both ways.

"I do understand, as long as you realize you'll still have a guard." When I flinched, thinking of Sergei, he squeezed my shoulders. "They are trained professionals, Katie. They know what they signed up for. I'll always honor Sergei for his sacrifice. His family is well taken care of, and you should know he would have been proud to go out protecting you."

He wiped away the tears that flowed down my cheeks and told me he'd be home the entire day. Call if I needed anything, and he'd wait for me to return.

I was still a bit shy around him, but his encouraging smile and his pep talk gave me the strength to go out front and wait for my new guard to roll around with the car and pick me up. The sight of his stern face and brisk nod, so similar to Sergei, gave me pause, but I held onto Aleks's words and greeted him warmly.

"What should I call you?" I asked, when he only grunted and started the engine.

He looked perplexed. "My name is Anatoly."

"Oh, that's a cool name. Can I call you Ani?"

"You probably should not," he said.

Yes, ever professional. "Okay," I agreed. "And don't worry, I know the drill. If you say duck, I duck."

He pulled out toward the gatehouse, his eyes trained on the road, but the tiniest edge of his lip quirked up. We'd end up getting along just fine.

Arriving at the spa, I found out that Aleks had called ahead and booked every treatment for me, and they greeted me as if I were a celebrity. I had an invigorating scalp massage while my toenails were painted bright purple, a color that made me feel strong and invincible. After that, I had a full-body rubdown and then lazed in the sauna with an ice-cold lemonade when I got a message on my phone.

Groaning, I pushed it under a nearby towel, not wanting to exert the slightest effort to pick it up and check who it was from. I should have left it in the changing room, but I wasn't that confident yet. It hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be to get back out where I could be grabbed again at any second, but my senses were still on alert. They might always be now that I had decided to live the life of a mafia wife.

Another message pinged, and then a call rang through. Ugh, if they were being that tenacious it might be important. Sitting up, I grabbed it, my newly massaged muscles going tense.

It was Nataliye.

Thankfully, she had been busy and barely messaged me during the past two weeks, so I didn't have to work too hard to dodge her like I had my sister. As much as I wanted to keep putting her off, the text messages she had sent me said it was urgent, with lots of exclamation points, something Nat didn't usually abuse.

When I answered, she cut into my greeting. "Where are you?" she asked, sounding furious and shaken.

I was instantly concerned and blurted out the name of the spa. Then froze, waiting for her to ask me why I was somewhere that was miles away from where I supposedly still lived, and yet suspiciously close to her father's mansion.

Of course, she was so distracted by whatever was wrong in her own life that she glossed right over it. "Good," she said. "I'm close. And I need a massage after what I've been through. I'll see you in a few minutes," she said, ending the call.

Was she back in the US?

I stood up in a panic, looking around for a place to hide. She was in LA and obviously upset. I scrolled back through her older messages that I hadn't been paying much attention to, trying to see if she'd given me any clue she was coming back. The last few were just updates about her classes, with one complaining about a particularly obnoxious teacher.

Okay, so maybe she needed a break from life in Italy.

Not okay, because that meant she'd want to go home. Her home, which was now my home. I hurried to get dressed and found her just as she checked in. She hugged me tight and pulled me to the spa's café, ordering the high tea for both of us. Her hands shook as she placed her phone on the pink table cloth and when I gave her a good look, she was clearly upset.

"You're not going to believe this," she said, voice clipped. Her eyes flashed, and her chest heaved as she struggled to calm down.

She wasn't just upset, she was livid about something. I poured her a glass of ice water from the pitcher in the middle of the table and told her to have a sip. "Start at the beginning," I said. "What happened? When did you get back?"

She chugged the water, then forced a smile to the server who brought us our pot of herbal tea. Her hands were still shaking so I poured us each a cup, my stomach beginning to churn with every second that passed. Would I have to sleep in the apartment for the next few days? Even though I'd decided to stick it out with Aleks, I had completely pushed the problem of his daughter, and my oldest and best friend, to the dark recesses of my mind.

"I just got back two hours ago," she said. "I went straight home from the airport."

"You went home?" I yelped.

She nodded, color flooding her cheeks. "You won't believe what I found."

"What?"

I nearly screamed when the server came back with a triple-layered tray loaded with tiny sandwiches and cakes. Any other time, I would have descended on it like a vulture, but at the moment, it didn't seem like I'd ever feel hunger again. Nat picked up a cucumber sandwich but just as quickly dropped it back on the tray.

