17. River

17

RIVER

A dam was right. I was playing hooky, but it was from my life, from making good decisions, from treating my best friend like a best friend.

Fuck.

I’d almost kissed Adam. If West hadn’t come in, I would have done it. He’d been so close I could smell his body wash, my body wash . His blue eyes had gone darker, and the way they were fixed on my mouth? My brain got ideas. It got stupid ideas that maybe Adam wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him.

What a fucking stupid idea, right?

I placed the can of paint on the floor of the next room and uncovered the one that was already there.

“It’s pink,” Adam said.

I turned around. He looked like nothing had just happened.

“Yeah. I’ll put this one outside and clean the rollers so they don’t get mixed up,” I said, taking everything outside while Adam got started on the painting.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a flash. We ended up taking on a third bedroom, so by the time we finished, West was delighted with the progress, treating us to tacos he got delivered to the center.

“For real, guys,” he said. “You’ve shaved a couple of days off our list. These tacos are delicious but in no way repay what you’ve done.”

Adam chuckled. “That’s why we call it volunteering. We’re happy to be able to help, right, River?”

I nodded. “I’d be happy to come back on my next day off.”

West rested his elbows on his knees, wringing a napkin between his fingers. Suddenly, he looked really tired.

“Thank you, River. We really appreciate it. You know, with both Drew and I working full-time, we’re reliant on support from volunteers. The hospital building is perfect, but it’s fucking huge, and even with our plan to work on it in stages, it’s still a lot.”

“Could you hire people in addition to the volunteers?” Adam asked.

“Not enough money to really make a difference.”

“We should plan a fundraiser. Do you mind if I workshop something with my brothers?”

West smiled. “Not at all.”

We helped West clear up all the trash and then left.

The closest we got to my place, the more anxious I became. I couldn’t stop replaying that moment in the blue room. Was it a one-off? Would it happen again? And if it did, would it end with us kissing? And then what?

I didn’t notice we were actually inside the house with our shoes and coats off until Adam turned to me and cleared his throat.

“Have you—” he hesitated like he was weighing his question. “Have you ever tried…hooking up? Was it different for you?”

“I did. College life, remember?” He shrugged. “But it felt hollow. Experimenting taught me something crucial—I crave depth. A connection that isn’t just about how someone looks, but about how he makes me feel.”

“Is that what you’re looking for now?” His gaze pierced through the defenses I’d been building since the moment in the blue room.

“Isn’t that what we all want?” I asked, my heart drumming against my ribs. “To be seen and understood beyond the superficial?”

He nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered, almost to himself. “Beyond the superficial.”

My heart clenched at those words, at the raw honesty in his tone, like he truly got it. Was he just reaffirming our friendship, or was there something else, something deeper, simmering beneath the surface?

“River,” he said cautiously, “when we talk about connections, about depth…do you ever think that maybe?—”

“Maybe what?” I turned to face him fully, his eyes searching, questioning, almost imploring.

“ We have that connection, right?” His hand reached out, hovering in the air before resting nervously on my chest. The touch was electric, even through the layers of fabric.

“Of course. You’re my best friend,” I reassured him. Or maybe I was reassuring myself. A reminder that’s all we were, even if right now, with Adam so close again, I was on the brink of testing my resolve.

“What if…?” he whispered.

My heart hammered against my ribcage, ready to burst out. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, acutely aware of how this conversation could shift the very foundation of our friendship.

“It’s just that…” Adam’s voice faltered, and he took a deep breath. “Lately, I’ve been feeling something… Something new. Different.”

CODE RED. CODE RED.

“New and different how?” I prompted, stepping closer.

“As in, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Not like this.”

His confession hung in the air as I stood motionless, my entire being focused on the man before me. The fear and longing playing in his eyes that all of a sudden wasn’t just my best friend Adam. He was the man I admired for his resilience, empathy, work ethic, kindness.

“Adam…” I started, trying to keep my voice as steady as I could. “I need you to remember that I’m gay, and you’re…you’re too close. You’re confusing me.”

A small smile curled his lips, and he licked them before dragging his teeth along his bottom lip.

“You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?” I asked.

“I don’t. I’m so out of my league here, but…I want to try.”

He leaned forward until his nose touched mine. My breath caught in my throat. I was too afraid to make a sudden move so I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

Please…

“May I kiss you, River?”

His barely-there voice was all the consent I needed.

I closed the little space between us and pressed my lips against his. It was a tentative brush at first. Questioning. Giving him the option to pull back.

When he didn’t, my heart clenched, and I allowed myself to lean into the kiss, deepening it and leaving no room for doubt.

Adam’s lips were as soft as I’d remembered, but even in my wildest fantasies, I never thought it could be like this. He pressed me against the wall, taking over. His hands wrapped around my neck, keeping me steadily in place as he took everything he wanted.

The unmistakable feel of a hard cock against mine had my eyes rolling to the back of my head. My brain became mush as I let him guide the kiss, taste me, ravish me.

I knew that once in his life, and now at least twice, it was clear Adam had no issues kissing a guy, but I was still too afraid to flip things over in case he realized what he was doing and stopped. Because I wanted remember this kiss for the rest of my life for all the good reasons. I was selfish like that.

His moans became louder. He rubbed against me, seeking relief.

Fuck, it felt so good.

I ran my hands over his shoulders, feeling the familiar contours beneath my palms, yet everything about this touch was different—it was charged. It was as if every moment we’d spent together recently, every laugh and lingering glance, had led us to this moment.

“River,” Adam whispered against my lips, and fuck, I could come from the sound alone.

“You taste so fucking good, Adam,” I whispered back.

Our kiss slowed, not ending but changing, becoming tender and affirming. With each peck, with my lips trapped between Adam’s, I lost a little more of myself, and, in that moment, I didn’t give two shits about it.

When we finally parted, we were both panting like we’d had a full round of sex. Our eyes met, and I held my breath, waiting for the moment he realized what he’d done.

All I saw was a smile.

“Wow. That was?—”

“Unforgettable,” I said, finishing his thought.

“Yeah.”

We were the same height, so it would’ve been easy to reach out and kiss him again. I didn’t allow myself the transgression. Not yet, at least.

When he pushed his lips forward to kiss me, I placed my hand between our mouths.

“If we keep doing this, I’m going to want more. Hell, I already do,” I confessed. “But I think we should talk first.”

He let out a breath. “Yeah, you’re right. We should talk.”