23. Greer

CHAPTER 23

GREER

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, we headed to grab a quick bite to eat before heading out on the trail. I'd left my phone in the room on purpose, knowing Katherine was probably blowing it up with messages.

When we reached the lobby, Austin pointed over his shoulder. "I'm going to grab some water for us. Why don't you grab us a table?"

I was perusing the menu when he finally returned. "That took longer than expected."

He shrugged. "I got caught up in looking at some souvenirs. I want to pick up a few stuffed animals before we leave tomorrow."

I smiled. "We can do that."

We settled on the buffet, and carb loaded for our hike, with a plate of traditional Costa Rican beans and rice. Right before we finished, Austin's phone buzzed on the table.

"Why did you bring your phone?"

He looked up at me as he picked it up. "How else am I going to take pictures? This place is unbelievable, and I'll have to show Livie all the animals when we get back."

"You love her, don't you?"

He nodded as he read the text, then typed a response. When he put the phone down, he smiled at me. "She's amazing. I can't believe anyone would abandon that baby girl. Dominick is fiercely protective of her, and then you add her SEAL Commander daddy in, and that girl will never be mistreated again. Not to mention her three uncles. The boys better fucking watch their step."

I loved his protective side. "You planning to go on dates with her?"

"No, but Phantom will run every background check he can get his hands on, and Dreamboat will provide surveillance. I'm the crazy ass one who'll step in and fuck someone up. Just ask them."

I curled my lips in as I chewed my food, fork in mid-air. He was fucking adorable, all feisty and protective.

"They take her all over the world. They have a home in Italy where Dom's grandparents are, and they take her to swim with the manatees at a reserve in the Keys. That little girl has the best life with her daddies."

His adoring tone made me wonder if he wanted kids for himself. Carter and Mary Ellen had both chosen not to have children, but that didn't surprise me. Austin was different. Always had been.

"Do you want children?" I asked, my heart sinking to my feet. If we were actually getting married, this might be something I needed to know.

"I love kids. Well, I love Livie. But she's a one-of-a-kind. Did you know she knew how to read before she started kindergarten?"

I chewed another bite and wiped my mouth. "Can't say I did. Dominick didn't share much about her the few times we've been around one another. I probably see Jesse more than my kicker."

"Do you want kids?" I knew he was going to ask that.

"I'm fifty-eight. Would it be fair to bring a child into the world at my age? I might only have twenty years left. Who knows?"

Austin stared at me. "You didn't answer the question. Do you want kids?"

My heart caught in my throat, and I nodded. "I did when I was younger. I guess we'll have to see what happens."

His phone buzzed again, and I was happy for the distraction. I went back to eating, even though I no longer had an appetite. When we got back from our hike, I needed to tell him the rest of the story about my marriage, but not until we were alone in the springs... and before we went back to the house.

Rehydrated and refueled, we hiked down the trail to one of the most beautiful waterfalls in the area. Howler monkeys played tag in the trees with one another, while tropical birds flew about, and every giant bug known to man crawled around.

"One word of advice," I said over my shoulder as we descended the stairs to the floor of the rainforest. "Don't engage with the monkeys. You can look, but that's it. They retaliate by flinging a handful of their own poop."

Austin grinned. "You've experienced that, have you?"

"No, but I've seen it. I'm a rule follower and a people pleaser. I listen to what the experienced guides suggest." I glanced up into the canopy to find several following us along in the trees.

We walked along, observing the area for reptiles and giant bugs when the shrieks of holy fuck, and what the hell, came from behind us. I looked over my shoulder at Austin and laughed. "Monkey bombs."

Warmth from his hand on my shoulder caused me to look back again as he stopped my forward progress to bring his lips to my ear. "Should have fucking listened," he mused.

It wasn't long before we reached the bottom and found our destination. Water cascaded over the rock cliff and emptied into a pool of Caribbean-blue water.

We weren't alone, as a few of the resort's guests were in the water and standing along the edge of the rocks. The constant rush of the water had smoothed away the rough edges of the lava rock over time, making it safe to stand.

I looked at Austin as he took it all in and captured a million pictures of our surroundings. His eyes were wide, and the smile on his face was breathtaking.

