10. Tabby

TEN

TABBY

I t had been one week since Nate had come to my rescue for the ultrasound appointment and completely ambushed me with his demand that I move in with him. One week of him hovering over me until I finally snapped at him, yelling at him, “I’m pregnant, not an invalid!” One week of waking up to texts from him, ranging from the standard “good morning” to random, ridiculous ideas, like a picture of a T-shirt he wanted to buy me that read “Pregosaurus” or the matching frog Halloween costumes for Frogger and me. When I reminded him that October was more than six months away, he sent another photo of a family dressed as breakfast foods. Couldn’t help but notice, it was a family with a man, woman, and couple of children included.

Subtlety? Never heard of it.

And whenever he tried to bring up the topic of my moving in with him, I usually used the “gotta pee” excuse. Pregnancy was handy like that sometimes.

But I knew I had to come to a decision soon. Especially since Ming-Yue had informed me last night that she had someone interested in moving in. “No rush, though,” she’d said, staring at my baby bump like it was contagious.

The future loomed ahead, a huge unknown I didn’t know how to prepare for. If I was even really prepared and capable of raising a child alone. Yes, I had Nate’s support, but he had made it clear for years that kids were not in his life plan. What if I moved in, and he suddenly realized this was all too much?

Not to mention the fear of how moving in to his house would change everything. I would have nowhere to run or hide, and I’d have to face this thing that had always been between us. The thing that had started ten years ago with a handshake and had steadily grown, with patience and understanding on his part and my desire to be in his orbit.

Sometimes it felt like déjà vu. When I’d catch him looking at me or when he’d offer a light pat to my shoulder or when I’d crack a smile at one of his dumb jokes and he’d pump his fist like he got me , it felt like we’d done it all before.

And his plan to get me this time involved his sister. Because she had texted me last night to see if I would meet her for manicures and pedicures then lunch. Before I could even answer thanks but no thanks, she replied that her brother was treating us, and he was always one goddamn step ahead.

That was why I found myself perusing the hundreds of nail polishes to choose from while Genevieve tried to decide between two reds that appeared exactly the same to me. “I like how this one sparkles a little more, right?” When I shrugged, she nodded to herself. “What are you getting? I like that glittery one.” She pointed to the iridescent one in front of me that was black, green, or purple, depending on the angle. “Reminds me of space.”

I turned to her. “That’s what I thought too.”

She flipped the bottle upside down and read the name. “Stardust.”

Well, hell. I guess I had to get it now. Absently touching my necklace, I accepted the bottle back from her as we were escorted back to pedicure chairs next to each other and already filled with bubbly water.

“You didn’t have to go to any trouble for me,” I told her once we were settled, and she waved a dismissive hand.

“You’re growing a tiny human. The least I could do is pamper you a bit. Plus, I wanted to spend some time with you and have a chat.”

“Because your brother asked you to?”

“Yes and no. Even if he didn’t want me to convince you of all his wonderful qualities, I would’ve texted you anyway.”

“You wanted to hang out?”

She snorted a little laugh. “We are friends, aren’t we? I hope you weren’t faking it this whole time.”

I’d met Genevieve a handful of times in the ten or so years I’d worked at Walt’s, but when she’d moved back to West Chester about two years ago, that was when I’d really gotten to know her as she’d bartended with me. Gen was exactly as easygoing and approachable as Nate but without the aggressively pushy attitude, so it was easy to be around her. She was just so nice all the time.

I used to be nice. Until life got hard, and then I didn’t have the patience for it. To smile and have conversations. I didn’t have any fucks left to give. But I gave a fuck about Gen. Gave even more about her brother.

Didn’t have enough hands to carry all the fucks I gave about him.

Fuck .

“Sorry. I’m not used to…any of this,” I said by way of explanation, hoping I didn’t sound like a total loser. It had been a long time since someone had taken care of me the way Nate—and, by extension, his sister—had. I’d been alone for a long time, shutting people out to keep what was left of my heart intact, but being here with Gen was wonderful. And yeah, I guess I could use more of it. “But I’m happy you invited me.”

