Chapter 6

Julian

The first thing that met me when I entered the Adams' house was the smell of something being burned. It must have been a few hours since anything in the house had been on fire. Probably, the dinner had been burned, but that wouldn't have fit the timing.

Looking for more clues, I noticed that Mia must have smelled it, too. She tried to hold her nose, but Dad pulled on her arm.

He seemed to ignore it because his expression was relaxed and with a smile he walked to the kitchen. To be more precise, to Ms. Adams, who had been slicing ham until just now.

My mouth watered.

"Good to see you, Graham," she greeted him with a bright smile.

Dad hugged her a little awkwardly before turning to us.

"And, of course, good to see you..."

Her searching gaze, which wandered to the door and finally back to Dad, revealed that she had expected more.

"Where is your mother?" she finally asked, addressing our father.

"She died thirteen months ago," Dad returned dryly as if he had fully gotten over it. Which he hadn't.

Ms. Adams looked at him, startled. There was pity in her expression, and she hesitated.

I looked at Mia. She was suffering the most from our grandmother's absence, and I would have loved to give her a hug right now, but she probably would have pushed me away.

"I didn't know..." Ms. Adams was still staring at our father.

"My sincere condolences." She brushed one of her blonde strands behind her ear. "I wish I had known her better."

Fortunately, she didn't elaborate. But there was concern in her words. Concern for my father.

"Why don't you take a seat?" She pointed to a cozy dining area that adjoined the kitchen. I obeyed and Mia took a seat across from me.

"Bay, will you please come down? Our guests are here!"

"Yes, Mum, in a minute..." an annoyed girl's voice groaned from upstairs.

I knew immediately that Bay had to be Ms. Adam's charming daughter.

Just this morning I had heard her clumsy footsteps before I had felt her gaze on my bare skin.

The memory sent a strange shiver across my body, and I tried to focus on the silverware in front of me.

"How old is your little girl?" Dad asked with interest.

"Bayla is 17, but her birthday is on Friday."

I wondered if being that age made you part of the Circle...

"Then you're here for the ceremony?" my father asked.

"What ceremony?" Mia looked curiously at Ms. Adams.

It could only be some Quatura thing. They were known for their rituals and festivities.

But Ms. Adams raised her head in alarm and looked toward the stairs before looking back at Dad and shaking her head.

"She doesn't know, and that's the way it's going to stay."

I raised my eyebrows.

Interesting...

"She doesn't know?"

With an astonished expression, Dad looked at Ms. Adams, but she quickly avoided his gaze and hastily began cutting the tomatoes.

"We've lived just fine without all this stuff until now," she whispered in a rush.

Now, it made sense. The reason she and my father got along so well.

They both had nothing to do with the dark side of the town. Only then, why had Ms. Adams come back here? It was like she was walking into the knife with her arms open....

"What's going to stay that way?"

I turned around and there she stood. Her hair was neater than last time, and she was wearing a midnight blue knee-length dress, which accentuated her waist pretty darn well. Quite different from yesterday, where she had been dressed anything but feminine.

I myself felt minimally underdressed with my dark blue t-shirt and dark jeans.

Bay must have noticed that I was eyeing her. She blinked at me darkly.

Dad, who had wanted to comment a few seconds ago, sat down next to me at the table.

Ms. Adams placed a casserole dish with aromatic ingredients in the center of the table before joining my father at the end of the table.

The smell of the food caught all of my attention.

"We were just talking about the move...," Ms. Adams explained to her daughter. "...And about staying here for a while first."

Speechless, I watched Ms. Adams' expression. She remained as cheerful as ever. As if nothing was wrong.

Only what reason did she have for lying? I wondered whether a Quatura would notice at some point that they carried an element. Or maybe Bayla's powers were too weak, which would explain why I couldn't smell them. Still couldn't.

Bay looked unimpressed at her mother, ignoring her comment about moving. A blind man could see she didn't want to be here.

Where did she come from again? California?

She had arrived at the table by now and her eyes wandered from the chair between me and Mia to the one between Mia and her mother. She went for the last option, offset across from me.

