11. Clarry

CLARRY

I wanted to howl with joy.

I wanted to cry with happiness.

I wanted to climb onto the rooftop of the ice cream parlor and shout to the stars above that River Raven had held my hand and told me he wanted to muddle through life together… with me!

I could have skipped all the way to Aunt Bea's Barnyard that night, hand in hand with River.

Unfortunately, he unclasped our hands the moment we both stood from the couch.

I didn't take offense.

I didn't feel rejected.

He'd already taken me by the hand, if for only a few moments, and pretty much declared his undying love for me in not so many words.

He had opened his heart to me.

He had bared his soul to me.

He had told me the only time he's happy with himself is when he's with me.

Golly gobsmackers, I was so thrilled I could have rolled up my sleeves and invented a whole new ice cream flavor .

But we had plans for a night out.

Together.

And although I was terrified of going out with him only a few minutes earlier, now there was nothing stopping me from stepping out on the town with my River.

Side by side we strolled around Percy's Pond on our way along the forest trail that led to Bea's. The night was warm, the forest insects droning and chirping as if heralding our presence, almost cheering us on as we made our way together to the bar.

We chatted as we meandered our way through the pines.

"Thank you for agreeing to come tonight," River said. "I know it's a little out of your comfort zone. If you'd said ‘no', my backup plan was a picnic or a movie at the Ritz. Do you still go see movies there?"

"Yes! Almost every day. Although I'm a little worried for Mavis. The Ritz isn't what it used to be. There are holes in the floorboards and hazards everywhere. It's pretty much a death-trap these days, at least that's what Harry tells us in our weekly volunteer Fire Department meetings. An inspection report was submitted to the authorities a few days ago and I'm worried they're going to shut the whole place down."

"Wait a minute… you're a member of the volunteer Fire Department?"

"Trust me, it's not as action packed as it sounds. Nothing ever happens in Mulligan's Mill."

"Doesn't matter, it's still very brave of you to join."

"You think so?"

"Fuck yeah."

My confidence got another boost. "Thanks. But I'll never be as brave as you. The things you must have seen overseas, I can't even imagine."

His smile faded and his gaze locked on the ground ahead of us. "You don't want to imagine it. Ever. Trust me."

I'd upset him, I could see it. I scrambled to bring him back to me. "River, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up. I won't mention it again if you don't want me to."

He took a breath then forced a smile back onto his handsome face. "Let's just have a good night. I think we both need to chill out and have some fun."

Through the trees we saw the lights of the barnyard and heard the music filtering through the forest. It was accompanied by the chatter and laughter of the many patrons inside the bar.

I inhaled deeply, mustering up all my courage.

Desperately I wanted to take River's hand for strength, but I knew that wasn't an option.

Instead, I balled my hands into tight little pink fists and together we walked into the bar.

I could see from his face that River instantly fell in love with the place.

Festoon lights crisscrossed the high ceiling beams of the old barn, while shimmering curtains in red and silver sparkled along the walls. The shelves behind the bar were filled with bottles of all shapes and sizes, with lanterns glowing alongside them. High above dangled a shimmering mirror ball, while a jukebox in the corner belted out a Motown tune—" My Guy " by Mary Wells.

I wanted to embrace the moment, but I had to admit, what River saw as fun and vibrant, I saw as intimidating and a little overwhelming.

He must have sensed it.

Suddenly I felt his fingers brush the back of my hand. "Come on, let me buy you a drink."

His thumb rubbed against mine, as though he wanted to unlock my balled-up fist.

But before I had a chance to relax my hand and invite his touch, he abandoned my side and walked to the bar.

I followed close behind, my feet working overtime to keep up, so much so that he stopped at the bar before I realized, and I bumped into the back of him .

Were people looking?

Were people laughing?

I quickly scanned the room, but everyone seemed to be going on about their business, talking to their friends, enjoying the music, being completely normal… and not looking at me at all.

I breathed a little easier, before River reached around behind himself and pulled me up to the bar. "What are you doing back there?" he chuckled.

"Sorry. I was walking behind you, then you stopped and I ran into the back of you. Stupid, I know."

"It wasn't stupid at all, and stop apologizing. You apologize too much, you know that, right?"

"Right. Sorry."

He held up a stern finger. "Ut!"

I said nothing.

He grinned. "That's better. Now, what do you want to drink? I'm having a whiskey sour."

I danced nervously from foot to foot. I didn't want an alcoholic drink, I never drank alcohol. But I was terrified he'd snicker at me if I didn't order something boozy woozy. "I'll have a whiskey sour too."

