Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

Merrick

Three years ago

It had been three days with no change.

I stood back, watching the group of doctors who came by each day for their morning rounds. Dr. Rosen lifted one of Amelia’s eyes open and moved a pen light back and forth. First one, then the other. The frown gave me the answer before he even spoke.

“No change,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded.

He looked me up and down. “Have you left the hospital yet?”

“No.”

“It looks like this is going to be a long haul. You might want to consider getting some rest. If you don’t take care of yourself at the beginning of the marathon, you won’t make it the full distance.”

I nodded. “I don’t want to leave her alone in case she wakes up. Her friend is coming today, so maybe I’ll leave for a while then.”

Dr. Rosen lifted the iPad he always carried around and started to type into it. “I’d like to consider starting her on a course of methylphenidate. It’s a central nervous system stimulant. In some cases, it can help bring the person out of a coma. We’re not there yet, but it’s something for you to consider, maybe in a few more days if there are no new developments.”

“Okay… And that’s safe with the baby?”

“There’s a recent study that showed it to be relatively safe during pregnancy.”

“Relatively?”

“There are possible side effects with just about any medication. It’s rare, but medications in this class can cause heart defects in an unborn child, though what’s been studied is mostly the effects in the first trimester, which Amelia is past.”

I blew out a deep breath. “What if we don’t give it to her?”

“Well, there are a lot of very real risks for long-term coma patients. Blood clots, infection, loss of higher brain function…” He paused and looked over at Amelia. “We’re not there yet. But these decisions are hard, and it often takes a family time to make them. As Amelia’s health care proxy, that falls to you. So it’s something to start considering.”

I sighed. “Okay.”

Dr. Rosen took a small pad out of his pocket and jotted something before ripping the sheet off and holding it out to me. “This is the name of the drug and a website where you can read up about it.”

“Thanks.”

After he left, I walked back over to the bed and stared down at Amelia’s belly. The bump was barely visible, especially with the blankets over it. It was bad enough I had to make life and death decisions for her, someone whom I suddenly felt like I’d never known at all. But now I had to make decisions for a child who might not even be mine.

• • •

Colette stopped at the door, staring at Amelia a moment before walking into the small, glass ICU room.

“Hey.” She forced a smile. “How are you holding up?”

I was a fucking wreck, yet I nodded. “I’m hanging in there.”

She set her purse down on a visitor’s chair, walked over to the bed, and took Amelia’s hand. Tears fell from her cheeks. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get back sooner.”

Colette had been off work this week to take care of her mom, who’d had major neck and spine surgery yesterday. But we’d spoken every day since the accident. She was one of Amelia’s few friends, and they were pretty close.

“How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s okay. They moved her out of the ICU last night into a surgical unit. So that’s good.”

I nodded. “Glad to hear it.”

She stared down at Amelia. “I just can’t believe this happened, Merrick. It’s like a bad dream. Any news today?”

I shook my head. “No change. If nothing improves in a few days, they want me to consider approving a treatment that might stimulate her nervous system and bring her out of the coma.”

“Oh great. Are there any risks to her? Like could it make her worse?”

I hadn’t yet told Colette about the baby, or about the man I’d met when I walked in. She’d had her mother to deal with, and the news about the accident had been bad enough to tell her on the phone. But I was curious whether she knew about Aaron. If there was one person Amelia would tell, it would be her.

I took a deep breath. “The risks to her are minimal. But there are some risks to consider…for the baby.”

Colette’s head whipped up. “Baby?”

I nodded. “Apparently, she’s more than four months along.”

Colette’s forehead wrinkled. “Apparently? So you didn’t know?”

I shook my head.

Colette looked perplexed, but then understanding came across her face. She looked away, and I knew in that moment that she knew about Amelia’s affair.

“You know about Aaron?”

Colette’s eyes widened. “Did she know you knew?”

“No.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since they brought her in wearing another man’s engagement ring, and I found him in the waiting room.”

She put her hand over her heart. “Oh, Jesus. I’m so sorry you found out that way, Merrick. I really am.”

“Me, too.”

I wanted to ask her so many questions, but I was fucking exhausted. Sleeping on the chair next to Amelia and all the noise of an ICU didn’t lend itself to more than a half hour of rest at a time. “Are you going to stay for a while?” I asked.

