Chapter Nine

Three weeks later, Hanna arrived back home to the country house. There was only an hour or so until her mother and father would host their glittering dinner party, and she'd been asked to return home for it to assist her mother. Ava would be here soon, too, having convinced their father that she was ready to be part of their world, of their deception, and Hanna only hoped she was as ready as she thought she was.

‘Thank goodness you're here,' her mother said when she found her upstairs in her bedroom, getting dressed. She had a small glass on her dresser, and as Hanna watched, she drained the liquor that was left in it. ‘I told your father I don't know how many more of these evenings I can stand.'

‘Even as your skin crawls,' Hanna said, coming to stand behind her mother and taking a pin from her to secure her hair at the back, ‘just remember that they are the traitors, not us. We have every right to hold our heads high.'

Her hand closed over her mother's shoulder as Liselotte spoke. ‘I know, my love, I know.'

‘We moved two patients today,' she said, smiling at her mother in the mirror. But even Hanna could see what a sad smile it was, and she certainly wasn't fooling her mother.

‘Well, I shall think of that when I'm smiling through my teeth tonight.'

Hanna made sure her mother's up-do was perfect, before bending down to whisper in her ear. ‘I need to go upstairs to see Eliana. Could you help me so I can go up there for maybe ten minutes?'

Her mother stood. ‘Of course. Why don't you go and choose your dress and I'll set Zelda to a task so that she doesn't come upstairs.'

Hanna went to her room, closing the door and going to her wardrobe, standing on tiptoes to get the shoebox down that she'd placed there. She took it to her bed and sat, opening the lid and looking at all the pieces of paper inside. She knew without counting how many there were – fourteen – but still she lifted each one, saying the name of each child before letting the paper flutter back down into the box. Then she reached into her pocket and took out the names of the two children from today, wondering where they were at that exact moment as she added them to the box.

When she'd started collecting the names, she hadn't known how to record them safely or what to do with her notes, but last night she'd realised what she needed to do. It was as if the wind had changed; she'd had this overwhelming feeling that something was catching up to her, that she needed to have a safe place for the names before it was too late.

‘Hanna?'

Her mother called to her from the other side of the door, tapping gently before coming in.

She put the lid back on the box and hurried down the hall with her mother, being as quiet as they could be as they pulled the attic stairs down.

‘I'll come back in ten minutes, you don't have long.'

Hanna climbed up, the box under her arm, and as her mother closed the door she blinked a few times for her eyes to adjust. The smell was unusual, a combination of body odour and perfume – of too many people and belongings in the same space – but she refused to wrinkle her nose.

All four of the Goldmans stayed where they were, used to being silent and moving as little as possible during the day, and so Hanna walked carefully over to Eliana and David, whispering hellos as she went. They'd already been informed about the party taking place downstairs, so Hanna didn't mention it again, but she did field some whispered questions from David the moment she sat down.

‘We heard bombing last night,' David said. ‘What's happening? Where are they targeting?'

‘The Luftwaffe have been bombing southern England and this is the retaliation for it,' she said. ‘Ava tells me that less than half of the planes made it, though, although I'm sure it will be reported as a great victory for us.'

David and Eliana leaned forward, clearly eager to hear about all the events that had been taking place.

‘But it seems that the English have been more successful,' she continued. ‘The RAF bombed Magdeburg again overnight, that's what you would have heard, and they were relentless, so it's no wonder you heard it from here.'

‘What do we do, if they hit here?' David asked. ‘We're like sitting ducks up here in an air raid!'

Hanna waited for a moment as Eliana calmed him, listening while she reminded him to keep his voice low.

‘I'm tired of keeping my voice down,' he muttered. ‘I want to be out there, I want to be fighting instead of hiding away.'

‘I'm sorry,' Hanna said, because there was nothing else she could say. ‘I wish I could find a way to get you out of here, but moving Jews anywhere now is almost impossible, you know that. Father is working on false papers for you, but these things take time, not to mention the risk involved.'

