CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX Luke

The drive to Half Moon Ranch found me a bit wistful as I made my way through Madras. My life there seemed like ages ago, yet the scars felt like it was just yesterday. The closer I got to my return, the more nervous I felt. Would I be welcomed?

The compound was four miles out of town after connecting with an unnamed graveled road leading to the ranch. Snow blew over the road and accumulated on the sides, building icy bridges across the hidden ditches. Would this be my last trip to Half Moon?

Central Oregon was as cold in the winter as it was hot in the summer. The Cascade Mountains to the west were completely covered and spectacular when the sun hit them briefly as it set behind them early this time of year.

What a difference six months had made in my life. Meeting Tate that day in the bakery, and falling in love at first sight, seemed like years ago, but thankfully we were still at the beginning of what I hoped would be a lifetime adventure.

After numerous inquiries with the new church leaders at the ranch, they agreed to allow me a family visit. I hadn't seen Ma or David since before the trial. Their last memory of me was being led away in handcuffs. However, we had exchanged letters where I'd invited them to join Tate and me in Bend. So far, Ma had declined, saying David was welcome to make his own decision when he turned eighteen.

Brother John waved me through after checking the guest list at the gate. The church elders actually providing me the chance to be on that limited list still impressed me. They could have easily said no considering the crime I'd been associated with, but it appeared their Christian beliefs tempered their holding of a grudge.

"Nice to see you, Brother Luke," he greeted when I rolled up. "Your mother will be pleased with your visit. God bless you, brother."

"Thank you, brother," I said.

Ma's letters told the story of how her and David's lives had improved since the passing of Franklin. The new leadership comprised men who had served with my father when he was alive, so I assumed they had more compassion toward my family than those before.

The old 4x4 truck I'd purchased for twelve hundred dollars carved through the small drifts of snow on the way up to the dorms. My childhood played through my mind like a movie reel as I made my way to the backside of the building where Ma's dorm entrance was located.

How many times had I sledded down the hill I'd just driven up, dreaming of one day leading my extended family the way my father had? I wanted to be the type of man my pa was for as long as I could remember and hoped that I was fulfilling that dream now, even though I was no longer a member at Half Moon Ranch.

"Hey, Ma," I said, standing in the hallway after she opened the door. I'd only been there a second and a half, and Ma was already crying. She folded herself into my arms and nothing was said as she wept. We didn't need words on this reunion visit. We both knew the meaning of me standing there.

"David?" I asked, peering past her, and expecting my little brother to appear from the bedroom.

"Out," Ma said, her eyes revealing to me that David was still causing her grief.

"It's five degrees out there," I pointed out.

"Doesn't matter to him," she responded. "He put a camp stove in that treehouse you boys built. He practically lives out there now."

"Ma?" I whispered.

"I know," she said, turning away and waving a dismissive hand over her shoulder. "The boy can't stand you being away, son. That's all it is," she added, sitting in her chair, the one us boys used to wrestle to stay in when Pa caught us in his chair. I'll never forget the first time Ma sat in it after Pa died. David, nor I, ever fought over the chair again.

"I'll go out and get him while I'm still in my jacket."

"Talk to him, Luke. Can you do that?" she asked. "The boy is lost."

I pulled my stocking cap on. "I'll try, Ma."

Trudging through the snow, I had to pass the one building I'd never go in again for as long as I lived. The old barn stood where it had been for decades, a symbol of farming to most, a symbol of terror to me.

A wispy trail of smoke lifted above the treehouse in the distance, eventually disappearing into the frigid air. The surrounding ponderosa pine trees had fresh snow on the tips of their branches, while the grasses of the ranch had turned brown, the ones you could see, anyway. The scene was tranquil and peaceful, contradicting the anxiety I felt.

David left the ladder down. I'm sure he knew I was coming. Ma knew for two weeks already and must have reminded him that my visit was today. Perhaps this was his invitation to get back on track as brothers. Once at the top of the ladder, I tapped on the trapdoor. Shuffling above clued me in that David was indeed inside.

The trap opened, and I pulled myself up. David scooted into a corner. Our eyes met, but he remained quiet as I closed the small entrance and crawled to an opposite corner, less than four or five feet away.

I stared at him as he sat there, avoiding eye contact with me. "You're bigger, baby brother," I said.

"Not much," he muttered, poking a piece of kindling against his jeans.

"Almost as big as me."

"Not really," he argued, quickly moving his eyes to his lap after I caught him looking at me. "Maybe because you don't come round no more, I just seem bigger."

"Hopefully, I'll be able to come around more often now. The elders approved this visit."

David twisted his hands back and forth and couldn't seem to look at me. He'd grown considerably. Fourteen was just around the corner for him, and I imagined he'd sprout up even taller, as I had at his age. Pa was a big man, and I suspected, like me, David would be as well.

