Chapter 1

Mid-Wales three years later

"I am perfectly capable of managing the estate without help," Arabella said tersely to her uncle, almost throwing the cup and saucer at him.

"When was the last time you visited any of your tenants?" Uncle Julian demanded, responding quickly to the offered cup, clearly trying to prevent himself from being covered in tea, which was a high likelihood if the expression on Arabella's face was anything to go by.

"They know to send a message, and whatever the issue is, it will be dealt with. I am not so remiss as you are suggesting."

"By whom?"

"I do not understand your meaning."

"Who do they approach? Who deals with the problem if you do get to hear of something going amiss?"

"I have very capable staff."

"All four of them for a house this size." Julian swept his arm out. "You sent all the others away the moment you left your bed after the accident. Four servants is nowhere near what it takes to manage this house, never mind respond to issues on the land. You are being unfair to even pretend that; they must be run ragged."

"My lack of staff does not mean that the tenants are suffering."

"Your tenants are terrified to come to the house."

Arabella flushed. "They are better not visiting. I would not put them through an audience with me. It is bad enough that the servants still here are subjected to my grotesqueness on a daily basis."

Julian shook his head at his niece. "You are not grotesque in the slightest. One side of your face is not scarred. You have very beautiful features on the untouched side."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better?" she demanded. "I must not turn towards anyone in case they are overcome with spasms of shock at the scarring across my face?" She had turned her mangled side towards him, scars criss-crossed the whole of the right side of her face, her arm hung at an awkward angle, having some movement, but not much, and she limped as a result of her ankle not being set properly. "Would you go out into the world looking like this? Would you be able to put up with the stares and the comments? Be honest, for there is no point in lying; we both know the truth of the matter. You would hide as much as I."

"Arabella, it has been three years," Julian cajoled. "The scars have faded somewhat."

"Uncle, I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you are not making me feel any better. I know full well what I am, and nothing is going to change in that regard."

"In that case, as your guardian until you are thirty, I have appointed a steward of the estate, for I will not stand by and let your parents' legacy crumble due to your neglect and refusal to act."

Arabella stiffened. "You have always said that you are my guardian in name only."

"That was until you became even more bloody-minded than you have always been."

"Then it will come as no sorrow to you that the arrangement will end in less than a year." Arabella did not let Julian see that his words had hurt. She kept her face passive as she spoke, but inside she reeled that he still had control over her and could give her a set-down that would sting her for days.

"I know you will not see it, but this is for your own good too. Michael is a good sort; he is a hard worker and will help you in any way he can."

"Sounds delightful."

"There is no need for insubordination, young lady. One day you will realise that I was right and you could not have gone on the way you are doing."

"Funny that you say that, yet I have been living quite happily these last few years." That was a lie, but she was in no mood to admit it.

"Yet your tenants and servants have not. Keeping so few servants is cruel. I would expect more consideration from you; you have faults, but I never thought misusing staff was one of them."

"There is only myself to take care of, and I do not create much work; at least I try not to."

"You do not have friends visiting? I presumed the ladies of your club visited you? You all seemed very close over the years."

Arabella felt discomposed for a moment, remembering the time when she had demanded her friends leave her in peace, that she could not stand them to be around her any more. They had been upset at her outburst but had done as she requested; it had done nothing other than make Arabella feel completely alone, but she would not be pitied by anyone. It had torn her apart to see the horror and sympathy on their faces until she had wanted to scream.

From the way she had treated the people who had tried to help the most, she knew full well that she deserved to be cast off by them. Friends did not treat each other so poorly, especially as she had not let any of them return except Grace. Undeserving she might be, but they all wrote to her regularly because they were the best of people, and they would never know just how much she appreciated it.

Once or twice, she had contacted Grace for help over issues that she had, but Grace was the mother figure of them all, so it was natural that she had turned to her, and there was no one else she felt she could seek out. It was bittersweet that her friends' lives had changed so much since she had seen them last. She felt even more that she had been left behind to wallow in a world of disfigurement and pain.

"No one visits because I send no invitations out."

"Then I am truly sorry for you."

"I am happy with my life, which is why I object to your interference, no matter how well meant."

"Sticking my nose in may upset you, but it is for the benefit of the estate. If you send Michael away the day of your birthday, then I hope he will have attended to what is amiss, and you will have learned something from him."

