9. Radley

NINE

RADLEY

Lux: Hey Goldilocks, are you a hot chocolate or a coffee girl?

Radley: Hot chocolate, please.

Lux: I like it, girl after my own heart. See you soon x

I chewed on my lip as I stared at my phone, wondering if the nerves dancing in my belly would ever get tired. Or bored. I'd take either if they'd stop.

"This is crazy, right?"

Millie's eyes sliced to the right so she could see me through the reflection of the mirror, where she'd been examining her non-existent pores for the last five minutes. "No, this is exceptionally awesome."

"I dunno. I don't even know him." I didn't. I mean, we'd been texting for over a week, but I didn't know him know him.

I knew his favorite color was yellow, and I knew Derek Jeter was his idol, and I knew his favorite movie was Top Gun , the original. But that didn't mean I knew him.

"And you won't until you meet him, spend time with him, and Get. To. Know. Him." She punched out every word like I was hard of hearing and/or really needed the point hammered home.

Obviously, it was the latter.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Hey, it's not like you're meeting a random guy on the internet. It's Lux Weston. Everyone knows him, and I haven't found anything on the internet to suggest he's an axe murderer or something. Plus, Ethan and Meg will step in way before you're chopped into little pieces, and he makes a skin suit out of you. You'll be safe on this date."

Her nose was now being squeezed between her two index fingers, so everything she said made her sound like either a) she was underwater, or b) had the world's worst cold, but I got the gist – I was low-risk for being murdered.

"This isn't a date." I ignored everything else she said, including the skin suit comment. Shudder. "Is it?"

"Radley, I hate to break it to you, but I think it is."

"We're meeting in a bookstore."

"You can have dates in a bookstore. The two aren't mutually exclusive."

I removed a cable knit sweater-vest from its hanger, one I'd seen Jennifer Lawrence wear, and slipped it over my head. "Shit, maybe I shouldn't go. This isn't a good idea."

Millie swiveled around in her chair and got up .

After pulling my hair free from the confines of the sweater, she gripped my upper arms, and her face softened. "It's one date, Radley, and you're not promising him anything. One date doesn't mean you need to go on a second. It means you're on one date . It means you're not letting dickwad dictate your life, and you're not putting it on hold. One date doesn't mean you have to be ready to trust someone again, it just means you're out of this dorm room with another human being."

My lips rolled together, gluing themselves to each other out of habit when I needed to swallow down the ball of panic and tears that wedged itself in my throat whenever it felt like it. If it gave me a little more notice I could cope better, but no, it just popped up with next to no warning.

One moment I'd be fine, the next I'd be fighting back Niagara Falls.

I closed my eyes, not because I couldn't take the way Millie's dark browns were boring into mine, almost pleading with me to be okay, but because it was easier for me to focus on the four deep breaths I needed to take to calm my nervous system, and picture the wave.

It was one of the many exercises Doctor Jessops had given me to run through when I could feel the panic rising in me like a tsunami. This panic today, however, was more a championship surfing wave – nothing that had the potential for mass destruction – just big enough I could hopefully ride it to victory and dry land.

Millie hadn't moved when I finally opened my eyes. "Okay?"

"Okay. Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you."

She leaned in, planting a kiss on my cheek. "You're welcome. You can do this, Rad. I have full faith." She turned, grabbed her backpack and water bottle, slinging the former over her shoulder. "Come on, I'll walk out with you. I'm going to the gym, then we'll go for dinner later, and you can debrief me."

"Deal," I smiled, straightening my sweater. "Wait, you think this is okay?"

Her expert eye travelled over the pale peach sweater-vest, the white cap sleeve shirt underneath, and high waisted jeans I'd spent far too long deciding over. It was cute. I remember thinking it was cute when I'd bought it, but that was before things had happened, and it had been relegated to the back of my closet – along with everything else cute. I had a whole closet of clothes I'd never worn, because I now lived in dark, baggy sweatshirts, jeans, and yoga pants.

"You look gorgeous. It's nice to see you back in color, and properly fitting jeans," she smirked.

"You sound like my mom," I groaned, smoothing my hands down my sweater. "You don't think this is too peachy?"

"No, it's the perfect shade of peach, and way better than the emo vibe you've been unsuccessfully rocking lately."

"I'm not emo!"

"I know, that's what I'm saying. You're not emo, and you've been doing a terrible job at trying to be emo. In fact…" Her eyes flicked back to my jeans, and she forcibly spun me around 180 degrees, "how have you been hiding these from me? They make your legs look at least six feet long. Maybe I won't go to the gym; I might stay and raid your closet instead."

