16. Nate

SIXTEEN

NATE

I t was safe to say I kept Tabby in a sex coma for the entirety of her spring break, which made hard conversations a lot easier when she was sluggish from orgasms, curled in my arms, yawning against my chest.

Yesterday, when I’d brought up what exactly we were telling people about our relationship, she didn’t have an answer. “I don’t have a lot of people to tell,” she’d said, and I would have rather taken a punch to the face than hear those words delivered in her absent-minded sleepy voice.

It broke my heart.

She wanted people to tell about the baby, and it kept me up most of the night, thinking about how I could provide that for her. It was around 3:20 in the morning when it hit me. I had already provided it for her.

Walt’s wasn’t her scene, and yet she’d been working with me for a decade. She didn’t have a lot of girlfriends, yet she gladly accepted Genevieve’s friendship. She didn’t have a family of her own, but she was allowing me to help her build one.

So, this morning, after I ate her out and fed her breakfast, I asked if I could tell people we were together. And, oh yeah , she was pregnant.

After a minute of thought, she agreed then slung her bag over her shoulder, and off she went to school. Then I texted Evie.

I’m going to tell Mom about Tabby today.

Evie

You are? Because I was planning on talking to her today.

Okay?

Evie

No, like

Evie

TALK TO HER

Okay?

Are we not allowed to do that on the same day?

Evie

I’m pregnant, and I have to tell Mom.

WHAT THE FUCK

YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH MY BEST FRIEND’S BABY?

WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME?

IM GOING TO BE AN UNCLE?!?!

IM EMOTIONAL

Evie

I can tell.

Evie

You need a moment?

I’m fine.

Just crying into my coffee.

Evie

So should we do it together? Drop the bombs?

Yeah, why not?

Come over and we’ll FaceTime her.

Evie

See you in an hour.

Then I texted Tabby screenshots of that text convo. Her reply?

Tabitha

The nerve.

I called her immediately, and she picked up, saying, “Class starts in five minutes.”

“Did you know? That Evie’s pregnant?”

“Yeah. She told me a few weeks ago.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

“Because she and Dylan wanted to wait until after the first trimester.”

I trapped an argument on the tip of my tongue about how we didn’t have secrets anymore. Now that Tabby and I were an us now, the cone of silence disintegrated.

But I swallowed it down real quick. After learning about Tabby’s first pregnancy, I understood the desire to keep it quiet. Pain of loss was hard enough without others knowing about it.

“Well, she’s coming over so we can call my mom,” I explained. When I was met with silence, I asked, “That’s okay, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s fine.”

I got up to put my dish in the washer. “Why’s your voice all weird?”

“My voice isn’t weird.”

“Yes, it is. Should I not tell my parents about us?”

The background noise on her end faded like she’d stepped somewhere quiet, but she didn’t respond.

“Tab. What is it?”

Entire months passed before she finally spat it out. “Is she going to be upset? I don’t want her to hate me.”

This girl. All she wanted was to be loved. So much so that she feared my mother would hate her.

Goddamn.

I leaned my elbows on the counter, dropping my head in my hands, pretending I didn’t want to fight anyone and everyone who had ever hurt her. “No, Tabby, she’s not going to hate you.”

“I’m pregnant with somebody else’s baby.”

Lighting myself on fire would have been less painful than that reminder, but this wasn’t about me right now. It was about reassuring her. “I don’t know how she’ll react, but I can guarantee it will not be with anything close to hatred. For all of my mom’s faults, she would never judge you. Plus,”— I love you —“she’s always wanted me to find a nice girl and settle down.”

Tabby snorted.

“You’re not exactly nice, but you have settled me down, so one out of two ain’t bad.” I laughed. “I heard your eye roll.”

“I have to go.”

“Okay. I’m making this potpie recipe from Pioneer Woman for dinner.”

“All right,” she said, but I knew she was smiling. My woman liked when I played homemaker.

To annoy her, I made smooching sounds into the phone, and after she hung up, I unplugged my laptop from where I had it charging and made myself at home in the living room to wait for Evie.

