4. Tabby

FOUR

TABBY

I bid farewell to my bike the next morning without any tears but didn’t have the patience to go to the car lot like I’d planned, so I stayed in bed, getting a jump start on my weekend homework. Good thing, too, because a delivery showed up on my stoop. Bags of groceries.

I didn’t need to guess who they were from.

And they included all my favorites: double stuffed Oreos, Ruffles, and multiple bags of snack-size Skittles. Plus, some healthy options like apples, clementines, eggs, Greek yogurt in three different flavors, and whole grain bread with all the fixings for sandwiches. I texted Nate.

Thank you.

Nate

You better start eating more. You’re supposed to be eating at least 2200 calories a day.

I didn’t know how exactly to define the feeling in my chest at the idea of him researching pregnancy tips, but I pressed my phone to my heart and helped myself to three of the little Halos.

Nate

How’d it go this morning?

Fine.

Nate

One of my favorite things about you is just how expressive you are.

Nate

You get a car?

No.

While I had more physical energy than during my first trimester, it felt like I’d been losing more and more control of my emotions. I’d been so used to stuffing everything down, but this pregnancy pushed it all back up. It was terrifying to be so out of control.

Of myself.

Of my future.

Of whether I could bring this person into the world or not.

Nate

So that means you need a ride to work?

Nate

You’re on for eight tonight so I’ll pick you up at 7:45.

Before I could finish typing out my answer—that no, I didn’t need him to pick me up—he sent another message.

Nate

Don’t fight me on this. Or I’ll be there even earlier.

Fine.

It was no use arguing. When he set his mind to something, that was it. His dogged persistence was one of his most admirable qualities. Also one of the most exasperating when directed at me .

After lunch, courtesy of Nate, I walked to campus for my two afternoon classes, Auditing and Forensic Accounting. I’d been taking classes for years, a few credits a semester. Unlike other undergrads, I had to balance a full-time job and bills with academics, but I was so close to graduating. After this semester, I only needed to complete one more 400-level accounting class and my capstone project. Although, I had no idea what I would do once the baby was here.

If …

Shaking that terrible thought from my head, I refocused on my professor’s slides, while trying to ignore the idiot frat dude next to me. I’d chosen accounting as a major because I could graduate into a steady job. Every company needed an accountant, and lots of people used them for their personal taxes as well. With this degree, I’d never have to worry about unpredictability.

But a lot of these children—that’s what they were—didn’t give a shit. About anything. Besides maybe their next party or lay. Too bad I was stuck with two of them for a group project.

The professor finished explaining how each group would be given a hypothetical case scenario involving suspected fraud or unethical accounting practices at a fictional company. It would include background information, financial statements, accounting records, emails, and other documentation hinting at potential irregularities. Each group needed to analyze the materials as forensic accountants, identify any red flags or suspicious transactions, and determine what additional information or evidence they would want to obtain in an investigation. We would also conduct our own forensic accounting procedures, such as data mining, ratio analysis, risk assessments, and interviewing techniques to uncover and quantify the extent of the fraudulent activities. Each group would then prepare a report detailing their findings, calculating the financial impact, recommending internal control improvements, and potentially suggesting legal actions based on the evidence gathered during their simulated forensic investigation and present it to the class.

My assigned group was Kevin, the reincarnation of John Belushi from Animal House , and Maureen, the girl failing the class, which I knew because she’d asked me if she could borrow my notes since she’d missed a bunch of classes and tanked the first exam. So, this was going to be great.

Fucking great.

I took charge, because of course , and outlined what I wanted each of them to do, giving them different dates and times to meet up to discuss it. I didn’t trust either one of them to get anything done on their own.

Back at home, I warmed up under the blankets and relaxed a bit before I made myself dinner and dressed for work in my usual dark denim and Walt’s T-shirt. Although, I slid a flannel on over it, partially to ward away the cold and partially to cover up the slight bump of my belly.

I stood in front of the mirror for a long while holding up my shirt, turning this way and that, rubbing my hands over my stomach, hope and fear blossoming inside me with every new day. I hadn’t been raised with religion, but I had taken to talking to whatever deity was up there to get me and this baby through it. Miscarriages were common, but that word didn’t seem big enough for my situation, or others like mine. To deliver a baby girl who never even took her first breath. To hold the tiny bundle, only to have to decide if or where I wanted to bury her. I was grateful for the kindness of the hospital staff and to live in a state that didn’t force me to do anything. Rather, the decisions were left up to Danny and me. When we were practically babies ourselves.

