24

ROWAN

I SHOULDN’T have snuck into Adrian’s room. It wasn’tmy brightest idea, but the itch—that ever-present need to be close to Ivy—had guided me right into that bed behind her.

Nerves ate at my insides as I closed my eyes and breathed in her intoxicating scent. I’d never be able to get enough of her. Even if we weren’t mates, there would always be a part of me that would always feel that pull towards her, that indescribable feeling of comfort and fullness at her mere presence.

Adrian had been right before: I’d never been this way around any woman. I’d never desired anyone like I did Ivy.

I wanted to believe we were mates, that the Goddess had put me on that street for a reason.

Ivy’s breathing evened out, her hand slackening where it held mine. I took a lot of comfort in knowing she wasn’t suffering from her nightmares right now. That she at least found peace with the help of her mate.

My heart tightened in my chest.

“Are we going to talk about it?” Adrian asked, his voice soft.

I peered over Ivy’s shoulder and met his critical stare. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He rolled his eyes, but he didn’t move. “If Elias Beckham has taught me anything these last few days, it’s that it’s time to step up. If you think you might be her mate, then it’s time to be open about that.”

A lump formed in my throat. When did I become such a fucking coward? If I’d wanted something before, I would have taken it—or done everything in my power to have it. It’d never been hard, primarily because of my mother’s status and, by extension, my own. Taking what I wanted had never been…difficult.

Maybe that’s what made Ivy so different. Maybe it was because she wasn’t some fleeting want, a quick and dirty flirtation that held my interest for only a few moments.

She was an intense obsession, an addiction I would never be able to shake.

If she were my mate—and I was hers—it would make sense. The connection, the strong feelings, the uncertainty.

I swallowed hard, opening my eyes, and taking in Ivy’s sleeping form. “I want it to be true. But how can I be sure unless she’s certain, too?”

Adrian made a sound in the back of his throat. “I think she feels whatever you’re feeling, Ro. It’s not hard to see.”

I shrugged, my thumb tracing circles over the soft flesh of Ivy’s hand. I stared at where our fingers were still linked, a seed of hope blooming inside me.

“My mother told us that Ivy’s journey of finding her mates will be different to how it’s normally discovered,” Adrian continued, his voice lowering. “The Goddess will test us, as Ivy’s mates, to prove we are worthy of being her anchors. The near-death triggered the bond and snapped it into place for us. Elias knew he was her mate after the hellhound attack.”

“I almost died in that alley,” I pointed out. “Don’t you think a bond would have formed then?”

Adrian was silent for a long moment before responding. “Maybe it’s your own fears keeping the bond locked away. You were still afraid of it then, and you’re only just now opening yourself up to the possibility.”

I stopped tracing circles on Ivy’s hand and finally looked over her shoulder at my friend. His eyes were on me, no bullshit to be seen.

I sighed. “I don’t want to overwhelm her. She just found out about that Faery ass-hat, and I don’t think she needs to be pestered by my insecure ass about maybe having a mate bond with her.”

Adrian’s eyes hardened, and he shook his head. “I’m going to kill that asshole.”

Reflexively, I tightened my hold on Ivy. “How bad is the situation?”

For another long moment, Adrian was silent. Maybe because he wasn’t sure if this was a conversation to be had with me: someone who wasn’t really Ivy’s mate. But his eyes finally closed, and he released a heavy breath.

“I’m worried about the impact it’ll have on her. Elias says he’s looking into it.”

“Will it have a serious impact on her?” I asked quietly, my heart thundering.

Adrian’s eyes opened, and he met my stare. “Most likely. And that’s what I’m afraid of.”

~

Ivy awoke again almost an hour later, but I’d slipped out of the bed once Adrian had fallen back asleep. Guilt gnawed at me as I made my way back to my own room. I wasn’t entirely sure where the guilt stemmed from, but I did feel a little…lighter, after the conversation with Adrian. Like the hope inside my heart was still worth holding on to.

A soft knock at my bedroom door drew me out of my thoughts. I was almost certain I knew who it was before the door opened; the warmth in my chest was enough to give her away.

Ivy blinked warily up at me, her doe-eyes tired yet hopeful, as she met my stare. “Can we talk?” she asked quietly, tucking her arms around herself.

I swallowed thickly, but I opened the door wider for her. A soft smile played at her lips as she stepped across the threshold, and her gaze flitted around the room. It was similar to Adrian’s, with a window overlooking the forest and its own bathroom.

Ivy paused hesitantly by the window before turning to me. “We should discuss what happened this morning,” she said, her cheeks turning a soft pink.

Although I knew this was coming, my stomach still twisted with nerves. Clearing my throat, I motioned towards the bed. Her eyes followed the motion, but she shook her head, chewing her bottom lip.

Now, I was anxious. It crashed through me like a storm, waves of it flooding my head. I collapsed onto the edge of the bed and lowered my head. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, pressing my hand to my eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry. It was inappropriate and—”

“Rowan.” Her hand landed on my shoulder, and sparks erupted where her skin met mine. She sucked in a sharp breath, forcing me to look up and meet her eye. “This isn’t just about this morning.”

Bile rose in my throat, but I nodded. If hell could open up and swallow me now, that would be fantastic.

