8. Austin

CHAPTER 8

AUSTIN

Something was wrong with me. I couldn't believe I'd asked him about his marriage. Not once, but twice.

As we ate in silence, I struggled with my lack of self-control where Greer was concerned. One minute I told him I didn't want to discuss our past, then I turned around and demanded he tell me everything I asked.

My blinding rage back then had been hard to contain when Carter told me Greer had gotten married. The ache that ran through me had almost gutted me to my core. I'd never punched the bag so hard or ran as much as I did. And when BUDs training opened up, I went for it. I channeled every bit of hurt, embarrassment, and rage into becoming the best mother-fucking SEAL ever to serve.

I'd exhausted myself to that extent, so I didn't have it in me to think about Greer. Pushing thoughts of him away became my focus. It became the religion I practiced. And if I hadn't met GQ, Dreamboat, and Phantom, I might have lost my mind. Or worse.

If there was a dangerous mission, I wanted it. I was the first one out the door. But that little bit of the unhinged part of my personality kept me from being promoted to captain of my team.

And for good reason.

GQ was more levelheaded, even though he had his own secrets. We bonded over those secrets we held and confided almost everything in one another. And when his boyfriend Nate died in his arms on a mission, Phantom and Dreamboat held the four of us together until we could leave the military.

Losing a teammate made it even more difficult to heal from losing Greer too. Not that I'd ever had him. His rejection hurt me more after Nate's death than it had before. It finally sank in that I hadn't been worth the trouble to him.

And now I sat here on this plane with no escape, waiting for him to tell me about the woman he chose over me.

"This is not the time to tell you about Sabrina."

I shook my head. "Why is that?"

He ran a hand over his beard as he looked out the window. "Trust works both ways, Austin. I'm not telling you about that until you allow me to apologize. You don't know everything that went on."

"Here's the thing. What happened between us has no bearing on any ruse you may want to pull on your sister. But me knowing about your past would."

He put down his spoon and clasped his hands together in front of his mouth. When he finally spoke, I thought he was going to give in to my demands.

"No. All you need to know is yes, I got married after you left. She was a good friend, and it ended."

I knew I could push him to tell me everything. But the hurt in his eyes and the sorrow told me there was way more to the story than he was admitting to. He also had no idea how much he'd hurt me back then.

"Fine," I said, respecting his boundaries. "It's none of my concern, anyway. At least tell me how long the marriage lasted."

He looked pained. "Two years. We parted amicably."

I nodded once, satisfied with the amount of information I had. I'd already known all that. One of my best friends was a cyber specialist. Phantom could find anything. Even their divorce papers.

As Greer looked back out the window, apparently lost in his own head, I got lost in mine for a while. We sat across from one another, physically close, but miles apart emotionally. And maybe that was for the best. I'd spent so much time and wasted so much energy being angry at him. And as much as I had clung to those feelings, I wasn't sure which one of us I was hurting more.

Greer broke the silence between us later for a topic I could expand on. "Do you still love hockey?"

I chuckled, drumming my fingers lightly on the table. "As a matter of fact, I do."

We talked about easier topics for the next hour. Sandra cleared away our uneaten breakfast as we talked about football and Portland's growing desire for more professional sports.

The tension between us had eased fractionally when we stopped talking about personal things. It was still difficult to look at him for too long. My head and my heart were not on the same page when it came to Greer. But it had eased off enough that maybe we could get through the week.

"I've got a list of things that might help us get to know each other again."

"Did we really know each other to begin with?"

"Probably not," he murmured. "But I wish we had."

He looked out the window as I kept my eyes on him. He didn't know how much information about him I was privy to. "I think we need to get our story straight on how we supposedly got together. I still don't understand why you can't just tell your sister you don't want to be set up with dates."

Greer looked at me and laughed. "I forget you've never met Katherine. You'll see. I promise. She's like a dog with a bone, determined that I'm not going to be alone."

I chuckled as he put on his glasses. The dark frames made his eyes look even brighter, and somehow even sexier than before. I grunted, willing my cock to stand down.

"Don't you say a word. Your time is coming, baby boy. Forty is only around the corner for you."

I smiled against my fucking will when he called me baby boy. It planted so many dirty thoughts in my head that it was a good fucking thing my dick was under the table.

I held my hands up. "I didn't say anything. In fact, they don't look bad on you." That was a lie. He was fucking fire with them on.

Greer's expression softened enough for me to know he appreciated my compliment.

I tilted my head toward the paper. "Where'd you get the questions?"

Greer's face reddened, making me curious as to the origin of the list.

"Greer," I barked, startling him. "Where'd you get the list?"

Leaning across the table, I stretched my palm over my mouth as if I needed some way to keep it shut. He ran his long fingers over his beard, making the ache to have them on me return with a vengeance.

"A friend suggested we use them as an icebreaker."

I smiled, imagining my brother googling this kind of shit. "Carter? Oh, hell."

His handsome face pulled together. "No, not Carter. I'd never ask him for this kind of help."

I was amused. "Who then? Who do you feel comfortable enough to get a list like this from?"