I snorted out a laugh, grabbed my jacket, and tugged her to the door. "Come on. I'm going to be late for this non-date date."

I ignored Millie's mutter of "it's a date".

" J ake, can we pull up before the store?"

He caught my eye in the rear-view mirror. "You mean not outside?"

"Yeah. I want to get out at the end of the street." I looked back down at Google maps I had open, with a pin of our destination. "We're nearly there, right?"

He didn't reply, but picked up the walkie-talkie from the center console. "Sit-Rep on the store?"

"Empty. Over," came back Meg's voice.

"Stop here, we can get out," Ethan, who was sitting shotgun, said as he pointed to the corner of the street, which according to directions was the one I was meeting Lux Weston on.

The entire experience was taking me back to my high school years when I'd make my dad drop me off a block away, so I wasn't seen getting out of his car.

I should have walked the whole way to the bookstore. I'd planned to, but after Millie had joined me as far as she could before she headed to the gym and left me alone, I'd panicked.

As soon as she was out of sight, I'd asked Jake to bring the car around. It wasn't that I couldn't walk alone – because Ethan and Ava had been with me – but… okay, I didn't want to. I'd become acutely aware of my surroundings, of who I was and everyone who passed me, whispers and nudges and stares, and I hadn't realized how much I relied on Millie as a protective buffer .

The SUV stopped by the curb. Ethan was out and holding the door open before I had a chance to undo my seatbelt.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He nodded to the opposite sidewalk. "The store is halfway down this street on the left. There's an orange awning, and Meg is waiting by the door. You have your panic button?"

I nodded with a grateful smile, and glanced around. While the street I was currently standing on was busy for a Tuesday afternoon, the one I was about to walk down was almost deserted. We were north of the university, and the usual bustle of students was missing, but I still hadn't seen anywhere this quiet since I'd been in New York.

Not that I'd been many places.

I peered down the street; it was so narrow I wasn't even certain Jake could have driven down here. There certainly weren't any other cars, and at the very end, I spotted a cyclist turning out of sight. I stood for a second, observing. It was almost from another time; like the city had been rushing past it so quickly, it had been completely overlooked. A line split down the middle of the road; one half still cobbled, one half paved, as though the asphalt had run out and no one could be bothered to finish the job. Tall, ornate streetlights separated the blossom trees, whose currently empty branches were brushing together across the road, forming a delicate arch for us to walk underneath.

It was tiny, unassuming, and all together perfect.

"Radley? You okay?"

I blinked up at Ethan. "Yes. Yes, I'm good."

I was halfway down the street when I spotted the orange awning, with Meg waiting underneath.

"Hey, Radley. You can go in, no one's in here yet. Ava's by the back door, and the place is secure."

"Lux Weston's not here?"

She shook her head.

I forced four breaths and rode the waves. He wasn't standing me up, this wasn't some kind of elaborate prank. He was bringing me hot chocolate.

Out of habit, I spun around, immediately searching for someone with a camera, giving myself the mother of all eyerolls a second later. Who cares about a picture of me on my own outside a random book store? I turned back to the store, although, looking at it, it wasn't sure it was a bookstore. The windows were blacked out, leaving an orange door and an orange awning.

"He's on his way. Jake just radioed to say he can see him walking by the cross section."

Immense relief washed over me, and I gave myself another eyeroll.

Get hold of yourself, Radley.

I turned to Meg. "Should I wait here? Or go in?"

"Whatever you want to do. I'll be over there with Ethan." She nodded to where he was standing on the other side of the street. "It's empty inside. I think you're gonna like this one, though."

I was about to ask her whether she was talking about the bookstore or Lux when I saw him.

He was approximately fifty yards away. Even from this distance, he was hard to miss. As narrow as this little street was, nothing could disguise the size of him; the breadth of his chest, the length of each stride as they powered up the sidewalk.

That was exactly it .

Powered.

He was powerful, and I'd seen evidence of that. Not many people took on Jake and lived to tell the tale. The mop of dark waves bouncing to the rhythm of his steps did nothing to confound that either; the waves, or the broad smile. They only enhanced it. As he got closer, I could see the smile he was wearing was for me. He was smiling at me.

A low ache rolled deep in my core; one that had been present since the day we'd met.

But as I took in the rest of him… "Oh my God!"

Meg was mid-step to joining Ethan and spun around, hand at her hip. "What? Are you okay?"

"No!" I whisper wailed.

"What's wrong?"

