Chapter 9

AIDEN

Life was going good. Almost too good. The last month had been a whirlwind with Nate since we had started dating. We didn't get to see each other as often as I would have liked, but that was as much my fault as his. When we did get together, we tried to make an effort to actually leave my house. Sometimes, we were successful, but more often than not, we barely left the bedroom and had food delivered.

Not that I was going to complain.

Well, I had some complaints about not getting to see my boyfriend as much as I would like, but we talked every day—a lot. Sometimes, I wondered how he got any work done. Then again, I also wondered how I got any work done.

I definitely had Victoria to thank for a lot of that.

She was also who I had to thank for helping me plan our anniversary dinner.

"What are you so worried about?" Victoria's voice asked from the phone speaker on the other side of my bedroom.

As I perused the dress shirts in my closet, I thought about how to answer her question. She was one of my best friends and if there was anyone I could talk to about Nate, it was Victoria. Yet I hesitated.

"Sometimes, I wonder if he's too perfect," I admitted. "I wait for the other shoe to drop and the universe to laugh and tell me that, of course, I can't be that happy."

"Too perfect?" she scoffed. "Do you think you might be looking for problems so that you can push him away before he can do it?"

The barb stung, but it wasn't unwarranted. I'd done that to plenty of guys in the past. But they'd all given me a reason to think they weren't invested or were about to bail.

Nate hadn't done anything to give me any reason to think he wanted to leave me. Just the opposite. He wasn't always the most in touch with his emotions, but he didn't hold back on what he was thinking—and he thought about me a lot.

"Sometimes it doesn't seem real. And I don't mean in the sense that it's really happening to me." I paused, trying to figure out how to say what I was feeling, to figure out if I even wanted to put those thoughts into words. "Nate is, well, he's intense in everything he does. But sometimes, I feel like I'm getting a glimpse behind it all, and it seems…forced. Flat."

If I ever stopped and was honest with myself about Nate, I would have been able to admit the man was throwing out red flags like penalty markers at a football game. Starting with how he'd choked me. It didn't matter that I had ended up finding it hot and came harder than I ever had before.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something seemed off about Nate. There were some suspicions, but I wasn't anywhere near ready to let them become fully formed thoughts, let alone voice them to someone else.

"You're right," I said with a sigh, wanting to wrap up the call. "I'm probably just looking for problems when they're aren't any." I blew out a breath and turned back to my clothes dilemma. I had ten minutes to pick out my clothes, get dressed, and get my ass out the door.

No pressure.

"Wow, are you actually admitting I'm right? Hold on, let me note the date and time." She cackled on the other end of the phone, and with my clothes in hand, I strode across the room and hung up on her.

Served her right.

Half an hour later, I was sitting across the table from Nate with a smile on my face as he thanked me for being so thoughtful.

"It's not a problem. I wanted to do something nice for you. We're always holed up in my house, and this is special. So I wanted to do something special."

Nate looked at me for a moment before his expression turned soft and bashful. "I should have thought more about it, realized how much it meant to you, and done something for you."

I reached across the table and took Nate's hand. "No, I wanted to do this. For you. For us. Besides, only one of us could have made surprise plans for tonight," I said with a wink, eliciting a soft chuckle from him.

"I suppose you're right about that. Or else, where would we be?"

My hand slipped into my pocket, and I played with the box inside. I still wasn't sure I had made the right decision, but I'd never know until I gave it to him.

"I got you something. It's nothing big," I rushed out. "I saw it and thought of you." I took a deep breath and slid the box across the table until it bumped into his slightly trembling hands.

"Little bird… you shouldn't have."

I laughed at his absurdity. "You don't even know what it is yet." My eyes rolled, but it was a fond gesture.

Nate shook his head. "But I didn't get you anything. Fuck," he muttered. "I'm sorry. I'm bad at this whole—" he waved his hands around "—peopling thing. Especially when it's a boyfriend thing." He shifted in his chair, and I felt bad for making him uncomfortable. I wanted to snatch the box back and pretend the last couple minutes never happened.

"To be honest," he said, looking up at me with such earnest eyes I was helpless to do anything but fall into their depths, "I've never been in a relationship before." The words rushed out of Nate's mouth as though they were going to self-destruct any moment if he didn't say them.

I sat there, stunned. I had figured he hadn't much relationship experience, but to know it was actually none? But his confession made me smile, and I was even happier I had done this for him.

"Would you open it? Please? It's nothing fancy. Just something that made me think of you, that I thought you'd like."

He let out a sigh, but I saw the way his lips twitched as he seemed to fight off a smile.

"Of course. Thank you." He reached for the box, and the way his eyes lit up when he saw the antique cufflinks made my heart melt. "These are beautiful. Thank you, little bird. Truly." His voice had gone soft with wonder and amazement, and it did things to my insides—things that made me wish we were back at my house rather than at a restaurant.

"You're amazing, you know that?" My voice was full of wonder as he stared at me like I'd gone crazy.

Maybe I had.

Nate shook his head. "If either one of us is amazing, you're the one. You are a rare gift that I treasure." He put the box back down and grimaced. "Me…" His voice trailed off, and he looked away, as though he wasn't going to finish the sentence. "I'm just a pathetic schmuck who imprinted on you like a baby duck, and now I can never let you go."

"Hmm. Well, if you're a schmuck, then you're my schmuck." I offered him a grin to let him know I was serious.

"No one should be stuck putting up with me." He let out a huff and quieted as our waiter came back with our food. But I found I was no longer hungry after whatever this was with Nate. "I don't get people, or relationships. Not because I don't want to, although, most of the time, I couldn't give a fuck. But I just don't understand them or the power people give to them."

I sat back in my chair, a slight frown on my face as I contemplated his words.

"I don't know how to give you what you want or need. Not because I don't want to but because I don't have any references to look at. Things…" he hesitated and looked down at his plate with a frown. "Things that seem to come easy or naturally with other people, some things, I can't even begin to comprehend. Facts, rationality, routine, those are things I can understand. But people and emotions… Those things are difficult for me, even when I try."

Nate looked like a puppet whose strings were cut as he finished his little speech. In fact, I'd never seen him look more like a dejected puppy than in that moment.

His words replayed in my mind, along with some of the things he'd done and said since we met. The thoughts I tried to keep from forming, not wanting to admit the truth to myself. Things started to fall into place, pieces slotted together, and the picture started to look a bit clearer. Part of me winced at the epiphany I'd had but I could never let him see that, especially since he was already feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable.

"How old were you when you were diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder?" I was proud of how steady my voice was as I scrambled to remember the more polite term than psychopath.

Nate's eyes snapped up to mine, and I let out an involuntary whimper as I got what I assumed to be my first look at the real Nathan Turner.