14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

I've been sick to my stomach ever since we arrived in Anarchy, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Smoke has been shacking up with one of the women here. He's free to do as he pleases, the same as I am.

Creed has been taking care of me, but it has made me feel even worse. He should be out having the time of his life and partying it up like everyone else. He's been missing all the fun. The burnout contests. Wet T-shirts. Female mud wrestling.

I didn't get to meet Venom. One of the best tattoo artists in the game.

I forced Creed to leave a bit ago. Told him I was going to take a nap and that I'd come find him. There's no reason for us to both suffer .

He was reluctant to leave me on my own, but I convinced him that I'll be better after some rest. Exhaustion from all the traveling and such.

I'm quite miserable and Sabrina is ignoring my texts messages.

It's not like I can pop over to her work or her new apartment and force her to talk to me. She put up a post on her social media. Had a positive pregnancy test pictured. I don't know if it's real or fake. Either way, I really miss my best friend and could use her to talk to.

Of course, some of the other Ol' Ladies are around and would lend an ear, but it's not the same as having Sabrina, and I'm not comfortable enough with them to share my personal troubles. Especially not with Stella around judging my every move and word. I get why she's not my biggest fan. But it makes things awkward and uncomfortable when she completely ices me out. I was hoping that things would be cool between us by now.

T-bird and I never even talk anymore. Not since they became serious.

"Knock, knock." Andi, Viking's Ol' Lady, lets herself into the room Big Daddy put Creed and me in since I've been sick, also allowing me a private bathroom. "Your brother thought it'd be a good idea if I checked in on you."

"I'll be okay. Probably food poisoning or whatever. "

"How long has it been going on?"

"I don't know. A few days or so."

"And nothing before?"

"Not really. I felt a little queasy at the amusement park but that was probably jitters."

"Could have been." She sits on the edge of the bed. "Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

"Knock yourself out."

"When was your last period?" She goes right for it.

"I'm not pregnant."

"Have you taken a test?" her nurse intuition is driving the conversation and as much as I don't want to discuss this with anyone, maybe I need to get it off my chest.

The possibility of my having kids is zero to none. Zilch. Nada.

"I don't need to." My mind goes back to the tests that Sabrina and I took, but I never checked mine. I don't remember even throwing it away. Sabrina probably did when she was cleaning up or packing for their move.

"I asked Creed, and he says you get sick to your stomach like clockwork every morning and again in the evening."

"I'm not pregnant."

"What makes you so certain?"

"Because." I twist my fingers together. "Smoke and I were having sex all the time unprotected, and nothing happened."

"I think we both know better that Mother Nature has a mind of her own. Would you humor me and take a test?"

"If it will ease your mind."

"It's not my mind that needs put at ease. Your brother is worried and so is Smoke."

I glance up at the mention of his name. "Why would Smoke care?"

"Honey, if you're pregnant, then he's going to be the father."

She's got me there. "Yeah well, guess it's a good thing I know that's not possible then. Last thing I need is to have a baby with a cheating asshole."

"Smoke cheated?" she practically screeches.

"The night or well, the morning, I guess you could say that we broke up. I literally caught him with his pants down with Angel. Creed was there and saw the whole thing."

"What a dick. That explains why you're back with Creed."

"I'm not with Creed."

She shoots me a look that says, ‘yeah, right.'

"He's helping me get over Smoke."

"By being under him." She winces at her own words. "That was judgy and rude. I'm sorry."

"I know you didn't mean it bad. "

"Okay. You have a stick to pee on." She digs into her bag and hands me a test. "Gwynee, Big Daddy's woman, had this handy," she explains.

"You're not going to let this go until I do it, huh?"

"Nope. Now. Go. Chop. Chop."

"Ugh. Fine." As much as I don't want to do this, I figure I better humor Andi and everyone else, it seems. At least Creed listened when I told him to go have fun.

Maybe taking the test will give me the courage to be honest with myself. That never experiencing the joy of holding my own child someday hurts deeper than I care to admit.

I trudge into the bathroom and turn the faucet on, so Andi isn't listening to me pee on the stick. Not that she would mind since she earns a living working at one of the hospitals back home.

The timer Andi set on her phone sounds. "Time's up." Her knowing gaze meets mine. "If you're scared to look, I can."

I nod as tears form in the creases of my eyes. "I don't think it's going to say anything other than negative, but what if I'm pregnant? I'd be having the baby of a man who cheats. Who didn't love me enough to stick out the first hard patch we hit. It'd be too soon for Creed to factor into the equation. "

"You have options."

