Chapter Two

THE MüLLER ESTATE, BOGENSEE, GERMANY

CHRISTMAS EVE, 1943

Ava stepped out of the car when her father came around to open the door of the shiny, dark green Mercedes. They'd travelled most of the way in silence, other than exchanging the odd pleasantry or when he'd been speaking to his chauffeur. Now, her father was leaning into the car to tell his driver that he was to return to his family for the night, which surprised her. Usually his chauffeur would wait in case her father needed him, but she supposed it was Christmas, and he wanted to give him the evening off work to celebrate the holiday.

She stood outside for a moment and stared at the house, feeling a familiar flutter in her stomach at being back. Her parents referred to it as the country house, but to Ava and her sister Hanna it had always simply been home. She loved that it was far enough away from the city that it felt like a holiday location, but close enough that they could still return if needed, and the house itself was magnificent, set in a forest that had proved perfect for endless hours of make-believe when she was a child. It was the type of place in which she wanted to raise her own family, a big family that would fill every room with happiness and laughter.

‘It's good to be here, isn't it?' her father said, striding past her and carrying a bag in each hand. ‘I wish I spent more time here instead of being stuck in the city.'

‘Yes, Papa,' she said as she hurried after him. ‘It's very good to be home.'

She'd held her tongue for the entire journey from Berlin, which had taken well over an hour, unable to think of anything other than the incident on the day previous. She'd been beside herself, wanting to ask him about Lina, but to do that, she would have to admit what she'd seen. Now they were home, though, her mind turned to other things, such as the delicious smell of baking wafting down the hallway, and seeing her mama again after weeks apart.

Ava barely acknowledged their maid, Zelda, as she hurried through to the kitchen, seeing her mother and sister with their blonde heads bent, both with rolling pins in hand. She darted towards them, not wanting to miss a moment of them all being together, and wishing to be part of whatever they were talking about. Before taking the job at the ministry, she'd come home often, but now there never seemed enough hours in the day.

‘Mama!' she cried, opening her arms as her mother, Liselotte, immediately stopped what she was doing. ‘I'm home!'

Ava kissed her cheek and hugged her, despite her mother's protest that she was covered in flour and would get it all over her.

‘Hanna,' Ava said then, grinning at her sister and turning her full attention to her.

‘Just in time to help us with the second batch of cookies,' Hanna said, beckoning her over and holding up her hands, as if to explain why she couldn't embrace her. ‘We've been hoping you'd arrive in time to help.'

‘Let me wash my hands and join you,' Ava said, feeling like a child again, her excitement over Christmas baking impossible to disguise. ‘What shapes are we making?'

She scrubbed her hands quickly with soap, before turning around, realising that both her mother and Hanna were silent.

‘Little Christmas trees or—'

‘Swastikas,' Hanna said, clearing her throat. ‘We're making hundreds of little swastika cookies.'

‘Oh,' Ava said, laughing to disguise her embarrassment. ‘Of course we are. How silly of me.' It wasn't so long ago they'd made gingerbread men and little trees.

‘Our Führer would not have us bake silly little Christmas baubles when we can make something as mighty as the swastika,' her mother said, with an overly bright smile. ‘Come, you can work on this batch with your sister while I go and greet your father. I haven't seen him for days.'

Left alone in the kitchen with Hanna, Ava stood beside her and dropped her head to her sister's shoulder. There was so much she was brimming to tell her, so much she wished she could speak freely about, but instead she found herself holding her tongue and not saying a word. Had her sister ever had doubts about the work she did, or the way they were expected to behave? Would she keep a secret for their father if she suspected him of wrongdoing? Ava was almost certain that she knew the answer, but still, she wasn't certain enough to mention what she'd seen yet, even though she wanted to. Her stomach was still twisted in knots thinking about Lina, wondering what might have happened to her. She'd even visited her apartment before work, but no one had come to the door when she'd knocked.

‘How is work?' Ava eventually asked, pushing thoughts of Lina out of her mind. ‘Have you been busy at the hospital this week?'

‘Work is fine,' Hanna said, as she placed some carefully cut dough on to an oven tray. ‘It's been such a hard winter already, so it's been difficult. And we have a steady stream of patients after each bombing which is always heartbreaking, especially knowing many of them no longer have a house to go home to. The hardest times are when I'm sent out in the ambulance to provide triage care.'

