29. Tabby

TWENTY-NINE

TABBY

I hadn’t been able to sleep. I tried. I brushed my teeth, put on my comfiest pajamas and white-noise playlist, but I couldn’t. I even tried a few chapters of my Scottish romance, but when that didn’t help, I gave up and went downstairs, settling on the couch with a blanket and the monitor next to me as I mindlessly watched Planet Earth with Lucy at my feet.

I checked the time once again. Almost three a.m. and still no word from Nate.

My stomach churned with guilt and worry. Our fight earlier tonight kept replaying in my head. I hated leaving things so raw and unfinished between us. Especially after he’d confessed how much it hurt him that I wouldn’t yet say “I love you” back.

I understood where he was coming from. I’d felt his love through his actions for months now. The nursery he’d meticulously decorated. The foot rubs and back massages when I could barely walk because of my gigantic belly. He never even blinked when it came to diaper changes. Or, hell, helping me change in those days after I delivered George.

He showed me he loved me in all the ways I needed, and he told me over and over because that’s what he needed—words.

But my hesitation to say them wasn’t about him. It was the barricade around my heart, cracked but still standing from my past. I wanted to tear it down brick by brick. I was trying. But old wounds didn’t heal easily or in a straight line.

I sighed, shifting positions on the couch again, too restless to get comfortable. Where was he? I needed him here so I could explain. So I could wrap my arms around his sturdy frame and whisper “I love you” into his neck. The words were there, waiting to be released. I just needed him to come home so I could set them free.

My phone lit up, buzzing on the coffee table. I grabbed it quickly, heart leaping when I saw the hospital’s name on the screen.

“Hello?” I answered urgently.

“Tabitha?” a woman’s voice replied. “This is Salma from Memorial Hospital. I called because you’re listed as Nathan Kozlowski’s emergency contact.”

The phone slipped from my fingers, clattering to the floor, and I fumbled to pick it up, my hands trembling. When I put it back to my ear, the woman was mid-sentence.

“I’m sorry, could you—could you repeat that?”

“I’m calling to inform you Nathan’s been brought in by an ambulance. He’s in?—”

My hand flew to my mouth. “Is he okay?”

“He is currently being tended to by the medical staff, but if you’re able, you should make your way here to?—”

“I’ll be right there. As soon as I can. I’ll be there.” I hung up and raced upstairs, my mind reeling with possibilities and none of them good.

But the more I panicked, the more difficult it was for me to do anything. I tripped while changing, couldn’t find my sneakers, and nearly flattened Lucy as I ran in circles.

“You have to get out of the way,” I snapped at her, throwing the diaper bag over my shoulder. I ran down the hall, Lucy trailing at my heels, to wake up George. He wouldn’t be happy, but there was nothing I could do. We had to get to the hospital.

Now .

“Come on, Frog,” I rasped, voice cracking with worry. He wiggled and squirmed, nose wrinkling in the telltale way before he would let out a cry. Which he did.

I tried to soothe him, offering him the elephant WubbaNub, which he hated, but I stuck it in his mouth anyway. “We have to get in the car, and I can’t feed you right now.”

Downstairs, I stuffed my cell phone into the bag, buckled George into the car seat, and slammed the door behind me, leaving Lucy howling in rage. I didn’t care. I had only one destination in mind.

Nothing else mattered.

With George safely stuck in the back seat, screaming his lungs out, I headed to the hospital. This time of night, there was no traffic, and I made it there within minutes, my mind consumed with worry, my eyes blurry with tears.

I burst through the emergency room doors, George wailing in my arms. I frantically scanned the room until I spotted the intake desk.

“Nathan Kozlowski,” I nearly shouted to the nurse behind the counter. “He was brought in by ambulance. I’m his emergency contact.”

She nodded, fingers clicking on the keyboard. “Let’s see… He arrived about thirty minutes ago. It looks like he’s still being evaluated and treated, but he’s listed in stable condition.”