"I'm Graham," my dad began. "You already know Julian." He smiled at me as if to tell me to get a grip and then moved on. "And this is my youngest, Mia."

Mia smiled kindly at Bay, who returned it.

My little sister was such a little suck-up. I gave her a gentle kick under the table, to which she gave me a wicked glare.

"Go ahead and have some food," Ms. Adams urged us, to which I was perhaps a little too quick to reach for the casserole spoon. It smelled delicious. Instinctively, I scooped up a large portion for myself.

"Julian, aren't you overdoing it a little?" Mia hissed provocatively.

"No, it's all good, Julian. I have a second one in the oven. Feel free to take as much as you want."

Ms. Adams was obviously very hospitable. Dad had been right about that. I'm sure she knew we were very hungry, so she had made extra.

It wasn't usual for women like her to get along with our kind. On the contrary: They usually hated us; thought we were scum.

I looked up and noticed that Bay had been watching me. Only now did I catch a glimpse of that unusual feature in her eyes that I had noticed yesterday. The right one was a clear, deep sapphire blue, while the other was more like a turquoise green. Both eyes were about the same brightness, so it was hardly noticeable.

Bay eyed me suspiciously. Then she, too, reached for the ladle and prepared a human portion .

The first to break the silence was Ms. Adams.

"Julian, you're probably just done with school, too, right?"

"Yes," I replied with my mouth full, earning an eye roll from Mia. I swallowed quickly and cleared my throat.

"Do you have any plans for the future?"

I hadn't expected that question. Of course, I had plans. But they were nobody's business. I didn't like people talking about me and my future. But I also didn't want to be rude, not in front of our dinner hosts.

"I start winter term at Vanderwood next week."

Bay had choked on her food and was convulsively trying to suppress a cough, which she was unable to do.

Ms. Adams ignored her daughter's reaction.

"What major are you taking?"

"Music major," I answered as succinctly as I could because I already had the next portion in my mouth.

Thankfully, Ms. Adams didn't seem to mind because she enthusiastically said, "Interesting choice. Bay will also be attending Vanderwood, by the way."

Surprised, I grinned in her direction. From now on, we would probably run into each other more often.

"Then it makes sense that you always take her with you on Mondays and Fridays," my father suggested enthusiastically. However, he didn't share this enthusiasm with me or with Bay, who choked again and reached for the glass of water next to her plate.

"Dad... I don't think that's a..." This time it was my sister who jabbed her foot into my knee. I looked at her warningly, but she only saw that as an invitation to kick hard again.

"Then I'm sure you can always drop me off at school," she chirped in a tone I knew all too well. Little brat.

Bay, who had been silent until now, spoke up. "No need, I can walk too."

"That's 10 kilometers from here," Dad said with amusement, and Bayla's expression filled with exasperation.

"Then you'll drive me, Mum."

Ms. Adams was pouring Dad some wine.

"I can try, but I have a job. And my employer expects me to show up at the lab at seven."

Bay set the glass down on the table a little too quickly and the water spilled over. A strand that until now had been tucked behind her ear slipped down her freckle-streaked face.

"You got a new job? Why wouldn't I know that?"

Disappointment resonated in her words.

The witch thing apparently wasn't the only thing she didn't know about.

"So, what is your occupation, Ms. Adams?" Mia asked with interest.

"Feel free to call me Diana," Ms. Adams now also offered to my little sister.

Mia's cheeks turned red in a flash.

I had to grin.

"I'm a molecular biologist."

An enthusiastic "Really?" escaped my little sister.

She had been interested in science for a long time. Back then, she had really wanted to be a veterinarian, but she had since found an interest in computers and wanted to study IT science after high school. I, on the other hand, spent hours at my grand piano and, when the weather was good, on my car.

The two of us were so different.

"So where are you working now?" asked Dad.

"At DLSC."

"DLSC?"

Bay looked at her mother questioningly.

But before Ms. Adams could answer, my father had interjected.

"Why are you working for the DeLoughreys?"

He looked as horrified as I had been when I found out that Bay knew nothing about her abilities.