"As I have every intention of not speaking to him, I doubt that very much." Arabella was being mulish, and it was doing her no credit, but she could not seem to help herself. Who she came into contact with was the only part of her life that she could control, and that was being taken away from her. Having a stranger forced on her was one thing, but a man was even worse. She had shied away from any male contact since the accident. For one used to receiving compliments, it seemed even harder to deal with the looks of disgust on anyone who saw her. It was fickle, yes, but it was the way she felt, and to protect herself, she had withdrawn completely.

"Then you leave me no other choice but to seek a court order to continue with the guardianship even after you celebrate your birthday because you are clearly not in your right mind."

"You would not!"

"I honestly do not wish to have to seek to implement something so draconian, but rest assured, I will not allow all the hard work my brother undertook to make this a vibrant, profitable estate go to waste."

"It is mine now to do as I see fit."

"That may be so, but that does not mean you should not be challenged if you are not acting in the best interests of the estate, especially as it is out of pure self-indulgence."

"I could throw you out of the house and forbid you to come onto my land ever again for comments like that."

"That would be your right, but it would also be within mine to seek medical attention and have you assessed for the asylum."

Arabella jumped to her feet in horror. "You would not! I am your flesh and blood, and you know there is nothing wrong with my mind!"

"Do I? Could your behaviour of the last three years not suggest that something is amiss? I would only go down such an avenue in an extreme case, but I will do it if needed. You know I love you like my own, but that does not mean I will indulge you to the detriment of those who rely on you. I am surprised and saddened that you are not ashamed of the way you have been behaving."

"You have always indulged me. Why are you now punishing me?" Arabella asked, still reeling from the shock of being threatened to be locked away. She had built barriers around herself and kept everyone at a distance, but she still appreciated what freedom she had. Her estate gave her woods and fields to wander without being disturbed or seen by anyone. Being locked away would be on a par with going through the accident.

"Yes, as did everyone else around you. I have come to the conclusion that we have all done you a disservice, for you have turned into a self-centred being."

"Can you blame me for focusing on myself after what happened?"

"Of course not, initially at least, but have you thought about what your friend does? Lady Fleetwood, is it not? She helps soldiers who have been injured and cast off as useless from their regiments now the war with Napoleon is over. Have you ever stopped to think what struggles they have gone through?"

"I pity them." Arabella was proud of what her friend Lydia, now married to the Earl of Fleetwood, had achieved by turning her house into a sanctuary, though she had never seen it.

"From the reports I have seen and the articles written about the venture, they do not want pity. In fact, the house is filled with laughter and hopefulness."

"I am glad she is able to help them but do not expect me to suddenly be light and free. Every time I move, there is pain, and each morning I see my monstrous self in the looking glass should I be foolish enough to glance into it."

"I am sorry you are still suffering, but your life could be so much better than it is now."

"In your opinion."

"Yes." Julian sighed. "I can see I am not going to alter this mindset of yours, I suppose I should be grateful that you have let me over the threshold, but I have brought Michael with me. I handed him into Sullivan's charge the moment I arrived."

"Not only are you inflicting this man on me, but you have undermined my authority by introducing him to my butler before making my acquaintance?"

"I was not giving you the chance of refusing his placement here. Why should he be made to feel uncomfortable when it is you who is at fault?"

Arabella did not respond.

"Come, my child. Let us be friends." Julian stood and held out his hands to his niece. Arabella went to him with some hesitancy, but he pulled her into an embrace. "I know this is hard, and I promise you that I am doing this for your own good. Never forget that I love you dearly."

"I know you do, and I love you too. It is just that I want to keep myself to myself. I wish you could understand that."

"But it is no way to live, especially when it is having a detrimental impact on the estate," Julian said with a kiss to her head. "There is no need to glare at me. I shall hold my counsel and do not worry, there will be no more remonstrations from me."

"For longer than today?" Arabella smiled at him.

"I cannot promise that. Good day, sweet child. Be kind to him."

"I will be civil."

"That is more than I thought I would get." Julian grinned at her before kissing her cheek and leaving her alone.

Arabella sat down, face in her hands. She hated that even with such a simple action, she could feel the scars on her face, and her arm pulled because of the awkward position she was holding it. This was a nightmare, but at least she was the lady of the house. She refused to spend any time with this man, whoever he was.

She had lied to her uncle, though. She was not happy with her situation, but she could not risk going out and about. She had tried that in the early days after she had healed to some extent, and it had not ended well. Since then, she had remained at home with limited contact with others.

If there was a heavy lump where her heart should be, she had learned to live with the feeling. When she stared at her bed canopy long into the night, aching for interaction with friends, she always fought the distress. This was her life, and she had to accept it. She would not be going out into the world ever again.

One thing was for sure, she would not change in that regard.