Chapter 11

Mady

Dissatisfied, I smoothed out the folds of the summer dress. Black and emerald green, an elegant floral pattern that matched the hairband and a playful hemline that reached just above my knees.

Through the mirror, I looked into my mother's eyes, her beautiful smile...until the second I could hear her laughing in my memories. That was the moment when I pushed my memories aside and reached for the pill that was already ready on the dresser next to the mirror.

They were just pills that made me function, that allowed me to leave this house emotionally stable and somehow make it through the day.

I swallowed them, took a sip of my coffee with them, and looked critically in the mirror once again.

The pictures I had taped to the frame showed me and my older brother, Ezra. The two of us at Lola's Diner, taking selfies. Pictures of us in the snow, him pulling my beanie in my face and sticking his tongue out.

I wish there weren't two years between those pictures and now. Because Ezra wasn't taking selfies anymore. And I didn't laugh with him anymore.

How could I when we barely ran into each other?

Unlike me, he had stopped taking the pills.

"Someday, it won't hurt so much."

Ezra meant our parents.

My eyes wandered to the next picture.

Nash's smile, his deep blond strands, his forehead, and my kiss on his skin... I closed my eyes to remember him, that moment with him, all that I hadn't forgotten yet.

The familiar ache rippled through my belly.

He was the reason I was still taking the pills. Not my parents.

"Madelin?"

Ezra's voice brought me back to the present, and I was tempted to remove the photo from the mirror. Mia would have torn it off by now, but I just couldn't.

"Mady, please, we have to go."

With reluctance, I tore myself away from the mirror and reached for the thermos. I would not make it through this day without coffee.

Then I grabbed the backpack and hurried down the stairs.

"There you are, finally," my brother snorted, also carrying his shouldered backpack.

Ezra's skin was golden brown, not like mine, which resembled that of a walking corpse. He worked a lot. Usually, just at Lola's Diner or the Vanderwood campus bar. This summer, the flower shop job had been added to the mix. Another reason I should feel bad, but Ezra smiled encouragingly in my direction.

"Let me take your suitcase." He started to rush up the stairs, but I braced a hand against his chest.

Ezra looked at me through his emerald eyes in confusion. The only thing we seemed to share. His hair was cocoa brown, like my father's.

"Where is it?"

That was typical of him. He actually resembled our father. Helpful and kind-hearted, liked to help, felt responsible for everything....

And so, it had come about that instead of pills, he had found another way to deal with his problems: Jobs , more jobs, and even more jobs. And when he wasn't working, he was studying for his medical degree as an aspiring doctor.

He was like Dad. At least, that's what he wanted to be.

"I don't have a suitcase," I murmured, pushing past him.

"You should move to campus." He said seriously from the stairs, and I turned to him. He eyed my floral dress.

"So, you can have your peace from me?"

His eyes met mine again.

"All right, stay here." He shrugged. "But then please get a job, too."

I sighed. The guilty conscience set in, and I turned away ashamed, not wanting him to realize how convinced I was of the truth that lay behind his words.

"Good morning to you, too, Ezra," I teased and left the house without turning back to my sighing brother.

For once, and only because it was the first day, I had let my brother take me to university.

"Did you have to park so far away?"

Ezra didn't reply, so shaking my head, I slammed the car door and checked to make sure I had everything with me.

As I was about to turn around, Ezra called out to me. "Hey..."

I looked at him, his gaze filled with concern, and he could barely hold it.

"Have a great first day."

I forced myself to smile. Because even though we hadn't been on the same page since the accident, he was still my brother.

"Thanks."

I turned without looking back again and made my way across the parking lot.

I almost tripped over a raven, happily hopping around in a water-filled puddle, splashing its wings.

It made me smile.

Ravens were cute animals, and whenever I saw any on the streets of Blairville, they made me grin.

At least they felt comfortable in the city.