She grinned, and we talked about things like the dance classes she taught and how she’d been getting a funny pain in her hip lately. I told her I did too, but that it was a round ligament pain from Frogger growing. That had her very interested and led into some questions about my pregnancy, her chin in her hands as she listened intently to the tidbits of information I offered.

“But you’re feeling good?” she asked as we were led out of our pedicure chairs to tables for our manicures.

“Yeah. I’m feeling really good. Aside from the emotional stress, physically, I feel really great.”

She eyed me, and I could see her wheels turning at my admission of emotional stress, but she didn’t offer me her pitch yet. Instead, she jutted her chin for me to sit and enjoy my manicure, which I did. And when we were both finished, she talked me into taking a selfie with our new nails. “Proof of life,” she said, sending it off to Dylan and then to Nate with, “He wants to make sure his money is being well spent.”

“And that you’re convincing me to move in with him in a timely manner?”

She laughed. “Yeah, that too.”

We made our way outside with the intent of grabbing lunch at the Panera at the other end of the strip mall, but I’d only taken two steps when Gen tugged on my arm. “Hey, I actually need to tell you something.”

I pivoted and tipped my head up since she had a few inches on me, waiting as she seemed to gather her words. “No one knows besides Dylan, but I’m pregnant.”

I stared at her with my mouth slightly agape. “You… what ? Really?”

“Yeah.” Her giggle sounded relieved, her smile practically radiant. “It was a complete surprise. Well, not a surprise surprise, ” she said in a stage whisper I assumed was because those two were doing it like rabbits. At least, that’s what Nate always made it sound like. I thought they were merely two people very much in love.

“When did you find out?”

“I took a test two weeks ago, so I’m only about eight weeks along now, but I’m excited and kinda feeling like I could jump out of my skin.”

I understood that feeling. “You didn’t even tell Nate yet?”

She shook her head. “We wanted to keep it to ourselves until the second trimester, but since you’re…” She motioned to my stomach then to her own. “I thought we could, like, go through this all together. You know? I don’t have any pregnant friends, and I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to anyone and?—”

I stopped her rambling with a hug, throwing my arms around her without thinking. “Yeah,” I breathed, nose stinging with the unrealized longing to have people around me. She was offering me what I’d always wanted; I only had to be brave enough to accept this new family. “Yeah, I want that. You and me going through it together.”

She laughed, all watery, and so did I. When we broke apart, we held hands, smiling through elated tears.

“Frogger is making me so emotional,” I said, wiping my cheeks.

Gen pulled tissues from her purse, handing one to me and using the other one herself. “Frogger. That’s adorable.”

“Your brother.”

She nodded, needing no further explanation. Once we pulled ourselves together, we walked to Panera, ordered our meals, and found a table by the window.

Gen picked at her salad. “Okay. So. Ready to hear it now?”

I swallowed down a spoonful of the French onion soup, pulling on a string of melted cheese. “Sure.”

“I know you know Nate in ways I never could. You probably know things about him that I wouldn’t want to know. I also don’t think you really need any convincing about moving in with him because, like I told Nate a long time ago, he’s right there . And I feel like you already knew but have been waiting for him to catch up.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shook my head, but I couldn’t pretend. According to her wry smile, she didn’t buy it either.

“You two complement each other. You’re both smart, driven, and stubborn, but you also even each other out.” She waved her fork around with a cucumber stuck on the tines. “He’s all outward emotion and brash acts, while you’re more thoughtful and… I wouldn’t call you gentle—” I snickered at that “—but maybe tender…in a way you don’t let many people see.”

I hated that she was right and stuffed a piece of bread in my mouth to keep from telling her I didn’t appreciate being read this way.

She ate her bite of food and sipped on her water. “Nate’s mostly a big golden retriever, but when it comes to the people he loves, he turns into a Doberman pretty quick. Right?”