"Please tell me he's not wearing a peach sweater."

Her gaze flicked over to Lux. He was striding purposefully toward us, but there was no mistaking the peach cable-knit sweater under his jacket. Damn you, Jennifer Lawrence. When Meg turned back to me, she didn't even bother trying to hide her amusement.

"It's light orange."

"Light orange is peach," I hissed with a moan, but before I could stop her – or order her to save me – she'd jogged across the street. Lux stopped in front of me, his eyes traveling the full length of my body before they met mine with the same level of amusement Meg carried.

"Well, hey there, Goldilocks. I see you got the memo," he laughed, the deep baritone vibrating through me until it hit every cell in my body and I could no longer tell whether I was more anxious than I'd ever been, or more turned on.

His scent hit next; that smoky, rich, intoxicating aroma that may as well have been Xanax, and I looked up into hazel eyes filled with so much happiness they'd almost turned bright green, especially against his golden tan skin. I found myself smiling back until it dissolved into a laugh of its own.

I couldn't deny it was a little bit funny.

I'd forgotten about the hot chocolate until he thrust a cup at me I hadn't noticed he'd been carrying.

"Thank you," I replied with a smile.

"You're welcome," he responded with a grin, and reached into his pocket to remove a packet of Milk Duds and another of Junior Mints. "Snacks for entertainment."

Holy shit. The sugar demon in me let out a war cry, and whatever expression I was wearing had Lux throwing his head back with a laugh.

"I'll take that as approval. Now, drink up. Asher frowns on anyone bringing liquids in here, but I've managed to get away with it so far."

I gulped down a mouthful, somehow managing not to burn my throat. "Who's Asher?"

"He owns this place. Have you been in?"

I shook my head. "No, not yet. I just got here, and then the guys said you were coming down the street, so I waited."

Lux peered over to where Ethan and Meg were standing, both of them looking as unassuming as possible, and gave them a little wave. They didn't wave back.

"Where's Special Agent America?"

"Who?"

"The leader of your street gang…"

I bit back a smile. "Oh, Jake. He's at the end of the street somewhere. I don't know exactly, but he won't be far."

Lux spun around then turned back to me. "That's three, where's the fourth?"

"Ava's by the back door," I replied, wondering why I was telling him, although he already knew what they were all capable of.

"Four."

"Yep."

"And they're always around?"

I nodded, my stomach dropping to somewhere around my ankles. Even this non-date date I didn't really want to go on was about to tank because the baggage I came with was armed and trained to kill.

Lux chuckled and combed his big hand through his hair, and I found myself wishing I was the one doing it instead. Each wave looked so perfectly placed; soft, and silky, and…

"Man, was I ever wrong when I said you looked like you needed protecting."

My eyes refocused on his face which was grinning down at me. "Wh… what?"

"I was wrong," he repeated.

"It happens."

"Does it?"

I shook my head slowly. "No. It's never happened before." Before I could stop them, my shoulders were shaking from the laugh I was trying to hold in. "I can't believe you thought Jake was a creeper. You should know the guys still haven't let him forget it."

"I'm sure he's happy about that."

"Not really."

Lux's face split wide. This time, the vibration of his laugh reached all the way from my head to my toes. The ache in my core became more pronounced. I sipped my hot chocolate for distraction… for anything… only I'd finished it, and the minute I thought we'd been standing here must have been nearer ten. Ten minutes I'd been outside on the street, and it hadn't once occurred to me to move inside for privacy.

"Are you ready?" Lux removed the empty cup from my fingers, and threw it in a nearby trashcan.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"They coming too?" he asked, thumbing over to Ethan and Meg.

"No, they'll stay there."

He peered down at me, his eyes narrowed as if there was something important on the tip of his tongue. Before I could ask what it was, he jogged across the street, saying, "Gimme a sec," over his shoulder.

I watched as he stopped in front of them, his head bent slightly. They weren't that far away, but he was talking too quietly for me to hear, and I was too shocked to move. This was only the third time I'd met this strange man, this major league baseball player, this sports hero – or every day hero – and each time he'd surprised me into silence. When he shook both their hands and jogged back across the road to me, my mouth had dropped open.

"Ready?" he asked like nothing had happened.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" He winked and pushed the door open; his hand spanned across my back to guide me in, and before I could stop myself, I melted into his touch and totally forgot to ask what he'd said to Meg and Ethan.

The door slammed closed behind us, and we were shrouded in darkness.