As we stood in this paradise, I couldn't fathom how lucky I was that he loved me. I longed to regain the years we'd let slip away, but I knew in my heart we wouldn't have survived as a couple back then. The odds had been stacked against us, and it made me grateful we'd found one another again.

"Look at that." He pointed to the brightly colored, red pinecone-shaped plant.

I squatted down next to it. "That is a shampoo plant."

"You're making that up."

I laughed. "No, I'm not. That's the Shampoo Ginger plant. The roots are edible, but more bitter than the ginger we eat. They're also used in medicine. Watch this."

I wrapped my fingers around the pinecone-shaped flower and squeezed while pulling up. The clear, fragrant liquid held inside oozed out over my hand, making me suddenly aware of the snickers coming from him.

"That's a hell of a plant there, babe."

I stood and slung the excess water off my hand before wiping it on his T-shirt.

"Oh, Mr. Rowan. It's on now."

We only stood inches apart, only enough space for the humid air to pass between us. His eyes were dark green pools with gold flecks, but the way he was looking at me made me want to squirm. "Is that a promise?"

Austin took my face between his hands and kissed me like he had earlier this morning. I probably would have been tempted to drop to my knees to give my first blow job if we'd been alone out here, but I held myself back.

He pulled away, but held me close. Everyone around us disappeared, and all I saw was him.

"Are you always going to have that effect on me?"

"I certainly hope so," he murmured. Glancing around, he looked back at me. "This is beautiful, but I'd rather be in the hot springs."

I smiled and nodded. "Okay. Let's go."

A little while later, we found ourselves in a secluded part of the river where the warm water flowed over the stair steps of rock into the waiting pool below. We were both in our regular swim trunks, preferring not to show our persistent erections to anyone but each other.

Austin lounged on a rock as I sat on his lap, facing him. "Never in a million years would I ever have expected to be comfortable sitting like this on a man's lap."

He ran his hands up and down my back, causing goosebumps to break out. "What about having sex with a man?"

I considered his question before I answered him. "Surprisingly, no. But with you, everything is different. It doesn't matter to me that you're a man. What matters is how you make me feel. How every time I've ever looked at you, I always got butterflies in my stomach, even back then."

I shook my head and chuckled to myself.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm amazed at the things I'm learning about myself. At my age, I should have been..." I trailed off.

"Should have what? Married? Had kids? Or grandkids?"

I shrugged. I guess this was the time to tell him all that. "I've been married. And I was supposed to have a child." I hadn't talked about that in so long.

"What do you mean?" he asked, keeping his hands on me. His touch grounded me.

"Sabrina and I lost a baby. He was stillborn at thirty weeks."

The memory of that horrible time in my life, along with the guilt and regret, consumed me again. I knew I had to tell him, so I just let it come.

"When we got married, it was for all the wrong reasons. We loved each other as friends, and the sex between us was mechanical. It was expected. She wanted a child, and at thirty-five, she felt like the clock was ticking. So, after trying for six months, we finally conceived. We were both happy about the baby, but something was missing between us, and we couldn't put our fingers on it. She knew it, and I knew it."

Austin listened as I lost myself in the memory. "There was no passion between us. No butterflies. I was missing the feelings I felt for you. The connection. The fucking idea we were meant to be together, even though another man had never crossed my radar the way you did. It ate away at me, and when the baby died, I knew it was my fault."

Austin pulled me to his chest and circled me in his arms. "Greer. You are not responsible for what happened. Why do you think that?"

Tears filled my eyes as I tried to look at him. "Because I didn't love her enough. My heart wanted something else. It wanted you. I've always wanted you. And I wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to love my wife like I loved you. But I couldn't."

He held me to his chest, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding on for dear life. "I wanted you too," he whispered into my ear. "But you are not responsible for that. It's devastating and heartbreaking, but it happens, babe. And I'm going to keep telling you that you're not responsible every day until you believe it. Tell me you both saw a grief counselor?"

"We did. But we also realized we wanted different things and parted as friends. She stayed in Chicago, and I moved to Portland. It's funny how that worked out."

"And I ended up in Portland with GQ," he said. "Seems to me like we were meant to be."

"Maybe. And I'm so tired of fighting how I feel about you."

"Good," he said, kissing me. "Because we're not fighting it any longer. We're going all in, baby."