CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO Luke

Having Tate sitting beside me as we drove to the outskirts of town caused my heart to swell. I imagined we were mates and out for a drive. He belonged to me in my imagination, and I was proud he did.

I caught him glancing at me several times as we drove, mostly in silence. Maybe I should have been self-conscious, but his staring didn't bother me. I figured he wanted to discover stuff about me that perhaps he couldn't when we were face-to-face. When he wasn't looking, I stared at him every chance I got, so I guess we were even.

I glanced at him, catching him looking again. "What?" I asked.

"You're very handsome, Luke," he said. "You could model, you know that?"

"Nah," I replied, waving a dismissive hand his way. "You're the model."

"People must tell you that you're good-looking all the time," he said. "I mean, I was stunned when I first laid eyes on you."

"Sure wished you woulda told me that back then," I teased. "Would've saved me a lot of wondering."

"Can I ask you a question about the ranch?" he asked, twisting in the seat to face me, adjusting the seat belt, and looking more serious. I nodded that he could. "When do you choose a mate in your community?"

That wasn't the question I thought he'd ask for some reason. "I suppose any time after a girl you might fancy turns sixteen," I answered. "Franklin likes the boys to be at least eighteen."

As soon as I said Franklin's name, I regretted it. I knew further questions would arise. "And who is Franklin?"

"He is our spiritual leader," I stated. "Maybe what you'd consider a pastor or priest," I added.

"But he also decides important things like courting and marrying?" Tate asked.

As hard as I tried to keep my responses vague, and like talking about Franklin was no big deal, my body language probably gave me away. "Franklin decides everything."

Tate slowly nodded his head. I figured he had a million more questions, but he dropped the topic instead. This was another one of those good things I admired about Tate. When he sensed the subject was in an even remotely sensitive part of my life, he wouldn't push..

I took a left turn at the sign for Mirror Pond and headed south, out of town. Once out of city limits, the landscape becomes barren and desolate. What I wanted to show Tate gave the area its lifeblood, The Deschutes River. The river runs through Bend, and Mirror Pond is located within a reservoir created by damming the Deschutes River. I'd delivered furniture out here recently and ran across a place I fell in love with.

"It's hard to believe it's so rural out here, yet still close to town," Tate stated, admiring the beauty outside the truck.

"I like how green things are near the river," I said. "Madras is so dry, but the Deschutes changes everything here," I noted.

We bounced along the gravel road for another five minutes until I spotted a familiar For Sale sign. I tapped the blinker and pulled into a vacant lot, surrounded by Douglas-fir and ponderosa pine trees. I pulled into the middle of the oversized lot and put the truck in park.

"This is beautiful out here, Luke."

"Up for a walk?" I asked.

Tate glanced down at his clothing. He was dressed in a suit and what I assumed were expensive dress shoes. After realizing he probably felt unprepared, I figured he'd pass. I was wrong.

"Heck yeah," he replied. "I'll leave my suit jacket here. I've never hiked in a suit before, but there's always a first time for everything," he added.

"You sure?"

"I'm positive," he exclaimed. "I want to see what you want to share with me. You grab the Cokes from your ice chest while I take my jacket and tie off."

He may not have looked like the type, but I was discovering Tate was an adventurous, enthusiastic, and generally up-for-anything type of man. Another trait to add to my long list of qualities he possessed.

The piece of land I wanted, and that we were standing in the middle of, was a half-acre building site. The approximately square lot was flat and wide open. Tall trees lined the boundaries on all sides and afforded terrific privacy. I pointed the way, and we headed for a tree line about fifty yards west from where we were parked. Once at the tree line, there wasn't an official trail, but the last time I'd been here, I found a lightly traveled path through the ten-or-so-foot width of the tree line.

I walked in front of Tate to make sure the path was clear and to warn him of anything to be careful of. There was a fallen log across the path that hadn't been there the last time, so I reached back with my hand, not looking back at him.

"Take my hand," I said, snapping off small branches and moving cautiously over the log.

The moment I had his hand in mine, I felt a possessiveness overcome me. I wanted to protect Tate. I needed him to know that he would be safe with me and that I was capable of caring for him. The desire was different from how I felt about David or my mother. Tate seemed important to me, but in a very unusual sense.

We made it over the log, but Tate did not let my hand go. He followed closely, so I kept my hand behind me so we could remain attached. Our connection felt natural to me and sent messages to my heart that whatever this was between us, I needed it.

The trees and shrubs opened up to a narrow strip of land that dropped off steeply in front of us, the Deschutes River below us in the distance.

"Luke!" he exclaimed, squeezing my hand. "Wow!"

I instinctively tugged on his hand to move him to my side. We stood side by side, still hand in hand, and admired the beauty below us. I wanted him to like it in a big way. I'd fantasized about owning the lot ever since I'd noticed it was for sale two weeks ago.

"What do you think?" I asked.

When I spotted the For Sale sign while on a delivery a couple of weeks prior, I couldn't help but stop and drive up the narrow road that led into the lot. Like today, I walked through the tree line, knowing the river had to be close by. Ever since finding the land, I'd wanted to bring Tate here to witness the view.

"I've never seen anything like this," he answered. "I'm amazed, is what I think, Luke."

"I want to live somewhere like this, Tate," I declared. "A small amount of land for a small house. A little slice of heaven with the person I love."