"Asher? Ash?" Lux called out, his hand still on the small of my back, preventing me from seizing up completely. "Ash? "

As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I noticed bookshelves for the first time; bookshelves filled with old books. I knew we were coming to a bookstore, but this wasn't what I'd been expecting.

This wasn't any bookstore.

To start with, there were no people in here.

Secondly, those old books didn't look like the type you pulled off the shelf. They were more like the ones I shouldn't have been touching in Brown's – the ones under lock and key.

Just as Lux opened his mouth to call one more time, a small door opened in the corner and a beam of light shot through the tiny space. On instinct, I took one step closer to Lux, which is when I noticed the room wasn't black, but rich mahogany with leather padding running along the length of the back wall.

I might have travelled back in time walking down the street, and now I felt like I was in the middle of a speakeasy from the twenties.

"Stop hollering, you'll wake the neighbors!"

"You need to walk quicker then, don't you?" Lux snapped back, and while I couldn't see his face, his tone was all amusement, because the days of walking quickly were well behind this gentleman.

He had to be eighty if he was a day, and that was being generous. Even with a shock of thick grey hair any sixty-year-old would kill for, his right hand was gripped around the ball of a heavy silver topped cane, his wrinkled knuckles protruding from pink skin.

"I'm eighty-nine, I walk as quickly as I want to. We can't all be sprintin' around bases!"

Lux's head fell back with a loud laugh, stepping forward to hug him. "Good to see you, Ash. "

"I saw you yesterday. Don't talk like it's been months." He pointed his cane at me. "Is this the girl you called me about?"

I wasn't sure if Lux could feel me bristle next to him, because in the next breath, he'd turned to me and said, "I didn't tell him about you you; just that I wanted to bring a guest and we needed privacy."

"Asher Lyman," the gentleman greeted and held his hand out. "Good to meet you. Your associates outside came for a little look around before you arrived."

"My associates?"

"For once in his life he's trying to be polite. He means the G.I. Joes outside."

Even without a mirror I knew my cheeks were red; I could feel the heat turning up like a Bunsen burner. I almost longed for the day I graduated so my mother would allow me to go about my life by myself, with zero security. Or less. Oh, the things I would do. The places I would go… my mind ground to a halt before I full on fantasized myself as Dr. Seuss.

Asher tapped my arm with the top of his cane. "You've nothing to worry about. This place is more secure than Fort Knox."

"What exactly is this place?"

"My sanctuary," replied Lux, before Asher could respond. The words were so simple and pure and truthful that a thick bolt of jealousy hit me square in the chest. "It's a rare book store, carrying the rarest of books. Asher here is one of the most noted antiquarian booksellers in the world. You've been in The Library of Congress, right?"

I nodded silently.

"Asher probably found half the books in there."

"Pfft," Asher scoffed. "Absurd. There are over forty million books. "

Lux turned to me, his expression somber. "Asher found a couple of the books in there," he said, followed by sticking out his very long, pink tongue and rolling his eyes.

A laugh barreled up my throat, my heart danced in my chest, and before I could stop it my core constricted so hard at images of what that tongue could do, I nearly doubled over.

"It's appointment only, so it's safe and secure," Lux continued softly, watching my face for any reaction, though I also got the impression he was searching for approval. "The street is quiet… better than being in public, right?"

He was so close to me I could feel the warmth of his breath ghosting over my cheek. I almost couldn't breathe – from his closeness, but also the profound thoughtfulness he'd put into bringing me here. Somewhere I'd feel safe.

Books. My favorite type of books. In my favorite type of place.

"It's perfect," I whispered.

"Stop talking and show her around, Luxor. Take her to see the books. That's why you're here, isn't it?"

Lux answered with an eyeroll and a mumble that sounded like so bossy.

Asher peered over his bifocals at me. "What are you studying, my dear?"

"English at Columbia."

His eyes lit up, making him look much younger than eighty-nine. "Really? You must know Professor Hawkes."

"I take her Shakespeare class. Do you know her?"

"I know everyone, my dear," he replied, waving his hand toward the shelves. "Lux will show you where The Bard is kept."

I smiled at him; baffled and feeling bizarrely happy in this strange little shop. "Thank you."

"Come on." Lux held his hand out, and I took it without thinking.

In the time we'd been talking to Asher, the light had adjusted so much that it didn't seem dark any more. Even the low lamps were unnecessary.

Lux led me through a second door where I found myself standing in a much smaller room; an enormous, familiar mahogany desk stood against the side. In fact, it was the only thing in here, though not much else would be able to fit.

"Where are the books?"

"Next door, I'll show you. I wanted you to see this," he said, and pointed at the desk.