I kept walking past heavily packed newcomers... And then I understood why Ezra had parked so far away: In front of me was Nash's car. A dark blue jeep.

Why did I associate so many painful memories with a damn car?

I swallowed, trying not to let the tears out. There was only one place I was allowed to cry, and it definitely wasn't here.

"Are you okay?"

I whirled around.

A girl with long light brown almost blonde hair, a black leather jacket and a stunning figure swung off a motorcycle and took off her helmet.

"Yeah..." Shaking my head, I turned away from the Jeep and looked at the loaded motorcycle. "Did you bring all your stuff here on that motorcycle?"

A sly grin traveled across the girl's lips, and she began unbuckling the suitcase.

"Don't ask me how I did it," she laughed, "Especially this far."

She eyed her luggage before loosening it further.

"Are you from town?" I asked curiously because I had never seen her in high school. Someone like her would have just caught my eye instantly.

Again, she laughed and raised her hands defensively. "No, for God's sake." Then she managed to untie the suitcase and looked back at me. "You?"

"I grew up here."

It sounded prouder than I was on it, and even the smile felt, after all, indescribably fake.

"My condolences."

Dumbfounded, I looked at the girl.

Where was she from?

"Blairville can be really nice," I said instead of asking rude questions. "With the right people in the right places," I added quickly.

She looked up at me and I was beginning to think she was going to laugh at me, but she just smiled and put on her black leather backpack.

"That's a good attitude."

I returned the smile, and immediately a thought came to me. What if, after all these years, I could still manage to find people and start over?

"Are you starting your studies here?"

I looked at her in surprise. "Yes, why?"

"Perfect. I'm new here, too. And my sense of direction really sucks," she sighed, and we walked across the crowded parking lot toward the campus lawn.

"I know my way around Blairville, but at Vanderwood..." I hesitated thoughtfully. "Are you looking for anything in particular?"

The girl smiled. "You could say that."

I was about to ask further when something hard hit me painfully on the arm, and I slammed into the girl next to me. But she caught me without a second thought and looked at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah..."

She looked around, her gaze fixed on something, and then she yelled. "Watch it, you asshole!"

I scrambled to my feet, startled, and looked at the football on the ground.

Was it somehow fate that everything that had to do with him seemed to haunt me for the rest of my life?

"Wow, I'm incredibly sorry."

My head traveled up to the tall, dark-skinned young man in the dark pine green Vanderwood T-shirt, which was cut off at the sleeves, showcasing his massive shoulders.

"You should be," the girl next to me nagged back.

And then he recognized me. "Mady?"

"You know each other?" The girl looked between us, confused.

"Hunter...", I remarked, overwhelmed, rubbing my arm. "You study here too?"

His gaze dropped to my arm.

"Fuck, did I hit you bad?"

"You hit her with your fucking football!" the girl snapped at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"It's okay, I'm fine," I tried to defuse the situation.

Admittedly, my arm hurt like hell. But this was Hunter . Nash's best friend. And after all these years, I didn't want him against me, either.

But if he was here, Nash couldn't be far. I resisted the urge to turn around and even more that urge to ask him how Nash was doing.

"You shouldn't be here, Mady," Hunter sighed, automatically broaching the subject.

"How is he?" I finally asked, trying to push away the uncomfortable feeling of not being wanted.

Hunter looked around as if he were really close. Then he heaved a sigh.

"Better, but he won't be happy to see you here."

I gritted my teeth. "Good, because I'm not here for him."

I walked past him, and the girl followed me.

"Wow, how rude." She shook her head. "What were you guys talking about?"

"My ex-boyfriend," I snorted.

This was off to a really good start.

"Ouch. That must suck. At the same university with your ex..."

I laughed bitterly. "I didn't choose it."

"Oh, hello, Madelin, gorgeous!"

The girl and I stopped abruptly as two other girls walked toward us. Street mutt blond hair, decidedly tall, and so thin that I instantly recalled Grace Blair's comparison of them to walking matchsticks . Jenny and Penny Bexley.