We made the choice to cremate her, but neither one of us had the heart to name her. That made it feel too real. After everything I’d been through, I hadn’t thought I’d be able to handle that. Danny had ordered special urn jewelry so we would be able to carry the last pieces of her with us every day. A braided leather bracelet with a thick bead in the center for him, and a gold necklace with a starburst pendant for me. I remembered how he’d put it on me and kissed my cheek, saying, “We’re all made out of star stuff anyway. You’ll have the entire galaxy with you every day.”

It was the best thing he could’ve said.

One of the last things he’d said about it.

A few months later, we were divorced, neither one of us capable of working through it together.

Once again, I allowed myself to feel those feelings and then set them aside to put on my coat and meet Nate outside. After I buckled in, he gently tossed something into my lap. I held up the thirty-two-ounce stainless-steel water bottle and bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing at the customization of Maleficent with the words Mistress of Evil’s water. A running joke of how he insisted I had the cartoon villain’s vibes. I didn’t mind.

Could be worse comparisons than a witch snubbed by a baby. Appropriate, really.

“Thank you,” I said, opening it up to take a drink as he pulled away from the curb.

“You need to drink two of those a day,” he told me, making a left at the stop sign. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

He kept his eyes on the road but leaned toward me, evidently wanting more.

I sighed. “I’m fine.”

He turned down the volume of the radio so I couldn’t even listen to it. My punishment.

I tucked the water bottle in my bag and stared out of the window. “I feel better now than I did a few weeks ago. I have more energy, feel more clearheaded.”

“Good. What’d you have for dinner?”

I angled my head to glower at him. “What did you have for dinner?”

“A bacon cheeseburger with sweet potato fries, thanks for asking. It was delicious. Now, you go.”

I made a sort of gagging noise.

“What?”

“The idea of eating meat has been making me…” I stuck out my tongue.

“Baby’s a vegetarian, eh? Good to know. So what’d you eat?”

“Yogurt with granola and a banana.”

“That’s it? That’s a snack , Tabitha.”

“It was my dinner, Nathan . That’s all I was hungry for.”

“Did you pack food?” When I stayed quiet, he huffed a disappointed sound. But this was my body and my baby, and I didn’t need him looking over my shoulder to make sure I was taking my vitamins or whatever. I didn’t even know why he was so interested.

Then again, he had an ear for listening and a penchant for problem-solving. A meddlesome mother hen stuck inside the body of a CrossFit meathead.

“Listen, I never had a big appetite before, okay? I usually eat one bigger meal per day and then graze.”

“Yeah.” He threw his hand up. “Exactly. You should’ve brought snacks to graze on.”

“Stop micromanaging me.”

“Stop being so stubborn, and maybe I will.”

“Pot calling the kettle black,” I grumbled and flicked the volume back up to drown out any more of his bothersome questions. That were only a little bit sweet. Like, the tiniest. Mostly annoying.

The drive to Walt’s was about ten minutes, and he parked in the back. I set my things in the office and relieved Mickey. For a Friday at the beginning of February, the crowd wasn’t too bad. The closer to Valentine’s Day, the more people tended to brave the cold weather, and I noticed Nate’s sister, Genevieve, in a corner booth with her fiancé and one of Nate’s best friends, Dylan. The guy was hot . Also, completely and utterly smitten.

Gen waved when she spotted me, offering me one of her bright smiles, her blue eyes shining even in the dim light of the bar. She and her brother were similar in that way, both of them full of sunshine like they were born into a children’s cartoon. She was one of the few people whom I would call a friend. Even though we didn’t hang out, I had her number in my phone, and I always responded whenever she texted me a photo or link to something she thought reminded her of me. Endearing, really. These two siblings.

Nate clapped me on the shoulder as he checked in with me, once again reminding me to drink from my water bottle, before sitting with Gen and Dylan. I served up drinks, opened and closed tabs, emptied the dishwasher and refilled it, all while keeping an eye on that corner booth, sometimes curious as to what story Nate told with his hands moving all over, earning giggles from his sister and smirks from Dylan.

