16. Alex

16

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Nikki didn't deserve that.And she also had every right to question me taking Alicia home. It was a dick move.

Not wanting to completely incinerate my karma, I come clean to Alicia as I pull up to her apartment building.

"You should know, Nikki and I? We . . . we're together now." It's strange that other than Cole, she's the only person I've told. How wrong is that?

She laughs at first but I give her a look that admonishes her, my mouth drawn in on one side and my eyes narrowed.

"I'm sorry. You're actually together, huh?"

She knows I was serious the first time.

"We are." I shrug.

She looks out my windshield and blinks a few times with her mouth hung open.

"Wow. I actually called it. All those years ago, when I made you kiss?" She blinks her way back to me.

I start to argue but then decide maybe she needs this to save face. I'm not out to crush her fa?ade. She can do that on her own.

"Yep. You did. I mean, if we never kissed back then, who knows." I shrug again, but deep down? I know. Nikki knows. We would have kissed eventually. I'm coming around on just how inevitable we are.

"For what it's worth, I always thought you looked like you fit." She reaches across the console and squeezes my forearm, her words almost a compliment, but not quite.

"Thanks," I say, and she slips out the passenger side and scurries up the stairs to her apartment door. I wait to make sure she gets inside, then flip the car around to head home so I can shower and get my head on straight.

I've been putting off calling my mom, and I could probably use her wisdom right now, so I press call on the Bluetooth. She answers after the second ring.

"Mija. How was your game?" She doesn't always watch. It makes her nervous.

"It was all right," I say. I haven't been telling her about my struggles; she has enough going on. She should know about him though.

"Dad showed up," I say.

I told her I asked him not to come for a while. She never reacted to that news either way.

"Well, he loves you. He's a really terrible husband, but he is so proud of you."

I laugh out hard.

"What? Don't laugh at me, that isn't nice."

"No, no. It's just that . . . it's such a cliché thing to say. Mom and Dad are splitting up, but we both love you very much. I'm twenty-two. I don't need the kid gloves."

"Ah, baby boy," she says, that mocking tone only she can get away with. I settle into my seat and relax more, my hand slung over the wheel as I slow down. "You will always need kid gloves."

I chuckle.

"Perhaps."

I don't really want to be filled in on how court went, so I let her fill me in on her day. She has an advanced class of students this year, and they've been reinvigorating her love of teaching. It's nice to hear her talk about her work like this. For years, it's always sounded exhausting—parents yelling at her for reading choices, students cheating and getting caught. This year seems to be low on the negatives, at least professionally.

"And how is Nikki?"

I smirk at her tone. It's always there, every time she asks about Nik.

"She's good," I say.

Silence builds for a few seconds.

"Alex, is there something on your mind?" she asks.

I replay my tone in my own head, and I don't think there was any way she could read me and know that Nikki and I have gotten together. Maybe she just has that mom thing. Sixth sense. Eyes on the back of the head. Wiretaps.

"Yeah," I sigh out.

"Lay it on me, son," she says, and I hear the porch chair slide on concrete. She's getting into advice mode, which is good. I need some.

"You know how you and Julianne are always meddling," I start.

"What? We don't meddle," she says, her tone clear that she knows they do.

"Yeah, mmm hmm. Okay. Anyhow, you know what I mean. You two have always sort of pushed?—"

"Gently nudged," she corrects. She sounds excited, and that makes me feel a little scared.

"Right, well, the nudging. We maybe, finally, sort of?—"

"No!" she shouts. I turn my speaker volume down because it crackles.

I sigh, but not in a negative way. It feels good to tell her. Good to be with Nik.

"Yes, you and Auntie Julianne can gloat all you want. We maybe kissed, and have been hanging out." My mom's not stupid, but I sure as hell am not giving her details.

"I knew it! I knew this day would come. And I knew it would be soon."

"Yeah, okay. Well, before I end something before it really starts, I need your help. I maybe, sort of, kinda . . . fucked up."

"Alex." She says my name sternly. Probably both because of my language and because I did, well, fuck up.

"I know. Sorry. I just . . . I've been under some stress, and baseball season is always full of pressure, and then Dad showed up today. I kind of took that out on Nikki." I hold my breath and wait for her to give me the magic advice she always does. But the longer the silence goes on, the more my stomach hurts.

"Mom?" Is she still there?

"I'm here. I don't know what to tell you. You love her. You go tell her you're sorry, and then you put in the work."

"Yeah, I've always loved her. I get that. But now it's different," I try to explain, but she cuts me off.

"No, no. You aren't hearing me. Yeah, you've loved her. But now you realize you are in love with her. And Alex, you've been in love with her for a lot longer than you know. And she's been in love with you right back."

Shit. Has she? Have I? I definitely have.

"You thought you were in love with Dad," I say before my personal gatekeeping kicks in. "Sorry, I didn't mean that like that."

"No, you're right. And I still love your dad. But I'm no longer in love. And really, we are both to blame. Him more, of course."

I laugh with her.

