3. Three

Three

My heart fluttered with anxiety as I begged Taft to reveal our destination. I didn’t like surprises and he knew that, but I could see that he was trying to make up for last night's fight so I pushed the uneasiness blooming in my stomach into a tight box and locked it into the back of my mind. We stepped onto the landing of the greenhouse floor and he led me down the hallway. I trailed my fingertips over the soft, damp moss that crept between the cracks of the ancient stones. This was one of the few places in the academy where Asrai allowed nature to thrive amidst the Fae-made structures.

This is where I had learned what plants could kill, and what ones could heal. It was also where, when I was fifteen, I had sent Dreyson, a fellow classmate, to the infirmary for making fun of the scar on Ata’s back.

I had blended and mashed oleander and foxglove together, then added it to his tea. Within minutes he was vomiting so profusely that three other students had to help him get there. Ata and I laughed about it for weeks after and needless to say, he never bothered her again.

I smiled to myself at the memory as Taft dropped my hand, pushing open the large wooden doors that led to the gardens.

I gasped as we entered the room.

I hadn’t been up here since I graduated from my studies and started working as a training aid. The gardens had thrived and bloomed in a chaos of colors, bursting with life and vitality. They were gorgeously overgrown; rose vines climbed the stone walls and hung above us. The vivid hues of the flora were a stark contrast to the stone fortress they grew in. The air was alive with the vibrant scents of spring; the sweet perfume of flowers mingled with the earthy aroma of fresh growth.

Taft chuckled as he watched me take in the room, guiding me deeper as my eyes focused on all the plants around me.

“This is the real surprise.” His voice cut through my awe and I looked toward the balcony where he had walked to.

Piles of blankets and pillows were set up in front of a blazing fire; a tray with coffee, croissants and boiled eggs being warmed by its flames. The doors to the balcony were pushed open, letting in the salty breeze and light rain, adding to the aroma that was heavy in the air.

“Taft . . .” I whispered as I took in the sight before me. My heart swelled as I looked it over, then looked at him. “This is beautiful. When did you have the time?” He smiled in response to my approval, beckoning me over with his hand as he knelt down onto the blankets to pour me coffee.

“Before meeting you in the dining hall. I had Ardan and Wren help me.” He handed me a mug as I lowered myself onto the blankets beside him. Once the coffee was in my hands he began unlacing each of my boots, setting them off to the side. “I wanted us to have some time today.”

“Thank you. It really is beautiful,” I said, reaching my hand out to cup his cheek. He placed his hand on top of mine, holding it there as he studied me. With a sigh he let my hand drop from his face and settled in at my side, placing an elbow on each of his knees. I let my head fall onto his shoulder as I sipped my coffee and watched the flames dance in front of us.

“You have been the happiest memories of my life, Hyacinth.” His voice was strained as he said the words and I could feel his body tense under me. “I never thought the day would come when we would say goodbye.”

“I know.” It was all I could say. We’d had this conversation so many times in the last year and I didn’t know how else to console him. “I am sorry,” I whispered, “but I have to go. I can’t stay here.”

He nodded as I set my cup down on the tray beside us and turned to look at him. His thick, auburn hair that was usually pulled out of his face hung around it, framing deep brown eyes that glowed like a reflection of the fire warming us. He turned his head to meet my gaze, his jaw tightening as I reached my fingers up to trace the outline of his thick brows. We sat there for a moment, looking at each other before he pulled his eyes from mine, leaning back onto the palms of his hands and stretching his long, built legs out in front of him.

“Would you still choose to leave if you knew Ata was going to stay on her day?”

I sucked in a deep breath, looking down at the blankets as his question lingered in the air. This wasn’t the first time he asked it, and my answer had never changed.

“Taft—” I started before he cut in.

“I know, I know. I’m just trying to wrap my head around life without you in it. I’d hoped when the day finally came, you would change your mind.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again. My shoulders sagged, wishing we could talk about anything else. I didn’t want my last moments with him to be like this.

“Come here,” he said, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling my body closer to him in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I’m going to have to try to change your mind then.” His eyes glinted with a playful spark and a mischievous smile spread across his lips.

“Oh? And how do you possibly plan to do that?” I responded, my tone teasing as he ran his fingers over my braided hair.

“I’ll show you,” he said softly, bringing his lips to mine and kissing them gently. I locked both my arms around his neck, and kissed him back. If this was how he was going to try to convince me to stay, I would let him try the entire day.

Sweat glistened on Taft’s brow as we laid there, naked underneath the blankets. My head rested on his chest as it rose and fell in the silence around us—my body still coming down from the pleasure he had just bestowed upon me.

The soft autumn wind swept through the open doors, pushing us closer together as we reminisced about our younger years; the memories flooding back, crashing over me in nostalgic waves.

I traced my fingers gently along the curve of his jaw, his brown skin illuminated by the glow of the crackling fire, and braced myself for the tears I knew were coming.

