Chapter Fourteen

AVA

Ava was nervous as she walked with Hanna to the Café Kranzler for coffee. She didn't often go out at lunchtime, and when she'd been told there was someone to see her, her stomach had flipped with worry that it might be Heinrich, but thankfully he'd been too busy to call on her over the past few days. Every day that passed without seeing him was a relief, although she knew that she'd have to make time to visit both him and his family soon.

‘Are you going to tell me anything about this man?' she asked her sister as they walked.

‘He's someone I never wanted you to meet, put it that way,' Hanna said. ‘I initially refused, but I thought it was best that I was there, rather than him approach you in a different way.'

‘And you're opposed to my meeting him because...'

Hanna stopped walking, folding her arms across her chest. ‘Because he's dangerous, Ava, that's why. He's dangerous because he will stop at nothing to change what's happening in our country.'

‘So he's a revolutionary then?' Ava asked, laughing when Hanna threw her hands up in the air, clearly in despair.

‘Ava, please! This is not a game, none of it is a game.'

Ava sighed and they began to walk again, falling into step beside each other as she whispered to her sister. ‘I am very much aware this isn't a game, Hanna. I worry myself sick all day at my desk, certain that someone will read my mind or the SS will come for me because I've passed some piece of information on that only I could have been privy to,' she said. ‘So I know how careful we have to be.'

‘It's good that you're scared,' Hanna said. ‘The moment we stop being scared is the moment we become complacent, and that's when we'll do something without being careful enough. That's when we'll be caught.'

‘I also have the added problem of having a fanatical Nazi for a fiancé,' Ava said. ‘Thankfully he's stopped talking about us getting married soon. Papa must have said something to convince him we were best to wait, because I swear Heinrich would have us married next week if he could.'

‘Or perhaps Papa simply convinced him that no daughter of his would be living within a stone's throw from one of the most wretched concentration camps?' Hanna said, before taking Ava's arm and whispering in her ear. ‘Look, there he is. Sitting alone at the table, at the café across the road. Don't stare.'

Ava followed her gaze, being careful not to look at him for too long. But she couldn't help but notice that he was particularly handsome; similar to Heinrich in a way, but with skin that was more tanned, as if he were used to enjoying the sun over the summer. And when they moved closer, she noticed that he had warm brown eyes, not blue.

‘He looks harmless enough,' Ava said.

‘Trust me, he's not,' Hanna replied, walking ahead of her into the coffee shop before muttering: ‘Noah is anything but harmless.'

They ordered their coffees and produced their ration cards, before making their way to the table beside Noah's. Hanna managed to keep up a steady stream of small talk, which Ava did her best to keep up with, and they completely ignored Noah until their coffees arrived. He spoke only when they were both taking their first sip of the strong, bitter drink.

‘I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance, Ava,' he said, sitting back in his chair and nursing his own coffee. ‘It's very important that we always act as if we don't know one another, and that we always sit at different tables. If you have something for me, you will place it on the table, tucked into a napkin, and you will leave before me so that I can retrieve it after you've left.'

‘What things would I be leaving for you?' she asked.

‘Documents, notes that you've made, information that I've requested for you to retrieve for me.'

They sat quietly for a long moment, as Ava thought over what he'd just said. It didn't sound any different to what she'd been doing for her father. ‘What if I need to contact you? What if something goes wrong?'

‘You don't have a plan for when something goes wrong? Because mark my words, something will go wrong. It's only a matter of when.'

Ava glanced at Hanna, who only nodded to her in reply.

‘What is it you want from me? Why are you approaching me now? Why are you coming to me directly rather than through my father?'

Noah looked at her then – truly looked at her. His eyes seemed to linger, his full lips impossible not to track with her eyes. She felt herself blush under his scrutiny.

‘Because I'm told you are now the private secretary of someone very important to the cause, and that you may be the only one who has access to his diary, among other things,' he said, looking away again and lifting his coffee cup to his lips. ‘I need you to give me any key dates when he might be meeting with the Führer, as well as locations. I need to know when he's going to be in Berlin, and where, and something tells me your father wouldn't want his darling daughter to be doing something quite so brazen. Although I think we both know his influence is waning.'

‘Waning?' she asked, glancing at Hanna, not sure she understood. What did he mean by waning?

She saw the way Hanna clenched her fingers around her coffee cup, either irritated, taken by surprise, or both. ‘Our father's influence is certainly not waning, despite what you might have been told.'