"I'm so pissed off I'd probably choke on it," she said, leaning close. "My dad's living with some woman. God knows how long. He's been keeping her a secret. Probably because she's some money-hungry bimbo he's keeping, or so I thought."

Furious tears filled her eyes, and she blinked them away. I arranged my face in a look of shock, but couldn't say a word.

"When I asked what in the hell was up and why this stranger's stuff is all over the house, he had the audacity to tell me he was happy and to not interfere with his life!"

I breathed out, feeling faint. What could I say? Any word I uttered would feed into the lie and I couldn't do it. Not to her face, when she was so upset. My heart started to sink from the hopeful heights it had been at earlier in the day when I decided to get back to the land of the living. This couldn't work. It had been impossible from the start.

Nat continued, her voice breaking as she told me the next part. "He said his new wife will be home later and they'll explain things together."

"Oh, shit," I said, no longer feigning shock.

"Exactly," Nat said, grabbing the sandwich and waving it at me. "This woman somehow wormed her way into his life and tricked him into marrying her, and I'm supposed to sit there and listen to anything she has to say?"

If I explained now, she'd overturn the table. Nat looked at me for more commiseration, but I could barely breathe. The secret was out. It was only down to the details now. I was so appalled I couldn't move, even though my stomach was doing multiple flips and urging me to get to the bathroom.

Nat was too worked up to read anything into my silence. Why would she ever think her best friend would betray her like that, anyway? My throat clogged with tears as she railed about never being introduced to the mystery bimbo and not being invited to the wedding. Not a peep about a new relationship for three months.

"I thought we were close," she said, a tear finally dropping to her plate. I thought she meant us for a second, and my heart clenched, but she was speaking about her father.

"Are you going back to the house later?" I asked.

She laughed bitterly. "I'm never speaking to him again, and it'll be a cold day in hell that I ever meet that woman," she fumed. The dam burst, and the lone tear was followed by a deluge as she sobbed over her cup of tea.

I reached over and patted her arm despite being a traitor. A real friend would have been offering words of comfort but I had none.

"There's more," Nat said, getting herself under control. She looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes that were full of misery. "It's the final nail in the coffin for us. He said they're having a baby. He's replacing me."

"He's not," I said, smacking the table. "He's absolutely not replacing you."

She nodded. "You don't know, but he's always wanted a boy. And he pretends it doesn't matter that I don't want to go into the family business, but it obviously does. Now he'll get his second chance for a less disappointing kid."

Now, I really wanted to puke, but there was no way I could leave her like that. This was what I had feared from the beginning, and it was worse than I had ever imagined. Aleks's family was being torn apart because of my selfish wish to live out the fantasy of being with the man I'd had a crush on for so long.

My phone rang, and his name popped up on the screen. I rejected the call and turned my phone over before Nat could see it. A moment later, a text message alert pinged and Nat sniffled.

"Go ahead if it's important. I feel a little better already, just from telling you."

Shuddering, I slid my phone into my lap to read his message.

Get home. Urgent news.

Damn. I didn't bother texting back that I knew all about it, but if I didn't at least leave the spa, he'd send my new guard in to drag me out. He wanted us to face Nat together as a united front, but he was living in a dream world if he thought that was going to work out.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "It's a catering emergency. I still have a manicure scheduled. Why don't you take it?"

"Thanks," she said, getting up to hug me again. "Not just for the manicure. For being such a good friend."

The words were like needles prodding at my skin, but I hugged her back. Maybe for the last time. She asked if I wanted to go out later and get stinking drunk, and I almost put my hand on my stomach before answering.

"Uh, let me see what's going on with this job," I said, fleeing toward the lobby.

On the very same day, I decided things were going to work out just fine, everything came crashing down around me. But what did I think would happen? Nat's visit now was unexpected, but I knew she'd be home by Christmas. I'd always been operating on a timer.

I hurried Anatoly out so Nat wouldn't wander past and notice I suddenly had a bodyguard. I didn't breathe again until we were pulling out of the spa parking lot.

"Where to next?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said, lost in a whirlwind of thoughts and none of them good. "I'm just not ready to go home yet."

Could I ever go back? Was it really my home or had I just wormed my way in like Nat said?