"A desk?"

"It's The Resolute Desk."

My eyes flicked from Lux to the desk and back again. "Really?"

I watched a smile grow on his face until he looked impossibly pleased with himself. "Not the one your mom has, obviously, but a few replicas were built soon after, and this one is the only one to contain a shard from The Resolute."

I took a step, running my fingers along the cool, dark wood. It was in excellent condition. "How long has he had it?"

"A couple of weeks. High ticket items like this are sourced for his clients, he doesn't hold onto them. I believe this was bought by an oil billionaire who loves Queen Victoria. I heard he tried to buy your mom's, but no one returned his call."

Before I could stop it, a laugh barked out of me. Lux's gaze dropped, the emerald flecks in his eyes danced as he watched my lips. If it was possible, I felt that gaze inside me, like a reactor heating up until I was ready to explode .

I stepped away and quietly cleared my throat, along with my senses. "Lux, what is this place? Seriously?"

"I discovered it a few years ago when I played in the minors. I was new here, and earning peanuts. Any spare time I had was spent wandering around the city. I grew up in Tennessee, and it was the first time I'd lived away from home. One day I found myself walking down this street. It was raining, and I hadn't noticed this place among the buildings. I watched as a black Maybach pulled up, and the driver ran out to open the back passenger door. A guy in a suit climbed out and went straight inside." Lux reached out and pulled a piece of lint from my sweater and rolled it between his fingers. "I'm nosy, and this street doesn't look like the type of street Maybachs pull up on, so I stopped outside and rang the doorbell. Asher answered, and told me to make an appointment." He grinned, adding an eyeroll. "The day I got my first paycheck from The Lions, I came here and bought a first edition of Don Quixote . It was five hundred grand. I've been coming ever since, but now I come to check on Asher… as well as buy books."

Since the day in Brown's, I'd been wondering why Lux had been walking down the Rare Books aisle. One of the voices in my head had kept telling me that it wasn't a coincidence, that there was no way he'd been looking for rare books, but that voice was nowhere to be found now. I was standing in front of someone who loved books as much as I did.

"Wow. Who knows about this place?"

"Very few," he shrugged with a little shake of his head. "High net worth collectors. Not many come here though; it's usually security teams to oversee the transportation."

"How does he know my professor?"

"He knows a lot of people, especially anyone in the book world."

"Where are the books? "

"Next door, I'll show you."

As he held my gaze, I found myself thinking how easy it would be to like him. Even though he towered over me, and everything about his size should be intimidating, it was in total contrast to the way his smile lit up his face until his eyes sparkled. It was hypnotic, and I inhaled that calming scent which soaked the air around him.

"Thank you for bringing me here."

His lips parted then closed like he wanted to say something but stopped himself, but then blurted out, "I've never had a date in a bookstore."

I stilled. There was that word again. "Is this a date?"

His thick dark brows dropped a little as he paused to think. "Well, I've been excited about seeing you, and I came armed with a drink and snacks I waited in line for, and I brought you to a place I thought you'd like. So yeah, this is a date."

My mouth suddenly felt like it was filled with cotton wool. "Oh."

"What do you normally do on dates?"

I looked down to where my fists were clenching, and forced them open. "Um, I don't really date."

"What? Why? How is that possible? Look at you."

That calm feeling I had a minute ago was swept away in a wave of panic while I tried to think of a sensible, nonchalant answer to a perfectly normal question; an answer that didn't make me sound like a freak.

"Um…"

I don't know if he noticed my cheeks flush, but thankfully he changed the subject. "How are you liking New York?"

My shoulders dropped and I managed to breathe again. "It's hard to get around… you know… without people noti cing. There's this pledge thing with the fraternities…" I stopped talking as a frown deepened on his brow, before softening again.

"At least there aren't flags with your face on flying around the city."

"There are flags with your face on?"

He gasped, and his hand shot to his chest. "It hurts my feelings you haven't seen them."

"How do you go around the city if your face is everywhere?" I laughed.

"I like to run. Do you run?"

I nodded, probably too enthusiastically. "Yes, I like running."

"Let's go for a run sometime."

"I…" Shit. What was it about this guy that makes me forget how to string a sentence together?

But once again, Lux saved me from embarrassment, or not, with a loud laugh at my awkwardness. "Come on… let's go and find Shakespeare."

My hand slotted back into his, his finger curling around to brush my knuckles like we were always supposed to fit together, and he'd done it a thousand times before.

And when we stepped into the next room, I realized the nerves in my belly had stopped dancing.