Chapter Eleven

AVA

The following week, Ava didn't immediately look up when she heard someone walk into the office. She was concentrating on the document she had to type, so it wasn't until she heard someone clear his throat, and realised that the other secretaries had stopped tapping and were now silent, that she lifted her gaze.

When she did, her stomach felt as if it were sliding straight to the floor, and she couldn't help but think about the replica she'd been about to start – an identical second letter to pass to her father before she left for the day.

Heinrich was standing near the door, in uniform and holding a small bunch of flowers, and she could tell by the collective sigh in the office that she was immediately the envy of all the other women. He looked so handsome, and exactly as he had when she'd last seen him, with his blond hair neatly parted on one side and brushed back, his blue eyes twinkling as he watched her, his lips moving into a smile as soon as she met his gaze. Even with her recent change of heart about everything that was happening around her, she still managed to forget everything else and jump out of her chair to greet him. Just seeing him was enough to set her heart to racing.

‘Heinrich, you're home! I can't believe it.'

He grinned and passed her the flowers, stepping forward to kiss her cheek. Warmth flooded her body when his hand brushed her waist, and she knew her face would be bright red from his open display of affection.

‘You look as beautiful as I remembered,' he said. ‘What a sight for sore eyes.'

Ava laughed, gazing up at him. ‘Thank you. I can't believe you're here, after all those months of writing letters...'

She glanced over her shoulder, noticing that no one had returned to their typing, more interested in watching what was unfolding before them than resuming their work.

‘I can see you're very busy, but may I come back and walk you home after work? Or perhaps even take you out to dinner tonight?'

Heinrich took her hand and she let him, remembering immediately how much she'd enjoyed his company before he'd left, and the thrill she'd always felt when he touched her. Just having him standing in front of her reminded her exactly why she'd fallen in love with him.

‘Of course. I will check with Papa and—'

‘I've already been to see him, to ask permission to take you out. Although I did promise that there would be a small group of us, so that there was no need for him to worry about a chaperone.'

Her heart skipped a beat. ‘May I ask Hanna to join us too, then?'

‘Of course. I'll come back for you at five.'

Ava watched as he took her hand, holding it for a moment before giving her one last smile.

‘It's so good to see you again, Ava. I've been thinking about this moment for months, and you're just as pretty as I remembered.'

She smiled back at him. ‘It's good to see you again, too, Heinrich. What a lovely surprise it is, having you home.'

Her fears about how she'd feel seeing him again had well and truly disappeared by the time he walked backwards a few steps, winking before turning and leaving, and she clutched the flowers to her chest as she returned to her desk, trying to ignore the excited whispers around her. Her mind knew that they were now on different paths, but her heart wanted to believe that she could change the way he thought. Her father had warned her not to talk to him about her change in sympathies, and she would never disobey him, but surely if he could change, then Heinrich could, too? What was to say that her fiancé wasn't also repulsed by some of the things happening around him?

‘If I were you, I'd marry him while he's home on leave,' Greta whispered as she passed her on the way back to her desk, fanning at her face. ‘He's one of the most gorgeous men I've ever seen.'

Ava just laughed, placing her flowers on her desk and trying to concentrate on her work, even though she knew it was going to be almost impossible. But when she glanced at the chair Lina used to sit in, her happiness turned to sadness, because it was Lina she would usually have whispered and chatted to, and she still didn't know where her friend had gone.

At five p.m., Ava and Heinrich had walked the short distance from her office to her apartment block, her hand tucked into the crook of his arm. Despite everything, she'd felt special and swelled with pride when Goebbels himself had appeared to speak to Heinrich, commending him on his achievements and welcoming him home. Although she still felt as if her hands were shaking. Only minutes before Heinrich had arrived, she'd slipped the replica document into her father's hand when she'd embraced him, and she couldn't shake the feeling that someone could have seen.

‘You haven't mentioned how long you're back for?' Ava asked. ‘Is it for a few days?' She intended on soaking up every moment of time she possibly could with him.

‘Longer, actually,' he said. ‘I believe I'm to be posted close to Berlin.'

