9. Clarry

CLARRY

To say that I was in a fluster would be a complete understatement. More accurately, I had the flibbertigibbets, the flounderflubs, the wobblebobbits… even though I had no idea what those words actually meant. They just sounded like they matched my state of panic.

And panicked I was.

What the fudge was I thinking?

Why the heck did I say yes to going to a bar with River?

Would things be awkward between us again? What would we talk about? What would I drink ? Aunt Bea's didn't exactly strike me as the kinda place that served malted milkshakes with whipped cream and a cherry on top. And don't forget the chocolate sprinkles.

"Oh Clarry, what have you gotten yourself into?"

I decided to take a shower and try to wash away my anxiety.

I undressed, turned on the shower and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I made the mistake of hovering a second too long, then having a proper look, something I never ever did.

And suddenly there he was in all his podginess .

Piggy Pinkerton.

The fat kid from school who had turned into the fat adult who lived in a lonely tower made of sugar cones and ice cream scoops.

He was insecure.

He was afraid.

He was so desperately lonely.

Only when his prince came riding in on his horse did the loneliness disappear momentarily.

But the insecurities and the fears, they never truly went away. He often questioned exactly what it was he was insecure about. What was it that made him so afraid? But the answer was obvious.

He was uncertain about his future, and whether or not he'd ever find real happiness.

He was frightened that his secret love for his prince might one day surface.

He was terrified that if it did, his prince would reject him forever, leaving him alone in his tower for all eternity.

I stood staring at Piggy Pinkerton in the mirror until the steam from the shower began to mist up the glass.

I was relieved when Piggy faded away into the fog.

I was pleased I couldn't see him anymore.

But I knew deep down that everyone else could.

Everyone at the bar would see him and wonder what the hell he was doing there.

Would they laugh?

Would they whisper behind their hands?

Would they tell him he didn't belong there and ask him to leave?

Or would his prince step in and save the day?

I stepped under the shower.

I let the water rush over the rolls and curves of my pale body.

A few hours earlier, River had been standing in that exact same spot. Only he looked like a supermodel… a hero from Greek mythology… a god.

Me, I looked more like The Very Hungry Caterpillar .

"Oh, stop the pity party, Clarry. You haven't seen your best friend in eight years, and now he's finally asked you to have a drink with him. Stop turning things into such a drama. Go out. Have fun. Enjoy his company, it's what you've missed the most."

Yes, I could do this.

I could be brave.

I could be confident.

If only I knew which shirt to wear.