Greer cleared his throat. He was stalling.

"Greer! Don't make me use coercion tactics on you every time I ask you a damn question. It's not difficult."

He sighed, resigned to give in. "Fine. Eliana's daughter got it for me. There. You happy now?"

I sat back and stretched my arm over the back of the booth. Greer's eyes roamed from my face over to my biceps. Even behind his reading glasses, I could see the golden flecks in hazel irises. I raised my brows in question.

"Okay, question number one." He looked down at the paper. "How many tattoos do you have and where are they located?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "That is not the first question on the list."

"Maybe not. But that seems like something I should know. Since I would have seen you... you know."

His face turned red again, and the overwhelming desire to torture him arose. "Seen me what, exactly?"

He sighed and took off his glasses. Greer rubbed his eyes like he was exasperated with me. "Naked, Austin. I should have seen you... naked."

We were at a crossroads, and I had a choice to make. I could easily send us back down that angry rabbit's hole about what happened fourteen years ago, or I could just answer the damn question. But that would be too easy.

"I have visible ink on both my arms and my chest."

I ran my right hand over the left side of my chest, just to see if he'd squirm. And as I'd suspected, Greer's eyes roamed over me and focused in as if he were trying to imagine them underneath my clothing. He frowned, then looked down at his paper.

The knowing smile that spread across my face had him scowling at me. It was going to be fun as hell torturing him this week. I could be affectionate as hell, then leave him hanging. Like he did to me.

But as angry as I'd been over the last decade, the anger was starting to fade. I was having to work to keep up that level of hostility toward him. The more time I spent with him, looked at him, or breathed the same air, the more I knew I couldn't be that kind of asshole to him. But he needed to squirm a bit longer.

Greer looked at me warily, but I just smiled. "Don't worry, G. I'll play your games this week. No one will ever suspect we're not head over heels in love."

I leaned across the table, as close as I could physically manage without my dick bumping the underside of the table. "Now ask me some questions, sweetheart. But the important answers are I'm vers, but prefer to top. My favorite position is any way I can ride you hard from behind until you scream my name and coat my hand with your cum. Whether it be over your desk, over a sofa, in the bed, or over the side of your pool. The time I fucked you on the fifty-yard line was particularly memorable."

His eyes widened. "I don't think..." he stammered, "anyone needs ...needs to know all that."

I smiled. "It wasn't for anyone else. It was for you, babe."

I ran a finger down the side of his face, making him shiver. "Why do I feel like this is your revenge?"

Smiling, I leaned back against the booth. "I guess you'll have to trust me, won't you?" I nodded toward the paper he'd balled up when I planted all those dirty seeds in his brain. "Ask me my favorite color. And the answer is light hazel."

Greer stared at me a moment longer, then attempted to flatten the uncrumpled piece of paper.

"Okay," he paused to look down. "These are this or that questions."

I nodded my head once.

"Comedy club or live concert."

I smirked. "Concert. I'm particularly fond of Fallen Angel."

"I bet you are." He looked down again at the paper.

"Going out or staying in?"

"Depends on what we're doing."

Greer nodded and continued on. "Fair enough. A handwritten note or text message?"

"Notes."

His eyes found mine. "Why?

"You can hold on to them. The smell of the paper and scent of the person who wrote it lingers."

Greer's eyes stayed on mine. "You're sentimental."

I raised one shoulder. "Something like that. Maybe it's also proof that someone actually cares enough to take the time to put pen to paper."

Our eyes caressed one another. Greer's chest rose and fell a little more quickly than usual. "Holding hands or cuddling close?"

"Both."

"Showering together or separately?"

I smiled and leaned forward. Looking him over, I cut my eyes back up to him. "Together. Definitely together. Don't know why anyone would need to know that but you."

A beautiful pink hue climbed up the exposed skin of his chest. If I didn't know better, I'd say Greer was turned on. "It's on the list."

Reaching across the table, I smiled as I pulled the paper from him. "Let me ask you some questions."

He nodded, all sexy confidence restored. "Yeah, okay."

Flipping through the list, I shook my head at the level of intimacy most of the remaining questions contained. I'd prefer to find those out on my own, but there were a few deep ones I could explore.

"Truth or happiness?"

Greer didn't blink as he considered the question. I raised my brows, not expecting the first question to throw him.

"Early in my life, I would have said truth. But now, I want happiness."

Trying not to read too much into that, I nodded and moved on.

"Being best friends or passionate lovers?"

He smiled. "I have enough friends. I'll go for the lover."

After purposely picking out a few more uncomfortable and intimate questions, I slid the paper back to him.

"PDA or no?"

Greer looked me in the eye. "I'll take whatever you feel comfortable with."

I nodded, then picked up my drink to have something to do with my hands. The sincerity in his eyes was taking the wind out of my revenge plan.

But I knew the truth about myself. If Greer returned any affection I showed him, I was going to be in trouble. I'd be that lovesick kid back in Chicago all over again. And no matter how strong or tough I was on the outside, I might not be able to stop myself from falling again.