Chapter 6

Benjamin

"He who postpones the hour of living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses." ― Horace

Late July, 1861

The heat of the afternoon sun beat down upon him as he stood in the harbour to oversee a consignment of wheat from the Stanton estate being loaded onto the lake steamer, which was headed north to Buffalo. It was tedious work, but his father had entrusted him to do it, now that he had proved himself capable of such responsibility.

Benjamin lifted his hat long enough to mop with a handkerchief the sweat gathered along the back of his neck. He dropped the hat back on his head, letting out a long breath. The job was nearly done, and then he could stop at the harbour tavern for a drink and a bite to eat before riding home. Not for the first time, he wondered where he would be a month from now. The mobilisation of the Union's military forces was proceeding apace, and soon, it would be his turn to go.

He had not spoken of his plans yet to his parents. This was something else he would have to do and soon. His thoughts were uneasy. He knew the conversation ahead was going to be a difficult one, and he felt a spurt of guilt knowing he would be disappointing and hurting the people he loved. Yet was he to stay behind while others risked life and limb for their country? He could not do that.

An hour later, he was galloping along the rutted road on his way home. His thoughts drifted to Sarah, as they often did when he was alone, wondering what she was doing. Would she be working on the miniature railway he had started for her? Or was she daydreaming of her latest brush with Mr Templeton at church? He snorted, mildly irritated. He found her continuing obsession with the man displeasing. It was not as if he wanted Sarah for himself. After all, there could be nothing but a long-distance friendship between himself and her. And anyway, she was not at all the kind of girl he was usually attracted to. Nonetheless, he could not help feeling that Mr Templeton was not good enough for her.

It had been over two months since he had last received word from her. He wondered what she would have to say in response to his last missive, in which he had imparted knowledge about the sensual workings of the female body and suggested that she try touching herself intimately at night. Had she done so? Would she tell him about it? He longed for her to tell him in great detail.

He reached the bend in the road that preceded the entrance to the large Stanton estate, riding up the dirt lane and through the gravelled path to the stable. With easy grace, he jumped down from his mount and led the horse inside to its stall. Jimmy, the stable boy, came to help, bringing straw and water over to the parched animal. "Hey Ben, how'd it go? It's spitting hot out there," he said with an easy smile.

"Hotter than hellfire," agreed Benjamin. They worked together amicably, rubbing the horse down and cleaning out its hooves.

"Soon as I'm done here," said Jimmy, "I'm headed down to the lake for a swim. Want to come?"

Benjamin needed no convincing. He was covered in sweat and grime, and a dip in the cooling water of the lake was just what he needed. "I'm coming," he affirmed. He gave his horse one last friendly pat and let himself out of the stable. In quick strides, he walked over to the large, white-trimmed house with a shingled roof and long, inviting porch. It had been built by his father and uncle from the trees they had cut down to claim this land. Not for the first time, he felt a sense of pride for what his father—a viscount from a rich, privileged family—had achieved. He had turned his back on it all to start afresh in the New World and be with the woman he loved. Speaking of that woman… there on the porch sat his mother, her face buried in a book, as was her wont. She had not heard his approach, so immersed was she in whatever it was she was reading.

On soft feet, Benjamin took the steps up to the porch and let out a low whistle. Charlotte Stanton looked up at once, her face transforming into a happy smile at seeing her son. "Benjamin, you're back," she murmured. "I've been waiting for you." She reached in front of her for an earthenware jug and poured some cold lemonade into a clean cup. "You'll be wanting this, I'm sure," she said, handing it to him.

Benjamin took it gratefully and gulped the liquid down in one go. She smiled, "More?"

"Please," he said, throwing himself down on the seat beside her. He took the refilled cup, drinking this one down a little more slowly before putting it down on the table. "Thank you, Ma, I needed that. It's hotter than Hades out there. I'm going to head out to the lake in just a minute and cool myself down. Clean myself too. I must stink."

His mother wrinkled her nose. "You do a little, but I am used to it. You go have your swim. Ruby has a towel and a change of clothes ready for you inside."

"Thank you," he said, getting to his feet. As he went to do so, he was stopped by his mother's next words.

"Letters came today from England. Yours are on the salver in the hallway."

A thrill rushed through him, but he hid it well, replying in a measured voice, "Oh good. What news from Daniel and Bella?"

"They are well. Worrying about us, though thankfully Daniel has given up on the idea of coming here."

"Hallelujah," Benjamin murmured dryly.

His mother laughed, with a hint of sadness. "Much as I would love to see them again, I think it best they stay out of this mess we are in right now. It is bad enough I have to worry about you," she said, looking pointedly at him. Had she guessed his plans?

"You don't need to worry, Ma." He pounded on his chest with the palm of his hand. "Hale and hearty. That's me."

"Just make sure you keep it that way," she said sharply. Then in a softer voice, she added, "There is a letter too from your lady friend."

Benjamin nodded but did not respond. His family had shown teasing curiosity at the regular stream of letters exchanged between himself and Sarah Cranshaw. It was not something that could remain hidden, though he refused to elucidate on the nature of his relationship with her. It was nobody's business but his own. He was not sure why, but he just knew that what he and Sarah shared was private, and not just because of the candour of their communication.

He went inside and picked up the letters—one from each of his siblings and one from Sarah. He weighed Sarah's letter in his hand, pleased at the thickness of it. He wanted nothing more than to rip it open and read it on the spot, but he would not. It was best to wait until he was alone in his room tonight. Setting the letters back down, he went quickly to fetch the packet of clothes and the towel that Ruby—their housekeeper who also happened to be Jimmy's mother—had set aside for him, then headed outside once again, walking purposefully towards the small lake at the edge of their estate.