‘In a new role?'

He winked at her. ‘That's top secret for now, but I'll tell you just as soon as I'm given clearance.'

Her stomach flipped, as it had done earlier when she'd first seen him. She supposed it was because she was so torn between excitement about seeing him and terror over the idea that someone she loved might not come around to her new way of thinking – and quite what that might mean for her. But now that he was here, part of her wondered if he even knew about the atrocities with the Jews, about what was happening in the camps.

‘I'll only be a short time getting ready,' she said when they reached her building. ‘I'm certain Papa wouldn't mind you coming up to wait?'

Heinrich flashed her a smile. ‘If you're certain.'

She nodded and they both went upstairs, the lights indicating that Hanna was already home and preparing dinner in the kitchen.

‘Your mother's not here with you?' he asked.

‘No, she's stayed at the country house,' Ava said, glancing at him over her shoulder. ‘Papa likes to know she's safe there, far away from the bombings.'

‘It must be hard for him, not having her to return to at the end of each day.'

‘Hanna!' Ava said excitedly when she saw her sister, happy not to have to continue discussing her mother's whereabouts. ‘We have a guest.'

‘Heinrich?' Ava saw the almost frightened look that passed over Hanna's face, but she was so quick to correct herself and smile that Ava knew Heinrich wouldn't have noticed. ‘How lovely to see you. You're well? No injuries?'

‘No injuries,' he replied. ‘But I'm in need of a night out, with the very best of company of course. Would you like to join us?'

‘I would very much like to join you both,' Hanna replied. ‘I shall quickly finish preparing dinner for Papa, in case he comes home early, and then I'll get changed.'

Heinrich sat on the armchair that was her father's, although Ava chose not to ask him to move, and she went to get him a drink of water before hurrying into her bedroom. It took only minutes for Hanna to join her, and her sister closed the door behind her when she entered.

‘You knew he was coming home today?' Hanna whispered. ‘Why didn't you say something?'

Ava frowned. ‘No, I did not. Father just told me that he'd be back later this month, and he surprised me at the office. But I asked him immediately if you could join us as soon as he suggested dinner.'

Hanna's expression changed. ‘Do you have any knowledge of what he's been doing, Ava? Has he ever spoken with you about his work?' She sighed. ‘I should have discussed this with you sooner.'

Ava shook her head. ‘He's been away at the front, that's all I know.'

Hanna pulled her to the bed and sat with her, holding her hands, still whispering. ‘Ava, there's a reason he's a favourite among the SS elite. I've heard he's going to be posted to Ravensbrück, the women's concentration camp north of Berlin.'

Ava knew she must have visibly paled because Hanna placed a hand on her cheek, as if to warm her.

‘From what I've heard, he has a particular' – Hanna glanced behind her, as if to check he wasn't there, that they weren't being listened to – ‘set of skills.'

‘Skills?'

‘We can talk about this later, but just be careful. Your being with him, it means we have every chance of not being discovered, but you have to know that he's ruthless when it comes to following orders. There's a reason he's the protégé of Heinrich Himmler.'

Ava swallowed, feeling sick to her stomach at even having to go back out there again. ‘He's always been so kind to me, so sweet. Even when I saw him today, I just know in my heart that he isn't the man you're describing, that—'

‘Ava, listen to me. I know this is a lot, but just promise me that you'll be careful. You can't give anything away, no matter how attentive and sweet he is to you. Do you promise? You cannot tell him anything.'

Ava only nodded, and Hanna watched her closely, as if trying to decide whether she believed her or not.

‘Say it,' Hanna said. ‘I need to hear you say it to me. Promise me that you'll be careful.'

‘I promise,' Ava replied, seeing how much it meant to her sister that she did so.

‘Let us get ready then,' Hanna said, rising at the same time as she raised her voice, as if she wanted Heinrich to hear them. ‘We shall have a glorious night in the company of some dashing young SS men.'