I’d been so preoccupied, I didn’t hear someone calling my name until he stood right in front of me.

“Tabby. You avoiding me or what?”

I blinked up to Harrison, frozen in place. Because, yes, I had been avoiding him.

We’d been texting on and off the last few weeks, as per usual. Our pattern had always been the same. On through the spring and summer, off before the big holidays hit. Which was okay for me. I could do my annual hiding away. I didn’t like making them into a big deal, not when I didn’t have anyone to spend them with.

Though, hopefully, I would soon.

I instinctively placed one hand on my belly. “Hi. How—hi.”

“Hey, beautiful.” Harrison smiled easily, his nice-guy dimples carving both of his cheeks, his blond hair styled to messy perfection. He had a Zack Morris thing about him. Comforting in that I always knew what to expect.

Which was why I’d been avoiding him. I knew what he would say when I told him I was pregnant, and if I were honest with myself, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

I wanted a family. A whole family. I always had. And no matter how I’d planned for it, I hadn’t been ready to face the inevitable yet.

But I guess the time had come.

“How are you doing?” he asked, and I swallowed hard.

“Good. You want a drink? I’d like to talk to you, but it’ll be a bit before I can take a break.”

“Yeah. Do you have that porter I like?”

“From Deschutes? Yeah.” I tapped him his beer on the house, and he pointed to an open two-top in front of the windows.

I worked for a few more minutes, formulating how I’d give him the news, until Nate sidled up next to me. “What’s Howard doing here?”

I didn’t even bother correcting him. “Came to see me.”

Nate held on to my wrist, stopping me from passing him to get to a customer, and assessed me with his steady gaze. “You okay?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“You don’t look okay.”

If I weren’t so tied up in knots, maybe I’d cry at his observation. But it was all I could do to keep myself together for what was about to happen. “Can I go talk to him for a few minutes?”

“Are you telling him?” When I nodded, Nate’s gaze flicked over my shoulder to where Harrison sat. “Take all the time you need.” Before I could step away from him, he pushed my water bottle into my hands with a stern eyebrow raise and a quiet, “You’ll be all right.”

I made my way over to the table, slipping onto the seat. Harrison grinned at me. “Missed you. We haven’t talked in a while. You won’t text me back.”

“Been busy.”

“With what?”

I wouldn’t categorize what we had as a real relationship, but it was close enough to one where we knew the basics about each other. At least, I knew the basics about him. He either always forgot or didn’t care enough about mine.

“School started,” I said, and he tapped his knuckles on the table, next to his glass.

“Right. Right. Well, I thought I’d come see what you’re up to. Thought maybe I could take you home.”

I attempted to clear the golf ball stuck in my throat. “Maybe not tonight.”

He reached out for me, tracing his thumb over the shell of my ear. Normally, I liked that. I didn’t tonight. Not when Nate glared daggers at us from his place behind the bar. I scooted my chair over, so I didn’t have a full view of him as I made this confession.

“We have to talk,” I started, lacing my fingers together.

Harrison waited with his usual ease, as if nothing in his life could go wrong. For him, probably not. He came from an affluent family with All-American white guy good looks. Life was a breeze.

Welp…

“Harrison, I’m pregnant.”

The smile melted from his face like a landslide pulling a house into the Pacific Ocean. He gaped at me. Blinked. And gaped some more.

“It’s yours,” I said, and that snapped him out of it.

“Are you sure?”

I huffed in irritation. “Yes.”

He didn’t appear to believe me, tap, tap, tapping his knuckles on the table. Had he always tapped like that? I couldn’t recall.

“How do you know it’s mine?”

My jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. How do I know? You could’ve been out here fucking all kinds of people.” He shrugged, his gaze coasting around as if I’d fucked everybody in the bar. “I have no idea.”

“ Harrison .” Offended, yet unable to come up with an appropriate comeback, I had trouble finding my words. I hadn’t practiced enough for this. “You know I haven’t been with anyone else.”

He stared at me, the wheels turning behind his angry eyes, obviously searching for a way out. “You’re not keeping it, are you?”

“Yes, I am.”

