21. Bernadette
Ifelt so lost without Lucas by my side.
I kept telling myself that it was fine, that if he really liked me then he would come after me as he should.
That was how it was supposed to be, right?
I talked to Vanessa about it, about how lost I felt, about how I just wanted Lucas to show me that he really did care about me. She told me that she would work to fix things, but I didn't know if she would be able to.
I just wanted to be with Lucas. I missed him so badly I didn't know what to do.
I knew that my mom noticed I wasn't eating quite right. Or sleeping well. And during the day or night or whenever I was awake, I would wander the house aimlessly, wanting to do something but not knowing what or why.
So one day, a few days after everything had happened, she sat me down at the kitchen table.
"What is this about?" I asked.
"I want to tell you a story," she said. "A story that I should have told you long ago."
I tilted my head to the side, confused as to what she meant. "A story about what?"
"About how your father and I met. And then, how I had you. You see, the fact is that my mother also disapproved of the relationship at first. I should have known that you would end up doing something similar to me."
She laughed. "My daughter, following in similar footsteps to me, mother's disapproval and all. But I guess things are a bit different in some other ways. After all, your father and I met when I was in high school. The fact that we were so young was one of the reasons why my mother disapproved. She didn't think we could know what love was at that point, but we did. We definitely did."
She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "I miss him, you know?"
"I do too," I said, feeling the tears come to my eyes. My father had been my favorite human on the face of the Earth. I missed him so much that sometimes I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. He had told the best jokes and had always made my mom soft.
"I know you do. I'm sorry that he was taken from you when you were so young. You didn't deserve that. Neither of us did. I wish that the two of us had gotten to spend more time with him, but unfortunately, that's just how things happened.
"He was never a very healthy man, but I loved him anyway, even if I knew that he wouldn't have long for this Earth. I just wanted to be with him as long as possible."
"He was actually a foreign exchange student. His parents sent him here to America on exchange in the hope that some of the doctors here would know what to do with him. But they didn't, and when he didn't return and didn't pursue any career worthy of their pride, they cut things off with him. Sometimes I wonder how they are, but then I remember that they abandoned him and then they abandoned us, and I have no pity anymore.
"The two of us met because I was the one who was supposed to show him around the school, and my family had been the one hosting him. Oh, my mother lost it when she found out that the two of us were sneaking out to go on dates and kiss."
She let out a deep laugh, and I did too. I couldn't imagine my mom doing anything that would contradict the authority of her mother.
"The point is, I think I've realized that I've got to accept the fact that sometimes you aren't going to follow what I think is best for you, even if I may wish otherwise. And ignoring you or cutting you off isn't the way to solve that. And sometimes, you know better what is really best for you."
I smiled at her, feeling sad. "But he hasn't come after me at all. I don't think he loves me like Dad loved you. Loved us."
"But he makes you happy, doesn't he? You've been so listless without him; I think that you need him back. I don't want you to keep walking around the house like you've lost your entire purpose to live. So, let me tell you this, even if he doesn't come for you, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you."
"You really think so?"
She smiled. "I know so. I knew that he loved you from the moment you came home smiling from school instead of crying, and when he would still travel the whole way from his house to yours when he moved away, and I wouldn't let you go over to his." She shook her head. "I still don't quite trust his family, but you know that I trust you. And at this point, that's really what matters."
I threw my arms around her, and she pulled me close to her body.
"I love you, baby," she whispered in my ear. "All I ever wanted was for you to make good choices. But I guess that's kind of hard to learn how to do when I'm the one making all your choices for you."
I nodded. "But that's okay, I love you. I know that you were just trying to protect me."
"And I did a terrible job of that. But the good thing is you turned out all right anyway, and now there's someone else who wants to protect you."
"You're right. I know you are. I just don't know what I should say to him, or even how to go about getting him back. I miss him, but I don't know what to do about it."
"Just go to him. I think you just have to go out there, go to him and tell him that you want him back. That's the best way I can think of to solve this situation. There's no fanciness or tricks to love, my dear, just sincerity."
Just then there was a knock on the door. The two of us turned to look and then looked at each other.
"Shall I get it?" I asked.
"I can't imagine who it would be, but sure," she said. I got up and headed over to the door then opened it.
I was surprised and delighted to see that it was Lucas. In fact, tears almost came to my eyes as I spent a good minute just staring at him standing there.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"What? Do you not want me to be here?" he teased, then presented me with a bouquet of flowers that he had been holding. They were beautiful, all dainty and white with little hints of pink.
I gasped, taking them from him and looking up at him with a smile. "Thank you. I can't believe that you came for me."
"Well, I heard from a very reliable source that you were waiting for me. And I knew that I couldn't just leave you waiting like that. That would be very unfair of me."
I rose up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. "It would be indeed. So, don't you dare push me away again."
He laughed, holding me close to him. "I'll try my best not to say anything else that pushes you away again. Besides, I don't think either of us wants to go through that again."
I nodded. "I felt absolutely lost without you. I didn't know what to do at all without you by my side. I never want to lose you again."
"Good, because neither do I."
Gently, he kissed me on the lips, then looked inside. "I have a gift for your mother. May I come inside?"
I nodded, stepping aside to let him in, then closed the door behind the two of us.
My mom looked up from the table with a smile. "I see that you finally came to your senses and came after her."
"Yes, ma'am. I'm hoping that you'll forgive me for yelling at you earlier and going behind your back with your daughter. I love her, and I can't control that."
"I know you can't, that's just how love is," she said, looking very wise. "Love can't be controlled. Not by the heart. Not by the brain. And certainly not by the opinions of outsiders. So, it's nothing to apologize for."
"Even though you say that I brought a gift in hopes of getting in your good graces again." From his pocket, he produced a little box, then set it on the table in front of her. With a look up at him, she opened up the box to reveal a beautiful little necklace.
"Oh?" she said. "This is lovely, thank you." She leaned up to give him a kiss on his cheek, which he gratefully accepted. "You're definitely in my good graces again. I'll let you know if you ever need to fix your standing with me." She let out a laugh, and I couldn't help but giggle too.
"Yes, while you're at it you might as well tell me your jewellery and flower preferences," Lucas said jokingly.
"Diamonds and roses," she said very matter of factly, and then broke out into laughter. "Seriously, you don't need to bribe me with gifts, though I do appreciate this one. If I don't like you again it will be because you've done something unforgivable to my daughter."
"Well, I definitely plan on not doing that," Lucas said. "I love your daughter and I will look after her the best that I can." He looked over at me with a wink.
I let out a giggle and gave him a beaming smile. I felt so much better now that he was here. It was like I was no longer alone again, and I had felt so very alone before. I knew that Lucas wasn't going to let me feel lonely again. I could feel it in the way that he stood next to me, in the way that his hand reached for mine and his fingers touched mine as well.
I gripped his hand and he squeezed back tightly.
"With your permission," Lucas said, addressing my mom. "I'd like to take Bernadette out to dinner. I think she and I have some catching up to do and I don't want to waste another minute."
My mom seemed to contemplate this for a second and then nodded. "That is perfectly fine. I wish you two the best of luck. Make sure to have fun."
I grinned. I was so happy now that my mom was accepting of who I was dating and what was going on in my life. It made me feel so much better about everything, especially about being with Lucas. He looked down at me with a grin.
"Well, shall we go?"
"Yes, please."