She arrived with a frozen drink from Wawa, nudging Lucy out of the way when she sat down next to me. “Come on, Luce, knock it off.” She held up her drink as my dog licked at her face. “Oof. Brush your teeth.”

I grabbed my dog and sniffed at her mouth. “Tabby said the same thing. I don’t think her breath smells extraordinarily bad. I give her those bones to clean her teeth.”

My sister shrugged, kicking her feet up on the ottoman as she sipped her drink. It was pink with whipped cream on top. “I don’t know. I guess it’s not bad. Just a lot .”

“Pregnancy give you superpowers or something?” I joked, setting Lucy on the floor. She immediately trudged over to Evie, waiting for something to drop from her drink.

“Actually, yeah. Now that you say that, my sense of smell has been stronger. I think that’s what’s been making me so nauseous.”

I hummed, considering that information, and it certainly made sense. Tabby hadn’t been able to stand the scent of meat earlier in her pregnancy. I nodded to her drink. “What’s that about?”

“Goes down easy,” she said, patting her still-flat stomach. My sister had been a dancer her whole life, and I suspected she might not display any outward signs of pregnancy for a while. Not like Tabby, who’d been growing rounder by the day since she’d first popped. Even her face was changing, the harsh lines of her jaw softening, her hips not as narrow, and while I didn’t think of her as a particularly vain person, I also didn’t think she’d enjoy me telling her how much I liked her like this, all plump and cute and complaining about her bras not fitting.

Shaking all thoughts of naked Tabby from my head, I texted Dylan as Evie talked about their wedding in June, worrying about her dress and the baby bump she’d have by that point, as well as if she was going to keep it a secret until then.

Evie told me.

Dylan

Thanks man

“Mom’s not too good at keeping secrets,” I noted putting my phone down, and Gen flopped her head back to the cushion.

“I know. No wonder where you get it from.”

I lightly knocked her in the arm. “Hey. I can keep a secret, if it’s worth it.” I motioned to her stomach. “Worth it.”

She grinned. I did too.

Then I slid my computer closer to us on the coffee table. “You ready?”

She tugged on her earring. “Might as well get it over with.”

I clicked on our mother’s contact to video call her, making sure Evie and I were both in the picture.

Mom worked from home as a medical coder, which always gave her lots of time to text and call us whenever she pleased. She picked up after a few rings, her brows high in surprise as she smiled, equal parts confused and happy. “What a surprise! My two children calling me together.” After a second, her face paled. “What’s wrong? Why are you both calling me? Are you sick? Who is sick? Why didn’t you take me to the appointment with you? I?—”

“Hi, Mom,” Evie muttered flatly.

“Everything’s good,” I said. “Stop spiraling. No one is sick.”

She leaned closer to her screen, inspecting us. Satisfied with whatever she saw, she backed away and smiled again. Evie looked a lot like her; both of them had dark brown hair, the same nose, and matching blue eyes, big and bright. Mine were like our father’s, more gray than blue.

“So, you’re just calling to say hi?” Mom clasped her hands, elated at the idea, and I hated to burst her bubble. We were not those types of kids. We didn’t have that kind of relationship with our parents, no matter how Mom tried.

And I did feel bad about that. Mom constantly tried, while Dad never did. But I was a grown man, and I didn’t need to call my mother simply to chat. We weren’t buddies.

“We both have some news,” I said, and I could see the wheels turning in Mom’s head as her eyes ping-ponged between us.

“Well?” she prompted impatiently, sitting forward.

Next to me, Evie took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant?” When my sister nodded, my mother proceeded to lose her shit, clapping and dancing and crying. “You know, I used to worry about you getting pregnant in high school, always with…” She rolled her hand in the air. “What was his name?”

“Brent,” Evie supplied, and I crossed my arms with a huff.

“That fucking guy.”

Evie covered her laugh with her hand, her engagement ring evidence of how long-forgotten that fucking guy was, as Mom went off on some tangent about how she’d caught them fooling around in the basement and how she’d been so worried Evie would get pregnant and never follow her dreams.

“It never happened, so I don’t know why you’re bringing it up,” Evie said, once our mother finished her diatribe.