I didn’t think he’d be happy about this revelation, but I also never would have guessed how disgusted he’d be. His lip curled. “Why?”

“Because I want to. I want this baby.”

“Aren’t you all my body, my choice? What about now? Why aren’t you getting an abortion?”

I exhaled a stunned sound. “I don’t want one. That is my choice.”

“I’ll pay for it,” he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

Goose bumps dotted my skin, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes from anger. “What? Are you going to Venmo me?”

He raised his gaze to mine. Every bit of attraction I’d ever felt for him was gone. Evaporated with the utter revulsion in his stare. “I’m certainly not paying for this baby. I want nothing to do with it.” He stood, stepping closer to me, into my space, so I had to tilt my head back. I refused to back down, though all my martial arts training had drained from my brain. I doubted I could even land a strike with how my hands trembled. “This was never part of the plan.”

“I know. I?—”

He leered over me. “Did you do this on purpose? Are you trying to trap me?”

I shook my head, struggling to see with my blurry vision. “Don’t accuse me of forcing you to do anything you don’t want. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Oh. You wanted to let me know,” he mocked. “Well, thanks for nothing.”

He practically spat the words at me, and from the way he aimed his pointer finger at me, I assumed there was more to come, but he didn’t get it out. Because a body suddenly careened into him.

“Son of a bitch!” Nate roared, grabbing Harrison by the collar of his shirt to pin him against the window.

I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do or think. Could only watch this scene play out in front of me.

“You don’t fucking talk to her that way,” Nate gritted out, his jaw so tight I worried he’d crack a molar.

Harrison struggled with his footing. While he had the height advantage, I doubted the guy had ever done an ounce of manual labor in his life. He would have no idea how to fend off someone, let alone Nate in this wild state.

I touched Nate’s shoulder. “Let him go.”

Nate ignored me, pushing Harrison up to force him out the back door. Patrons gawked at them, but I had no idea how to fix the situation. Thankfully, Genevieve jumped behind the bar, directing everyone’s attention to her as Dylan appeared at my side, both of us following Nate as he wrestled Harrison outside.

“You don’t even fucking look at her anymore.” Nate tossed Harrison away and finally turned over his shoulder to me. “What did he say to you?”

I shook my head, refusing to answer, but that dumbass didn’t have the same reluctance. Harrison flung his hand in my direction. “She’s pregnant and is accusing me of being the dad.”

“ Accusing ?” Nate repeated. “You are the dad, you jackass.”

“Then she can get an abortion.”

In the blink of an eye, Nate was on Harrison again, landing a brutal blow to his face, shouting curses about how he never deserved me. He landed a right hook to Harrison’s side, audibly knocking the breath out of him and taking his feet out from under him.

I rushed toward them. “Nate! Stop!”

Dylan caught me around the waist. “Stay here,” he directed, pulling me back a few steps. “I’ll take care of it.”

Nate got in one more punch before Dylan hauled him off Harrison, one arm around his shoulders, the other around his torso, immobilizing his arms at his sides. “Enough.”

Harrison struggled to get up, slipping on a patch of ice, his breath forming clouds in front of his bloody mouth. “You crazy motherfucker. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What am I doing?” Nate fought to get away, but Dylan held him tight, leaving Nate to thrash against his hold. “I’m taking out the trash.”

Harrison wiped at his face and patted down his coat, as if that would make a difference, and then waved at the bar. “Say goodbye to this piece-of-shit place because this will all be mine once I press charges and sue you.”

That’s when I leaped forward, standing in front of Nate and Dylan. “You do that, and I’ll take you to court for child support.”

Harrison weighed his options and decided his ego wasn’t worth his child’s life. With a flippant wave that he was done , he stalked away from the bar. And me.

Even through my shock and hurt, I recognized the quiet rustling behind me, a few murmured words from Dylan about him not being worth it, and then, “Take care of your girl.”

The back door opened and closed with a thud, and a moment later, Nate’s arm banded around me, his familiar smell a comfort, his heat a balm to my soul. I turned into him and released all the tears I’d been holding back.

“I got you,” he rasped against my ear, tucking my head against his chest. “I got you.”

No one had ever stood up for me like that. Defended me so vehemently.

And I couldn’t help but appreciate it. More than that, love it.