23. Worth

Iwas sure Laurie was thinking the same things I was. If we had been paying attention, if we had been in closer communication with Beck, if we hadn't been so caught up in each other, so unwilling to wait, he might've told us. If he'd just come to Aruba instead of taking the internship he didn't actually need, he wouldn't be in the cartel's hands—or maybe we all would be.

He wouldn't have thought he needed the internship if he hadn't been trying his whole life to get approval from our parents, to be someone different than the much younger third child our mother never wanted.

He pretended he had it better than me and Nicole because there weren't any expectations on him, but I knew the fact that his existence was hardly acknowledged hurt him as much as the expectations hurt us. And now—once again—he was a pawn in something I'd gotten into, something I never should have been involved with. Had the cartel spotted him when he'd come to New York wanting to help me, trying to force me to see I needed to take a break and to find a path for myself?

Was I really a terrible person for wanting to walk that new path with Beck's best friend?

"Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong," Laurie said.

I frowned at him. "Isn't that the kind of thing I'm supposed to say to you?"

"There's no reason we can't comfort each other. You told me Carter and Matteo were the best, right?"

I nodded.

"They'll find him."

I wanted to believe that. I really wanted to believe Beck was alive and safe, hiding somewhere he couldn't contact us from, but was there really a chance of that?

"I'm so glad he noticed he was being followed. I wouldn't have expected him to. He has even less experience with this kind of thing than I do."

"He's really smart, though, and he's not a risk taker, not with that kind of risk."

I nodded. "That's true, but I'm not sure he'd believe the real level of danger he's in. I wouldn't have if it weren't for my friends."

"I'm so sorry." Laurie's voice broke on those words.

"For what? You didn't cause any of this."

"I could've told you who I was when you thought I was waiting for you. Then you would never have touched me, and Beck…." He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away.

"It's not your fault. I should have actually listened to his messages."

"I want to do something. I want to help."

"Me too. But the best way we can help right now is to keep ourselves out of trouble so we don't divert resources here."

"But aren't we already doing that? Carter is sending people for us."

"He can easily spare a few men, but if something happened here, he'd want to divert nearly everyone."

"How do you know that?"

"The four of us…we're each other's true family. I love Beck and Nicole. I would do anything for them, but the four of us…we've sworn to protect each other, no matter what."

"That's incredible. I've never had anything like that."

"Well, you do now."

"Worth, we can't?—"

"What's happening doesn't change the way I feel about you. I might've taken the risk and gone to the airport on my own, but I won't risk you. I don't know what's going on out there with my brother, but I can at least protect you. You're coming to New York with me. You're going to stay with me and be under my protection—and therefore Carter's and Miles's."

"That just diverts your attention from Beck even more."

"You think he wouldn't want you safe? In those messages—the ones I ignored before I met you—he told me to take care of you, to watch out for you, and he told Carter to make sure I protected you if something happened to him."

Laurie brushed a tear from his cheek. "He still wanted you to do that after what we did?"

"Yes."

I finished my circuit of the room. When I reached Laurie again, tears were flowing freely down his face, and he'd curled into a ball. I pulled him into my arms. "We're going to find him."

Laurie broke down completely once I was holding him. His body rocked with sobs as I stroked his hair. I lay back on the couch, pulling him down until he was on top of me, fully cradled by my body with his head tucked against the curve of my neck. His tears soaked through my shirt, but I didn't care.

All I cared about was making him feel safe, protecting him the way I should have protected Beck from the cartel, the way I should have protected Beck and Nicole and myself from everything our parents put us through, the way I had protected my heart for so very long, keeping it closed off, unwilling to take the risk of loving someone.

I was going to keep Laurie safe, and I was going to keep him with me. He was mine and I would make everything okay. Beck was going to be fine, and we would win him over. I would have them both in my life.

I knew I had far more resources to help with this situation than almost anyone else on earth, but it still felt so out of my control. I could force so many things to go my way, but I couldn't control what the cartel was doing, and I couldn't even be the one to search for my brother.

Laurie's tears slowed. He pushed himself up and looked down at me. I willed myself to speak, but no words came out. Then he kissed me, and I was lost in him.