"When you are so close to someone that you share air, space, time, dreams, plans—children—it is not always smooth sailing. You can't both always have good days. You'll be out of sync. And you'll lash out. And you'll be right, and you'll be wrong. But at the end of the day, you find each other, and you say the words that mean the most. You get the ugly stuff out of your system and remind each other that you love one another. Somewhere along the way, your dad quit coming in at the end of the day to talk it out. He quit reminding me. And I willingly forgot. And then?—"

She likely made some gesture just now, waving a hand off in the wind I imagine.

"Okay, so I should probably find Nik is what you're saying." I pull into the driveway and let the car idle.

"You know the answer to that," she says.

I breathe out a short laugh.

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too. And make sure you two come home for break. They're having a big sale at the outlet."

That fucking bread outlet. I laugh to myself as I back out of the driveway. I pause in the middle of the street and press call on Nikki's contact info. It goes right to voicemail so I dial again. The same result. She's really pissed.

I head to her place and talk out a quick text on my way.

ME: I'm so sorry. I'm coming over. Let's talk.

First, we'll talk about us. I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel, how terrified I am that we'll turn into my parents, and how hard I'm going to work to never let that happen. Then I want her to tell me about why she talked to my dad. I know it wasn't to be cruel. And maybe he does really give a damn. I'm sure he loves me. It's just so hard to get past what he did, and I'm not quite ready to listen to him. Maybe, though, maybe I can listen to her.

And then when I'm done, I'm going to urge her to tell me on her own about her hearing. And if she can't or won't, I'm going to make sure she knows that whatever is going on in her life, she doesn't face it alone. She has me. Always.

I'm never going anywhere.

I pull into the dorm lot and shift into park just as my phone buzzes. My heart is pounding with nerves and adrenaline, and I almost call her rather than read the text she just sent. But then I catch the name.

Brayden.

That's not a text from her.

I swipe my phone.

brAYDEN: Took Nikki to dinner at Patty's. She seemed upset. Was that Alicia I saw you leave with?

That motherfucker!

I toss my phone into the passenger seat and peel out in reverse while I fumble my seat belt back in place. I'm in the Patty's lot in under a minute, not even sure if I turned the car off or shut my door by the time I bust through the entry doors and zero in on Brayden.

"You really must love getting punched in the face," I say to his back.

My fist is ready to swing as he turns around, but before I can take a crack at him, Nikki walks out from the restroom and sits down at a table across the room next to Cutter and his girlfriend. Her phone is on the table. She didn't even see my calls.

"You know what? You're not worth it," I drop my hand and start to move past him.

"I hear they moved in together, by the way. Your dad and my cousin? I bet you didn't know that part yet." I stop, still within striking distance, and let my jaw pop. My molars press together hard enough to crack while my hand flexes at my side.

But then, she sees me.

Nikki's gaze cuts right through the crowded bar, across a dozen tables filled with beer and loud ballplayers and sorority girls and frat boys. She rises above the noise, and my body relaxes.

I turn my head to Brayden, who is clearly sitting alone—now that my wits let me take in the context clues. I reach into my wallet and pull out a twenty, tossing it on the table.

"Good for them. This round's on me to celebrate. Enjoy."

I shove my wallet back into my workout pants, then beeline through the crowd to Nikki. Before she has a chance to open her mouth, I lift her from her stool and toss her over my shoulder like I did in high school.

"Alex Mendoza, what are you doing?" She swats at my back, open-palmed, and her hits are landing hard. I'm sure there are prints left behind, but I can handle it.

"I'm taking you to my bed," I say, loud enough that Cutter, his girlfriend Laney, and half the damn bar hears me. I gather up her wallet and phone, tucking them into the front of my hoodie, then face Cole at the next table.

"Atta boy," he says, and we high-five.

"You are not seriously doing this. Alex, put me down!" She's pulling at my waistband, a move she's had for years. She's smart. She always gives me wedgies when I lift her this way. She's not gentle.

"Gentlemen," I say, saluting a few of the guys to my right.

The immediate crowd starts to cheer, which only eggs Nikki on more. She manages to grab a beer from one of the tables as I snake our way through the bar, and pours it down the back of my leg. I laugh, though it's pretty fucking cold.

It gets quiet once I exit Patty's and even quieter when the door slams shut behind me. I march to my car, which, yup—is still running. I carry her to the passenger side and open the door while she kicks and flails. I finally put her down because wrangling her into this seat is like putting a cat in a sample cup of water.

She smacks my chest with her palms.

"I'm still mad at you, Alex Mendoza!" She's practically growling, but also, there's a flicker in her eyes.

"Yeah, well, I love you, Nikki Thomas," I say back.

In a half second, her expression morphs from one ready to spit fire at me into a wide-eyed girl in shock. I nod.

"Yeah, I love you. I'm sorry I got pissy and took my shit out on you. And I'm sorry it took me years to tell you. But I love you. And I think maybe you love me. So, there it is. Be mad at me. Let me have it. And when you're done, I'd really like to fucking kiss you."

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