Chapter Twenty

G avin could not keep the shakes out of his body as he watched Holly enter the house. He had known anger before, but never known genuine fear until that night, which had unnerved him greatly. First, the fact that she had even come to Clemet Club had made him livid. She could have been hurt or killed. Then, to see his wife fawn over another man, even though he'd known full well that she was pretending, had nearly been enough to make him lose his mind.

It had taken every last bit of strength to pin himself to where he sat, which was perhaps why it had taken him so long to realize that Kilmann had stacked the deck and was cheating. Knowing an outright accusation would have had him tossed from the property, Gavin did the only thing he could do to retaliate.

Cheat back . Cheat better.

It was easy enough. Gavin knew how to count a deck. He and Silas had learned all the tricks to faro and wist and a dozen other card games from Derek. He had taught Gavin every way to cheat, so that he might be able to spot cheats at his own tables when he hosted his games. Derek was an honest player, but believed that the best way to spot a dishonest one was to know how they worked, and he had taught Gavin long ago how to count cards, or paint cards, or change bets beneath a dealer's nose. Gavin hadn't done so in a long time, but he still had a talent for it. Kilmann's reaction hadn't been what Gavin had hoped for, but then the fight had been distracting enough to get Holly and Jasper out, and as soon as they were out of sight, Gavin had unleashed his pent-up frustration on the man responsible.

But the fight hadn't quelled any part of his fury at the situation, which had continued to stew until he, Holly, and Jasper returned to Bairnsdale Terrace. Following his wife up the staircase, he let her order the servants to bring clean water, bandages, and whatnot to be stitched up.

His forearm had caught Kilmann's knife, but he hadn't even realized it until Holly had touched it in the carriage. The adrenaline was still coursing through his veins.

"And we need a doctor," Holly said firmly to Mr. Spieth.

"Very good, my lady."

"We don't need a doctor," Gavin hissed as he followed her to his bedchambers.

"Don't you dare tell me no," she countered.

"Here, see for yourself." He shrugged off his coat and rolled up his blood-soaked sleeve.

Though it was messy, the cut was only superficial. Holly shook her head, undeterred.

"I see nothing that would keep me from ordering a doctor."

"He may come first thing in the morning. I refuse to be poked tonight."

"But it needs to be cleaned."

"You can do that," he said as they entered the room.

"Fine," she said hotly, coming around the bed to wipe his arm with the hot water-soaked cloth the servants had just left.

She pressed against the wound, and he wondered if she was trying to make him wince. He watched as she made short work of tending his arm, even wrapping it in bandages like a skilled doctor. When she was finished, she sat back and stared at him.

He could not express the fury bubbling inside him since leaving Clemet Club. He felt as though he might choke on his words if he spoke, but the anger in Holly seemed to dissipate as she tended to his wound.

"I didn't want to make that dreadful man notice me," she said, her voice quiet, if not defensive. "But I didn't want him to know our connection, either."

Gavin stared at her, begrudgingly aware that she had done the correct thing. Regardless of her intentions, however, it still infuriated him.

"I wanted to kill him," he said slowly. "And throttle you."

She glanced at him, startled.

"Whatever for?"

"For going there in the first place. Not to mention making him stare at you so much," Gavin said, his hand gripping hers as he pulled her towards him. "I never want you to behave like that ever again. God save the next man who leers at you."

Holly's bottom lip dropped as she stared at his mouth, now only inches away.

"Gavin—"

But he wouldn't hear her explanations. Instead, he pulled her closer, kissing her with a heat he had only ever experienced in her presence. Never had he ever felt this sort of custody, as if he were possessed by some devil that commanded he care for her and only her.

As he pulled her on top of him, he knew that he was desperate to keep her. He had never known fear until he saw her enter that card room. All good sense had gone out of him, and he had barely been able to catch the tell from Kilmann. She was too much in his thoughts, too steadily ingrained in his life. He wanted her with him constantly, and it was a struggle to concentrate on anything other than her whenever she was in the room.

"You're an addiction," he whispered against her mouth as he broke their kiss, mad with desire for her. "I can't think properly when you're near me."

"Gavin," she breathed, kissing him back as she pushed what was left of his shirtsleeves down his shoulders, careful not to hurt his bandaged arm.

His hands dug into her sides as her legs fell to either side of him. He wanted her bloody dress off, but she was kissing him, moving her hands over him as though she needed to feel him, and he couldn't think straight. It was animalistic, but he savored every bit of it.

His hands slid down her neck and pulled at the bodice of her gown, tearing it slightly as she gasped against his mouth. She didn't stop or scold him. She was as possessed as he was. He dropped his head, sinking against the pillow as he took the tip of her bare breast into his mouth, eliciting a moan from her, which only fueled him.

