4

IVY

I DIDN’T remember falling asleep, but I could recall the nightmare with frightening accuracy.

The warped figure with the crown of violet quartz came first with its warning of death and doom. As I gathered myself in Adrian’s arms, the exact words it’d spoken before the giant fleshy beast had attacked my family, replayed in my head.

“You will have to fight. And you will have to win…Or death will find you and all those you love.”

But then everything changed. Instead of the fleshy beast chasing me down with shadow creatures calling for my inevitable failure, I’d been transported back to Kerry’s house. Dropped into her dishevelled bedroom, blood coating my hands, and Maeve’s dagger held between trembling fingers.

At my feet had been Adrian, kneeling in a pool of blood, his hands clutching his stomach. Eyes of emerald green had met mine, full of betrayal and hatred, as his life spilled from him.

Bile rose in my throat, but I forced myself to focus on Adrian’s soothing voice, and the softness of his words as he whispered them in my ear. He was here, alive and with me.

He wasn’t dying. He didn’t hate me.

It wasn’t my fault.

“How are you feeling, Sweetheart?” he murmured, fingers running through my hair, the gentle feel of his fingers against my scalp lulling me into a net of safety.

But my eyes popped open, and I sucked in a shuddering breath to push away the darkness creeping at the edges of my vision. I couldn’t let myself fall back asleep. My heart still raced with the flashes of my nightmare, and I knew that if I let my eyes fall shut, if I let myself drift off, I would be back in that room with my hands covered in blood.

I released my breath slowly and looked up to meet his stare. “Better,” I replied honestly, shifting slightly. Adrian’s arms loosened from around me, and I pulled back to take in the room. The entire team was here, each taking a corner of the bedroom with expressions of worry. Their eyes almost seemed to brighten when I met their tired stares, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty for this ridiculousness.

I cleared my throat and finally pulled myself from Adrian’s arms. I tried to ignore the flash of hurt in his eyes as I carefully hugged myself. “It was just a nightmare. There’s nothing for you guys to worry about.”

My cheeks heated with embarrassment. Of all the things they had to witness, and it was one of my nightmares? I wanted to laugh, but my throat was thick with emotion and exhaustion.

Adrian brushed his knuckles against my cheek, his touch eliciting a shiver of desire as a deep well of power pulled me towards him.

But I clamped it down and bit my tongue. His hand fell, and although I felt bad, the tug of desire dissipated as soon as his touch disappeared. Despite a slight pang of need in my chest, I sighed in relief.

Definitely not the emotions to have after waking up from that.

I took in the team again and shook my head. “I’m fine, really. You don’t have to hover.” Each gaze I met told me they didn’t believe me; Elias, stubborn and grumpy, kept a scowl on his ruggedly handsome face as he watched me. But hidden in his intense green eyes, worry swam with fear as he stared at me. It was more emotion than I was used to coming from him, so I forced my gaze away to take in Rowan.

The red head looked exhausted; his hair was mussed, and hazel eyes outlined with dark circles. His head was lowered, but I felt his gaze on me, striking and passionate, despite the distance he had put between us before this. I wanted to know what was going on in his head with everything that had been uncovered, everything that had happened.

Even though I yearned for Adrian, the force between Rowan and I was still there, still alive and fighting to bring us together.

And then there was Maeve, the impenetrable leader. As she leaned against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest, I wondered what her stance was on everything. She was eerily quiet, keeping her opinion to herself with her red lips pursed and her blue eyes narrowed, that carefully blank mask pulled tight over her face.

I dropped my gaze. “Thank you for worrying,” I murmured, “but I’m okay. Trust me. I’ve been dealing with them for a while now and I just have to push through. You don’t have to come running every time I have a nightmare.”

Someone grunted, but I didn’t have to look up to know it was Elias. He murmured something low to Maeve, I assumed, who responded just as quietly. I peeked through my lashes as they spoke, taking in Elias’s coiled muscles and Maeve’s careful mask.

Elias dipped his head, then walked out of the bedroom. I shivered at his departure, but wasn’t sure why.

Rowan left next without a word; he only threw his shoulders back and stalked away, leaving me with a deepening pit in my stomach, like I was going to lose him the longer we danced around whatever happened between us.

From the other corner of the room, Maeve cleared her throat. She stepped out from the shadows that had been protecting her, and I watched as she unfolded her arms. “We will be here until the Queen deems it safe to leave. Try and use this time to heal, Ivy, because as soon as we are cleared, we will be travelling for Avalon.”

I swallowed thickly and nodded. Her eyes left mine briefly and met Adrian’s. “We still have a meeting, but I understand if you wish to stay here.”

Adrian’s jaw tightened, but he bowed his head. “I’ll come see you soon.”