Once there, he stripped off his clothes, collected the small bar of lavender soap Ruby had packed for him and waded into the cool embrace of the water. Ah, that felt better. He soaped his body and hair thoroughly, cleansing away the stink of the day, then threw the bar of soap over on to the clothes he had discarded. Closing his eyes, he plunged underwater, rinsing off the suds. It felt peaceful under there, the water enclosing him in a protective bubble, as if he were a babe back in the womb of his mother. Soon, he would be embarking on a dangerous new stage of his life, and part of him wished, just for this moment, to stay inside this safe haven.

The peace was shattered an instant later as someone dived into the lake, creating ripples all around him. He came up to the surface with a splutter, just as Jimmy emerged beside him, shaking the wet hair out of his face with a grin. "Jimmy!" Benjamin cried in annoyance. "Did you have to do that?"

"You were under there so long I was starting to worry," replied Jimmy unabashed. "What were you doing?"

"Nothing. Just contemplating."

Jimmy looked at him as if he had grown two heads. "Contemplating? I'm not sure I even know what that means."

"It means, idiot, that I was having a peaceful moment underwater until you came and ruined it."

"Accept my apologies then," replied Jimmy, looking anything but sorry. "You got soap?" he asked, changing the subject.

Benjamin nodded with his head towards the pile of clothing by the lake. "Over there."

Jimmy swam back to the water's edge and fetched the bar of soap, then came back in, rubbing it all over his sturdy, tanned body. Once he was done, he threw it back where he had found it and plunged underwater to rinse the soap away. He rose to the surface again, rubbing his eyes and brushing the wet hair off his forehead.

Benjamin observed him silently for a while before asking, "Are you going to enlist?" The question had been on his mind for some time though to Jimmy, it might have seemed to come out of the blue.

His friend squinted under the bright rays of the sun. "Your pa says I don't need to—that I'm too important to the war effort here, and he can get me an exemption."

"He's right, I suppose. We've got a whole army to feed."

Jimmy said nothing more for some time, lying on his back and floating in the still water of the lake. Eventually, he roused himself to answer the question. "I've thought about it plenty, and I've decided. First chance I get, I'm signing up."

"There's talk of a cavalry regiment being mustered up at Camp Chase, just outside Columbus," Benjamin remarked, almost conversationally.

At this, Jimmy came upright in the water and stared at his friend. "I was thinking more in terms of being a regular soldier in the infantry," he muttered.

"If I pay for your horse and whatever equipment you need, will you join the cavalry regiment with me?"

Jimmy did not answer at once, thinking it over. Then, a slow smile spread over his face. "Yeah, I can do that."

Later that evening, sitting at the dinner table with his parents, Benjamin finally broached the subject that had been on his mind for weeks. It was during talk of the latest developments in the war that, sounding more calm than he felt, he threw in the following remark, "Jimmy and I have decided we're volunteering for the first Ohio cavalry regiment. We'll be going to Camp Chase early next month to enlist together."

All conversation ceased as Frank, Earl of Stanton, stared at his son in fury. "You will do no such thing," he gritted. "I forbid it."

Benjamin swallowed, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He tried again. "Pa, I am of age and my own man. You cannot forbid me to do it."

Frank thumped on the table with his hand. "Then think of your mother! Will you make her endure worry and heartache over you, all for a cause that is nothing to do with us? Madness!"

"I'm sorry, Mama," Benjamin said, glancing over at his mother. "I do not wish to cause you worry, but please understand, I cannot be the coward that stays behind while others fight on my behalf."

Charlotte Stanton reached across the table to place a reassuring hand on his arm. "I know," she said, her voice tight with emotion.

"Charlotte! Surely you do not support this preposterous idea!" spluttered Frank, scowling at his wife.

She rose from her seat and came to place her arms around him. "Darling, Benjamin's mind is already made up. There is nothing much we can do but accept his decision."

"We can speak to him and convince him to change his mind!" retorted Frank, leaning into his wife's embrace.

"I won't!" cried Benjamin. "And Pa, you are wrong about this cause being nothing to do with us. When you left England and claimed this land, this became your home. I was born here and I am an American, regardless of my English descent. Moreover, Pa, there is a moral imperative to this cause, and you know it. We must stop the Confederacy and the spread of their barbaric practice of slavery."

"All I know, son, is that I have already lost someone dear to me this year. I will not lose another." With that, Frank disentangled Charlotte's arms from around him and stood up. He turned and left the dining room without another word.

Charlotte watched him go, pain and worry etched on her face, then came over to her son. Putting a hand on his shoulder, she said, "I will speak with him. Give him a little time to come round. This is going to be hard on all of us, Benjamin."

He looked at his mother in misery. "I am sorry, Ma."

She shook her head. "It is not your fault. This situation is outside our control. But understand, Benjamin. Your papa loves you, and he is hurting."

He put his hand over hers and nodded. She dropped a kiss to the top of his head, then left to go find her husband. Benjamin remained seated alone at the dining table, all thought of food gone. Setting his napkin down, he stood. Right this moment, he needed comfort, and he knew what would provide it. With quick footsteps, he made his way up the stairs. In his room, he settled himself on an armchair by the open window, picked up Sarah's letter and slit it open, pulling out several sheets of paper. Then, he started to read.