While Jenny, who was three years older than me and had been up to her mischief as an annoying reporter on the Vanderwood campus for some time, had grown into an Aphrodite over the years, her younger sister, with braces and uneven bangs, looked out of place next to her.

Penny and I had gone to the same class. But we had never exchanged a word, and I honestly felt sorry for her because being born into the Bexley family had to be hard on an introverted mouse like her.

Jenny – on the other hand – blossomed in her role as campus reporter. And she knew my name, which was because she had been hunting for my brother for quite some time.

"Hey..." I said, trying to be friendly. The last thing anyone wanted was to have a sensationalist reporter against them.

"Do you happen to know if your brother would give us an interview regarding the Copeland Hospital situation? I'm afraid we can't find him."

Which was perhaps because even he was running from her...

Penny wrinkled her nose next to her sister. Poor thing.

"Ezra went that way," I lied, pointing in the direction of one of the paths that led into the campus woods.

"You're a sweetheart, girl!" Jenny laughed, briefly putting her hand on my shoulder and finally pulling Penny behind her.

Inwardly, I hoped she didn't go too deep into the woods, even though the thought of her being eaten by one of the local wild wolves was tempting.

"Who was that?" the girl next to me asked with raised eyebrows.

I waved it off. "Oh, just the Bexley's daughters. The whole family works for the local news station. Or let me rephrase: They are the local news station."

The girl just laughed in amusement, and we started moving again. But it wasn't long before the next pair of black high heels stepped into our path.

"The Sunshine Girl." I stopped. The nickname hit me as hard as Hunter's football. "You, here."

It sounded more like an unpleasant statement than a question, and when I saw who it came from, I clenched all my remaining good humor that hadn't yet perished from the toxicity of this town and tried to smile.

"Anyone else you know?" it came again from the girl next to me.

I really needed to ask her name.

The person in front of us, a dark-haired girl in the latest designer clothes, raised her eyebrows and eyed us both disparagingly.

"My name is Amber. Remember it. It could become important."

That was Amber Smith. The devil on Vivienna Westcode's side. And when she was out on her own, she was even sneakier than when she was with her two besties. We'd been on the cheerleading squad together in high school, and she'd done her best to make sure Vivienna and I never became friends again. Successfully.

"Are you here to keep stalking your ex?"

And since I'd been with Nash, the three of them hadn't exchanged a word with me anyway.

That had been the problem with Nash. It was like he was part of a gang, and it was the same with Vivienna and the other girls. They hated the guys and the other way around.

I sighed, "No, Amber. I have a life of my own. Imagine that."

"Who'd believe it?" she laughed and turned away to drag her two silver hard cases across campus.

"Who the fuck was that this time?"

I pressed my lips together. "That was one of the rudest people you'll meet in this town."

"Great…And why did she call you Sunshine Girl?"

The last pieces of relaxation slipped out of my body and what remained was nothing but memories.

"Long story."

When I had dropped the girl off in front of the student office, I had rushed to the registrar's office to do whatever might help me start over. And I had completely forgotten to ask her for her name and phone number. Damn it…

Annoyed that Hunter and Amber had upset me so much, I entered the spacious office.

Unlike Ezra, I didn't have the urge to become like my parents and continue living the life they had not been granted to live. I had struggled to be a normal teenager. Going to parties, getting involved, and making friends. The last had always been hard for me, and the second was my way of dealing with all the crap life threw my way.

"Are you sure you want to be involved in so many things?"

The chubby, curly-haired lady with the big nose eyed the clipboard suspiciously, then me.

"I'm sure."

I sounded confident. That's exactly how it should be.

The woman just nodded, put the sheet in a pile and slid me a package containing a pine green hoodie, keychains, drinking bottles as well as other Vanderwood merchandise and smiled.

"Welcome to Vanderwood University."