“I need to get going,” Taft said softly, leaning over to kiss my forehead before pushing the blanket aside and pulling his clothes back over his limbs. I watched as he dressed, silently thanking the Gods that he wouldn’t be here to see me cry. “Are you okay here alone?”

I nodded with a small smile, pulling the blanket around my chest as I sat up and reached for a croissant.

“You shouldn’t be eating those, they aren’t good for your figure,” he said, watching as I pulled my hand back to my chest. “The eggs are a better choice for you, they will help keep you trim.” I let out a small sigh. He was probably right.

“Thank you . . .” I paused, looking around the room again. “For doing this. It means more than you know.” He squatted down in front of me, his leathers stretching against his muscled thighs and searched my face for a long moment.

“Think about your decision. Hopefully you will come to your senses before it’s too late,” he said sternly before kissing me on my cheek and standing to leave the room.

My heart sank, we were back to this discussion.

Silently I nodded my head, not knowing what I could say that hadn’t already been said. He turned on his heel and strode toward the exit. The latch clicked as the door shut behind him and a sob burst from my chest. Tears began to stream down my face like an angry river. Selfish. You are fucking selfish. Making this decision without him . . . it felt like I was betraying him in some twisted way. Guilt seeped from every one of my pores as I sunk back into the blankets, letting the weight of it press me into the stones against my back and I lay there in the silence.

Even if it was selfish, deep down, I knew that this was for the best. I needed to find my own path in life, and I knew in my heart I couldn’t do that here. I couldn’t find that staying here with him.

I dressed slowly, taking time to compose myself before looking for Ata. I didn’t need her seeing the remnants of my tears if I wanted this day to end with Taft still intact. The fire crackled loudly beside me as I pushed on my boots and walked out onto the balcony, letting the crisp air and sprinkling rain hit my face in an effort to ground myself.

I took in a deep breath and looked out over the water below.

The island the school stood on had always seemed so big growing up. But looking down on it now, it felt small in comparison to what was waiting for me on the other side of the gates. I could see the House of High piercing through the dark storm clouds from across the strait and knew it was a sight I would never get to see again. I sighed, walking back into the gardens and pulling the glass doors closed behind me.

I wandered through the rest of the greenhouse, taking the longest path out of the room as I tried to capture the memory of this beautiful space in my mind. Taking one last deep breath in before leaving the room, I said a silent prayer to the Gods that the smell of it would stay locked in my memory forever.

I pulled the small pocket watch Asrai had given me on my tenth birthday out of my jacket and made my way back down the winding stairway. It was almost noon, which meant Ata was headed to the gym to teach hand-to-hand combat. When she graduated her studies at eighteen, Asrai offered her a job as a combat instructor while she waited for her Choice Day to come, and she quickly fell into the position. She was so similar to Asrai in her ways of teaching that the students in her classes excelled faster than all the students training under other instructors.

As I rounded the corner back into the dining hall, I saw Ardan and Wren standing across the room at the far entrance. I managed a limp smile as Ardan spotted me, gesturing with his head for me to come over. I pushed my way through the thinning crowd of stragglers who were either late to class, or using the room to study while they ate.

“So . . .” Ardan said, swinging his arm around my shoulder. “Did he surprise you?”

“He did, I wasn’t expecting that,” I admitted.

“He wanted to go somewhere you hadn’t been in awhile,” Wren said.

“And we all know since you could never seem to stop poisoning people, you haven’t been allowed back there in quite some time,” Ardan chimed in and I punched his shoulder playfully. The anxiety pushing down on my chest started to ease, as the warmth from Ardan seeped into my side.

“That happened once,” I protested. “And I’m allowed, I just haven’t had a reason to go up there.” Wren gave me an exaggerated nod, like he didn’t believe my version of the story. “Where are you two headed anyway?” I asked as we walked through the south exit of the dining room into the entrance hall.

I stopped dead in my tracks, grabbing Wren’s hand as a hooded figure dressed in obsidian leathers stepped into view at the base of the staff tower stairwell. I could make out from her figure that she was female and I tried to catch a glimpse of her face. Ardan stepped in front of me instinctively, shielding my body.

“Shit,” Wren said, his jaw clenching as his eyes flashed toward us. “I’ll catch up with you later.” The words were tense as he said them over his shoulder and hurried toward the woman, disappearing with them up the stairs.

“Who was that?” I asked, my eyes locked on the place where she had stood.

“I have no idea.” We stood there, staring at the base of the stairs before Ardan spoke again. “I guess that leaves us then, kid. Where to, Cin?” He threw his hands out, gesturing to the large open corridor around us dissolving the tension as quickly as it had come.

He was so good at that; making everything feel easy—safe. I looked around the entrance hall and peered over the balcony at the two large iron doors that I had only ever walked through once.