"You'd be a fortunate man," he said. "And the person you loved would be fortunate as well."

"I really want to make this happen, Tate. Maybe not this place, but a place like this. A bit of my own land to belong on, with someone I belong to that shares it with me."

Tate turned to face me, lifting our hands between us while his fingers stroked the back of my hand. "You're truly a wonderful man, Luke. This is perfect here, and I can definitely see you living somewhere like this."

"Thank you for that," I said, staring at our connected hands.

We couldn't have looked more dissimilar if we tried. Me, in my ever-present jeans and button-down, looking like a farmer. Him, in his always stylish clothing, polished from head to toe. Me, a country boy, dreaming that the land was mine. That he was mine. Him, a city slicker in the middle of nowhere. The pair of us made an odd coupling, for sure.

"There is nothing I wish more for you than this becoming a reality for you."

"I'd like to share this with you," I whispered, turning to face him.

I towered over him when wearing my worn, dirty boots. His stylish shoes were now covered in dust. He tilted his head up and we locked eyes. Instinctively, I knew there was something that I should do at that moment, but my mind raced with indecision.

Tate let go of my hand and stepped forward, his eyes still locked on mine. I found my head tilting forward as he moved closer to my face. I inhaled quickly, closing my eyes just as our lips connected. We brushed lips softly at first as Tate's hands gently held the sides of my face. My skin felt electric the moment our lips touched.

I moved my hands to his waist and then around to his lower back, lifting him to his toes as I sought to get as close to him as I possibly could. Tate opened his mouth slightly and moved his tongue across my lips. My jeans tightened as my body reacted to his touch. A fire burned inside me and was warming every inch of me. Images of our bodies intertwined, naked, and wrestling with each other loaded my brain with powerful visions of want.

Tate pulled back, his hands still holding my face. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

I pulled him closer and smothered his lips with mine, my body pressed hard against his. I was out of my mind with desire as we kissed. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth as I chased his with my own. I could not get enough of him.

Tate slid his hand to the front of my jeans, outlining my erection as he stroked me over the denim. I instantly jumped back and froze.

"Please don't do that," I gasped.

I would've expected that I'd ruined the moment; maybe he'd jump backward or be mad at me, but his reaction was nothing like that. "Whatever you want, Luke," he said, moving his hands to my hips and smiling. "I will never hurt you. Please keep that in mind."

I leaned forward, needing his mouth on mine again. I was hungry for more of him. I needed him to be even closer, as I manipulated his body to meet mine. "You feel so good," I whispered breathlessly, my mouth kissing his face and nose.

"And you feel amazing. How was kissing?" he asked.

"Unlike what I expected," I admitted. "You taste good," I added. "Is that a strange thing to say?"

"Not in the least."

"What do we do next?" I asked, kissing his forehead while pulling him closer. "Is there more?"

I felt like a kid who just learned to read. I wanted more words, more lines to read, more chapters to devour, more stories to be absorbed. Kissing was incredibly personal, and I couldn't imagine it being better with anyone but Tate.

"There is a lot more, Luke," he began, holding both of my hands. "And I'm afraid some of the ways to show your love will be familiar to you, but possibly bring up painful memories."

"Sex, right?" I asked, embarrassed that I was unsure.

"Yes. What can come next, and hopefully will come next, would be consensual sex," he explained. "You would decide. And if you choose to have sex with me, we can talk about each act before we try. If you find any of the physical acts unpleasant, we will always stop and discuss what you're feeling inside."

"You'd do all that for me?" I asked. "You wouldn't think I was weird or childish?"

Tate slid his hand behind my belt buckle, between my skin and jeans, pulling me closer. At first, his action alarmed me, but he didn't go any further than resting his hand just inside my jeans, waiting for any adverse reaction from me.

"This okay?" he asked. I nodded and exhaled, relieved he asked. "These sorts of touches and casual, affectionate movements are all a part of getting physically close to each other," he explained. "And I would never accuse you of being childish because you experienced abuse."

"And you would still consider me manly and the kind of person who you would want to have sex with?" I asked. "You know…" I hesitated about how to say the next words. "You know, like… when we decided to have sex?"

"Here is what I need you to hear, Luke," he began. I nodded and listened very carefully. I did not want to miss any important details about sex. "You are very attractive to me. I think about you all the time, and yes, plenty of that time is me thinking about having sex with you. You are all man and trust me, I have never wanted a man more—sexually—than I want you."

His direct way of speaking lifted a huge weight from my chest. He sounded how I felt. "And you mean that?" I asked.

"I onehundred percent mean that. We can take all the time you need. You can ask questions about sex, and we could explore each other's bodies if you liked, and we wouldn't have to have sex when we did the exploring."

"A little at a time, right?" I asked.

"A little at a time," he agreed.

"What's the chance we can do more kissing? I'm really liking that so far."

"How about you lead the way, then?" he suggested. "This date was your idea, remember?"

I sat on the grass and tapped my lap. "Me? There?" he asked. I nodded. His eyes widened before he grinned. "Trust me, I can definitely do that."

I've never been in love. To be truthful, I wondered what a person would feel inside if they were. But right then, I felt something so strong that tugged on my heart, but scared the living daylights outta me.

Maybe I'd ask him how you knew when you were in love. After we kissed some more.