Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

What is Real Kevin doing at Bonnie's funeral?

Jake told me to be on the lookout for something suspicious, and Bonnie's mother practically accosted me for details about her murder. I have to say, seeing the man Bonnie threatened sitting in the back of the church is the most suspicious thing I have seen since discovering Bonnie's body.

Except…is that really him?

I'm not entirely certain. He's all the way across the nave, and the church is surprisingly dark. So it's possible I could be wrong. Entirely possible.

I crane my neck, trying to get a better look, but I'm interrupted by the doors of the church opening. It's the pallbearers, carrying Bonnie's casket.

There's no way I can keep from staring at the oakwood coffin making its way to the front of the church. Considering that only a couple of weeks ago Bonnie and I were doing tree pose and enjoying chai lattes together, it seems impossible that she is now in that box for all eternity. I recognize one of the pallbearers as her brother, and he is just barely keeping it together.

They lay the coffin in its resting spot, although she will later be buried in a local cemetery. It's a closed casket, because of what was done to Bonnie, but she wouldn't have minded. She once told me she thought it was creepy when people had open caskets. Who wants to look at a dead person?

I would have liked to see her one more time though. I would have liked to confirm she will be wearing her favorite pair of black pumps. And that whoever dressed her made sure to put a scrunchie in her hair. That is what she would have wanted.

As the priest addresses us, I can't stop staring at the coffin. I can't believe Bonnie is dead and that her body is in that box. How is that possible? How could she be dead ? She was so young, and there was so much that she wanted to do with her life. She used to talk about taking time off from work to take a trip to Latin America and just spend a year there, bouncing from country to country. She imagined saving up enough money to buy a house on the beach. She had never learned to play an instrument, and she said that one of these days she was definitely going to learn to play the guitar. When my life isn't so busy.

But one thing that was really important to her was finding her other half. She didn't enjoy going on dates every single night. She did it because she was searching for love. She wanted someone to spend her life with.

Now none of that will ever happen. She will never fall in love. She will never play the guitar. She will never have a house on the beach. Instead, she's going to spend the rest of eternity buried in the ground.

The thought of it makes me feel like I'm going to start hyperventilating. I clutch my knees, trying to suck in deep breaths. This is okay. I'm going to be okay. I'm not going to end up dead in my early thirties like Bonnie.

Gretchen notices me freaking out and she rubs her hand against my back. "You okay?" she whispers.

"Uh-huh," I manage.

Gretchen rubs circles on my back while I struggle to get my breathing under control. But it's hard. I just keep thinking about Bonnie in that coffin. Dead—forever. Rotting in the ground.

That won't be me. I won't let it be.

Never .