Ava wondered how her sister could put on such a good show, how she could fix her smile and prepare to go out with Heinrich and his friends after telling Ava such horrible things about him. But now it all made sense – the way her father had looked at her when she'd mentioned Heinrich that night in his office, the way he'd warned her about him coming home on leave. Her father had publicly declared that he couldn't want for a better son-in-law and had even thrown them a party before Heinrich had left, but now she was realising that he was likely her father's worst nightmare for a son-in-law.

She dabbed at her eyes and then sat in front of her mirror, knowing that she needed to make herself look nice for him, even though all she wanted was to curl up on her bed in a ball and try to figure it all out in her mind. Now that she'd passed confidential information to her father, she was officially a traitor to her country.

Heinrich couldn't have been more attentive as they sat with his friends that night, which was only making Ava feel more anxious, torn between the man she was seeing and the man her sister had described. She kept looking over at Hanna, who was holding court with two of the other young men and telling them about some particularly gruesome injuries that she'd had to deal with recently. Ava knew it wasn't Hanna's work tales that were fascinating them – her sister had always drawn the eyes of men, young and old – but she admired the way she was able to play such a cat-and-mouse game with them. Hanna might despise the SS men, but she certainly wasn't letting them know that. It seemed that she could fool anyone.

Heinrich turned to Ava then, his hand brushing against her back as he rested his arm over her chair. Everyone else was engaged in conversation, and she suddenly found herself the sole object of his attention, his eyes dancing over hers.

‘I'm sorry we didn't get to have a night together alone,' he said, smiling as he searched her eyes. ‘I would have preferred dinner for two.'

‘It's fine. I'm certain everyone has missed you, so it's good we can have a fun night together with your friends. I'm just thankful you came straight to see me.' She looked shyly up at him as he moved closer. ‘I have missed you so much, Heinrich. It's so lovely to have you home safe.'

‘Ava, I've been dreaming of you every day since I left,' he said, reaching up to brush a loose strand of hair from her face. ‘Of course I came to see you first.'

Ava's eyes ran over his face at his sweet words, leaning into his touch, as she found doubts bubbling up inside of her again, wondering if he could truly be as awful as Hanna had insisted he was.

‘I was thinking, now that I'm going to be based closer to Berlin and away from the fighting, that we could consider bringing our wedding forward.'

Ava's heart began to pound and her mouth went dry. ‘Our wedding?' She tried to calm her breathing, wondering how on earth she'd carry on her covert work with her father if she was married to Heinrich. ‘I thought we were going to wait. I haven't even—'

‘I know how busy you've been with work, and all the added responsibility at the ministry must have taken its toll. It's unconscionable, women like you having to work so hard instead of being at home, but I don't want to put off our wedding any longer, not now that I'm back.'

She smiled, hoping she appeared sincere. ‘I'm honoured to do my duty. It's important work, although I do dream of the day that I can stay home and raise my children.' She saw a look cross his face and leaned forward to touch his arm, immediately realising her mistake. ‘Our children.'

‘Of course, and I've heard wonderful things about you. All of your superiors speak very highly of you, and they're very happy about our upcoming nuptials.' He grinned, not seeming concerned by her misstep. ‘I suspect we are to be one of the golden couples of the SS family once we're married.'

Ava swallowed, glancing away and hoping she seemed modest rather than terrified. Her feelings were jumbled; she was no longer sure how she felt about anything. ‘Well, that would certainly be an honour. But I don't think we'd be thought of very fondly if I had to step aside from my work at the ministry, just when they need me the most.' Not to mention she would be useless to her father and sister if she was no longer in the office.

‘That's why Dr Goebbels and your father weren't particularly enthusiastic about my finding a cottage for us near the village of Ravensbrück. It seems he thinks you're rather irreplaceable, despite all the women who would be perfectly capable of the secretarial work you do.'

She felt her heart begin to thud again, not even caring about his obvious insult. ‘Ravensbrück?' Does that mean Hanna was right about him? ‘That seems an awfully long way from Berlin.'

He nodded, a big smile spreading across his face. ‘Ravensbrück is where I shall be based for some time, although I'm not permitted to talk about my new role just yet.' His smile widened even further. ‘It's why we're all here tonight though, to celebrate. We've all received new postings away from the front line, at the camps.'