Ava nodded. She knew how fortunate they were to have such a big, warm house that was still standing, when so many Germans were struggling simply to heat one room to keep their children warm – if they had a house at all. She'd overheard one of the secretaries at work saying that she'd recently visited a friend's family and taken cigarettes as a gift, only to be promptly reprimanded for being so thoughtless when what they desperately needed was bread. Which made Ava doubly uncomfortable, as her family still seemed to have a plentiful supply of coffee, meats and even sugar – she'd barely gone without at all.

‘Have you had any interesting patients lately? Any stories you can share with me?' She sighed. ‘I need something to take my mind off my own work.'

‘Is it so bad working in the office?' Hanna asked, her eyebrows drawn together as she seemed to study her sister. ‘Other than worrying about daytime bombing raids?'

‘No, it's not so bad, just stressful at times,' Ava said, hoping she could fool her sister with her tight smile. ‘Your work always seems far more interesting, that's all. Although I can't imagine what it must be like seeing children injured or so unwell, that's not something I'd cope terribly well with.'

Hanna was silent for a moment, and Ava glanced at her and saw a strange look cross her face. They made eye contact briefly, before Hanna smiled and picked up the tray to slide it into the oven.

‘Well, I've had some lovely children on my ward lately, and they're always the nicest to treat, even when it's hard,' Hanna said. ‘Although I do often end up staying late to play cards with them or read stories. It's so hard to wave goodbye when you know how much they miss being at home with their families.' She cleared her throat. ‘Now, tell me what's causing you so much stress. I imagine Joseph Goebbels is rather demanding?'

Ava smiled much in the same way she'd seen her sister smile – almost too brightly, with too much conviction, as if she were trying to convince herself that she was happy.

‘Dr Goebbels is actually very pleasant to work for, and the other secretaries are very friendly to me,' she replied. ‘He's requested that I work as his personal secretary when I return, typing his dictation and so forth, and I can't say that I mind.'

‘That's quite the honour then, working so closely with a man such as he?'

Ava quickly nodded, turning her attention back to the cookies, wanting to distract both her own mind and her sister from this particular line of discussion, or what she really wanted to say.

I don't know what to think, Hanna. I'm so confused about what's happening in the office, and I can't stop thinking about what I've seen. The young woman who was once seated next to me, my friend, has disappeared, and no one has heard from her or seen her since she was taken. I also came across a file about a woman named Sophie Scholl, on the same day that I caught Father taking papers from my office, and every time I think about it I feel sick to my stomach. Do you know why he would do such a thing, why he'd risk his own life to take something that didn't belong to him?

They were all things she was desperate to tell her sister; she wanted to pour her heart out to Hanna as they had when they were girls sharing a room, whispering in the darkness after lights-out. Back then they'd whispered about boys mostly, as well as the other girls in their Bund Deutscher M?del group. Ava had particularly liked curling up beside Hanna to hear all about her League of German Girls summer camp, before she'd been old enough to attend herself.

But of course she didn't say a word of what she wanted to, for how could she know where her sister's allegiance was, or to what lengths she would go to prove her dedication to the party? They were not simply sisters any more, just as no one was simply a friend. Everyone was ready and waiting to catch the other out, to turn them in, to show their loyalty, no matter what. She'd heard that some families were turning on others to settle old scores, lying to authorities and revelling in whatever punishment was served. Despite everything she believed in, Ava had wondered for some time if that was truly how they were expected to behave. And she questioned why the authorities seemed more inclined to believe the accusers instead of the presumed perpetrators.

‘Shall we make icing to use around the edges?' Hanna asked, her voice soft as she moved closer to Ava, their shoulders touching. ‘That was always my favourite part when we were girls, but if we don't hurry up here we'll never get them finished.'

They stood like that, neither moving, leaning into one another as if there were something they both wanted to say to each other and couldn't. But neither said a word, simply breathing quietly, as Hanna moved her smallest finger and let it hover beside Ava's, their skin only just touching. They lived together in Berlin, but their work kept them apart, like ships in the night, and Ava missed her sister dearly.