My knees nearly buckled in relief. “Can I see him?”

“Not just yet, hon. As soon as the medical team finishes up, he’ll be moved to a room, and then you can visit.”

I blinked back tears, adjusting a screaming George on my shoulder.

The nurse gave me a sympathetic look. “Why don’t you have a seat in our waiting area? I’ll come grab you as soon as we get word you can see him.”

I nodded numbly and made my way over to the small waiting section, collapsing into a chair. George cried, face scrunched and red. “Shh, it’s okay,” I murmured, tugging my shirt up to pull my bra down to feed him. I didn’t care about modesty or judgmental looks, and if I couldn’t feed my kid here in a hospital, where could I? “We’re gonna see Daddy soon.”

George gulped down the milk greedily while I held him, my nose clogged and my eyes stinging with tears. I adjusted my hold on Frogger to find a tissue in my bag. A few seconds later, the check-in nurse appeared by my side. She rested a hand gently on my shoulder and offered me a box of tissues.

The simple act made me absolutely crumble.

“Oh honey, it’s all right,” she said, sitting next to me. “Try not to worry too much.”

I nodded, barely able to utter a thank-you through my hiccuping sobs.

She rubbed my upper back until I caught my breath then asked, “How old is your baby?”

“He’s, uh…” I sniffled into a tissue. “He’s thirteen weeks.”

“You’ve got yourself a big boy.”

I huffed in amusement, despite my misery. “Yes, he is.”

After a few moments of us watching George eat, she told me quietly, “Your husband’s injuries aren’t life-threatening. He’ll be fine, but he’ll be moved to a room for some monitoring because of the smoke inhalation. He’s awake and talking.”

I let out a shaky breath, gratefulness washing over me for her giving me information I doubted she was permitted to. “Thank you.”

She smiled kindly. “I’ll come back for you as soon as he’s settled in his room, but you let me know if you need anything, okay?”

I managed a small, watery smile in return. As she walked away, I sagged back against the chair, nestling George close in the crook of my arm, my other hand on his head, cradling him completely against me.

Nate was okay. He was here, and he was alive. I only needed to see his face. To touch him and know that he was still mine.

I traced my fingertips over the crown of George’s head. “Daddy’s gonna be fine,” I told him, willing it to be true. “He’s too stubborn not to be.”

After George finished eating, and he fell asleep, I adjusted my top to cover up but continued to hold him, not wanting to put him down. When everything else felt so precarious, I needed the physical tether to my baby to keep me whole and sane. As we waited, I texted Genevieve to tell her I was here with Nate, not wanting to call her with the baby.

But I should have known she’d answer.

Gen

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

I’m not sure. I got a call that he was here and now I’m waiting in the er.

the check-in person told me he’s okay

he’s going to stay here though

Gen

OMG. OMG.

Gen

Are you okay? Where is George?

with me. we’re both here.

Gen

I’ll send Dylan.

No don’t

I don’t know what exactly is going on except he is going to be moved to a room for observation

please don’t send Dylan

there will be nothing for him to do

Gen

Fine. But keep me updated. Every ten minutes.

you need to sleep

Gen

I haven’t slept in days. I think I’m delirious. Text me. Call me. I don’t care but if you don’t I will send Dylan, and you don’t want his grumpy ass coming down there making a scene.

I outright laughed. Leave it to her to make me laugh now.

as soon as I know more I’ll call you.

The minutes crawled by for what felt like an eternity, but the nurse eventually waved me over.

“He’s asking for you,” she said, eyes crinkling with a secretive smile like maybe we weren’t supposed to be doing this. “Come on back.”

I followed her on shaky legs down the hall, George asleep in his car seat, my heart thudding in my ears.

She paused outside of a room and nudged the door open. “Go on in. I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you both.”

I stepped inside, breath catching at the sight of Nate propped up in the hospital bed. His color was good, eyes alert, and he broke into a grin when he saw us.

