Chapter 22

"The dower house? You want to move my parents to the dower house?" Michael was reeling. Arabella laughed at the shock in his voice, and it was like music to his ears. He never thought he would become tired of that sound, even though it was at his expense.

"Yes. After we had spoken about them visiting, it got me thinking that I did not wish to just have the house cleaned, I wanted it to look its best for your parents."

"But that is too much." Michael shook his head at her. "It is a very kind thing to have considered, but my parents would not expect such luxury. Look around you, Arabella; we are not used to the way you live. The dower house has six bedchambers, for goodness sake!"

"And why would you wish to deprive them of a comfortable retirement?"

Bless her, he thought, she looked genuinely confused. He did not know whether to kiss her or shake her; probably both was the best solution. "They would be at your mercy if you changed your mind. It is not a criticism of you, it could happen anywhere, but at least if I set up home with them, they will have the security of me working to support them."

Arabella huffed. "You are doing it again! Thinking the worst of me! Have you learned nothing of me over these days caring for your father? I thought you, of all people, had seen the real me."

"I do not think the worst of you." Michael knew he was being defensive, but he was too tired and drained to be able to think straight. All he was certain of was that she could tie him in knots with a few words, and he did not have the energy to think how to respond. He wanted to stay wrapped in her arms forever, feeling like she cared, as if he mattered to her more than an employee who needed help.

"Yes, you do. You think I would throw out those good people on some sort of whim. It is not an endearing trait of yours."

"I cannot have this conversation now. I need to return to my mother." Michael hated that she looked crestfallen as he stood, but his head was pounding.

Arabella held out her hand to him. "Please stay, just for a few more moments."

Sighing, he nodded, but his head felt heavy, and he stood slumping into himself. "When you are cursing me for thinking the worst of you, just remember that I can never refuse you anything." If he had the strength, he would have laughed at the way she smiled at his words.

"That is definitely good to know. What I wanted to say was that I will get my solicitor to draw up an agreement that your parents will have the dower house for the rest of their lives and a stipend to support themselves with."

"Now, I am not agreeing to you paying for them to stay there!"

"I thought you could not say no to me?"

The wry look on her face would have been amusing in other circumstances, but he could not smile at this. "No. You are not providing financial assistance for my parents. They will never accept it."

"There is one way that they would."

There was a light in Arabella's eyes that had Michael taking a step away from her. He suddenly knew what it was to feel trapped in a corner and was not sure what she was going to utter next. "I am afraid to ask what you mean by that. In fact, I strongly suggest that we continue this conversation at some later date."

"Are you sure you want to delay what I plan to say?"

She moved forward, gently touching his arm, and he knew immediately that, yet again, he was going to give in to her. "What foolishness are you going to utter? And if that is thinking the worst of you, then so be it because my poor head cannot take any more."

"If you married me, I would be providing for my own family, so there would be no issue at all."

Michael felt the colour drain from his face. "Are you seriously asking me to marry you?"

Arabella flushed. "I would not be funning over something so life-changing."

"Excuse me for not believing it. For one, it is usually the man who does the proposing, and I am your steward." Michael no longer knew what to feel. All he did know was that the world had gone mad, and he no longer had the energy to care.

"You were. I seem to remember throwing you off my estate."

"So, in heaven's name, why do you want to marry me?"

"It solves everything."

"No. A thousand times no," Michael said, this time putting some distance between them.

"There is no need to sound quite so repulsed."

He could see he had hurt her, but what she was suggesting was madness. In this regard, he could not give her what she wanted to make her happy. As much as he wanted her, it was wrong, so very wrong. "I am not. Good God, the man who secures you is one lucky fellow, but it cannot be me."

"We have kissed!"

"Yes, and you said that it would never happen again. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and do not mention your scars, for they do not matter, whatever you think to the contrary. You have a kind, caring heart and when you are not cursing me to the devil, there is no one I would rather be with, but I am not your equal and never can be."

"One thing I have learned over the last few years is that we should take happiness when it comes to us."

"What would your uncle say?" It was breaking his own heart, but he had to make sure that she understood the consequences of what she was suggesting.

"It does not matter."

"Your reply says it all. You know he would be livid," Michael said sadly. "I think a lot of him, and I know though you rail against him, you hold him in affection as he does you. Think carefully about how you would feel at there being a breach between you before you start dismissing his views as unimportant."

Arabella turned away, and Michael ached to know that she was the only woman he had ever loved and could ever consider marrying, but he could not put her through it. They would never be accepted in society because of his class, and he knew without doubt that now she had made the first steps to travel, she would start to involve herself in life again. She did not need him dragging her down, continuing to make her feel like an outsider.

"I do not want to sound selfish, but your uncle could cause enough trouble for you to change your mind. It would soon heal any breach between you, but for me, it would be the end of my career. Your uncle only needs to drop a word here or there, and I become unemployable. That sounds poor of me, I know, but I have a little pride, and now I need to be able to support my parents."

The door opened, and Grace walked in. "Oh, I am sorry, I did not wish to disturb you."

"There is no need to apologise. We have nothing left to talk about," Arabella said, with such a look of sadness towards Michael it nearly had him on his knees.

"Are you sure?" Grace could clearly sense the tension in the room.

"Yes, Mrs Follett will be needing a break."

"She will. I was about to go," Michael said, leaving the room and knowing without doubt that this would go down as one of the worst days of his life.