“Because I was so afraid and then you did go off and follow your dreams, and I was afraid you’d never get married and have kids and…”

My sister hid her face with her hand, glowering at me. Yes, my mother could be a little dramatic, but Genevieve also had very little patience.

I mean, I could see Mom’s connection. She was happy that her fears weren’t realized. Did she need to say it out loud? Definitely not.

“I can’t believe you’re getting married and having a baby. I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandma,” she said, circling back around. “How far along are you? Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl? We need to start thinking names!”

My sister held her hands up. “ We do not need to start thinking about names. Calm down. I’m almost three months.”

“Ah.” Mom started to cry. “This is so amazing. I’m so happy. I can’t wait to help you.”

My sister slapped at my shoulder. “Actually, I think you’ll need to help him more.”

I didn’t mind her throwing me under the bus. I had a better handle on our mother. Besides, I would need help once the baby came. She lived in Toms River, New Jersey, with her husband, but I half expected her to sprout wings and fly here immediately.

“What do you need help with, sweetie?”

“Well…” I combed my fingers through my hair a few times. “I know you remember Tabitha.”

“Of course. The girl who wears all black and never smiles. I don’t know why, she’s so pretty. If she wore something with color, it would brighten her up a bit.”

Evie plopped her face in her hands, muttering something I couldn’t hear.

I ignored my mother’s advice and went on, “Yeah, her. The one who’s been managing the bar and doing my books and basically?—”

“Yeah, I know who you’re talking about. Is she okay?”

I nodded. “We started dating.”

Mom lit up. “Really? That’s wonderful. You know, I always thought you two had a little something going on. Whenever I came to see you at work, you were always watching her and, of course, always talking about her whenever I asked about the bar.”

“See?” Evie shot me a victorious look. “I told you.”

Mom tossed her hands in the air. “I’m so happy for both of you. Oh my gosh, I’m about to burst. I need to tell Nick. He’s going to?—”

“She’s pregnant.”

Mom froze at my words, mid-text to, I assumed, our stepdad. It took her a while to raise her gaze. “I’m going to be a grandma double?”

Before she could start off in another spiral, I stopped her. “I need you to chill out about this, okay? Because it’s complicated. So before you start making plans, I need you to listen to me.”

She set her phone down. I didn’t often—almost never—use a stern voice with my mother, but she had to understand she could unintentionally fuck up the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn’t want Tabby to be smothered, and my mother knew exactly how to do that.

“The last thing I want is Tabby to feel overwhelmed,” I said, more gently. “It’s complicated.”

“What’s complicated?”

“We just got together?”

I could see Mom doing the math in her head. “What do you mean? Did you—is this a…a thing where you didn’t… Was it a one-night stand or something? Don’t tell me that, Nathan.”

“We are together,” I stated, needing to fill in the blanks. “But it’s only been a few weeks, and she is pregnant, but the baby is…not mine…biologically.”

On-screen, Mom slanted her head, clearly thrown for a loop.

My sister slid her hand around my arm, squeezing it in support.

“Okay. Well…” Mom nodded to herself a few times, what she did when she gathered her thoughts. “I…I am happy if you’re happy. Are you happy?”

“I’m happy,” I murmured, feeling oddly emotional. The last few months had been like the first big hill on a roller coaster, a weightless plunge, and now, we were starting to straighten out, but I still didn’t know what to expect. But this, right here, felt like a big step forward, telling my mother.

Who shocked me when she asked, “Are you sure?”

I wrenched back. “Am I sure I’m happy? Yes, Mom, I’m sure.”

Next to me, Evie made a disgruntled sound.

Mom held her hands over her heart. “I didn’t say that to upset you. I can see you’re getting upset. I don’t want that, okay? I asked because you said your relationship is new, and this isn’t your baby, and I don’t want… I’m afraid you’ll get your heart broken. Raising kids is hard, and if there’s nothing tying you to her or the baby, I don’t…” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head as I gripped my sister’s hand, heat crawling over my skin. “It will be very hard, is all.”

I wasn’t going to yell at my mother.

I wasn’t going to yell at my mother.

I was not going to yell at my mother.

But I would burn shit down for Tabitha.