The camps. She forced her chin up, to look straight back at him, hoping to see a flicker of something cross his face, to believe that he wasn't involved with the atrocities taking place there. That the man she'd chosen to marry was who she'd believed he was. ‘Those camps sound like wretched places, Heinrich. I don't particularly like the idea of you being there. Is there nowhere else you could be posted?'

Heinrich only laughed at her. ‘You'll soon get used to the idea, and I've already been able to put my new role to good use. Your family are to be given labourers from Ravensbrück to work at your country estate. It was supposed to be a surprise when they arrived next month.'

‘Labourers?' She exhaled the word, finding it almost impossible to expel.

‘They're women, Jehovah's Witnesses actually, but they've all been taught how to put in a good day's work, and they'll keep the place looking immaculate. I don't know why your father didn't request them himself months ago.'

Heinrich didn't seem to notice that she'd failed to reply, that she was struggling not to gape back at him; he was so busy regaling her with his importance, his chest puffed out.

‘I spent time with my uncle and aunt, Rudolf and Hedwig H?ss, before making my way home, and she's very happy in their cottage near Auschwitz,' he continued, before leaning in and whispering to her, his words very much for her ears only. ‘Would you believe that Rudolf had a chair made for her from human bones? And they had collector's copies of Mein Kampf tucked away in the attic, bound with human skin. The experiments they are doing in the camps are truly extraordinary, Ava. Absolutely extraordinary.'

Ava failed to hide her disgust at his whispered comments, her recently consumed dinner rising dangerously high in her throat. She'd been wrong. She'd wanted so desperately to believe in him, but he was as much of a monster as the rest of them. What a fool she'd been, swept up in the idea of him, not seeing him for the man he was.

‘Heinrich, that is truly awful. How could you tell me such things!'

Everyone around them fell silent, and she looked up and into the eyes of her sister, who carefully shook her head, as if in warning. Ava gathered herself, trying to stop her face from showing her horror.

‘My beautiful fiancée, she is more delicate than I remembered,' Heinrich said with a laugh, although she saw the way that his fingers tightened around his water glass as he spoke. ‘It appears I have forgotten myself, after so long in the company of men.'

When everyone resumed their conversations, she felt him turn away from her slightly and knew that she needed to do something to bring him back to her, to defuse his anger. She'd unintentionally belittled him, and she knew he would expect her to grovel.

‘Heinrich, I'm so sorry, I simply thought that such matters were to be kept from the wives. I don't believe my father shares such things with my mother, that's all.' She paused. ‘You took me by surprise.'

He lifted his drink and took a slow sip, before turning back to her. ‘Maybe not, but Hedwig is privy to much of what her husband does, she is his confidante, and I want you to be mine, Ava. I need you to believe in the Final Solution, as I do. It is of the utmost importance that we purge this country of the filth that was allowed to exist here for so long.'

She blinked, taking little sips of air, drawing on all her strength as he spouted his words of hatred. ‘Of course, my love,' she said, carefully. ‘I understand what you're asking of me. It might just take time for me to become fully used to my new role, and your expectations of me. Perhaps you're right and I am more delicate than I realised.'

His smile returned and he leaned forward to kiss her cheek, taking her by surprise. It was as if he'd had a complete personality change all over again. Clearly he liked her best when she was demure and apologetic.

‘Tomorrow, I've been invited to lunch at the Reich Chancellery with the Führer himself,' he whispered. ‘When I said we were to be the new golden couple of the SS family, I meant it. Everyone is going to love us, Ava. Imagine the guests we'll have at our wedding.'

Ava squeezed his hand and beamed at him, doing her best to appear excited, at the same time as her sister stood and announced that it was time to go home, which resulted in groans from the men at the table.

‘I shall see you soon, Ava,' Heinrich said, rising and gently stroking her arm.

‘It's so wonderful to have you home, Heinrich,' she said, forcing herself to stand on tiptoe and whisper a kiss to his cheek, lingering just long enough to ensure that he felt wanted, her hand pressed to his shoulder. ‘Goodnight, my love.'