‘There's my girls. Please tell me one of those cookies is ready?'

They both turned as their father came into the room, unbuttoning his jacket and placing it neatly over the back of a chair, before striding towards them and embracing Hanna and pressing a kiss to the top of Ava's head. He swiped a cookie straight from the tray, barely even seeming to notice that it was a swastika he was biting into this year. Or perhaps he had and didn't care.

‘Merry Christmas, girls,' he said, smiling at them as tiny crumbs caught in his neatly trimmed moustache.

‘Take that cookie from him at once!'

Ava jumped as her mother barked her instruction from the hallway, before marching in and snatching the half-eaten biscuit from her poor papa, her face showing her fury and his showing his guilt.

‘This first batch of biscuits are for Zelda and her family, and any leftovers are not to be eaten until after dinner,' she grumbled. ‘Girls, we have to keep a close eye on this one, do you hear me? A very, very close eye.'

Ava swallowed, turning her attention back to the icing they were making in the bowl before her. If only her dear mama knew the truth to her words. But she forgot all about her worries when Hanna slipped him another cookie when their mother wasn't looking; she could barely suppress her giggles as her father grinned in delight and made a face as if it were the most delicious thing he'd ever eaten.

An hour later, Ava left her father and sister in the sitting room and went to help her mother in the kitchen. Mama was putting cookies into a basket for their maid, and when she saw Ava appear beside her, she nodded towards the small Christmas tree they'd put up in the corner of the room. She'd been humming ‘Silent Night' when Ava walked in, and although Ava had learned the new Nazi verses along with all the other girls at BDM, she found it impossible not to sing the original version in her mind that her family had always sung at Christmas time.

‘There's a present there for Zelda and two for her children,' her mother said. ‘Would you mind getting them for me?'

Her mother had always been generous, giving gifts to those who worked for them and always asking if there was anyone in their family who needed help. Her father's driver was treated with just as much thought, and Ava was certain that when he returned to work, her mama would have a gift packed for him, too.

She went to retrieve them, her bottom lip catching between her teeth as she fought against what she wanted to say. They had been told that Germans were being looked after, that everyone had enough food, but she knew that wasn't true – she'd heard the other women at work whisper about all the shortages. She looked up at the swastika on the top of the tree, not even remembering when they'd stopped using the beautiful gold star. She found herself wondering whether it had been thrown out, or whether her mama had wrapped it in tissue and stored it in the attic in case they were ever permitted to use the beautiful ornament again.

‘You're very quiet today, Ava,' her mother said. ‘Is everything all right?'

Ava nodded. ‘Everything is fine, I'm only tired.'

‘Your father says you've been working very long hours at the ministry. That you've made quite the impression on his colleagues?'

Ava nodded again, cutting a piece of ribbon for her mother to use on the basket and passing it to her. ‘I've enjoyed the change. It's nice to be working where I'm needed, and I like being kept busy. Everyone has been very welcoming to me.'

‘You'll be hoping Heinrich is home on leave soon? You must miss him terribly.'

At the mention of Heinrich, Ava's stomach fluttered and she glanced up, knowing that her mother had caught her smile. ‘I do miss him.' She could see him in her mind, his blond hair brushed to the side as he'd stood so handsomely in his uniform before he left, as she'd blown him a kiss from the train station platform.

‘Just imagine, a wedding as soon as the war is over. You'll make the most beautiful bride.'

Ava knew she was blushing, her cheeks flushed at the thought of her upcoming nuptials. She'd known Heinrich since before the war, friends through their families, but it wasn't until he was home on leave and her father had brought him home for a weekend that she'd seen him as something more. Two years had passed since they'd last seen each other, and since then he'd risen in the ranks within the Waffen-SS, reporting directly to her papa before he'd been posted away from Berlin, which was why her father had decided to bring him back to their country house. A few months of courtship had quickly blossomed into an engagement, and they'd written to one another ever since. Ava was smitten with the handsome young man that she would marry just as soon as Germany won the war.

‘Were you nervous when you married Papa?' Ava asked.

Her mother laughed. ‘I was terrified. Absolutely terrified.'

Ava looked up. ‘Of what?'

‘That he'd be a monster. That he'd be cruel to me or want ten children.'