“If you don’t mind. I don’t have anything else I need to do. Will has me covered this week since I was supposed to be down with my mom.”

“Would you mind if I went home for a few hours?”

She looked me over. “Have you not gone home since everything happened?”

I shook my head.

“Oh, God. Definitely go home. I can stay all day, overnight even. If anything changes, I’ll call you.”

“I’ll come back after I get a few hours of sleep.”

She nodded. “Whatever you want. But I’ll be here, so take as long as you need.”

“Thanks, Colette.”

I walked over and held Amelia’s hand for a moment before squeezing. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

Colette nodded. “You look like shit, boss. Get some sleep.”

I took the elevator down to the lobby and was halfway to the door when I noticed someone sitting alone in the large waiting area. Aaron met my eyes. He swallowed and stood. For a few seconds, I debated going over and punching his lights out, but I didn’t have the fucking energy. Plus, there was something I needed to know. So I walked toward the seating area. The guy was still dressed in the clothes he’d been wearing the day they brought Amelia in. And his face still had dirt and bruises. Guess I wasn’t the only one who’d been here three days.

“How is she?”

“I’ll answer that if you answer one question for me first.”

He nodded his head. “Anything.”

“Did you use protection?”

“What?”

I raised my voice. “When you were fucking my fiancée, did you use a condom?”

“Yes, always. Why?”

I felt as relieved as I could. “She’s still in a coma. There are brainwaves, and my daughter is holding on.”

The guy blinked. He hadn’t known either. “Amelia’s…pregnant?”

My lip curled. “I answered your question. You might as well go home because you’re never getting in that room to see her. I’ll kill you before that happens.”

• • •

Later that night, I was back at the hospital alone. I sat in the chair beside Amelia as the night nurse came to examine her. After a quick check of her vitals, she put the stethoscope on her belly and held it there listening. “Oh wow…” She removed the listening part from her ears. “I just felt the baby move.”

I sat up. “You did?”

She nodded. “Come here. Put your hand right where the stethoscope is now.”

I hesitated, but eventually set my hand on Amelia’s belly. Her skin was so warm and soft. At first, there was nothing, but after a minute, I felt a roll in her stomach. My eyes widened. It was the first time I’d smiled in almost four days. “I felt it.”

She nodded. “That’s an active little bugger.”

“Figures. She’s probably just like her mother.”

The woman smiled. “It’s a girl?”

I nodded. I felt the movement again, this time it was more like a poke than a roll. “I think she just kicked me.”

She laughed. “Well, her heartbeat sounds good, and it’s a good sign that she’s kicking at this age. Some people can’t feel the baby for a few more weeks.”

I kept my hand on Amelia’s belly and looked up at her. I’d been afraid to even consider that the baby could be mine before now, before the other possibility confirmed they’d been careful. Amelia and I weren’t, though she’d been on the pill since we met. But something happened in that moment—feeling the baby move for the first time. She went from being Amelia’s baby to our baby. I was so fucking mad at Amelia, but it wasn’t fair to take it out on this little one.

I’d been so lost in thought that I almost forgot the nurse was there until she spoke. “I’ll come back and check on her in a few hours.”

“Okay.”

After she left, I laid my cheek on Amelia’s stomach, right over where I’d felt the movement, and shut my eyes.

I’m having a baby.

A little girl.

For the first time, I let the gravity of that sink in. Something bloomed in my heart, but the weight of everything else felt like it was crushing my chest.

What if Amelia doesn’t wake up?

What if my little girl has to grow up without a mother?

What if I lose them both?

My throat constricted. I tried to swallow the taste of salt, but I was no match for the wave that was coming. For four days, I hadn’t shed a single tear. Anger and sadness had blocked them. But suddenly, my body wanted to make up for lost time. Tears began to flow, streaming down my face and falling from my cheeks onto Amelia’s belly. My shoulders shook, sobs wracking over me as I let out a harrowing sound.

I have no idea how long I cried, but it felt like hours. At one point, the nurse even came back to check on me. When my tears finally dried, I turned my head and kissed Amelia’s belly.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been so mad at your mother that I haven’t even acknowledged you. Forgive me. It won’t happen again. From now on, I promise to be there and take care of you every step of the way, my precious little girl.”