11. Eleven

Eleven

By the time I headed up the stairs, I was thoroughly drunk. Ardan held mine and Ata’s waists, chuckling as he tried to keep us from falling. He leaned me against the wall next to my door and I grabbed it to stabilize myself.

“You okay?” he asked, raising a brow at me.

“I’m sooooo great,” I slurred, giving him a thumbs up paired with a grin. “Have fun you two.” I winked at Ata who giggled back at me, throwing her other arm around Ardan’s neck and placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

I grabbed at the door handle, my fingers slipping from its smooth edges as it swung open. Losing my balance, I stumbled into the room and fell into Taft. He was standing in the doorway in nothing but a pair of sweatpants and a face twisted in disgust. He scoffed as he looked me up and down, shutting the door and dragging me over to the end of the bed as I tripped over my own feet.

“Really, Cin?”

“What?” I snapped back. “Can I not have some fun?”

“You’re plastered.” His tone was cold—hard.

“No shit,” I slurred sarcastically, pulling my sweater over my head and looking around the room for the sweatshirt and sweatpants I had clawed off at some point during my nightmare last night. Taft bent down, scooping them off the floor next to the bathroom door and flung them over at me.

I struggled finding the holes for my arms and head, before finally pulling it over my shoulders and down my stomach. I laid back on the bed, wriggling out of my pants, kicking them off, and sliding the sweats up over my hips. I pulled the fabric down over my wrist and ankles, hiding the burns that seemed to be darkening and inching up my limbs by the day.

“You are a mess,” he taunted as I shoved myself from the bed. I staggered over to him, reaching for his arm to steady myself. He pulled away from me and scoffed, again . A twinge of shame danced in my stomach at the sound of his repulsion and I clutched the wall behind him to stop myself tumbling onto the floor.

“What? What now?” I said, the words mixing together as I struggled to form the sentence. “Is this not the Hyacinth you like?” I leaned against the wall and motioned to myself with my hands. “Or can you only love the version that falls in line with all of your demands?” I stabbed his chest with my finger and he swatted it away, slapping my wrist. A sharp gasp left my lips, whimpering as I cradled the wrist against my chest and glared up at him.

“You disgust me.” He sneered.

“Well that’s too bad.” I sighed sarcastically, ruffling my hair with both hands. “Cause this is what you get.”

“Just get into bed.” He yanked me by my forearm, trying to lead me back to the edge of the bed. I jerked my arm back, pulling it out of his grasp as I tried to stand my ground.

“What is your problem?” he snarled and I could see the anger that I knew all too well boiling to the surface.

I should just go to bed. I shouldn’t be picking this fight right now, not while I was drunk. I could barely stand. My vision blurred and I saw two of him.

Dont speak.

Shit , it was coming, I couldn’t stop it.

“You.” I pointed at him, or to where I thought he was standing. “You are my problem.”

He flashed his teeth, ire seeping into the crevices of his face. “Me?” he yelled, stepping close enough that I could feel his breath on the tip of my nose.

“You.” I stumbled and I could see wrath shimmer in his eyes at my casual tone.

“You selfish bitch,” he growled inches away from my face. “I can’t believe I keep wasting my time on you. You don’t deserve the love or protection I have given you all these years. You never have and you never will.” His words were heavy and biting, hitting their target like a sharpened arrow. My heart cracked. It wasn’t the first time he had said those things to me but it still hurt the same every time I heard it.

I willed my voice steady as I responded. “Telling me what to do, making decisions for me, isn’t protecting me.” I crossed my arms, trying to stop them from shaking and stood up straight. “That’s controlling me, Taft.” The confidence I had saying the words was lost in how muddled they sounded leaving my mouth. I pushed my chin up, trying to hold my ground.

My body wavered, swaying slightly as I reached for the wall again to balance myself. He laughed as he watched me struggle to stay upright.

He laughed at me .

Rage burned into my veins, sobering me up long enough to steady my legs and walk towards the door without falling.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He pushed his palm against the door as I pulled on the knob, slamming it shut.

“Away from you!” I screamed, shoving my elbow into his side trying to push him out of the way.

“You leave, when I say you leave.”

I pulled on the handle again. “I am done talking to you.” I leaned my forehead against the door frame, defeat and exhaustion starting to cloud my mind.

“So this is how you treat the man you claim to love?”

“Just let me out, please,” I begged softly. “Please let me leave before you do something you’ll regret in a house full of our friends.” My insides were screaming, clawing at my bones to get out of this room. He lifted his hand from the door and stepped away, shaking his head with distaste. I turned the knob, taking one step out of the room before he slammed the door behind me, and locked it.

“Fucking prick,” I whispered into the empty hallway. My eyes strained to adjust to the darkness as I felt my way along the textured wall. A sharp pain shot through my foot as it snagged on something hard and unforgiving. I let out a stifled curse as I tumbled to the ground, my knees hitting the floor with a loud thud.

I pushed myself against the wall and let my head fall into my hands as a sliver of light appeared at the end of the hallway. Quiet footsteps approached and I could smell him before he squatted down next to me. His scent . . . he smelled so good. I leaned towards him and sniffed, squinting my eyes up at him as he chuckled and grabbed my chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“Are you alright, Hyacinth?” Landers asked in a low voice that made my heart flutter in my chest.

“You smell great,” I slurred. The words slipped out before I could stop them and I already knew the embarrassment would hit me in the morning.

“Thank you.” Amusement danced in his tone, but there was no judgment there. He dropped his hand from my chin, slipping an arm behind my back and under my knees, lifting me as if I weighed nothing. “Let's get you into bed,” he said softly, carrying me toward the light shining down the corridor.

Even in my drunken stupor, the awareness I had of my body pressed against his chest was sharp, electricity quietly stirring under his touch. I pushed my face into his neck, smelling him again as I heard the door shut behind us and opened my eyes to see his face over me as he lowered me onto his bed.

“You males are assholes,” I mumbled as my hand searched the bed for a blanket. A low chuckle escaped his throat as he pulled the blanket over me then extinguished the light with a snap of his fingers. Darkness swallowed up the room and my fingers clutched onto his arm, feeling his veins pumping underneath my touch.

“Please stay,” I asked in a pleading whisper as I fought against the exhaustion weighing down on me.

“As you wish,” was all he responded as I fully succumbed to sleep.