"Like an abortion? I believe in a woman's right to choose. It's just that for me personally. I don't think I could go through with it."

"There's also adoption."

"Smoke would never go for that."

"Maybe not. Though you don't have to be with him to be a mom."

"Why are we even talking about this? I know what it's going to say."

"Ember." Andi takes my hands in hers. "Look at the test and tell me what it says."

I roll my eyes. "Why?"

"I know what it says, but you need to read it for yourself."

I stare at the simple plus sign on the digital screen. "It's got to be a mistake. Right?"

"I don't believe so and deep down you don't either."

"I need to go." I jump up and start shoving my stuff into my bag.

"Running away won't change the result."

"I know that," I snap.

"I know you're freaking out, but now isn't the time to be alone."

"How do I tell Creed? I know we're fucking, but by the way, I'm pregnant with my exe's baby? He's going to want as far away from me as possible."

"No one says you have to tell anyone right now, but I think you owe it to Smoke and yourself to have a conversation with him at some point after this sinks in. Creed too, once you're ready."

"I don't think I'll ever be ready."

"I know it may seem like your life is over, but I promise you that it's only just beginning."

"I think I'm going to go for a walk. Clear my head a bit."

"Want me to tag along?"

"No, but thanks for being here. I appreciate you and know you speak from the heart. Will you keep this between us for now? Please?"

"My lips are sealed. Though you shouldn't go walking alone."

"I'll be careful and don't plan on straying far."

"Be careful and if you need anything, I'll be around. You can trust me."

"Thank you." We share a brief hug, and I struggle with my tears.

As I leave the room, I find Viking standing guard, waiting on his woman like a good man should. "Everything okay?"

"No, but it will be," I answer him, honestly.

"Anything I can do?"

I shake my head, shooting him a weak smile. No one can fix this mess I've made of my life.

Outside, I skirt around the edge of the tents to avoid notice while taking in the scene. Music hums among the chatter. Some are winding down around the fire pits while others appear to just be getting the party started. I laugh at the sight of two guys carrying a mattress with someone passed out on it.

Someone had a little too much fun.

My smile dies and my bad mood grows worse as I spot Smoke and some chick I've seen Low hanging around with exiting one of the tents. I have no place getting mad. However, considering the circumstances, I feel damn entitled. I turn from the hurtful scene playing out, taking a path that winds through the trees at the back of the property being swallowed by the darkness.

Blinded by tears, I have no idea where I'm going. I stumble my way along the graveled walkway, then stop at the sound of something rustling nearby. I don't know what kind of wildlife they have around here and am not about to get eaten by a bear or something. Pausing to listen, I hear what sounds like hushed voices and grunts.

My gut twists and I hope someone isn't being assaulted. Quietly, I move closer to the noise and my mouth drops at what I'm seeing.

Murder and another man I haven't formally met but recognize as Kingpin are beating the absolute shit out of a biker whom I've never laid eyes on before. He has a tattoo of a queen of hearts on one of his biceps. Whoever he is, Murder has him in a choke hold while Kingpin makes hamburger meat out of his face with each cutting blow from the rings adorning his knuckles.

He must have done something awful, and I want no part of whatever this is.

"Thought we wouldn't find out," Murder rumbles.

"Got too cushy on that throne," Kingpin says, then whips out his dick and pisses on the dude.

I back away, having seen enough when a pair of arms wrap around me. "Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph. Lost are you?" I recognize the thick accent of Irish. One of Kingpin's men.

"I was looking for Creed," I lie, and he releases me.

"What's the craic?"

"The huh?"

"What?"

"I'm just going to go." I step around him as he studies me, not completely buying the lie, but he doesn't prevent me from going.

"Follow the footpath," he calls after me.

I don't turn back. I never know what in the hell that guy is saying.

Returning to where the tents are set up, I remind myself I'm not in West Virginia anymore. I spy Creed shot gunning a beer with a group of bikers standing around some girls dancing on poles sticking up out of tires.

He's not even looking at them. He's staring at me like he wants to devour me. My heart throbs in my chest. A knot forms in the back of my throat. This overwhelming sense of dread fills me. We may have a shot a second chance and I've ruined it.

I don't know what to do.

If I terminated this pregnancy, I don't think I could live with that choice. All the what ifs would haunt me to no end.

Creed smiles at me, and I want to throw up. He's proven to be a nice guy and I'm going to hurt him.