"No, you won't," he replied point blank.

"What do you mean? I love sour candy on an ice cream."

"That's an entirely different ballgame."

From behind the bar, Gage appeared with a white tea towel over one shoulder and a smile on his face. "Boys, great to see you here. Welcome to Bea's. What can I get you?"

"I'll have a whiskey sour," said River confidently. "And Clarry here will have a Shirley Temple."

"You got it," said Gage, not batting an eyelid. "One whiskey sour and one Shirley Temple, coming right up."

A sigh of relief escaped my body and I felt a little of my confidence return. "Thank you," I said.

River winked at me. "I got you. You don't have to try to impress anyone by ordering something you won't like. And I'm pretty sure you'd take one sip of a whiskey sour and spit it out."

From behind us came a low, languid tone I knew well. "Who's talking about spitting things out? Here at Aunt Bea's, we encourage swallowing."

River and I both turned to see Aunt Bea in a shimmering red sequined dress, tiara on her head and one eyebrow raised, plucked to within an inch of its life and full of innuendo.

"Aunt Bea, it's great to see you again." River went straight in for a hug as if Bea was his long-lost aunt.

She responded to his hug with a pitter-patter of fingers on his big muscly shoulders, then pulled back to kiss him on both cheeks. "Well, if it isn't my very own Babe Ruth." By way of explanation, Bea turned to me and said, "This handsome gentleman caught me when I fell off a ladder at Bud's Blooms the other day. I tumbled right into his hands like a baseball into a mitt. Hence my Babe Ruth reference."

"Actually," said River. "I think Babe Ruth was more of a batter than a catcher."

"And let us never speak of sport again," added Bea with a painted-on smile.

At that moment, Gage passed our drinks across the bar. "One whiskey sour, one Shirley Temple."

"Thank you, kind sir," said Bea. "Put these on the house. Consider them a welcome drink from your Aunt."

"Thank you," I said, picking up my tall pink icy drink and taking a sip.

"That's very kind of you," added River. "And I love this place, it's amazing. Don't you think so, Clarry?"

"Mm-mmm," I said through my straw, not wanting to admit it took a lot for me to relax and unwind anywhere other than the Ritz or my own couch.

"Why thank you for coming," said Bea. "It's wonderful of you to join us. Gage mixes the best drinks in town… they're even be tter since he fell in love… and my beloved jukebox plays the best music from the sixties, seventies and… oh dear God, is that who I think it is?"

River and I turned to follow Bea's gaze.

There in front of the jukebox, rubbing her hips against it in time with the music, was none other than Roxanne Maxwell.

I felt my stomach drop.

I heard River suck in a breath.

I saw Bea's smile turn to a sneer. "Great. Now I'm gonna have to get a HAZMAT team out to disinfect the jukebox."

We watched as Roxanne slid a coin into the slot, before punching a few buttons. A moment later, The Supremes broke into " Stop! In the Name of Love ."

On one very high heel, Roxanne spun about and locked her sights on River.

Moving in time to the music, she began strutting her way in a direct line from the jukebox to the bar, shoving aside a couple of girls with their espresso martinis and pushing over a guy about to take a gulp from his beer bottle, as though nothing was going to stand in the way of her and River.

"Oh Jesus," muttered River.

"Sweetie, I don't think even he can help you now," said Bea. "It's a good thing I'm here."

I wanted to run.

I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to hide under the nearest table and not look up till Roxanne was gone.

My panic must have radiated off me, because I felt River's hand clamp tightly around my forearm, holding me in place.

Holding me safe.

As if to say, "Don't back down. I'll protect you."

As Roxanne approached, she popped a big blob of bright red gum then licked her glossy lips, looking at nobody but River. " Well hey there, stud. I was hoping you'd be here tonight, just like you promised me you would be."

That wobbly-leg sensation I'd experienced so many times over the past few days returned in a split second. I was about to crumple into a heap on the floor before I felt River squeeze my forearm even harder.

"Roxanne, I didn't ‘promise' you anything. I told you I was coming here with Clarry."

Roxanne laughed and turned to me, her gum popping like a gunshot and making me jump. "Oh, that's right. You came with your little friend Piggy. I forgot." She laughed again and gave an intentional snort.

River instantly stood between her and me. "Don't you call him that! Ever!"

"Who's gonna stop me, tough guy? You?"

"He won't have to," said Bea. "Because if you say one more derogatory word against my friends here, I'll have your bony ass thrown so far out of this bar it'll be winter wherever you land."

Roxanne practically hissed at Bea.

Bea simply raised her sparkly fingernails and blew on them, like she was polishing them, ready for a fight.