Her hand left my shoulder and moved under my chin. She forced my face up so our eyes could meet. “What’s going on, Rowan?” she asked quietly. “What happened?”

The fear in her eyes was clear as day to read. I wanted so badly to wash it away, but I froze.

Like the fucking coward I was, I froze.

Ivy’s eyes darkened with disappointment, and she dropped her hand. “You won’t talk to me, will you? Why get into bed this morning, and then sneak out without a word? What do you want, Rowan?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked, bitterness edging my words.

Her brows furrowed, and she shook her head. “I honestly don’t know.”

I dropped her stare and looked away, the calmness of the forest capturing my attention. There was a stillness to the trees, a peace that seemed so foreign to me right now.

“Adrian said you two talked. He mentioned I should come see you.” Her voice was strained and sad. That same guilt from earlier crashed through me. “I know it was hard for him to tell me that because of our bond. So that meant he knew something. And you know something.”

My eyes shuttered closed, and I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry!” Her voice cracked. “Just…what do you want, Rowan? Do you want me to leave you alone? Because I will. I’ll give you anything right now if you say that’s what you want. But please, just tell me.”

I pressed my lips into a firm line. Step up. That’s what Adrian had said—what Wolfy had told him to do. I could step up, make the first move, and test the waters of a potential mate bond. Or I could freeze and lose her forever.

My heart ached, and so did my magic. I’d never felt my magic like I did when she was around. For the first time in years, the visions—the future and everything that came with it—was quiet. Peaceful. She gave me that.

I felt the burn of her stare on the top of my head. Step up.

Now was the time to prove I wanted her—more than I’d wanted anything before.

Her shaky sigh shattered something within me, and before I could think it through, I threw my arms around her middle and buried my face into the softness of her belly. Ivy made a startled sound, but she combed her fingers through my hair without hesitation.

We stayed like that for several minutes. I breathed in her scent and wished she was thoroughly doused in my own. It was a primal want that surprised me, but I held back on voicing it. Instead, I focused on how her nails grazed my scalp, of the soft tugs on my hair, on the way her magic rose around us in a gentle hum.

Maybe that was the proof I needed, the hope I was searching for.

Finally, I pulled back, though I didn’t release her fully. I skimmed the line between appropriate and inappropriate with the brush of my fingers over the hem of her pants. Any lower, and I’d be holding her ass in my hands, feeling the softness of her flesh in my own palms.

My cock twitched to attention, hardening in my pants. I couldn’t help the depraved thoughts running through my head. Of her tits in my mouth, their weight in my hands. Of her thighs wrapped around my head while I tasted her for hours on end.

Ivy’s cheeks flushed red, almost like she could see my thoughts, but she said nothing as she brushed her fingers through my hair again. “What are we doing, Rowan?”

“We’re…cuddling,” I decided, tightening my hold on her.

A half-smile played at her lips. “Are we?”

I nodded. “We will be…as soon as you get into my bed.”

Hesitation played in her eyes, her smile turning fragile as she looked towards the door. “I haven’t checked on the children yet.”

My hold on her slackened. “It’s okay if—”

“No.” She shook her head and turned back to me. “No, they’re okay for now.”

My heart stuttered a beat. I knew her time was precious right now. Her main priority this last week had been her sisters. But she was giving me a fraction of her time.

“Come on, then,” I murmured, thickness coating my words. “Even if it’s only ten minutes, I’ll take whatever time you give me.”

Her gaze softened. I untangled my arms and scooted back onto the bed until my back was against the headboard. She took a moment, wringing her hands, before crawling up beside me.

“Lie down, beautiful.”

She sighed dramatically, but she lowered herself onto her back. “Any more commands?”

I grinned and joined her. “On your side.”

She rolled her eyes. “Spooning? Weren’t we just doing this?”

Despite her words, she still rolled onto her side and let me wrap my arms around her. She didn’t even say a word about my rock-hard cock digging into her ass.

We stayed like that for a few quiet moments; I could feel her heart racing against my chest, and I wondered if she could feel my own thundering against her back.

When the silence became too much, I finally sighed. “You know how Adrian’s primary power is charms?” I asked carefully, tracing circles against her stomach.

Ivy shivered, but she hummed her response.

“Well, mine is visions.” She stilled, but she didn’t say a word. Everyone around me knew I’d inherited my mother’s affinity. Still, there was something different—almost special—about telling Ivy about it myself. “I can sometimes see the future. Read into people’s pasts if I become skilled enough. Like my mother.”

We talked about nothing and everything; I explained more about my ability and how it functioned while she told me about her work and how she started writing. She told me about her favourite books and the shows she used to watch with Thea. About the little movie nights she would have with the kids when their mother left Ivy in charge.

I finally explained how it was a vision that stopped me from seeing her that day in the coffee shop. But even with getting that off my chest, I couldn’t muster the words to tell her what the vision had been about.

There was never a lull in the conversation. Only brief periods where we chose to savour each other’s company, enjoying the comfortable silence between little stories we told.

But our time was coming to an end. I wanted to be greedy, to bask in her attention a little longer, but I accepted what she gave me. Maybe soon, it wouldn’t be like this.