17. Worth

When I woke up, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and letting the events of the night before run through my mind. I'd wanted Laurie desperately. We'd been so close. How had Beck known when to call? Fucking cock blocker.

I listened for any sign of Laurie moving around, but I didn't hear anything. I picked up my phone and considered calling my brother and having it out with him, not that he'd believe I wanted a relationship with Laurie. He'd tell me I was infatuated, and I needed to keep my dick in my pants.

I saw I had a text from Laurie. He'd left the villa a few hours ago to have breakfast by the pool.

I forgot all about Beck in my haste to get up and dress so I could head down and find him. Fuck. I really had it bad.

Before I could get out the door, my phone rang. It was my mother. I let it go to voicemail, but when it immediately began to ring again, I wondered if something truly was wrong. Against my better judgement, I answered.

"Worth, thank goodness you finally answered. I've been trying to get in touch with you for days."

"I told you I would be away and that you could call Nicole for anything you needed."

"What I need is to talk to you. I expect you to get on a plane today and come right back here. Your place is at the company. Nicole can?—"

"Run the place better than I can."

"Worth, why do you refuse to do the one thing your father really wanted?"

She did not want my list of answers to that question. "I'm not suited for the role, Nicole is."

"Worth, I will not have you disrespect your father's wishes."

"I'm not going to discuss this now."

"Your attitude?—"

"Goodbye, Mother. Don't call me again. I'll let you know when I'm back in New York."

I hung up as she started another tirade.

It was all I could do not to throw my phone across the room. Why the hell had I answered the call? I knew better.

I considered pouring myself a Scotch, despite how early it was, but there was one thing that would soothe my nerves much better: Laurie.

When I dropped my bag on the lounger next to Laurie, he sat up and looked at me. "Good morning."

His shy smile made me want to kiss him even more than I already did.

"Morning," he said, his voice soft and low. "I thought you'd probably want to do your own thing today after…."

"Laurie, I want to be wherever you are. I told you last night I didn't intend to let you out of my sight."

"I thought you meant at the club."

"No, I meant always."

"That's crazy. You don't need to follow me around here."

"I needed to see you."

Laurie frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I made the mistake of answering a call from my mother."

"Oh. Do you want to tell me about it?"

I shook my head. I didn't need to recount how my mom spoke to me like I was sixteen instead of thirty-two.

"Then do you want to explain more about why you've been so unhappy in general, and what you're going to do about it?"

I sighed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk more or not. I turned away from Laurie, unable to bear how he seemed to see me so clearly, all my fears and sadness. I looked out across the pool to the ocean. The view really was unbelievable. I could stare at the sea for hours. "How can I sit here looking at all this beauty, knowing I have people ready to wait on me hand and foot, knowing any luxury is at my disposal, and complain about my life?"

"Because, like you said, it's things your money can't buy that are bothering you."

"The money sure as hell makes everything easier, but my family is a fucking mess. Growing up, my sister had her moments, but my parents were shit and spent as little time with us as possible. Then Beck came along—and he's fabulous—but my parents barely acknowledged his existence. My mother has always had a vision for what my sister's role and mine needed to be, and never once did she ask us what we wanted, nor did she consider our professional strengths. My father passed away a few years ago, and my mom has been even more insistent since then that Nicole and I fulfill the roles she dreamed up for us."

"And neither of you have followed her plan?"

"No, not really. Nicole humors her more than I have, at least until recently."

"What path did she plan out for you?"

"As the oldest, I'm supposed to take over at the helm of the corporation my father built. I don't mind consulting, but working there day-to-day is abysmal. It's all such meaningless bullshit, and I don't want to be stuck in an office. I know how that sounds. The company is what sustains our fortune. You probably think I'm an ungrateful shit."

Laurie shook his head. "I don't think that at all. No one likes being trapped. Is there any reason why you have to be in charge? Could someone run it for you just as well?"

"Plenty of people could run it far better than me, Nicole included, but ultimately there's no reason any of us need to have a daily part in things."

"What do you want to do?"