River tightened his grip on me…

But all I wanted to do in that moment of tension was escape.

I yanked my arm free of River's grip.

I scanned the bar and saw the sign to the restroom.

And with a quiver and a whimper I breathed, "I need to use the little boys' room."

With that, I shuffled as fast as I could away from trouble.

Inside the restroom, I turned on the faucet and splashed water over my flushed face .

I knew I shouldn't have come.

I knew I didn't belong here.

I knew someone was going to make fun of me.

And I knew I had to get the fudgesickle out of there.

I could hardly exit back out through the bar. River, Bea and that big meanie Roxanne would all see me trying to slink out. There had to be another way to escape this nightmare.

I turned and saw the window. It had the kind of latch that would allow it to push all the way open. I raced up to it, opened the latch and pushed the window, letting it swing wide. Outside, the twilight-lit forest beckoned me.

I sized up the window frame.

It was kinda small, but I was confident I could fit through.

I had to fit through, I had no choice.

Of course, it was a little too high for me to jump through it—the whole scenario was feeling more and more like a scene from Mission: Impossible by the minute—so I looked around for assistance.

If I tipped the waste basket upside down it might do the trick.

I slid it under the windowsill, flipped it over, then used it as a leg up.

I managed to get my head and shoulders through the open window.

With a wriggle and a lurch forward, I got most of my tummy through.

And then—

"Oh no."

I tried to schnoozle through farther, but I couldn't.

In front of me, freedom called.

The birds of the forest summoned me with their songs.

But as I tried to inch myself through the window frame, all I did was wedge myself into even more of a tight spot.

"Oh sherbert. Oh juniper berries. No!"

That was when I heard the voice from behind me .

"Hello? Are you okay there? Clarry… is that you?"

I couldn't turn around to see who it was. "Um… yes… it's me. Who's that?"

"It's Mitch. Mitch Winton."

"Oh, hey Mitch. How are you doing?" I asked cheerily, like nothing was weird in this scenario.

"Better than you by the looks of it. Do you need a hand?"

"Oh that would be great. Thank you."

I felt him take my wavering legs in his hands, gripping me by the ankles. "Exactly which way were you heading? In or out?"

"Um… well… I was heading out, but given the fact that I got stuck trying to do that, I figure I should probably head back in."

"Alrighty, I'm gonna pull you back on the count of three. You ready?"

"No. But yes."

"One. Two. Three!"

With all his might Mitch pulled on my legs until I popped like a cork, the window handing back my podgy body as Mitch yanked me back inside the bathroom.

He fell backward onto the floor with a grunt as I crashed down onto the upturned waste basket with a shriek.

"Ow. Shit. Clarry, you okay?"

Mitch picked himself up off the floor and helped me up, wiping the dust from the window ledge off my shirt and knees.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just a bruised ego, that's all."

"What the heck were you doing out there?"

"Would you believe me if I said I was birdwatching?"

"No."

"I didn't think so." I gave an embarrassed sigh. "I was avoiding Roxanne Maxwell. She's out there talking to River and Bea and, well, she kinda scares me."

"Yeah, she kinda scares everyone. She's bad news, that one."

"You think so? Yesterday I saw her with her hands all over River. I didn't even know they were a couple. "

"That's because they're probably not. Roxanne has a habit of claiming what's not hers, if you know what I mean. Don't believe everything you see. Besides, she doesn't strike me as River's type at all."

"That's what I would have said, too. But River's been gone for eight whole years. What if he's changed? What if he's not the person I remember?"

I felt my chin begin to crumple with emotion.

Mitch placed a hand on my shoulder. "Is that what this is about? You're worried you're losing River?"

"U-huh. I guess it is."

"Relationships can be tricky, whether it's a friend or… or something more. But take it from me, Clarry. Whatever's going on in your head and your heart at the moment, chances are, the same thing is going on in his too. Just talk to him. Don't let a stupid misunderstanding push you further away from each other, not when the simple truth can bring you together. Now, are you ready to go back out there?"

I nodded, wrangling my courage.

"You want me to walk out with you?" Mitch asked.

I shook my head. "No. I'll be okay. Thanks for the talk, and for rescuing me from the window."

"Anytime. Although maybe next time, just ask Gage to let you out the back door. He and I slip out that way a lot for a quick… never mind."

Ah, true love , I thought to myself.

I hoped one day I would be as lucky as Mitch and Gage.

I hoped one day I'd be as happy.

The only way to find out was to brave the world and head back out into the bar.

I took a deep breath and pushed open the door.