Chapter 13

It was four days before the doctor advised that William's medication should be reduced and he be allowed to regain consciousness. He had been fed fluids with some difficulty but enough for his body to remain functioning. The wound was kept clean, and there had been fever, but so far, there was no sign of lockjaw.

Grace, Julia and Florry had all taken it in turns to do most of the nursing, each not taking part in any of the house party's activities. The others had all offered to help, but the three women had insisted that they could manage between themselves.

Now, they were all gathered around William's bed, Julia having sent for them as William had been coming around more and more as the day went on. They sat quietly, all watching William, leaning forward every time there was the slightest movement from him.

Eventually, he blinked his eyes open, looking disorientated and confused. "Am I dying?" he croaked out.

"I hope not," Julia said, putting a wet cloth to his mouth and squeezing a little water to soothe his throat.

"Then why are you looking at me as if I am?"

"Because, as always, you have caused a lot of fuss over nothing," Grace said, struggling to hold back tears.

"You stayed," William said quietly. "I knew it was you every time you were close. I knew you were all here. Thank you." He closed his eyes as if going back to sleep but, after a few moments, opened them again. "Why are you all crying? Did you wish me to die?"

"Oh, Uncle William!" Florry sniffed, laughing as she wiped her tears. "We have been so worried about you."

Again, William closed his eyes. "I cannot remember."

Grace looked at Florry and Julia in alarm before turning her attention back to William. "Do you not remember anything?"

William shook his head, frowning, but then his eyes opened. "You said we were still betrothed."

Grace burst out laughing. "Trust you to remember that! You are a wily old man."

"Speak for yourself." William smiled at her; it was pitifully wan. "I do remember," he said, sobering them all. "I am incomplete."

Julia took hold of his hand and kissed it. "You are no different to what you were before your accident, my beloved uncle and the man I love deeply. Never consider yourself less than anyone else, or I will give you a scolding you will not forget easily."

"I pity your children," William muttered.

"So do I," Julia acknowledged. "You know as well as I do that they will never get away with anything ridiculous because I have already done most of it. Now Florry and I will leave you. We have had no fresh air for days, and we do not wish to overtire you, so Grace will look after you for a while. I am so glad you are still with us, for you cannot imagine the nightmares I have had since you were hurt."

William squeezed her hand. "I am sorry to have worried you, child. You have had enough upset in your life without me adding to it."

"Just be well, and life will return to how it should be. I cannot do without you." With one last kiss, Julia moved away from the bedside.

Florry reached in and planted a noisy kiss on William's cheek, making him smile. "Everything she said, Uncle William. I have only just found you; please do not abandon me quite yet."

William touched Florry's hand, and then she followed Julia out of the room. He looked at Grace. "And are you going to kiss me too?"

"I most certainly am not," Grace said. "I am going to keep dampening this cloth until I think your stomach can cope with a drink."

"That is such a disappointment."

"Do not push your luck, or I will return to the termagant that I have been these last decades."

"A beautiful one, though," William whispered, once again closing his eyes, but then he forced them to open, though he already looked exhausted.

"Why do you not sleep?" Grace asked.

"I am afraid you will have gone while I sleep."

Grace took hold of his hand. "I will be here, holding onto you. Sleep easy, William."

"I will, for you will keep me secure and grounded." He closed his eyes, and within moments, his breathing had settled into the rhythm of a deep sleep.

Grace did not pull her hand away from his hold. Although his hand had relaxed in hers, she was not letting go of him. It felt as if she was twenty again, him being her whole world and there being no one else of importance to either of them.

When had she stopped believing that they could achieve anything as long as they were together? She was no pushover, yet she had listened to his parents as well as her own when they convinced her that he was being a fool, taking a risk on their livelihoods. Where had the confidence she projected to the world been at that time? Her girls would surely be horrified to know how weak and easily influenced she had been.

She wondered if that was why she had approached each of the Bluestockings. She had recognised the same expression of being on the outside, alone in the world, yet usually surrounded by people. She knew without doubt that since she had separated from William, she had never truly felt that she belonged fully to anyone or anywhere.

Being a fool was something she had accused William of when she was as much to blame as him, but in some ways, her actions had been worse. He had asked for her support, her belief, and she had given him none. She would love to be able to turn the clock back, but she was all too aware that wishes like that were futile.

She was here now. It did not matter what had happened in the past; she would give William all the support he needed, and if he still wanted her, she would go to him willingly.

Grace paused. Mr Betez. Oh lord! What was she going to do about him?