They both laughed, because the worries her mother was describing couldn't have been further from how she'd describe the man who was her father. Ava had friends with overly strict or even cruel fathers, but hers had always treated his daughters and wife with kindness, even though she knew he could be very firm and demanding when it came to his job. She'd overheard as much in the office.

Her mother touched her arm, her fingers light and warm on Ava's skin.

‘When I was a child, we were all terrified of my father,' she said. ‘He used to thrash us with the carpet beater for the smallest of missteps, and my mother would be next in line if she tried to stop him. I was always so worried that I would end up with a husband who was as cruel, or who took his frustrations out on his family behind closed doors.' She paused. ‘I'm afraid there are still many men who rule their family with fear in the very same way that my father did all those years ago.'

Ava blinked back at her, wondering how such a kind, warm woman could have been treated in such a way as a girl. She could see now that her father's gentleness was one of the reasons her mother loved him so, for he had a very warm manner when he was alone with his family, despite the way he could command the men beneath him. Even though he rarely talked about it, she knew from her mother and family friends that he'd been a fearless soldier in the Great War.

‘The man we marry has the right to rule his home in any way he sees fit, so if a woman were to have any doubts before her wedding, during her engagement would be the time to speak,' her mother said. ‘Afterwards, there is little anyone can do to help. Do you understand what I'm saying?'

Ava blinked away unexpected tears, not used to her mother speaking to her so directly, especially not on such matters. But her words didn't come as a surprise – every young woman in Germany knew the husband was master of his house and family. Just as she knew what was expected of her once she became a wife – to produce as many children for the Reich as she was able to.

‘Yes, Mama, I understand.' Heinrich had been nothing but lovely to her, but they'd spent so little time together. He'd lost his temper terribly when someone had dared to question the relocation of the Jews in front of him one day when they were together, but he'd quickly recovered and apologised to her for his outburst, which had reassured her that it was surely out of character for him to behave in such a way.

‘Mama, Zelda is ready to leave now.'

Hanna's warm voice pulled her from her thoughts, and Ava stood back as her mother took the basket and the gifts, presenting them to Zelda as she stood in their kitchen, her coat already around her shoulders.

‘Merry Christmas,' Ava heard her mama say. ‘Now remember you're to take tomorrow and the next day off work, fully paid of course. I'd like you to enjoy some time with your family, to thank you for your dedication to ours this year, and I hope you enjoy the treats we've put together for you.'

‘Thank you, Frau Müller,' Zelda said. ‘But I cannot possibly—'

‘There are to be no buts,' her mother said firmly. ‘Herr Müller has said it's an order, so you must obey. You wouldn't like to make him cross, would you?'

Zelda took a step back, nodding as she held the gift basket close to her body. ‘Thank you.' She peered at the things inside, as tears began to appear in her eyes. ‘This is too much, this—' Zelda tried to push the basket back.

Ava could see that alongside the presents there was a piece of meat wrapped in brown paper in the basket, some sugar, the biscuits, and even some coffee and a loaf of bread.

‘You will only offend me if you don't take it. Now go,' her mother said. ‘I know your family will be happy to have you home.'

‘Thank you,' Zelda whispered again, as she clutched the basket closer. ‘Thank you, Frau Müller.'

‘Heil Hitler,' her mother said, softly, in a way that was so different to the way the men in Ava's office sounded when they said it.

‘Heil Hitler,' Zelda said, at the same time as Ava whispered the words in reply.

She turned to watch her go, through the window, seeing Zelda brace herself against the bitterly cold wind. Her father took her by surprise when he came up behind her.

‘Ava,' he said, his boots heavy against the timber floor.

‘Yes, Papa,' she replied, turning to see him standing beside her mother.

‘I would like you to take a walk with me.'

‘Outside?' She glanced back out the window, not particularly wishing to spend even a minute out there. Since when did they go outside in such conditions, and in the almost-dark?

‘The cold shall do us good,' he said with a wink. ‘It'll make us appreciate coming back into our warm home all the more.'

Her father might be kind, but he was also firm, and she knew better than to refuse a request.

‘Let me get my coat,' she said, as her mama exchanged a glance with her father that was impossible not to notice.