Noah shrugged. ‘Perhaps I'm wrong then. But regardless, back to you, Ava. Are you prepared to help, or not?'

Ava had a feeling that Noah was very rarely wrong, and she carefully considered her next words, hoping that she didn't sound as naive as she felt. ‘You must know that I'm the only woman in the office currently with access to his diary. If anything leaked, it would be obvious it was from me.'

‘Which is why we're having this conversation,' he said. ‘Everything rests in your hands, Ava. Although if we're careful with the information you gather, I disagree that fingers would immediately point towards you.'

The way he said her name, the way he glanced over at her, sent ripples through her that she wasn't entirely comfortable with. She could tell Hanna wasn't happy – it was obvious in the stiff way she was sitting, her back turned slightly to Noah – but all she could feel right now was excitement. That this man could be sitting here asking for something that only she could do.

‘I've heard rumours about some of the Wehrmacht officers, that they're not as loyal as they once were,' Ava said, thinking out aloud, her voice barely a whisper. ‘It could be that they think someone closer to Goebbels, someone more trusted, has betrayed him, although I'm certain I would still be a suspect.'

‘Or they could realise immediately that it was you, which is a far more likely scenario,' Hanna whispered. ‘You don't have to do this, and you certainly don't have to decide today. You can think about it.'

‘I'll do it,' Ava said, wishing her voice didn't sound so shaky.

‘Your assistance will never be forgotten, Ava,' Noah said. ‘This could be the final piece of the puzzle that we've been waiting for, so thank you.'

Someone called out to Hanna then from across the street, and Ava watched as Hanna rose, touching her shoulder as she passed and murmuring that she would only be a moment. Which meant that she was suddenly left alone with Noah.

She kept her gaze straight ahead, finding it almost impossible not to look at him, to pretend they were complete strangers.

‘I'd heard you were very capable, Ava, but no one told me quite how beautiful you were.'

She blushed, catching her lower lip between her teeth as she fought not to smile.

‘Tell me, how do you feel, now that you've seen the truth?'

‘Foolish,' she said, shaking her head. ‘As if I couldn't see what was happening right before my eyes.'

‘But you're not foolish,' he said, his voice deepening. ‘You are clever and intelligent, which means you're the perfect asset.'

She glanced over at him, wondering how often he'd said these words, or if they were truly just for her.

‘Women like you might just help us win the war.'

Hanna returned then, inclining her head as she waited for Ava to stand, keeping her back turned to Noah. ‘Let's go.'

Hanna moved slightly ahead of her, and when she did Noah's fingers collided with Ava's as she passed his table, slipping something into her hand. She quickly tucked her hand into her pocket, glancing back at him, but he was looking the other way as if he didn't know them, as if he were oblivious to the two women who were leaving.

Ava left her hand there, feeling the tiny piece of paper, wondering what he'd given her and whether it was safe to carry back into work. But she didn't fancy opening it in front of her sister, so work it would have to be.

‘I don't like this,' Hanna muttered as they crossed the road. ‘The way he's approached you, the danger of what he's asking, I just can't stand the thought of you being so closely connected to whatever they're planning.'

‘You don't have to like it,' Ava replied. ‘Just as I don't like some of the risks you've taken recently. But as I see it, this is my chance to make up for my lack of compassion and hopelessness in the past. This is something that only I can do.'

They slowed as they came closer to Ava's office building. ‘Ava, you don't have anything to make up for. The fact that you're helping now, that you're doing something when most simply turn their backs? That's what counts. You don't have to put yourself at risk like this – and make no mistake, Noah is playing up to your ego, he's wanting to make you feel special just to make you do what he wants. That's what he does.'

‘Why is it all right for you to risk your life, to put your life on the line, but not mine? Why are you the one who gets to decide what we should and shouldn't do?'

‘Because you have your whole life ahead of you,' Hanna said, sadly, the tears shining from her eyes. ‘Because I have nothing to live for, Ava, and you have everything.'

Hanna may as well have punched Ava in the stomach, her words hit her so hard. ‘You have something to live for, Hanna,' Ava said as she slid an arm around her sister's waist and pulled her close, feeling her pain. ‘You have a family who adores you, who'd never be the same if something happened to you. Please don't say that again, because it's simply not true.'

Hanna made a noise that Ava couldn't decipher, so she simply hugged her even tighter, wanting her to feel just how loved she was.