"You been giving Ma any trouble?" I asked. He ignored me. "I need you to help Ma out now. You need to start acting like the grown-up you're becoming. None of this hiding out and sassing her."

"I'm not hiding out, Luke," he said. "I just like it out here. This is my stuff and my house. No one can take this from me like before."

"You think people want to take your stuff?"

"I know they do. I'm guarding what's mine."

I scanned the interior of the small space. He had a small camp stove in one corner that he had a fire going in it. A sleeping bag I had no idea where he'd gotten was rolled up in a corner. A few scraps of firewood and some plastic containers I recognized from the cafeteria and used for leftovers completed the stuff he was protecting.

"How about you talk to someone about what's bothering you, David?" I said, watching his hand outline the cutout we'd cut into the floor so many years ago. "Maybe an elder?"

"A lotta good that'd do," he said. "They'd just tell me to pray more, and that's never worked."

With Pa's help, we'd built the interior floor a foot higher than the support floor, giving the treehouse more strength in the strong winds around these parts. The unique design also allowed us to create a secret hiding space beneath the floor we now sat on. I'd noticed extra clothes and a shotgun David stored in the space the last time I'd been up here.

In fact, the stashed clothes had proved useful when I retrieved some for Josiah the day I'd helped him clean up after Franklin raped him. I'd warned David back then that he was violating community rules by having clothing hidden, not to mention hiding a shotgun.

"Would you be willing to talk to someone else instead?" I asked, prodding him to respond to my request. "I'm seeing a therapist on the outside and it's helping me."

"No thank you," he said, his fingers still following the cut lines of the nearly invisible hiding place that the naked eye would barely notice.

"Would you do it for me?"

"No thank you," he answered, sticking to his monotone replies.

"I promise it'll help you talk about the things that hurt, David."

"Why do you care?" he snarled, looking at me like I was the enemy, not his supportive brother. "You're not here anymore, Luke. You're too busy wearing your fancy clothes and hanging out with outsiders."

"Don't speak to me like that, little brother," I warned. "I am still the head of this family."

He glared at me, his eyes narrowing. "Not anymore," he declared. "I protect Ma now."

"Oh, you do, do you?" I teased, chuckling, trying to keep things light. "Maybe in a few more years, little brother."

David behaved like an animal that was cornered or trapped. His actions were unusual, even for him. He'd always wanted to be an equal with his older brother, constantly challenging me. But he'd also been a lovable boy, so this sullen David was out of character.

"I'll talk to Ma about getting someone you can talk to," I said, still pushing. "I know you don't agree with me, David, but like I said, I'm seeing a therapist, and it's helping me."

"Maybe I wouldn't have problems if you'd protected me," he whispered, picking up the piece of kindling he'd held before. "In case the outsiders didn't tell you, people hurt people, Luke." I made a move to get closer to him. "Stay over there," he snapped.

I sat back after he rebuffed me. "I know you think I let you down, but I'll always protect you. Besides, I'm visiting now, aren't I?"

"Yeah, for what, a coupla hours?"

I shook my head, trying hard to understand why he held such hostility inside. "Why are you so angry at me?"

"Whatta you care? You're just gonna disappear again," he said. "I'm stuck here. Hiding out until I can leave."

"I've asked you several times if someone hurt you, David, and you said no." He looked past me, ignoring my question once again. "Please tell me. Did someone hurt you?" I asked.

He locked eyes with me. "Not anymore," he whispered, his fingers still running along the cutout grooves on the floor.

A familiar dread entered my brain at his answer. Not anymore? What did that mean? The recognizable feeling of doom that always came over me, especially when I felt Franklin was near, made me queasy. I'd constantly worried Franklin would abuse David. But now, Franklin was dead, so who, or what, was David hiding from?

I didn't want to ask the question that came next, dreading his answer, fearful I wouldn't survive it, but I did. "Franklin," I murmured. "Franklin hurt you too, didn't he?"

"Doesn't matter."

"David," I soothed, scooting forward. "It does matter. I can help you."

"I don't need your help," he declared. "Not anymore."

He moved his free hand to the floor, joining the one outlining his hiding place, using both hands to lift the secret hatch. I watched in horror as he pulled a bloody piece of clothing from within. The fabric was stiff with dried blood, the color of the blood rust, not red like fresh blood.

My blood ran cold when I realized what I was seeing. "Is that Ma's dress?"

He held the dress in the air, staring at me as though he dared me to ask more questions. I had one question but couldn't voice it. David's face was blank and impossible to read. But if you looked closely at the corner of his mouth, there was a sneer.

"Ma did both of us a favor," he said, dropping the dress into the hole and letting the wooden cover slam back into place with a thud. His eyes leveled directly on mine.

"What did Ma do, David?"

"Let's just say I'm not afraid anymore, big brother."