"I'd love to run the charitable foundation my parents started. My mother runs it now, and I've helped her some, but she wants my sister to be involved in that."

"Only traditional gender roles for your family?"

"Yes. It's not based on religion or anything like that. My mom only worships societal expectations."

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't feel sorry for me. You see how blessed I am."

"I still want you to be happy. If your mother doesn't want you at her foundation, could you start your own?"

"I could. That would piss her off even more, but she refuses to listen to anything I want."

"So you've told her what you'd like to do?"

"Yes, but she doesn't care. In her mind, things have to be the way she's planned them to be." I'd had enough of talking about myself and my family. "What about you? What do you want to do? What would make you happy?"

Laurie raised his brows. "You're deflecting."

"Yes."

I expected him to push harder, but he didn't. "I'm not sure. I stopped really thinking about that when I was under Tommy's control. I'd like to finish my degree, but I don't see how I can do that."

"I could?—"

He held up a hand. "Don't you dare tell me you're going to pay my tuition."

"I would love to do that for you."

"Worth, you can't just?—"

I shook my head. "I actually can. What if I called it a scholarship?"

"No."

"If you could go back, what would you study?"

"I was in the graphic design program. I'd love to finish so I could find a job in the field, or if I could really follow my dream, I'd be an artist."

"Really? My mom's charity does art auctions, and art history has always been an interest of mine. You probably think I spend all day drinking and going to clubs, but do I read on occasion."

Laurie narrowed his eyes at me. "It's okay to have intellectual interests. You don't always have to be the pretty boy."

I sighed. "How are you so fucking perceptive?"

Laurie shrugged. "I've learned how to watch people closely and make guesses about what they were thinking. It kept me safe, but I guess it's one good skill I got out of the last few years."

I laid a hand over his. "You're going to have a chance to develop any skills you want now, but you guessed right. Pretty boy with fluff for brains is the image I created for myself. It's a way to be the opposite of the man my parents wanted to mold me into. If I could be a dumb playboy, the guy more likely to be in the paper for leaving a club drunk with a group of friends than for business successes, maybe they would give up trying to force me into a role I didn't want."

"But that's not who you really are. It never even occurred to me that you were dumb."

"No, but so few people bother to look beneath the surface."

"I prefer to always do that."

"I do with anyone I want to have more than a few hours of fun with."

He studied me for a moment. "Your friends know the real you."

"They do, but sometimes, for my sake, they pretend not to because it's easier for me."

"Beck told me they're pushing you to figure out what you really want to do."

"The little shit doesn't need to be talking about me so much."

"He cares about you," Laurie said. "And he needs you."

"Yeah, and that's the only reason I promised him I wouldn't touch you again. Otherwise, I'd…."

"We're just…things are…the flames will die down. If not now, then once I go back home."

I wasn't sure about that, and I hated the idea of not seeing him anymore. "Maybe we could make a deal."

"What kind of deal?"

"A deal where I agree to start my own adventure, and you let me fund your return to school and use my contacts to help you move into the job of your dreams."

Laurie shook his head. "I can't accept that."

"You'd get to encourage me, push me, tell me off when I wasn't following through."

"If you decide you want to do something, you'll follow through."

I huffed. "I doubt you'd find anyone else who would agree with that."

"You're very determined once you know what you want."

"I guess I am once I decide to do something." Or someone.

Laurie nodded. "You took charge of shopping like it was the most important project you'd ever worked on."

"Sure, but that's fun."

"Then find something you think is fun."

"Running the art auctions is mostly fun."

He nodded. "That's a good start. Nothing is going to be fun all the time."

"People keep telling me that. I think I'm finally ready to stop striving for non-stop fun."

"Searching for perfection like that must be exhausting."

I squeezed his hand. "Why does it seem like you're the one who's ten years older?"

Laurie started to speak, then hesitated.

"Go ahead and say it. I promise you won't offend me, and it won't be worse than anything my friends say to me."

"I've had to live in the real world, and you've lived a life where it could seem like everything should be fun and easy."

That hit hard. He was right, though. I needed to try to see things from outside my bubble occasionally. "You really are spot on today."