Shifting, he undid the front of his trousers as she gathered up her skirts. Never had two people been more in sync and insane with desire, he mused as her hips came up and she sank onto his shaft.

Gavin's brow scrunched together at the painful pleasure of finally feeling her around him. It was devastating and brilliant. He knew there would never be another place where he would be more tortured or more at peace than in her arms.

God, how he loved this woman.

Holly shifted, grinding herself against him in a way that caused his mouth to drop open. He was her servant, her anything if only she would command him. Her gentle, shaking voice saying his name genuinely undid him, for the tremble in it proved that she was just as much at the mercy of him as he was to her.

"Gavin," she whimpered, her breathing shifting to short gasps.

He felt a rush of triumph, knowing he was responsible for the pleasure she was feeling. Her building orgasm was his, as would be every one that came after.

"Keep going," he said shakily.

"I… I…"

"Say my name," he whispered as his own body began to tense. "Holly. Oh god, Holly."

"Gavin!"

The convulsions around his manhood tore through his body at the same time as she shook, tense in his arms before dropping entirely onto his chest. Breathing heavily, Gavin wrapped his arms around her back and held her as tightly as he could, vowing silently to never let her enter any danger again.

After several silent moments, their breathing returned to normal. Gavin helped a prone Holly remove what was left of her gown and underthings while he kicked off the pants that were still wrapped around his ankle. How ridiculous that they hadn't even been able to get fully undressed, but then, laying naked together beneath the counterpane of his bed, Gavin could barely find fault with the moment.

Except that, as his senses returned, so did his worries about what had happened. Squeezing her, he spoke.

"I never want you to do something so ridiculous ever again. Do you understand?"

Holly pulled back, her walnut-colored hair shining in the firelight.

"Me? What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You could have been killed," she said with a frown. "I don't ever want you to be in a situation like that again either."

"I'm a man, Holly."

"And that makes little difference to me. Man or not, Kilmann could have murdered you."

Her worry for him did something to his heart. She cared about him, and while he doubted whether she could ever fully love him, due to the beginning of their marriage, it gave him pause.

"Promise me you'll never do anything like that again," he said.

"You're being unfair."

"Am I? It's unfair that I should want my wife to avoid cutthroats, gamblers, and villains?" he asked, noting the pink hue that flushed her cheeks at using the word wife . "What were you thinking, following us to that place? Surely you must have known how dangerous it was."

"I was incensed. After what Mr. Mannion told me, I didn't know what to do. But then you and Derek came storming out of St. James into that hackney, just as I was taking a bit of fresh air. When I saw you, I was overcome, so I had the driver follow you."

Gavin shook his head.

"Whatever Mr. Mannion told you was a lie. Your brother hasn't signed anything."

"No, but he's entertaining the idea. And you facilitated it, even though you knew I didn't wish for it."

Gavin had done that, but then he had only been trying to help Jasper figure out how to govern himself. He disagreed with Jasper's wish to sell Felton Manor but understood it. Still, perhaps his wife's feelings should have come first.

"I was trying to help your brother. He lacks a certain confidence in decision making and I thought it would be beneficial for him if I supported him, regardless of his decision."

"But letting him make poor decisions would only hurt him."

"A little, perhaps, but it would make him learn to think critically. If he never learns to fall on his own, he'll never learn to walk on his own either."

Holly bit her bottom lip, and he could tell that she had already considered this by the glimmer in her eye. Still, Holly wasn't the type of woman to callously toss her brother out into the world without any defenses. She had only wanted to protect him, and Gavin respected that.

"I suppose I should step aside then and let him make the mistake," she said meekly, shifting to focus on the hand on his bare chest. "I cannot stop it anyway."

Gavin's arm tightened around her. He should tell her his intentions about buying Felton, but sleep seemed eager to take her, for in the next moment, she drifted off.

Slumber quickly enveloped him, too. Visions of shapeless figures moved about a dark room, but Gavin couldn't find it in him to care. His only desire was to be with Holly and he awoke several times throughout the night, relieved to find her sleeping form pressed against him. Squeezing her tightly, he would fall asleep each time more settled than the last.

The following morning Gavin's arm stretched out over the bed as he woke, but he found to his displeasure that he was alone. The sun was high, and though he hadn't meant to sleep in, he guessed that his body had demanded it.

Dressing without issue, he was careful with his arm, though it really didn't hurt much. The wound was thankfully superficial, but he didn't want to undo the bandages Holly had done. Soon he was dressed, heading out the door and down the stairs in search of his wife.

It had dawned on him the night before, when he saw her enter Kilmann's place, that he was devoted to her. Though it had enraged him seeing her in a place like that, he knew his reaction was due to his deep-seated love for her. It was a bizarre feeling, as though he would never fully be at rest again, for fear of some harm coming to her, but he found that he did not care. He had never experienced this all-consuming need and it was almost too powerful to think about. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but worried how she might react.