“Yeah.” And I didn’t need to ask who she meant by “people he loves.” The implications there, about me and this baby, were clear.

“I know he’s been an overbearing dick,” Genevieve went on. “But when Nate chooses someone, that’s it. They’re his for life. They’re his family, and I’m sorry to say he’s chosen you.”

My first instinct was to admire the man for how big and loud he loved. My second was to feel unworthy. How could anyone be deserving of such a gift? His unwavering support, his endless generosity, but mostly, his all-encompassing love.

It was too easy to feel like it was too much, too fast, too big, too soon, too everything.

I’d survived so long on barely enough. It was incredible to imagine that I could have everything. I could be a glutton. With Nate basically hand-feeding me.

“Did he ever tell you about our parents’ divorce?” Gen asked, pulling me from my daydream of giving in. Of saying yes.

“Not much. Only that he was fourteen and it was rough.”

“I really struggled, but he…” She winced. “He was crushed. I don’t want to speak for him, but I know he always wanted a closer relationship with our dad. I guess he saw how other boys were with their dads, and he wanted the same thing. Then when our parents split, there was no chance for that to happen, and it all sort of unraveled from there. You don’t need a psych degree to see the connection. He’d always said he didn’t want to be a dad because he didn’t know how to be one. He didn’t know how to fix his relationship with our dad, so how could he have a relationship with his own kid?”

She met my eyes, tucking her hair behind her ears, smiling a secretive smile that made me feel like we had our own sorority. One with only two members who understood the inner workings of Nate Kozlowski. “But you and I both know he just needed the opportunity to show up. The chance to step up and be the guy he’d always wanted growing up. Be the man who loves with all his heart. And he’s got so much to give, it’s like he doesn’t know what to do with it all. Maybe it would calm him down a bit.” She laughed at herself. “Besides, don’t you think you deserve it? To be loved like that?”

I blinked and blinked some more, swallowing down the lump in my throat, placing my hand on the fluttering in my belly. Yeah, Frogger. I get it. We’re talking about your favorite person.

“Honestly.” I sniffed. “I’ve never cried more in my life than with this pregnancy.”

“That’s all right. I’m sure Nate’s already bought the economy-size tissues from Costco.”

I had a feeling tissues were the least of his purchases, and accepting that fact felt both thrilling and terrifying. To know he would give everything he had to Frogger and me.

But if we committed to this, everything would change. The careful boundaries we’d maintained for years would crumble. There would be no going back, no more hiding from the complicated thing that had lingered beneath the surface.

Was I ready for that? Was I ready to let him all the way in after keeping everyone else out for so long? I didn’t know, but before I could slip too far down the rabbit hole of anxiety, Gen distracted me with a picture Dylan had sent her of him and his kids. In it, he scowled while his kids played with what seemed to be Easter egg dye all over the table.

“He doesn’t look happy.”

Gen flipped her phone back to stare all gooey-eyed at it. “He’s got no patience for that kind of stuff. I told them to wait until I got home, but he’s a total sucker for them. Can never say no.”

I huffed, recalling what I knew of Nate’s friends. All of them dads, and all of them useless under the control of toothy smiles and a few pleading words. Nate wasn’t much better.

And his sister plucked the words straight from my mind. “You better get ready. Because Nate will be the worst of all.”

I didn’t know if I could ever be truly ready, but I was willing to be open to all the possibilities and ridiculous Halloween costumes it would bring. I found my phone to type out a message.

You think you can borrow someone’s truck?

Nate

Yeah. What do you need?

To move some boxes.

Instead of a text back, my phone buzzed in my hand. Genevieve lifted her attention to me as I held it at my ear, Nate’s voice loud enough that even she could hear. “You could have held out longer, you know. Evie was only level two.”

“How many levels did you have planned out?”

“Five.”

I bit the insides of my cheeks, fearing they might crack if I gave in to the threatening grin.

“So, I’ll see you tonight?” he asked, and I didn’t think twice about my answer.

“Yes.”