“I wouldn’t care if she gave birth to an alien,” I said carefully, overenunciating so there would be no mistaking my meaning. “I am going to take care of Tabby and the baby, no matter what. Do not ask me if I am happy about it. Do not tell me how hard it is going to be. Do not give me advice about my relationship.”

I didn’t want to shove her own failed marriage in her face, but I also didn’t like to be tested. “Tabby’s not had an easy go of it, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure the rest of her life is smooth.”

I hoped she understood my meaning. My relationship with my father was shit, but I would gladly toss the one I had with my mother into the ocean if she did or said anything to disrupt what Tabby and I had.

“And I’m going to tell you this in complete confidence, Mom, but Tabby was really worried about me talking to you. She, of course, would never say this out loud to anyone, would absolutely kill me if she knew I was telling you this…”

Without even knowing what I was going to say, my sister agreed with a quiet laugh and a “Yep.”

“But she doesn’t have any family, and I know she is desperate for one. She wants and needs people around her for support, and she was nervous that you were going to be upset when I told you, because she wants to be included. She wants to be loved, and she was afraid you wouldn’t accept her.”

Both Evie and our mother sniffled, undoubtedly troubled by my words, but I didn’t care. Tabby lived this every day, and if it took them—specifically, my mother—getting a little upset for the point to be made, so be it.

I continued after a deep breath. “I’m telling you that I will always choose her, so please don’t ask me if I’m happy or think you’re going to make me second-guess my decisions because I’m not going to. There was never a choice. It was always her. It will always be her.”

Mom nodded as Evie patted my back, whispering a quiet, “Well said.”

“I understand,” my mother said, blinking her eyes a few times to clear them of their glassiness. “I’m just so surprised, but I’m also very, very proud of you, Nathan.”

“Thank you.”

Then she smiled, mood shifted. “Now, what do you need me to do? I can?—”

“Nothing right now.”

“What about you, Evie?” Mom lifted her cell phone again. “With the wedding and the baby coming this year, we will have so much to do. Two showers! Oh my gosh, what is?—”

“I’ll let you know, Mom,” she said. “We don’t really need a wedding shower because we don’t need anything for the house, so let me talk about it with Dylan. We haven’t even told anyone else I’m pregnant, so?—”

Mom perked up even more. “You didn’t tell your father?”

“Not yet.”

She was the cat who caught the canary. “Well, I am here whenever you need me. You know it’s nothing for me to drive over there. If there’s no traffic, I can get there in an hour and a half.”

I huffed a laugh. “If you’re going ninety.”

Mom shrugged. “You know I have a lead foot.”

When she started on a tangent about onesies and burp cloths, Evie and I exchanged a look, both of us giving our excuses.

“I gotta get to work,” I said at the same time she said, “I’ve got to get new tires on my car.”

New tires on your car? I mouthed.

My sister was a terrible liar.

She shrugged, waving at our mother. “We’ll talk later, okay? I’ll call you.”

“Promise?”

Evie sighed. “I promise. I will call you after I’ve talked to Dylan about everything, all right? Don’t get any ideas about driving here or sending me anything.”

Mom squirmed like that was exactly what she planned on doing.

“Same goes for me,” I said. “I’ll send you some ultrasound pictures, though.”

That’s when she started crying, and I ended the call before we got stuck with her while she sobbed. “Okay, Mom. We love you. Bye!”

Evie threw herself against the back of the couch, and I snapped my laptop shut. “I need a drink.”

My sister blew out a breath. “Me too. Damn it. The one time I need one, and I can’t have one.”

I tossed my arm around her neck, towing her roughly into me, proceeding to wrestle for a few seconds. When she settled against me, free of my hold, she tipped her head back, smiling up at me. “Don’t worry too much. Tabby’s too tough to be scared away from the likes of Mom, but you handled her nicely.”

I accepted her compliment with a whack on her knee. “Thanks for having my back.”

“Of course.”

I tugged at the ends of my hair. “So, we’re really doing this, huh? The blind leading the blind into the world of parenting.”

“Dylan’s already done it before, so I’m good.”

I crossed my arms, wagging my head side to side. “Guess I gotta eat shit and ask them for advice after all these years of giving them shit.”

She grinned. “Guess so.”