‘But I could help you, Hanna. I had already begun my medical training, I could help to save the children in your care.' He looked away, and she could hear the emotion clogging his voice. ‘Perhaps I would be better off in a camp. At least there I could try to help, I could be useful to someone.'

‘I understand, David. At least, I understand as much as anyone can,' she said. ‘But if you were caught and taken to a camp? There is every chance you wouldn't even make it past the first night, that you wouldn't get the chance to help anyone. At least this way...'

He nodded, and she saw the man he was before, the young man who'd been full of dreams of becoming a doctor, who'd always been the first to open the door to their apartment block if the Goldmans were coming down the stairs at the same time as her and Ava or her mother, always sporting a smile. A man whose dreams were still alive, but hanging on by a thread.

They all fell silent then, and Hanna took the chance to open her shoebox, knowing she only had a few minutes before her mother returned for her.

‘Eliana, I'd like to ask you to do something for me,' Hanna said. ‘These are the records of all the children I've managed to smuggle out of Berlin, and I would like you to seal each record in a glass jar for me.'

Eliana took the box from her, taking out the papers one by one and passing them to David to look at. Frau and Herr Goldman edged closer too, their eyes on Hanna.

‘All these children? They are all safe because of you?' Herr Goldman asked.

‘I can only hope they're safe, and no, not because of me. I am only one small part in a much bigger network of people through Berlin, France and Portugal. We have done our best to smuggle them out of Germany.'

‘Where will you hide the jars?' Eliana asked. ‘Do you want us to keep them up here?'

‘I intend on burying them all in the garden this weekend, where no one will ever think to look, then we'll plant vegetables over the top of them so it doesn't appear obvious that we've been digging.'

Eliana smiled. ‘That's ingenious. Of course we'll help. It's a beautiful thing you're doing, Hanna.'

Hanna heard a tap from below and she quickly leaned forward to give Eliana a hug. ‘You'll find the jars stored somewhere over there, in one of those large boxes,' she said. ‘I have to go, but stay quiet as a mouse tonight, won't you?'

‘We will,' David said.

Hanna looked at them one last time, as Eliana cleared her throat before speaking.

‘Would you allow me to do a jar for my family? To record our names and our family tree?'

Hanna's heart ached for the Goldmans every day, but to hear Eliana say those words, to know that there was a chance they wouldn't make it to the end of the war, if there ever was an end, was like a knife being pressed into her. Seeing Eliana and David up here broke her heart every single time.

‘Of course.'

Within seconds the stairs had been lowered, and Hanna hurried down, helping her mother to secure them quickly behind her.

‘You reminded them about tonight?'

‘Mama, I did, but I don't think it's something they're likely to forget, given who our guests are.'

They stood for a moment, breathing, staring into each other's eyes, both dreading what was to come. The moment the door to their home opened, they would have to move, act, feel, laugh as if they had never been happier, as if it were such a privilege to have a group of monsters and their wives in their home as guests.

‘We will be all right, Hanna, we always are. We make a good team.'

She leaned into her mother, resting her head on her shoulder. ‘I know, Mama. I know.' Only in truth, pretending had never seemed harder, which was most troubling when she was expected to give the performance of her lifetime. But she did have something to be grateful for – no longer having to hide who she was and what she did from her sister.

Less than an hour later, Hanna looked at her reflection and barely recognised herself. Her cheekbones seemed to be more prominent, her mouth wider, but she imagined it was because she'd lost some of the fullness from her face in recent months. She forced a smile, seeing the way it lit up her eyes and transformed her face, and she knew that by the end of the night her cheeks would hurt from having to hold it for so long.

If only my cheeks hurt from laughing, from smiling without abandon with my family. With my friends.

She gave herself one last, long look, before taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. I can do this. I just have to remember what it's all for, what we're protecting, and it will all be worth it.

Ava came to stand beside her then, her fingers closing around Hanna's as she stared back at her own reflection, and Hanna clasped her hand tighter, feeling the tremble in her touch. Ava was as scared as her, or perhaps even more so, for it was her first night of truly being part of the subterfuge.

‘Are you ready?' Hanna whispered.

Ava nodded. ‘As ready as I'll ever be.'