Other than the staff offices, this was the only place in the academy that was not built solely of stone. The balcony we stood on offered a stunning view of the foyer below, its floor made of smooth, dark marble with iron veins running through it. Two sweeping staircases flanked the balcony, their ornate iron railings beckoning us to explore the extravagant opening below us.

A giant statue sat at the first step of each staircase. On the left was Redelvtum’s fallen King, and to the right, our Queen. The detail of them, so intricate, that if they stood from their ivory marble thrones and walked out of the doors, I wouldn’t bat an eye.

The entrance hall was only used when important visitors from Rahval—Redelvtum’s Capital—came to see the academy, or students that needed a shortcut to the training rooms. Everyone knew if Asrai caught you in this area, it meant that you weren’t where you needed to be, at the time you needed to be there. Which translated to detention. But of course, here I was, breaking the rules one last time.

“You think if she catches us she’ll give me duty before I leave?” I asked Ardan, laughing as I spun around the center of the balcony, grasping at the railing to stop myself from spinning over it.

“Is that a real question?” Ardan raised a brow and chuckled as a smirk tugged on the corners of my lips.

Asrai had told me when I graduated from my studies, that, even though I was a trainer now and no longer a student, she would still find ways to punish me if I didn’t behave myself. And she had stuck to her word. Every month for the last three years, she had given me some kind of duty.

Somehow, I always seemed to be the one caught in the middle of our pranks and the others were always there to watch as I paid the price. Which usually meant I was deep cleaning the kitchens or the staff lavatories, without the use of lesser magic. Those were the moments I learned to appreciate the magic I was allowed to use in my everyday life.

We were always the troublemakers. She had told us that, over the centuries she had been running the academy, she never had a group so mischievous. I prided myself on that title, seeing as all of us graduated top of our class, while still wreaking havoc.

“Ata is teaching combat training right now,” I stated, pushing off the railing and heading toward the stairs to the training rooms. “I was going to see if I could get a few rounds in.” I winked at Ardan over my shoulder as I stepped into the poorly lit stairwell. It was a right of passage to get to train against students once you graduated. We claimed it was to give them harder opponents to beat, but we all knew it was purely for the fun of taking them down on the mat.

We walked down the narrow chamber to the training floors, our laughs echoing against the damp stones. Our connection solidified the night of a particularly heated argument with Taft. Ardan had stood up for me, intervening and reprimanding Taft for his behavior toward me, saying that he couldn’t sit back and listen to it any longer. He had helped me back to my dorm room and on the walk back, the well of emotions I had been holding in broke free.

I had poured my heart out to Ardan. Telling him how desperately I was trying to be who Taft wanted me to be, but always felt like I fell short of his expectations. Ardan had listened without judgment and comforted me as we walked through the school. By the time we arrived at my dorm, he had wrapped his arms around me and reminded me that I mattered; that the things I wanted in life mattered.

Those words have played in my head almost every day since he said them, reminding me that no matter how much I love Taft, the things I want and need for myself are equally as important.

I mattered.

That moment three years ago, in the archway of my dorm, played a large part in my decision to leave. After that night, Ardan checked on me every day. He was well aware of Taft’s lack of control when it came to anger and we fell into a friendship that was vulnerable—full of transparency and honesty. It was a friendship I deeply cherished.

“Are you ready for tonight? His question cut through the damp silence of the enclosed stairway.

“Physically, yes. Emotionally . . .” I paused, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m not so sure anymore.” He draped his arm around my shoulders and I reached up to grab it, wrapping my fingers around his forearm and nestling my head into his elbow.

“I guess you liked us a little more than you planned, huh?” A chuckle left his lips on the tail of his words.

“Unfortunately,” I retorted, smiling up at him as we stopped at the opening of the training room. “Are you gonna stay and spar with me?”

He shook his head and leaned against the doorway. “I gotta get some work in before your celebration tonight,” Ardan said as Ata waved me into the room. “Have fun, I’ll catch up with you two later.” I pulled him into a hug as he pushed off the door frame and looked up at him.

“Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me all these years. For being my friend.” I rested my head against his broad chest, feeling the warmth of his body and inhaling his familiar scent as a heavy sigh escaped my lips. “I am so lucky to call you my family.” I leaned closer into his embrace, his arms tightening around me, enveloping me in his warmth and safety. His lips brushed against my hair gently, a tender sign of the affection we held for each other.

“I love you, Cin.”

“I love you back,” I whispered as I let him go, watching as he strolled away down the hall.

With every step he took away from me, the anxiety, the fear, came crashing back down on my shoulders. My heart pounded against my chest, threatening to burst with emotion. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, and I knew I couldn’t hold them back much longer. I raised my hand to my throat, feeling the tension building just under my skin and threatening to cut off my air supply.

I need this , I thought as I entered the sparring room, the scent of sweat and leather filling my senses. The familiar sound of daggers hitting their targets and bodies colliding together echoed around me and I took a deep breath, ready to release the emotions that were threatening to crush me.