She had not seen him since William had been hurt, and although his proposal had sometimes niggled at the back of her mind, she had easily pushed it further back. Now that William was making progress, she would have to join the others at some point, and that meant facing the man who had offered her such a kind proposal.

Perhaps he had come to the conclusion that she was not about to accept him because of her whole focus on William? She cursed to herself; that was a coward's way of looking at the situation, and she owed him the decency of speaking to him face to face. She would need to do it sooner rather than later, for William needed all the support she could give, and Mr Betez needed to know that she could never marry him.

***

It was another two days before Grace was able to see Julian. She had left the sickroom to retrieve a book from the library. William was awake more, but there were visits by the others, so no personal conversations had taken place between them.

Entering the library, she smiled to see Julian already in attendance. "Good afternoon, Mr Betez. Thank you for responding to my note."

"Not at all. I was glad to receive it," Julian replied. "How is the patient?"

"Realising that he has a long road of recuperation ahead of him," Grace said. "He is discussing with Florry what aids they can develop to help him get about in the home and outside. It was getting a little ridiculous, which gave me the chance to speak to you and retrieve some reading material."

Julian had winced at her words. "I cannot imagine how he is feeling about such a disability."

"It is not easy, and he is having many moments of melancholy and maudlin thoughts, but he also has those around him who refuse to let him dwell too much on what he has lost. We are always keen to remind him what the positives are."

"He is lucky to have such support. If there is anything I can do to help, if he needs funds or access to any number of doctors, I will happily pay."

"That is very kind of you." Grace was puzzled at the offer and the look of distress on Julian's face. He seemed to have aged since she had last seen him, looking haggard and tired. It seemed to stand out more as he was usually so ebullient and confident.

"It is the least I can do."

"I will relay your offer." Grace was not sure how well that would be received by William, but she would be honest with him, for she did not know how his finances stood, and to be offered help by a wealthy benefactor was not to be easily disregarded. "I wanted to speak to you on a more personal matter."

Julian rubbed his hand over his face. "I have been expecting and dreading this conversation at the same time."

"I am sorry to cause you any distress, but I feel that we both are fully aware of what a marriage between us would entail. It was such a kind offer, and I thank you for it, but I do not think that either of us would be happy if we were to marry."

Julian slumped in a chair, not waiting for Grace to sit down. "I am surprised you are even speaking to me, let alone considering my proposal. All my actions were done with the best of intentions. I never meant any of it to happen the way it did. You must believe me, Miss Holmes. I would never inflict hurt on anyone if I could possibly avoid it."

Grace was confused. She had no idea what he meant; it did not seem to relate to his marriage proposal at all. "Mr Betez, forgive me, but I do not know what you are referring to. Why would a proposal to me inflict pain? I have just refused it, and although I admit to suffering from a pang of discomfort in declining your kind offer, we are both of an age when such a decision would not hurt us deeply as neither of us is in love with the other."

Julian looked up at her, his expression of deep sadness. "I have always prided myself on knowing what was the best for everyone around me. I promise you that I never made those kinds of decisions lightly; I always weighed everything up before acting, but I was gravely wrong in this instance. I need you to believe how sorry I am at how things have turned out."

"I think you need to see the doctor." Grace was anxious about his mental state. "Your words are very confusing. Are you feeling unwell?"

"Oh, blast it! I cannot bear to say it!"

"I should send for Arabella because I am concerned about your behaviour; it is most unlike you."

"You will not be bothered about me soon, I assure you. I have to tell you the truth – I was the one who prodded Mr Marsh until he stormed off. I taunted him, knowing full well that he had feelings for you. I thought I was being clever by pretending to propose to you and forcing Mr Marsh to act on his feelings. Everyone was trying to play matchmaker, and I thought I would beat them at their game. There I have said it; it is out in the open, and I wish I could say I felt better about it, but I do not think I ever will, for that poor man has lost a leg because of my foolhardiness."

Grace stumbled to the nearest chair and sank into it, her mind racing as the words sank in.

"Miss Holmes, I am truly sorry. Believe me when I say this, I will do anything to try to make it up to Mr Marsh. Anything he needs, I will supply it; that is my solemn promise, and I am a man of my word."

Julian's apology was enough to snap Grace out of her befuddlement. "You are sorry? It was all pretend? Everyone was in cahoots with each other? How could you all have played God in such a way with something that should not have concerned any of you?"

"I will regret my actions until my dying day, I assure you. I never once thought that any harm would come of my interference."

"You nearly killed him! He has lost a leg!" Grace almost screamed the words before collapsing into herself and sobbing uncontrollably.