32. Laurie

Icouldn't stop pacing Worth's living room as we waited for everyone to return. I knew Beck had been rescued, but I needed to see him and Worth. I had to know they were both okay. What if one of them was hurt but no one wanted to tell me?

"They really are okay," Ben assured me. It was easy for him to see how worried I was.

"I get it," Jay said, "I'm going to be anxious as hell until I see Ford."

I'd been nervous about meeting Jay, but his arrival had provided a good distraction. I was intimidated by the idea of a high-powered Manhattan attorney. It turned out Jay wasn't what I expected. He also wasn't an attorney anymore. He and Ford spent at least half their time outside the city running a dog rescue.

I told him I'd love to visit someday. I could just imagine Worth telling me that we could go as soon as I wanted, but I wasn't counting on anything, at least that's what I told myself. In reality, I knew my heart was gone; it was completely in Worth's hands.

"They're here." Jay jumped up from his seat. He'd been looking out the window, watching the street below.

"Are you sure? How can you tell from this distance?"

"Two huge black SUVs just pulled in looking like either criminals or the start of a presidential motorcade. Who else could it be?"

I couldn't help but smile at the way he and Ben took all this insanity in stride. "How do you handle this so easily?"

Jay huffed. "Trust me. We don't most of the time. We've learned to fake it."

"I don't know if I could ever accept it all. Their lives are fantastical and terrifying as fuck."

"Wait until you've lived with Worth for a while," Ben said.

Jay nodded. "Once you see our men every day, they stop being quite so godlike."

"Except in bed," Ben quipped. We all laughed at that.

A few minutes later, I heard footsteps and tensed, not sure of what seeing Beck again was going to be like, not sure what shape anyone was going to be in. Should I pretend there wasn't anything going on between me and Worth? Why hadn't we talked about that? I supposed I would follow his lead.

Worth entered first with Beck right behind him. Beck was limping a little bit. He was also pale and obviously a little shaky, but he was whole and alive.

"Laurence!" His face brightened when he saw me, and I ran to him, wrapping him in my arms. He gave me a tight hug, and I was thrilled to have tangible proof of his survival.

I shared a smile with Worth over Beck's shoulder, but that was all. Worth didn't make a move toward me. He didn't touch me. That must mean Beck didn't know yet, which was for the best. I knew this wasn't the time to stress him out more, but Worth keeping his distance hurt more than it should have.

"Are you really okay?" I asked Beck.

He nodded. "I twisted my ankle, but it's nothing serious."

"My doctor is coming to check him out," Miles said.

I stepped away so that Ben and Jay could greet Beck, and Worth could help him make his way to the couch. I wanted to go sit with Beck and Worth, but I held back, feeling too awkward.

Worth glanced at me, but he didn't say anything. I gave him a smile, but I knew it was weak. I had no rational reason to feel hurt or ignored. Beck had just been in the hands of men who easily could have killed him, and here I was moping about Worth not giving me attention. I was the worst friend ever.

Jay put his arm around Ford. "Tell us what happened."

Ford explained how he and Worth had waited in the SUV, how Worth had shot a man to save Matteo, and how close Carter had come to being killed. The thought of the horror they'd all experienced made me queasy. I was about to ask Worth if he was okay with what he'd done when there was a knock at the door; Miles went to open it. A woman he introduced as Dr. Anna entered. I watched closely as she examined Beck.

"Your vital signs look good, and your ankle will heal in a few weeks," she declared.

Beck sighed. "I said I was fine."

"I would recommend some therapy though."

"For my ankle?"

Anna shook her head. "No, I think you should see a psychologist. You're physically fine, but you're going to need to process this."

"I'll make sure he follows up on that," Worth said. Beck gave him the side-eye, and Worth scowled at his brother. "I'm going to make sure you take care of yourself."

"But I've got my internship," Beck protested.

Worth frowned. "We'll talk about that later."

Dr. Anna wrapped his ankle and gave him instructions on how frequently to ice it and how much ibuprofen to take. She told him the lacerations on his wrists from where he'd been tied up would heal fine, but I hated seeing those red lines. Thinking about how scared he must've been when they restrained him made me shiver.

As Worth continued to fuss over Beck, I took a few steps back. Beck needed Worth and his friends now. Like I'd known all along, I didn't belong here.

Worth was focused on talking to Dr. Anna and getting recommendations about therapists. Ford and Jay were cuddled up together, supportive and watching, but also a bit in their own world. Carter was sitting on Matteo's lap. It was adorable to see the two strong men like that. Ben stood behind Miles. They held hands as he listened intently to Worth's conversation with the doctor.

I moved further away. No one noticed my departure. I didn't want to go into Worth's bedroom, I might spiral to a dark place if I sat there looking at where we'd been so content wrapped around each other earlier in the day.

I felt strange going into one of the other bedrooms. They were too pristinely made up and clean. With a last glance toward the group of friends in the living room, I opened the door that led up to the roof.

When I reached the top of the steps, I took a deep breath of the night air. The scents of flowers and the remnants of the fire we'd made in the chimenea the night before filled my nostrils. I marveled at how different it was up here than down on the street. This rooftop garden was truly its own little world. I sat down on one of the sofas, laid my head back, and looked up at the stars. Living on one of those distant orbs seemed as likely for me as living here.

Yet my feelings for Worth were undeniable. This had to be more than a crazy crush, more than longing for a prince to take me away. Worth was so much more than that, and he needed someone to encourage him, to keep seeing the other side of him, the real him, not the personality he had constructed to get by in the world he'd been forced into. The real Worth had his own interests and his own path. He was so much more than the mold his mother tried to stuff him into.

Could I truly help him bring that side of himself out? Did he still want me to?

I was so torn. One moment I thought I should just leave New York as soon as possible and search for a job. I'd make it a few days at least on my meager savings. Maybe I could accept a loan from Beck, if he still wanted to give me one once he found out how things were between me and Worth.

At the same time, I didn't think I could stand leaving. I would wither away and die if I gave up on this chance to be with Worth. Ben swore Worth was in love with me, but everything had all happened so fast. How could Ben know that from nothing but the way Worth looked at me? I'd believe he was infatuated, sure, but in love?

I was in love with him, but did Worth feel the same? He'd said he never even thought that was possible. Even if he thought he loved me, was he just fooling himself?