12. Austin

CHAPTER 12

AUSTIN

I threaded my hands through my hair as I leaned on the wall outside the bathroom door.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I muttered to myself. I hated playing games, yet here I was playing one with him.

I was a straight shooter, but when it came to Greer, I was a fucked-up mess. Always had been and, until this was over, always would be. But for me, it would never be over with him. Over the two years I'd been in Portland, I've observed the real Greer Rowan. And keeping up this anger and pushing him away was exhausting.

One minute, I hated him, and the next, I loved him. But I wasn't fooling anyone, especially myself. While I thought I wanted to exact some form of revenge to hurt him like he'd hurt me, the truth was I loved that asshole hiding in the bathroom. And if what he'd said on the plane was true, he still shared those feelings.

So why was I fighting this thing between us? It would be so easy to stop all my bullshit and just fucking love him like I always had. Just the thought of that was euphoric.

I laughed at myself, because that was the moment of clarity I'd been waiting for. I'd been a fool all this time, hanging on to the pain. I'd risked my life for years in the service, but I'd never taken a risk with my heart.

Relief flooded my system as I walked out to the veranda and sat down in a chair, staring out at the ocean. I released the heavy weight that had been sitting on my chest for all these years. I loved him, and fighting with him just turned me on.

Pulling out my phone, I opened my text messages and sent a quick one to GQ.

Me: I'm going to take your advice.

Sending that text confirmed my decision. There was no more wavering back and forth in my mind. Once Greer came out of that bathroom, we were going to mend the friendship we once had.

GQ: Good. Glad to hear it.

GQ: Didn't take Greer long to get what he wanted from you.

Me: And what exactly was that?

GQ: You to talk to him.

I scowled at his message, then began typing.

Me: You sent me to Central America for a conversation?

GQ: No, of course not

GQ: I sent you hoping you'd get your head out of your ass and talk to Greer.

GQ: It wasn't going to happen here.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. My phone buzzed again. Evidently, he wasn't finished.

GQ: If he's it for you, man, don't waste any more time.

GQ: You both deserve to be happy if that's what you want. Why waste all that energy hating him when you could be fucking?

Me: I'm blocking you.

I wouldn't, and he knew it. But he sent another message with a string of eggplant and squirting emojis. I sent back a middle finger. Even though I wasn't going to discuss my sex life with him, his crude response still brought a smile to my face.

Before I could put my phone away, the door swung open and Greer walked out, heading toward me. I watched as he strode to where I was seated, his jaw clenched and a steely expression on his handsome face. He looked like he was done taking my shit.

"Let's go," he said, heading for the stairs.

I stood as he grazed by me, the scent of his cologne filling my head. "Greer, wait."

He kept walking and shook his head from side to side. "Not now. I need to run."

I jogged down the stairs after him. "So do I. But wait, goddamn it."

He stopped and spun around, heat in his gaze. "What do you want from me?" He raised his arms out to the side and looked as frustrated as I felt. "You want to embarrass me more? Is that it? I've already admitted how I feel about you, and I know I hurt you. What else do I have to do? Beg for your forgiveness?"

I don't know how long we stood there, looking at each other. Time could have stood still, and I wouldn't have cared. This was the most honest moment we'd ever had. He glared at me as I stared at him—enamored just like I was when I was twenty-two.

"You know what? Fuck you, Austin. And grow the fuck up, would you? You're not a kid anymore."

"You're right, I'm not. But I also don't quite trust you yet."

He turned to walk away, but I couldn't let that happen. I reached out for him and pulled him back to me. Greer's eyes went wide at my manhandling as I pulled him closer.

Running my left hand into his now wavy hair, I wrapped my right arm around his waist and brought his body flush with mine. The lycra we both wore did nothing to hide the erections we were both sporting. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his, both of us breathing the same air.

Greer grabbed my shirt, the fabric balled in his fists, and pulled me to him. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but not like this. Not out of anger.

"What are you doing?" he asked, the apprehension clear in his voice.

"I'm doing what I should have done a long damn time ago. I've spent the last two years trying to convince myself I hated you, and I'm done. So we're stopping this asinine, juvenile shit right now."

His breathing hitched, and he tried to pull away.

"No. Listen to me. I'm done fighting with you. We're going to run like we planned, then come back and order some dinner. And after that, we're going to talk about all the uncomfortable shit between us, so we don't ruin Elizabeth's wedding."

Greer tilted his head back to look into my eyes. I'm not sure what he saw, but the grimace he'd worn on his handsome face relaxed some. He looked from my eyes to my mouth, then back up. I knew exactly what he wanted, because we'd waited fourteen damn years to do that.

"I'm not kissing you yet."

He groaned, making me smile. "God, you really know how to ruin a good time," he huffed, then tried to push out of my arms again. I held him tighter, the tingling sensation from where our overheated skin met oddly familiar.

I didn't want to let go of him, but I needed his attention. So, I brought my right hand up to hold his face in both my hands.

Much to my relief, he didn't let go of me and continued to hold me against him.

I turned his head to speak into his ear. "Greer," I breathed.

A shiver ran through him as my warm breath skated along his skin. My thumbs swept back and forth over his stubbled cheeks as I held his face in my hands.

"We're going to talk before I put my mouth on you, because when I slide my tongue into your mouth for the first time, I don't intend to stop."

His breathing had sped up as his cock pulsed along mine. I could feel his heart beating against my own as we both tried to gain control of our need for one another. He swallowed audibly and nodded. "Yeah. Okay. That's probably good."

A laugh bubbled up from deep inside my chest where I'd kept my feelings for him locked away. The pressure I'd been holding inside my body eased off. "And one more thing."

He looked up into my eyes, and I could see the apprehension as he waited for me to destroy this moment. "It's my turn to be in charge. We're going to take this slow. One conversation at a time."

He blinked those long lashes at me and nodded slowly before pulling away. "Fourteen years wasn't slow enough for you?"

I smiled, now dying to kiss that sassy mouth. "You've got jokes now?" A new feeling I couldn't begin to describe filled a hollow place in my chest.

"Someone has to."

When he released my T-shirt from his death grip, he tried to smooth down the wrinkled fabric. Stepping back, his fingers lingered on my shirt. "Time to run."

When he finally turned and walked away, I admired his muscled body in his lycra compression shorts as I followed him down to the beach.

After stretching, we walked along the shore, careful to avoid the lava rock protruding from the sand.

I looked over at him. "Can I ask you something?"

Greer turned his hazel eyes to me, looking at me warily. "Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Why did you really hire me for this trip?"

"I told you. I needed to train, and it's not safe to do it alone in the jungle. And I needed a date to ward off Katherine's romantic aspirations. You won't be accused of being after my money. You have your own. Probably more than me, actually."

He rubbed the back of his neck, the international sign he was holding something back.

"Is that the only reason?"

"What do you mean?"

I smiled and looked down at the beach. "Something GQ said made me think you might have had other intentions."

He snorted. "Like what?"

I stopped walking. Greer turned to face me. "What?"

"He said, and I quote, ‘It didn't take Greer long to get what he wanted.' So, my question is, what did you want Greer?"

His eyes fixed on mine. "To get you to talk to me again, and to ask for forgiveness. I know I hurt you, Austin. And I've regretted it every day of my life."

The urge to reach for him was hard to resist. "That night wasn't about a hookup gone wrong. It was about the connection I thought we both shared. It's always been more than that for me. I can get a hookup anywhere, but there was only one you."

Greer stepped closer to me, our chests almost touching. I could see the sincerity in his eyes. "And there's only ever been you for me."