“There’s my family,” he said, voice gravelly but wonderfully familiar.

I set the car seat on the floor and rushed to his side, tears spilling over once more. This time, they were tears of joy. He smoothed his hand over my head and hair, shushing me, kissing me, murmuring, “Don’t cry, princess.”

It took a minute until I could pull myself together and lift my head, finding Nate’s eyes red and glassy. His hair was complete chaos, his body covered in a hospital gown, with wires hooked up to him and a few machines, one of them a heart monitor, displaying the beautiful and perfect rhythm.

“How are you?” I asked, and he shrugged, vaguely motioning to his left leg.

“They got me on some pain meds. I got a pretty good gash and burn on my calf that they fixed up, and besides some smoke in my lungs that feels like I swallowed a cheese grater, I’m fine.”

His voice did sound like it had been dragged over broken glass and then put in a blender. “How’s Frog?”

I leaned over to tug the car seat closer, our son blissfully asleep and unaware. “He’s okay. I fed him while we were in the waiting room.”

I couldn’t help the way my voice broke on the last syllable, but I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. Perched on the edge of his bed, I laced my fingers through his, unwilling to let him go. “What happened?”

He dropped his head back to the pillow, his eyes half lidded. “Remember how I said the HVAC system was fucked?” When I widened my eyes in horror, he released a long, painful sigh. “I was by myself in the office when I heard some sounds. By the time I got out to the floor, the ceiling was already on fire.”

“Oh god,” I whispered, scooting as close to him as possible, reaching out my free hand to curl around his bearded jaw.

“It spread quick,” he went on, though I didn’t need much more of an explanation. “It’s bad, the damage. I’m not sure…”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. None of that matters.” I cupped his face with both of my hands, catching the vague scent of smoke off his skin. I assumed his clothes were trashed. “As long as you’re okay, that’s all I care about. You’re here with me and George. That’s all. That’s everything.”

Tears fell from my cheeks and onto Nate’s face. He didn’t wipe them away, merely bent forward to kiss my wet skin. “I was so scared,” he said, and I could hear his own tears in his voice. “All I thought about was you and George. You two were the last thing I saw.”

I dropped my head, crying and kissing him, barely breathing as I tried to get it all out. “I love you. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry about what I said to you. You’re not needy. You’re perfect. I love you, and I won’t hold back. I—” My breath hiccuped. “I promise, no more holding back, because I love you.”

He wiped his palms across my eyes and face. “I’m sorry too. You’re not frigid. You’re the very opposite. You’re full of emotion. You just needed a fire to let it out.”

I thumped his chest, snorting a laugh that caught in my throat, causing me to cry more. “I fucking hate you so much. Never do that to me again.”

He pulled me toward him for a kiss on the lips that tasted salty and full of promises. “I love you,” I said against his mouth. “I love you. I love you.”

He smiled. “I think I like that even more than you begging.”

I pushed away from him to roll my eyes. “Do you ever take anything seriously?”

“Yeah.” He covered my hand with his. “Taking care of you and our baby.”

I couldn’t deny that.

“But until I know more about the damage to Walt’s, I’m not sure about our financial situation,” he said soberly until his blue-gray eyes lit with levity, his mouth curving into a teasing smile. “You might have to support us, and I’ll have to be a house husband for real.”

“That’s okay,” I agreed easily. “I kinda like the sound of that.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Gonna keep me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen?”

“You’d look damn sexy vacuuming in an apron.”

His laugh melded into a cough that had me reaching for the cup of water on his side table, holding it out for him to sip from. When he finished, he smiled at me. “Anything for you, princess.” Then he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said and reached down for George when he whined. I handed him over to Nate then snuggled into his side.

Even waiting in this emergency room with the love of my life hooked up to beeping machines, I felt content.

Nate was going to be fine.

Our family was whole and happy.

And that was all that mattered.

I was theirs, and they were mine.