Chapter 16

Karter

“ W hat the fuck, Kylian? What has gotten into you lately?” I bark at my sister the moment Valery is out of earshot.

“You don’t understand what it’s like to be the only female who has never shifted while the rest of you get to move on with your lives. What am I supposed to do, Karter? Sit back and watch you be destroyed by a human who doesn’t understand what’s at stake?”

“You are way out of line, Kylian.” Kade shakes his head.

“Stay out of this, Kade!” I snap, my gaze locked on our sister. He wasn’t here—leaving us out of sight and out of mind for over eight years—since before Kylian was eleven years old. He left months after Kash and I shifted, less than six months after our mom disappeared, and while our father was damn near comatose with grief over the loss of his mate. Sure, he’s been trying to make it up to me over the last few years—after he settled in Broken Falls and lived within driving distance of us—but that doesn’t make up for the years I was left alone to hold everything together. It doesn’t make up for the fact that I was a fourteen-year-old, brand new shifter with a ten-year-old sister and three six-year-old brothers to look after while he set out on his new life with the excuse that “we need the money.” He doesn’t get to waltz back into our lives now and discipline our sister when I should have been doing it all along.

“What do you want me to say, Kylian? I’m sorry for babying you all these years. I’m sorry your bear is a stubborn asshole unwilling to show up. I’m sorry I can’t afford to send you to school where you can shift randomly one night and maul your roommate in her sleep. I’m sorry I have more than you and the triplets to worry about, which by the way, has kept me stuck here for years. Do you think this is the life I dreamt of having? I’ve done the best I can with what we’ve got. No one else was here to do it. Not Kash and not Kade. Me! I’m the one who stuck around when everyone else checked out. What else am I supposed to do?”

“You’re a selfish asshole,” she grits out behind a veil of tears.

“I’m not, but maybe I should become one. I think I’m due a few selfish acts, don’t you?”

Spinning on my heels, I avoid looking at my father and push past Kade to follow Valery into the garage. I take deep breaths as I walk across the grass, the weight of my words pressing down on my shoulders. I’ve never talked to Kylian like that before. Hell, I’ve never talked to any of my family like that before. That was a decade of repressed emotions vomiting out of my gut like putrid bile.

But while they were harshly delivered, in my heart of hearts I meant every word. I truly am sorry I couldn’t give Kylian a better life, and maybe I’ve been wrong all these years sheltering her like I have, but I didn’t know how else to protect her.

I walk through the side door into the garage, thankful the bay doors are down and locked. At least Valery can’t drive off without assistance. Not that I’d hold her here against her will.

That is something I cannot do, even if it is to save myself.

The sound of Valery’s sobs twists the knife already firmly wedged into my heart. I knock gently on the door. “It’s me.”

“Not right now, okay?” The pain etched into her words flays me alive, but I couldn’t walk away if I tried.

Sliding open the side door, I’m shocked to find her sitting on a cushy mattress with a medicine bottle in one hand, an assortment of pink and green pills in the other. “What are you taking, Valery?”

She looks down at her handful of tablets and shakes her head, dumping half of them back into the bottle. “I need one of each.”

I step inside the van and crouch down in front of her, taking the bottle out of her hand. “What are they for?”

“Panic attacks. My chest…” She taps her fingers against her sternum and shakes her head. “I can’t do this, Karter.”

“It’s okay, babe.” Gently, I take the excess pills from her palm, leaving her one of each color, and secure the childproof top. “Do you need water?”

A fresh wave of tears spill down her cheeks as she nods her head. I glance around her setup and eye a half drunk bottle in the center console. Unscrewing the lid, I wait patiently as she downs two pieces of medication that I know absolutely nothing about. I’m a shifter, and we don’t do western medicines. My inability to control and fix this situation for her sits heavily on my shoulders, making me feel impotent and unworthy of my mate. There is so much more to learn about how to take care of my human, things I’ve never encountered amongst other shifters here in Fortune Falls. I take a seat next to her on the mattress and wrap my arms around her as she crumbles into a ball against my chest.

“I’m sorry,” she says over and over again.

“It’s okay.” I nuzzle her hair and kiss the top of her head.

We sit in silence for several minutes—me holding her, her sniffling while struggling to take deep breaths. I’m too numb to process my emotions at the moment, and I suspect this is how my mom felt when she lost her cub, or how my dad felt when he lost his mate. If I get to choose, I’ll take living out the rest of my days as a bear. At least anger and a rabid feral personality will keep me warm and people at a distance.