Hearing voices as he reached the landing, Gavin followed the loud bickering that was going on in the parlor. Upon entering, he found Holly holding a length of paper, her face pale and drawn. She was standing next to a seated to a very pleased looking Mr. Armstrong, who had his papers spread out over the settee he was sitting on. To his surprise, Aunt Marnie, Katrina, and Jasper were arguing over something or other as he entered the room.

"What's all this now?" he asked as everyone stopped to face him.

But his eyes were only for Holly. She had a paleness to her cheeks that unnerved him, and he couldn't stop himself from going to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he reached her, but she didn't speak.

Instead, she handed him the paper she held before dropping to the chair behind her. Gavin scanned down at the article and felt a sinking feeling drop in his stomach.

Petition for Annulment.

The words seemed to dance on the page. When he looked up, he saw a very happy Mr. Armstrong nodding to him.

"As requested, my lord," the lawyer explained. "It took a great many favors, and I'm certainly in several people's debts because of it, but I've managed to procure your annulment. I took the liberty of acting on behalf of both of you, as you are both my clients, so there is no need for even a signature. The annulment has been finalized."

A faint buzzing began in Gavin's ears. Finalized?

"You mean, we're no longer married?" he asked, his tone hoarse and strained.

"Correct, sir. Congratulations."

This wasn't possible. It simply wasn't happening.

"Is there no need for the courts?" he asked desperately. "Surely the law demands a lengthy review."

"Not necessarily, my lord. I've explained to countless members of parliament what the sixth baron did and while many thought it a sporting idea for their own sons, none seemed too pleased with the idea of it happening to them. Because your peers are sympathetic to your cause, I was able to convince the majority of them to sign off on the petition. So, you and the baroness—er, I mean, Miss Smyth—are free and clear to go your separate ways."

Gavin stood motionless as Mr. Armstrong's words fell over him. Free. Never had he detested a word more. He had been told he was free his entire life, that he should be grateful for being unburdened by family or responsibility. But never had he felt so untethered in his life. He finally had a family, and suddenly, they were to be removed from his life?

What about Holly?

Shifting his gaze to her, he found her head bent, the sadness emanating off her like a light in the mirror. Surely she didn't want this. They couldn't do this. They had consummated their marriage for god's sakes.

"Holly?" he said, only to be interrupted by Aunt Marnie.

"This is outrageous," the old woman squawked, coming forward. "An annulment would only bring shame to this family."

Gavin's brow creased, confused.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Lord knows that this annulment is a lie."

"My sister was tricked into this," Jasper said defensively, stepping towards Aunt Marnie. "If she wishes to be free, we should support her."

Gavin's confusion only grew.

" You wish for us to get an annulment?" he asked, pointing to Jasper before turning to Marnie. "And you wish for us to remain married? Is that correct?" Both nodded stiffly. "Well, that's a change."

"But shouldn't we ask Holly?" Katrina offered helpfully as everyone in the room turned to face Holly.

"We know what she wants," Mr. Armstrong said, shaking his head. He seemed confused that everyone wasn't more pleased. "Miss Smyth was very clear. You both said to procure the annulment at all costs," he said, turning to Gavin. "That is what you said."

"Yes," Gavin conceded. "I did say that."

Holly's eyes shifted upwards as she glanced at Gavin. She appeared guilty but of what he did not know. All he knew was that he didn't want her to leave him.

"I suppose… We should…" She tried to get the words out, but they refused to come.

Taking a step forward, Gavin reached for her hands.

"No," he stated firmly.

"No?"

"No." His grip tightened on her hands. "Holly, I want very much to remain your husband, for as long as I live, if you'll have me."

Her head snapped up.

"But… but you said an annulment was the only fair thing to do."

"I did, when I thought it was what you wanted, but if it isn't, well…" He paused. "I wouldn't mind living an unfair life. Would you?"

Tears shone in Holly's eyes as she shook her head.

"No. No, I wouldn't mind that at all," she said as he helped her to her feet.

He pulled her into his arms, and though they were surrounded by people, Gavin couldn't help but hold her closely as he kissed the top of her head.

"Um, excuse me," Mr. Armstrong said, leaning forward after an awkward moment. "Are you telling me that neither of you wants an annulment?"

Gavin turned to the lawyer and shook his head.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Armstrong, but no," he said, facing Holly again. "No, we are quite content to be married."

"Oh dear," Mr. Armstrong said. "But I've already gone through the proper channels and everything. It's done."

"Well, if that's the case," Gavin said, gazing into Holly's blue eyes, "will you do us the favor of procuring a wedding license?"

The lawyer appeared frazzled for a moment and then exasperated. Gavin was sure he was unhappy with the turn of events, but Gavin couldn't find enough of a reason to be sorry. Holly was his wife, and she would remain so.

Forever.