I, too, was surprised that Ms. Adams pretty much skirted all the rules of the Circle, as I had almost skirted my transfer in tenth grade.

"Why not, Graham?"

She glanced at him warningly, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it around her daughter.

The DeLoughreys didn't have a particularly good relationship with the Quatura...much less with the pack. The money they had earned over many decades within their family dynasty, through whatever crooked dealings, allowed them to buy up buildings of all kinds. In recent years, they had tried to connect the police station with their shady secret service and the Copelands hospital with the DLSC. But that's all I knew about this family. And everything I knew, I knew through my father, who had to deal with the aggressive fronts of this town on a daily basis.

I personally had nothing to do with them, and I was glad of it. These dark creatures could keep away from me, just like the pathetic Copeland pack.

My father didn't elaborate, but I could literally see the question marks popping up above his head.

"But it would be really nice of you, Julian, if you could give Bay a ride now and then," Ms. Adam deflected once again. Unfortunately for me.

I couldn't very well say no, because Ms. Adams was still being kind to me.

"Yes, I'd be happy to drive your daughter." I winked at Bay, who reluctantly pushed back her chair and jumped up.

She seemed to be seething inside.

"Over my dead body," it escaped her, and she shoved the chair back against the edge of the table with a clatter that made Diana wince.

"Bay!" her mother admonished.

Mia had to smirk.

Then Bay stomped up the stairs, visibly annoyed.

"She's been unusually short-tempered since we got here. I'm sorry..." was Ms. Adams' apology for her daughter's behavior.

"I can still hear you, Mum!" Bay yelled, annoyed, down the stairs.

Oh yes , and how short-tempered she was. The thought of her stunned expression brought back my grin.

"I understand her," my little sister joked with a big smile. "Julian often drives me up the wall, too."

My sister, as I knew her. A little devil personified, pretending to be an angel.

I ignored her and finished my plate, but this time, I suppressed the urge to take another spoonful.

"The food was very good, Ms. A...." She looked at me appraisingly, and I corrected myself. "Diana."

She smiled as if she hadn't almost hit me with the ladle. "I'm glad, Julian."

At least I'd made a good impression on one woman.

After we had finished the second casserole, Diana said goodbye to us.

The evening had been basically okay, even though I felt there had been some unspoken words between my father and Diana.

Whatever it was, they would probably leave it at that.

Because if all that she had told us today was true, she was no better than we were. Dad had moved us here, into the territory of our actual enemies who hated us, and was having dinner with one of them. And we acted like that was normal, like we were normal.

And for a moment, I was envious of Bayla and the life she had been allowed to lead.

"Julian!" a bloodcurdling scream echoed through the night.

I found myself on an abandoned road in the middle of a gloomy forest. Dark mountains of clouds towered on the horizon, and thunder could be heard in the distance. Powerful, almost threatening.

I had lost my orientation. The road looked familiar, but as hard as I tried to remember, I couldn't.

"Julian!" it rang out again. It was the cry of a woman. But I couldn't hear where it was coming from.

All of a sudden, it started to rain. The cold drops hit me like pinpricks, and I winced.

"Julian! Help me!"

With each cry, the voice sounded more desperate. And abruptly, I recognized its sound.

"Mum!", I yelled into the gathering darkness. "Mum! Where are you?!"

I had to look for her. Something had happened, but I didn't know what it was, and this uncertainty was driving me crazy.

The rain was getting heavier by the second, and I could barely see my surroundings. It whipped into my neck and forced me down off the street. I tried to find shelter under a large needle tree. In vain. The rain poured down through the thicket and poured over me.

"Julian!"

Finally, I gave it up and sprinted.

I had to find her!

My feet slithered across the slippery road. The adrenaline in my blood was driving me crazy, but I couldn't give in to my nature now, so I pulled the serum from my pocket, took a sip, and felt the pain creeping through my veins. First in my eyes, then in my nose, and finally, the tugging moved through the rest of my body.

My mum needed me , not this dangerous beast.

"Julian! I'm here!"

My head whipped around. And finally... there she was.