We sat in tense silence as Maeve also left. I chewed my bottom lip. What had the team said about my nightmares before? Something about it linking to my mates? I wanted to go over all the information they’d given me before, but I filed those thoughts away as Adrian turned towards me.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, reaching for me hesitantly, his fingers brushing the groove of my neck.

“I am,” I replied, drawing my legs up and holding them to my chest. “The nightmares are nothing new.”

Adrian nodded silently, jaw ticking. “I felt your panic and fear.” His voice darkened as he dropped his eyes to his lap. “I thought something happened to you, and I was…terrified that I was about to lose you again.”

Thickness lodges in my throat. I take his hand and entwine our fingers. “Will you always be able to feel…that?”

“I don’t know.” He tightened his hold on my hand before shrugging. “But I won’t complain because that means I’ll know if you’re in danger.”

I blew out a shaky breath. “I promise it won’t be that bad all the time.”

“Will you ever tell me what they’re about?” he asked quietly, eyes shimmering with sadness.

A flash of the nightmare hit, and instead of sadness, there was bitter betrayal and anger in the depths of his green irises. The hand tucked into mine was no longer clean but washed with blood.

I blinked hard, and it disappeared, but the damage was done. My heart raced with fear, my breaths sharp in my chest, and as I untangled myself from Adrian, my fingers trembled.

“Ivy?”

I swallowed as bile rose in my throat and shook my head. “Sorry, I just—I’m sorry.”

Hurt flashed across Adrian’s eyes, but he moved, getting to his feet hesitantly. “It’s okay, Sweetheart. I’ll be back, okay?”

I opened my mouth to tell him not to go, but he strode to the door, his hands trembling. As I watched him leave, another memory popped into my mind. Maeve had promised a potion to end the nightmares, one the Queen swore by.

I wondered if she’d be able to get it for me while we’re here, because I wasn’t sure I’d survive another night of those terrifying dreams.

~

I steeled myself as I knocked on Maeve’s door later that afternoon. My heart pounded with nerves and something else I couldn’t fully identify. It tightened in my stomach and wound around my lungs, threatening to suffocate me with everything that had happened in the last forty-eight hours.

I held my breath as I waited and tried not to sigh with relief when I heard footsteps from inside the room. The door opened to reveal Maeve, her long, inky hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, dressed in slacks and a satin blouse. Her eyes softened as she checked me over before meeting my gaze.

“Ivy, is everything all right?” she asked, opening the door wider for me. I took the invitation and slipped past her, trying to ignore the electricity that sparked across my skin as our arms brushed.

Instead, I focused on the set of armchairs by the window in her office; the room was small, designed for one person to use, and had nice modern fixtures that complemented the house. The bookshelves were a similar dark grain of wood to the exterior of the safe house, while everything else was either a black leather or a silver accent.

It almost didn’t suit Maeve, yet she seemed to blend in well. I perched on the edge of the leather armchair and tucked my hands into my lap to stop them from fidgeting with the hem of the borrowed t-shirt.

Maeve’s brows furrowed as she sat across from me. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly, leaning forward, hands pressed against her thighs.

I swallowed thickly. Flashes of the nightmare came back with a sharpness that made my heart rate quicken. “Back home,” I started, dropping my eyes to my lap, “you mentioned a potion. To stop the nightmares.”

“I did.” Maeve’s voice darkened as she hummed under her breath. “I’ll reach out to the Queen and see if it can be made for you while you’re here.”

My breath rattled in my chest as I released it, and I felt the muscles in my shoulders finally relax. “Thanks.”

Relief flooded through me as my eyes closed. I could almost taste freedom, and it was divine. To be free from the nightmares, to finally be able to sleep without the burden of those dark thoughts and dreams…I’d been cursed with them since my twenty-first birthday, and now, after a long year of being plagued with these demons, I might actually be free of them.

After having them for so long, would I miss them? My chest tightened, which told me enough. I wouldn’t. And now, with everything else, I was terrified of what my subconscious might create from that.

“What else worries you?” Maeve asked, her soft voice cutting through my thoughts. Her accent, usually mild, seemed to bleed through thicker, strained almost.

My eyes popped open, and I took in the worry written clearly across her face. Lines creased her forehead as she frowned, and I found myself leaning forward, as if pulled in by the mysterious vampire before me.

I caught myself and sat back, swallowing thickly as I averted my eyes. “Nothing,” I stuttered, my voice hoarse. It was a lie, of course. One I sensed she caught, because when I looked back, her eyes were narrowed, and the blue of her irises swam with regret.

“Ivy,” she started, her voice stiff, “I won’t ever force you to do or say anything you don’t want to. But you’ve gone through something no one should.”

Flashes of blood and death came rushing back into my mind. The first soldier, with her pinned-back blonde hair and cruel smile as she kicked me in the stomach. Her warm blood dripping through my fingers as I lowered her to the ground, and her dying words echoing in my ears.