‘I will never be the same again, Ava,' Hanna whispered as they stood just outside the office building. ‘Something broke inside of me that day, something that I will never get back, and some days I wonder how I can even breathe knowing that I'll never see them again, that I'll never hold my son in my arms or hear my husband's laughter. I can't explain how hard that makes the very act of living, but it does, no matter how much I know that you and Mama and Father love me. It's just not the same.'

Ava knew better than to tell her it would get easier, because what did she know? How could she possibly understand what it was like to lose a husband and child, to have to live with that loss every day? It was no wonder Hanna was prepared to risk so much, to do everything she could to stop another mother from losing her child forever.

‘I'll be careful,' Ava said. ‘I promise I will.'

‘I don't know if you can be careful if you do what Noah asks of you,' Hanna said, taking a step back and shaking her head. ‘He won't stop with just this. He is so focused on what he's doing that I don't know if he can even see the danger he's putting you in.'

The little piece of paper was burning a hole in Ava's pocket. Just knowing it was there made her feel as if she were deceiving her sister, that she had agreed to be part of something that Hanna wasn't aware of, even though she didn't even know yet what was written on it. But she didn't believe her, that Noah could be so dangerous or ruthless.

‘What he said about our father . . .'

Hanna shook her head. ‘He can't know. I don't believe that anyone could know.'

Ava touched her sister's arm. ‘If you haven't told anyone, and I haven't told anyone, then it must simply be a rumour. But should we say something to him? Warn him?'

Hanna nodded, before embracing her. ‘I'll talk to him. He'd want to know what was being said.' She held her for a long moment, before finally letting go of Ava and beginning to walk away. ‘I love you, sister. Just please, be careful.'

Ava watched her go, experiencing the strangest feeling, as if Hanna were saying a final goodbye to her. But then she hurried inside the office building and went to the bathroom, closing the door to ensure her privacy before sliding the piece of paper from her pocket. She unfolded it, her heart thumping when she saw that it was an address.

She shut her eyes and thought of Noah; the way he'd looked at her, his smile, the confident manner in which he'd spoken, the sparkle in his eyes. He might be dangerous, but he was also incredibly magnetic, too, and so passionate about the work he was doing. There was a knock on the door, someone else wanting to use the toilet, and Ava read the address again, committing it to memory before putting the piece of paper in her mouth and forcing herself to eat it.

The paper was clumpy and wet in her mouth, despite how small it was, but she forced herself to swallow it down and then opened the door, smiling brightly at the secretary waiting on the other side.

Would I ever be brazen enough to visit him?

She straightened her shoulders. Of course she would. They had an agreement whereby she was to help him, nothing more. Thinking that he could want to see her for any other reason than the cause was her being foolish.

Ava took a deep breath before lifting her hand to knock against the door. She'd walked to the unfamiliar apartment block straight after work, becoming more and more nervous with every step, and now that she was here, her heart was hammering. Perhaps she shouldn't have come. It was completely out of character for her to even consider being with a man alone, especially one who was essentially a stranger to her, but if she wanted to work for him, then she was going to have to stop questioning herself.

But when the door opened, her heart almost skipped a beat.

Noah was dressed in the same clothes as earlier, only this time he was holding a glass of something alcoholic, and his two top buttons were open to show a glimpse of his chest. If she'd thought he looked handsome before, she didn't even know how she'd describe him now. There was a confidence about him that she found herself drawn to, because it seemed so different to the other men she knew.

‘I didn't know if you'd come,' he said.

‘I didn't know, either. I'm not exactly used to this type of subterfuge.'

He looked out, brushing against her as he peered down the hallway. ‘You weren't followed?'

Her eyes widened. ‘I don't think so. Should I have been checking?'

Noah just laughed. ‘You have much to learn, little butterfly, but this is why you're so perfect. No one would ever suspect you'd be involved in anything with that innocent face of yours.'

She wasn't sure whether to bristle or smile, but given the way Noah was grinning at her she decided to take it as a compliment. When he stepped aside and indicated that she should come in, she did, taking her coat off and folding it over her arm as he locked the door behind him.

‘Does anyone know you're here?' he asked.

She was tempted to lie and say yes, given that she was alone in a strange man's apartment, but instead she shook her head and told the truth. ‘No.'

Noah walked across the room and took down a glass from a kitchen cabinet, picking up a bottle and pouring some liquor into it, as well as topping up his own.

‘Drink?'

She barely ever consumed alcohol. The last time had been when she'd found the Goldmans in her attic and her father had asked her to join him in his study.

‘Yes,' she replied, despite her nerves. Perhaps it would help to settle them?

