Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

PRESENT DAY

SYDNEY

That was…

"Unbelievable" would be the only word to describe it. Although it doesn't seem strong enough. It feels like a new word needs to be created to encompass the last two hours spent in my bedroom. Like, I don't know…mind-blowingly…unbecredifabulous.

Except it still doesn't seem like enough.

Tom put on quite the performance. If this whole doctor thing doesn't work out for him, he has other career options, that's all I'm saying.

"Wow," he says as I snuggle in the crook of his arm. "That was incredible."

Unbecredifabulous, actually. Except I don't understand why he is acting like I'm the one who made it incredible. The best I could say is maybe it was both of us. Maybe we have some sort of incredible chemistry.

How is he still single? I really can't wrap my head around it.

Tom tightens his grip around my shoulders, making me feel all warm and cozy. I'm not sure if his meeting was fictional or not, but he doesn't seem in a hurry to leave anymore. I almost feel like if I asked him to move in, he would eagerly agree.

"That really was amazing," I say. "I feel like I need a cigarette or something, even though I don't actually smoke."

He laughs. "I know what you mean. Honestly, the first time I saw you, I got this feeling about you. And I just knew we would be great together. You know?"

"I know—I felt the exact same way."

My phone buzzes on the nightstand, which is over on his side of the bed. A text message. Tom shifts slightly, and as he turns his head to glance down at my phone, his body tenses. Uh oh.

" Jake wants to know if you got home safely from your date," he says. "So…what would you like to tell him?"

Wow. Thanks, Jake, for spoiling our postcoital bliss.

I reach for my phone, groaning at Jake's message on the screen. It's even worse than I expected:

Please let me know you got home safely tonight. And if you need me to do a background check on this guy, I'll do it. Don't trust anyone.

"That was an interesting thing to say," Tom says tonelessly. "Mind if I ask who Jake is?"

I grimace. "Remember how I said I have an ex-boyfriend who was a cop? Well, that's him."

"I thought you said you didn't talk to him anymore. And yet, for some reason, you have to tell him you're safe when you get back from dates?"

"I know, I know." I sit up next to Tom in bed. He doesn't seem interested in cuddling anymore, and there is an extremely wary expression on his face. "Look, we reconnected because he's been investigating some local cases lately, and he's gotten a little paranoid. I shouldn't humor him though."

"Uh-huh…"

"I'm putting a stop to it. I promise."

I tilt my phone in Tom's direction so that he can see the words I am typing on the screen:

I'm sorry, but my social life is none of your business. I don't need you to do a background check on anyone.

I send the message and then look back over at Tom. "Okay? Are we good?"

"I guess so." But his tone is still guarded. "How serious were things with that guy?"

I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm not going to tell you it wasn't serious. We did live together. But it ended years ago. Like I said, I just happened to run into him recently, that's all."

"Okay…"

"Look, it's not like we're kids. I'm sure you've lived with women in the past."

He hesitates, and I'm not even sure what I want his answer to be. I don't want to hear about some super-serious relationship he had and why it went wrong. But at the same time, if he's never lived with a woman by his age, that's also a red flag.

"No," he finally says. "I haven't."

Okay. He is in his mid-thirties—how is it possible he has never had a relationship serious enough for attempted cohabitation? Definitely commitment issues. "Oh."

"My career has taken a lot of time," he says, somewhat defensively. "I mean, between medical school and residency, and I take calls at the hospital… I've been very focused on that."

Of course, nobody is as absorbed in his career as Jake, and still he managed to get married once, and we lived together. And it's not like Tom is an antisocial weirdo. There's something he isn't telling me. I'm sure of it.

"Have you ever been in love?" I blurt out.

He seems shocked by the question. He stares at me, his bare chest rising and falling. Finally, he says, "Yes. Once. But it was a long time ago."

"A long time ago?"

"High school." He rubs his face with his palms. "I knew her since we were kids, but we didn't start dating until high school. She was the most amazing person I had ever known. And…I genuinely thought we would get married. We were only sixteen, so in retrospect it sounds really dumb, but that's what I thought. That's what I wanted more than anything."

"So…what happened?"

"She…" He squeezes his eyes shut. "She died."

I clasp a hand over my mouth. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry…"

"Yeah…" He turns away. "Honestly, I really don't want to talk about it."

"It's okay," I say gently. "We don't have to talk about it."

Even though this must have happened twenty years ago, the pain on his face is raw. He obviously really loved this girl. I wonder what happened to her. An accident? Cancer? What claims the life of a sixteen-year-old girl?

At least I finally have an answer as to why Tom is still single after all these years. He's in love with a dead girl.