‘Please, let me walk you home,' he began.

‘We shall be perfectly all right on our own,' Hanna said for them both. ‘You enjoy your night off with your friends, Heinrich. I dare say you deserve it after all those months serving our country.'

As they left, arm in arm, Ava dropped her head to her sister's shoulder, trying to hold back her tears and failing. They streamed down her cheeks as she gripped Hanna's arm.

‘You were right,' Ava whispered, walking as quickly as she could to put as much distance as possible between them and Heinrich. ‘He's a monster. An evil, heartless monster.'

‘He is a monster who could become very dangerous to us, sister. You must be very careful with this one.'

Ava didn't need to be told. She'd seen the danger reflected in his gaze, how quick he'd been to anger when she hadn't behaved as he'd wanted, and she was starting to realise that she wasn't in love with him any more; she was terrified of him. Of him and all the other men like him, who were nothing more than wolves in sheep's clothing.

Ava washed her face, splashing water on her skin and then doing the same to her arms and neck – anywhere that Heinrich might have touched her. Once, she'd basked in his attention and craved his touch, but now it only made her feel dirty, as if she needed to erase any evidence of where he'd connected with her.

There had been no air raid sirens that night so far, and Ava prayed that they would have a peaceful night, because she was exhausted. The last thing she felt able to do would be to drag herself out of bed to go down to the cellar.

Once she was ready for bed, she walked past her sister's room, pausing at the open door and listening to see if she was asleep. But instead of heavy breathing, there was Hanna calling out to her.

‘Do you want to come in here for a bit?'

Ava smiled. Lying there with her sister sounded much more appealing than crawling into her cold bed alone. So she went in, tucking in beside her as they both pressed together for warmth.

It was just the two of them in the apartment tonight – she presumed their father was working late – and it was nice to have time alone with Hanna again. She wondered if perhaps her sister had been avoiding her and using work as an excuse for the past months, whereas now that Ava had been brought into the fold, they were spending more time together, as close as they'd been before the war.

‘I miss having someone in bed with me at night,' Hanna said, her voice barely a murmur. ‘Sometimes I'd have Michael on one side, and Hugo on the other. It's one of the things I miss most, having his chubby little hands patting my face to wake me up in the morning, his little body snuggled tight to me.'

‘I wish you'd told me,' Ava whispered back. ‘I would have come in here every night and slept beside you.'

They were silent for a long moment before Hanna spoke again. ‘How did you feel, having to be with Heinrich tonight? You truly understand who he is now, don't you?'

‘It was as if my skin was crawling with bugs,' she replied. ‘I don't know how you can smile and act so normal around them. I thought I was going to be sick.'

Hanna sighed. ‘I've had longer to practise than you, that's all. And it helps to imagine men like him being arrested and crammed into cattle cars, just as they have done to those they hate. It's something I think about when I'm smiling sweetly at them.'

‘Do you think that could ever happen? That they would ever be punished for all the things they've done? What they've been part of?' Only hours earlier she'd been torn in her feelings towards him, but now she could quite clearly see him for the brute he'd become.

Hanna turned to her, and Ava could just make out her eyes in the dark. ‘I don't know. But the one thing I do know is that he and his friends must never suspect a thing. We must tread more carefully than ever, now that he's back.'

They lay there a little longer, and Ava tried to stop thinking about Heinrich, about what he might do to her if he ever found out what she and her family were involved in. She moved her hand slightly so that her little finger was touching Hanna's, and Hanna immediately responded by moving her hand over Ava's and intertwining their fingers.

‘Hanna, is Papa all right? Is he going to—'

‘I don't know,' Hanna replied into the dark, before Ava could finish her sentence. ‘But he's right about not being able to see the doctor. If anyone thinks he is weak, if they detect he's not as strong as he once was...'

Hanna didn't need to finish her sentence for Ava to understand. If her father lost his position in the party, his status, it would be dangerous for all of them.

‘Come home with me on Saturday,' Hanna whispered. ‘I have something special I want to show you.'

‘What is it?' Ava asked.

‘You'll have to wait and see.'