Chapter 9

I should never have left her.

That was the one thought that Anthony was struck with now. He never should have left London, and most certainly should not have left Chloe. He had to, of course, he had been left with very little choice, but that did not make it any easier. The air of Anthony's study was heavy with the scent of leather bound books and the faint crackle of a dwindling fire in the hearth. But none of that drew his attention. Not like the smooth pebble that Anthony had been using as a paper weight for as long as he could remember. The pebble that Chloe had given him years ago.

At the time, it was a symbol of their unbreakable bond, but now… now it felt like they had been making a promise to one another that they did not understand. One that was supposed to keep them in one another's lives, as close as possible. But he was the one who ran away. Not her. Seeing that runaway horse, knowing that Chloe was in danger, almost losing her…

It haunted him.

It was as though time had frozen in that moment, his heart stopping as he reached out to catch her. The weight of the realization settled like a leaden weight in his stomach… she could have been lost to him forever, taken away in an instant. The mere thought sent a chill down his spine, shaking him to his core. His fingers tightened around the pebble, seeking comfort in its familiar shape and texture. The pebble in his hand felt cold now. Painfully so.

Anthony closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. Guilt gnawed at him… guilt for the years of silence, for not being there when she might have needed him most. He had thought of Chloe often, though he had never found the courage to reach out, to bridge the chasm that had grown between them.

I should have written to her.

He could have done, and he wanted to, in many of the countries that he had visited. But every single time he put pen to paper, it just felt wrong. He could not be honest with her, so he did not see the point in saying anything at all. Now, he realized that saying anything was better than saying nothing. The cool reserve in her eyes, the distance in her voice on Bond Street before the incident … it spoke volumes of the hurt he had caused, of the barriers that now stood between them.

He longed to go to her, to explain himself, to beg for forgiveness. But words failed him, trapped as they were in his throat, choked by years of regret and longing. How could he make her understand? How could he make amends for the silence that had stretched like an endless void between them? How could he tell her the truth of why he really had to leave?

Anthony opened his eyes, his gaze falling on the portrait of his parents hanging on the wall opposite him. Theirs had been a love story for the ages, a bond that had weathered storms and trials. He had always hoped to find that same steadfastness with someone. No, with Chloe, because it was always Chloe.

With a sigh, Anthony released his grip on the pebble, letting it rest on the desk before him. He knew he could not undo the past, could not erase the mistakes he had made. But he did not know what he could do.

Anthony's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, and he looked up to see his butler entering the room, announcing the arrival of his close friend and business partner, Trevor Walcot, whom he had not been lucky enough to see in person for years. Trevor entered the study with a brisk step, his face alight with the familiar energy that Anthony had always admired. The two men embraced warmly, their friendship untouched by the passage of time.

"Anthony! It has been too long," Trevor said, his voice filled with genuine pleasure.

"Indeed, Trevor. Far too long," Anthony replied, managing a smile despite the turmoil inside him.

Anthony spent a moment pouring them each a measure of much needed brandy from the decanter on the side board with a small smile playing on his lips. Trevor accepted the glass with a nod of gratitude, his sharp eyes studying Anthony with the perceptiveness that had always been his hallmark.

"You have changed, Anthony. There is a weight about you that was not there before."

Anthony sighed, swirling the amber liquid in his glass. "Travel does that to a man, I suppose."

Trevor leaned back in his chair, his curiosity evident. "Tell me about it. Where did you go? What did you see?"

Anthony took a deep breath, memories of his travels flooding back. "I went everywhere, Trevor. Europe, Asia, the Americas."

As they settled in to the comfortable leather chairs by the fireplace, Trevor's knowing smirk indicated he had some news.

"And yet, you have hardly been back in London, and already you are the talk of the town," Trevor said with a chuckle. "Who would have thought it?"

Anthony raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Oh? And what are they saying about me this time?"

"The story of your heroic rescue of Lady Chloe Swift has spread like wild fire among the ton," Trevor revealed, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Anthony felt his stomach twist in to knots, his mind racing with the potential consequences of his actions. He could only imagine Lord Swift's reaction, the fury and disdain that would surely be directed his way. He had not been thinking about anything or anyone else when he took his action. But he should have been. In London, he always needed to be aware of what he was doing.

Anthony tried to play it cool, taking a sip of his brandy. "I was simply in the right place at the right time."

Trevor was not fooled. He leaned forward, his expression earnest. "But Anthony, you can not hide your truth from me. I know that you have cared for her…"

Anthony's gaze dropped to the glass in his hand, swirling the amber liquid.

"Do you still?" Trevor asked.

"Of course I do. I never stopped caring. But that does not change a thing. The issues that we faced before are still here."

Trevor nodded slowly, seemingly understanding the complexity of Anthony's emotions. "I know the situation with her father and the expectations of the ton. But maybe this time, you can find a way to navigate through it."

Anthony liked that idea, but he did not know how realistic it was. "I do not know, Trevor. I am sure that she will not even forgive me for leaving her like I did."

"But you are her hero now…"

Anthony sighed, setting his glass down and leaning back in his chair. "Being her hero in a moment of crisis will not erase the pain I caused by abandoning her. It is a start, maybe, but it is not enough."

"You will never know if you do not try," Trevor reminded him. "You do not want to live a life with nothing but regrets."

Anthony agreed. He did not want that at all, but he was also utterly terrified that everything might go all wrong. Anthony stared in to the fire, the warmth barely penetrating the chill of his fears. The flickering flames seemed to mock his indecision. He knew Trevor was right… he had to try. Living with regret was no longer an option, but where did he begin? How could he even make a start on this?

Anthony could feel Trevor studying his inner turmoil with concern. "Anthony, this Season is the perfect opportunity. You know how it works. Parties, balls, gatherings. It is the best time to rekindle old connections and make new ones."

"If she should want to reconnect that is."

Trevor beamed. "You will not know if you do not try. And if things do not go your way, then you need to at least open yourself up to the possibility of meeting another, and there is no better way."

Anthony's breath got caught in his throat. He could not even envision it. He could not imagine anyone else making him feel like Chloe did. No one had on his travels, not even close, and he could not imagine that changing here and now. In London, it was worse, because she was there the whole time.

Anthony shook his head, the thought of someone other than Chloe feeling like a betrayal. "I do not think I am ready for that, Trevor. Chloe... she is the only one."

Trevor nodded, understanding. "Then focus on her. Start by being present, showing her that you are here to stay this time. That is a start."