That is, until someone decides to take me out. And then I’ll have death to look forward to—sweet, blissful peace.

Fuck me. I guess Kylian isn’t the only one repressing years of rage.

“What do you need from me, Valery? What can I do to ease your pain?”

She lifts her head and looks me in the eye. “You know what I realized a few minutes ago?”

Fingering her curls, I carefully tuck one behind her ear. “What’s that?”

“All this time, I told myself I was paying homage to my parents by taking this trip, but really I was running away from their memory and what it said about me. My parents are all I’ve ever had, and on the day of their celebration of life, I looked around at their friends and colleagues—dozens of people with decades of memories to share—and I realized that I had nothing. No real friends I’ve carried with me throughout the years. No one who would tell amusing anecdotes about me at my wake. No ex-boyfriends who ever loved me for me. The realization took my breath away, and I curled into a ball in my parent’s bathroom while mourners packed up leftovers and said their goodbyes. If it wasn’t for one person’s need to pee, I might have died alone on that tile floor.”

I cup her face and use my thumb to wipe away the tears suspended on her cheek.

“And now, I want nothing more than to run away from you.”

Pain lances through my chest at her words, but I keep my expression placid and my mouth closed. Honestly, I think I’ve said more than enough today and will be unraveling this mess until my dying breath.

“Do you hate me?” She presses her lips together and I wonder if the only way she can be strong is when others are weak—and the only way she can be vulnerable is for me to be strong? While I was broken this morning, she was powerfully whole, nurturing me while I wrestled with shame, doubt, and remorse. Confronted by Siren’s snark, she lifted her chin and stood tall, not backing down from him one inch. Maybe it’s false bravado? Maybe she’s a fixer who takes care of everyone but herself? Maybe, deep down, she’s an injured soul unable to accept love and adoration?

“I could never hate you, babe. You’re my mate. You always will be.”

“And that’s why you love me, huh? Because you have no choice but to love me.” She looks down, turning her gaze away from mine. “You didn’t choose me, Karter. I was forced upon you, and now you have to mate me in order to what? Live?”

What the fuck did Kylian tell her? “I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

“What happens if you don’t embed your serum into my bloodstream?”

Oh shit. So, that’s what Kylian told her. I see my sister pulled no punches this morning, talking about things she doesn’t really understand. “Without it, shifters won’t know you’re mine by scent alone. Some will say that makes you available to pursue, if for no other reason than to challenge my claim of you. My bear will drive me crazy with a need to mark you, because with my serum in your blood we’ll be bonded on an ethereal level. I’ll sense your distress, your pain, and will fight to protect you. If we’re separated, our bond will help me find you. Without that bond, my bear won’t rest. He won’t be satisfied, even with you lying by our side night after night. He’ll fight me constantly to mark you until one of us wins.”

“Wins what?”

“Control over me.”

“Do you think you’d love me if the Fates hadn’t told you to love me?”

“Is that what this is about? You want to know I’d pick you no matter what?”

Shame colors her cheeks and her shoulders sag. “No one has ever picked me, Karter. If I’m going to be bonded to someone, I’d like to know it’s because they chose me above all others. If I’m going to be hated by sisters-in-law and bullied by shirtless weirdos in the woods, I’d like to know that it means something.”

I hook my finger under her chin and lift her face, my eyes glowing as my bear comes to the forefront. “I’ll tell you the same thing I told Kylian yesterday. If we’d met under different circumstances, I believe I would have fallen for you. You’re smart, sweet, and undeniably beautiful. My bear knew it instantly, but I think my heart figured it out pretty quickly too.”

Her lips tremble as she searches my eyes. “I need time, Karter. Time to think through and process everything. This is happening so fast, and I’m overwhelmed. I thought I had it locked down, but I was wrong, and I don’t have an animal telling me to trust that this is real.”

I lower my mouth to hers and place a chaste kiss against her lips. “Okay.”

“Give me a day or two?” She lays her palm on my cheek. “Is that okay? Can your bear handle that?”

“We’ll be fine.” I force a smile.

“I’ll be back,” Valery whispers through a set of fresh tears.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her against my chest and rest my chin on the top of her head. My heart is breaking, and despite her words, I’m not reassured. Something tells me this will be the last time I’ll see my mate. “We’ll be here, waiting for you.”