A brown-haired woman lying in the middle of the road, writhing in pain.

"Mum! Get off the road!", I yelled loudly, but she remained lying there.

Why the hell wasn't she moving!!! There could be a car coming at any moment...

The last few meters that separated me from her, I ran as fast as I could. When I reached her, I knelt down on the wet asphalt.

The water soaked my pants, and it suddenly became colder around me. Almost painful goosebumps spread over my entire body. But I didn't have time to pay attention to my surroundings or anything else right now.

"Mum, you have to get up! Now!"

I pulled on her arm, but she just smiled at me.

"Julian, you're here," she whispered. Her face was ashen, and her skin icy.

"Of course, I'm here. Where else would I be?" I gasped, still out of breath.

Again, I tried to pull my mum up, but her petite body was too heavy and no matter how hard I tugged, she stayed down.

"Mum, please get up!"

Her eyes were still on me, but there was no more movement in them.

"You have to stay with me, Mum!"

Hastily, I patted her face. It was colder than the rain.

No ... It couldn't be.

"No!", I yelled and put my head on her chest. Nothing. Not a heartbeat.

"No! Mum! Come back!" I screamed at her as if my screams could bring her back.

"Mum!"

"Julian!"

I snapped my eyes open and sat up straight, forgetting about the shelf above my head as usual. My head crashed into the bottom wooden shelf, which shattered, and books thudded into my skull. A painful groan escaped my dry throat. Completely exhausted, I rubbed my eyes.

When I finally looked up, Mia was standing in front of me, a bucket of water in her hand. Fortunately for her, it was still full.

With a jolt, I looked around, but I couldn't spot Mum anywhere.

"Where's..." I stopped in mid-sentence.

Of course. A dream. A fucking dream!

Automatically, I threw back the covers and jumped up.

"You were dreaming about her again, weren't you?" Mia asked softly.

The sadness in her eyes as she slowly lowered the bucket of water chased another wave of despair through my quivering body.

I quickly rushed to her side and grabbed her hand.

"Not a word to Dad, understand?"

She pulled her hand out of mine. Only now did I realize that I was completely sweaty. Without another word, I disappeared into the bathroom.

I slammed the door, not exactly gently, behind me and hurried to the sink.

As I tried to turn on the water tap, it flew across the bathroom and the cold water gushed out at me.

"Shit!" it escaped me and, in a rage, I smashed my fist against the mirror.

Shards flew in all directions, and there was something redeeming about the pain that coursed through my body. Something I had been searching for, for a long time, but I only found it in my pain. The pain I would be cursed with for the rest of my life.

"Julian. Are you okay in there?", Mia's concerned voice drifted distantly to my ear.

I had scared her.

The water was flooding the floor by now, and I inverted a battered bucket over the damaged faucet in such a way that the water coming out was thrown back into the sink.

Finally, I sank to the floor.

My eyes fell on my left arm, with blood running down it. It had been the glass shards that had dug deep into my skin. At that point, my arteries had grown larger and their blackness combined with all the blood formed an eerie image of the chaos I was capable of.

"Julian? Do you want me to call Dad? He still has the serum..."

"No, I'm fine, Mia!" I pressed out angrily, but immediately slammed my head against the wall behind me.

This anger inside me shouldn't get to Mia, damn it! The last thing she needed right now was this .

"Do you need anything?" she asked cautiously.

She was closer to the door now. Too close.

"No, Mia. I'm fine. Now please go!"

I hated myself for being so dismissive. But it was necessary. I didn't want her to see her brother like this. Weak. Vulnerable. Aggressive.

I rose, slowly and heavily, propped myself against the sink, careful because I didn't want it to break under my weight again, and tried to control my breathing. Holding my hand under the bucket, above the cooling stream of water, I breathed deeply in and out.

How had this happened? I thought I was in control, but I had been wrong. Every single damn day, I lost it a little bit more. With every dream, it got worse. Because it was the dreams that controlled me. They revealed to me who I really was. My deepest wounds and my dusty heart.

I was not a lovable person as I would have liked to be. I was a monster. The monster that had killed my mother.