Cold hands framed my face, forcing me back to the present. Harsh breaths rattled in my chest as I sucked in cool air and pushed the panic down until all I could feel, see—scent—was Maeve. I focused on her, on the rippling waves of her eyes, to the redness of her lips and the slight flush of her otherwise pale skin. Electricity from where her skin touched mine was enough to pull me out of the dark hole I was stumbling into.

“Holding on to it will only make the nightmares worse,” Maeve said, her thumb a whisper against my skin as she brushed it over my cheek. “You protected yourself, Ivy.”

Our eyes met, and I finally let the pent-up tears fall. Maeve pulled me into her chest, one arm going around my shoulders, the other to the back of my head, and she held me while sobs wracked my body and all the fear and guilt rushed through me. I wrapped my arms around her midsection and felt her shudder, but she held me tighter until I wasn’t a shaking mess.

It could have been minutes, or it might have been hours, but Maeve didn’t let me go. With our bodies perfectly moulded together, I didn’t want her to let me go. It was strange, considering the tether in my chest yearning for Adrian. Should I have been seeking him out? Folding myself in his arms and crying into his chest? Guilt soured my stomach and forced me to finally pull out of Maeve’s arms.

The vampire didn’t seem upset, so I didn’t make a comment on it. “Thanks for understanding,” I said, clearing my throat. “I just don’t know what to do with all of…this.”

Maeve looked me over with a soft gaze before motioning for me to sit again. “You are not alone with this, Ivy.” As she sat, something shifted in her eyes. “You can talk to me if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your mate about anything.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I considered what she was offering. “I should talk to him,” I murmured, rubbing my eyes. “But I don’t know if I can, yet.”

“You need to tell someone.” Maeve brushed her hand over my knee before pulling back. “I have something to return to you.”

Opening my eyes, I watched as she reached back and unsheathed a dagger. It took me a moment to realise it was the dagger she’d gifted me back at the apartment, the one she’d taught me to use to protect myself.

My throat tightened. “I didn’t realise I’d lost it.”

Maeve’s lips tilted up in a small smile. “You hadn’t. I took it from you after you passed out.” Her eyes darkened as she stared down at the blade, and her hold on it tightened until her knuckles turned white. “There was a lot of blood on the blade. None of it yours. I thank the Goddess for that small mercy every time I look at you.” Her gaze left the dagger and fell to me. “I took it to prove to myself that you were able to protect yourself when we could not.”

“I got to the others because of that dagger, Maeve. Even if you weren’t there, that was, and it saved us.”

She bowed her head before flipping the blade until the handle faced me. “Take it. I’ll continue training you if that’s what you need. But you have to know: the guilt you feel over the lives taken is normal. You are allowed to feel it. But don’t drown in it, a mhuirnín.” Her voice tightened, and as I took the dagger from her outstretched hand, she took hold of my fingers. “We will be here to pull you from those depths, the team and me. We won’t ever abandon you. Should you need us, we’ll be there. I will be there.”

My throat tightened painfully, tears burning in the corners of my eyes. Words seemed almost impossible as I stared down at where our hands were joined, the dagger between us, with her promises hanging in the air.

Were they promises she could keep? Deep down, I knew the answer: yes. Maeve wouldn’t say that without meaning it.

I thought back to the night she’d woken me during a nightmare, and I’d wondered what it would be like to unload everything on her. Every fear, every nightmare, every dark thought I’d had almost falling from my tongue. I’d been so close to sharing with her.

My eyes trailed up her covered arm to her face. The intense sincerity in her eyes almost made me fold.

A soft knock interrupted the silence, forcing me to suck in a steadying breath and calm the inferno of emotions swirling within me. My magic didn’t seem to be as potent right now, which I hoped was because of the fight, because I wasn’t sure I could handle that with everything else going on.

Mate bonds, nightmares, and unruly magic that could explode at any moment.

Yeah, that seemed like a little too much to have on my plate.

I cleared my throat and rose. “Seems like you’re needed elsewhere,” I said, giving Maeve a half smile.

Her lips unfurled in a frown. “I meant what I said, Ivy,” she replied, rising from the armchair, her lithe body languid as she moved to stand in front of me. I held my breath as she raised her hand, but she blinked and let it fall back to her side. “If you want to talk about what happened in that house, I will listen. Always.”

I gave her a quick nod. “I’ll let you work now. Thank you for looking into the potion for me.”

“Of course, Ivy.”

There seemed to be more she wanted to say, but I fled, heading for the door. My heart thundered wildly as my hand closed around the doorknob.

With one last look over my shoulder at the stoic vampire leader who tempted me in ways I didn’t completely understand, I threw the door open before I could let everything out.