Noah came closer, too close if she was honest, before inviting her to take a seat across from him.

‘This is where you live?' she asked, looking around the apartment and thinking that it felt more like a family home than that of a bachelor.

‘I don't stay for more than a few days in the same place,' he said. ‘The longer I'm involved in all this, the more paranoid I get that someone will give me up to the authorities. So I'm constantly moving from place to place.'

She studied him, taking a sip of her drink and trying to stop her eyes from welling up as it burned in her mouth and throat. She doubted she'd ever get used to drinking straight liquor no matter how many times she tried.

‘My father is the same, he's always paranoid about listening devices at home.'

‘Your father has every reason to be cautious. He's surrounded by some of the most powerful men in the country, who'd love nothing more than to see him fall and take his place. Including your fiancé.'

She paled. ‘Heinrich?' What does he know of Heinrich?

He held her gaze. ‘Surely you must know how dangerous an ambitious young SS man can be?' He laughed. ‘And don't look so surprised, I know everything there is to know about you. I wouldn't trust just anyone to work for me.'

She took another sip of her drink so she didn't have to answer.

‘Ava, why did you come here?' he asked. ‘You're engaged to an SS man, you have a good job, you're the kind of young woman the Nazi Party loves. Why did you decide to become involved in any of this?'

‘Perhaps I'm trying to right my wrongs.' She swallowed.

He smiled. ‘Perhaps.'

She took a deep breath. ‘My sister told me that you're ruthless. That no matter what you say, you don't care about how many people you have to lose in pursuit of the greater good. She wasn't happy that I'd agreed to help you.'

‘She said that?'

Ava cleared her throat. ‘She told me that you could be as dangerous to a woman as Adolf Hitler could be, just for different reasons. That you would stop at nothing to further your goals.'

‘And did she tell you what those goals were? Did she explain why I am both nothing and everything, like our esteemed Führer?'

Ava took another tiny sip of her drink as Noah edged closer, leaning forward on the armchair that he was sitting on. She watched as he downed what was left in his glass before holding it between his fingers, his elbows on his knees as his eyes met hers, making it impossible for her to look away. Had her instincts been wrong in coming to see him?

‘No,' she whispered. ‘She did not tell me those things.'

‘Your sister is right, I will stop at nothing to eliminate the evil in our country and help to restore it to the Germany we were before this war and the last one. If that means losing some good people along the way, then so be it, it is the cost of war. There are millions rotting in camps, being killed by the thousands, so I'm constantly reminded of the bigger picture. That sometimes, in order to achieve greatness, we have to make sacrifices along the way.'

She had the most overwhelming feeling that she shouldn't have come then, even though she was powerless to get up and walk out of the door. Noah was magnetic, and despite the fear rising inside of her, she stayed seated, her gaze locked on his.

‘I am like Hitler in that I will stop at nothing to get what I want. But unlike him, I will not tolerate hate nor lies. I want all people unified, not one race promoted as being better than another.'

‘Why?' she found herself asking. ‘Why do you think so differently to everyone else?'

‘Because I've lost people I loved very dearly. Because I have seen the pain in the eyes of those taken against their will.' He placed his glass on the low table beside him. ‘And because I'm one of the few people who spent time in one of the camps and lived to tell the tale. I also don't believe that I'm different to everyone else, I believe that many others feel the same as me but are too scared to do anything.'

Ava forced herself to finish her drink, taking a moment to feel the heat pooling in her belly. Perhaps she could get used to it, after all.

‘Then what exactly are you planning to do?' she asked as he pulled his chair even closer to hers. ‘Why do you need me to look at the diary? What am I even looking for?'

He smiled and reached up to brush a stray hair from her face, his fingers whispering gently across her skin. ‘We are trying to create a fresh start for Germany,' he said. ‘An end to the war.'

‘And you think that the information I gather for you will help you to do that?'

His eyes darted to her lips and back again. Ava found herself waiting for him to close the distance, her breath catching in her throat as she tilted her face upwards. Heinrich couldn't have been further from her mind.

‘Yes,' he whispered. ‘You, Ava Müller, could help us to change everything.'

She swallowed. ‘I think I should go now.' Her voice was a whisper as his breath warmed her skin.

‘You're free to go whenever you like. I'm not keeping you here.'

But Ava didn't want to go, and when he finally kissed her, she slipped her arms around his neck, lost in his embrace, wondering how she'd ever thought she was in love with Heinrich, because his kisses had never made her feel like this.