Chapter 28: Kelley

Chapter 28

Kelley

Whether it’s because I know Thad is right there behind the dugout or the team is having an off night, this game is not going well.

At all.

It’s one of those times where nothing seems to stick. Usually, there’ll be successful innings and bad innings, with always the hope of having the best yet to come. This game, though, it’s terrible inning one after the other. It’s not like the other team is doing amazingly either, but at least they’re on the board.

The most annoying thing of it all is that I can’t do anything to make it better because I’m not pitching tonight.

Zaka’s up to bat, and after the whole “I thought that sign meant swing,” he follows Skip’s instructions to the letter. The last thing he wants is to go rogue when we’re so far behind and still not get anywhere. But because he obeys our manager’s signals, he strikes out.

It’s not his fault. Not Skip’s either. It’s just a bad night.

Zaka throws himself down beside me on the bench. “That’s embarrassing. Is your friend in the stands going to run home to Merek and tell them how shit I’m playing?”

“Friend?”

“Thad. I saw him in the stands, no?”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. He’s there.” I didn’t realize anyone from last night would recognize him because who looks in the stands? I try to avoid all eye contact with the crowd as much as possible. Then I remember people who don’t have crippling anxiety are able to do a lot of things I find daunting. “And don’t worry. Everyone’s choking tonight.”

“Did they put something in the water in our locker room? Sucking pills?”

“I wish a childish prank was responsible because then we don’t have to face the facts.”

“We suck in general?”

“Yep.”

He throws his head back. “I was hoping to impress Thad.”

My heart thuds that tiny bit harder. “Oh?” Is he … saying what I think he’s saying?

Zaka’s eyes meet mine, and they look like they’re studying me. “You got dibs on him?”

“Dibs?” I have no claim to him at all, even if I might want one.

Then Zaka smiles, and I realize my wrong assumption.

“He’s not even my agent,” I say. “You’re welcome to request him for your rep team, but he’s only an intern. I don’t think he has much of a say. Merek is great at contracts.”

“I liked Thad’s vibes last night.”

Again, it sounds like he’s asking about him in a social way, not in a professional manner, but I’m not asking him to clarify. You don’t do that to someone.

“I have no doubt he’ll make a great agent someday.”

“But not your agent? Is there a reason for that?” Okay, now I definitely know what he’s asking.

“There’s nothing going on between us. It wouldn’t be allowed.”

Zaka licks his lip. “Okay, cool. Next time I have a meeting with Merek, I’ll let him know I’m interested in Thad.”

Does he realize at all how he sounds? I’m trying not to cringe because the thought of Thad with anyone else makes me antsy. Even if this is professional speak, I can’t help hearing it differently.

We’re pulled from the conversation by Hunter smashing one high and far. We stand, watching it as the ball flies toward the stadium wall. We collectively hold our breaths.

And when it disappears over the fence, we all start yelling.

Maybe we can turn this around after all.

We couldn’t turn it around.

Like with any game we lose, I find myself asking what we could’ve done better, even if today’s loss isn’t on my head. I’m glad I wasn’t out there, or I’d be a complete mess.

Losses happen, but maybe this one is hitting extra hard because I knew Thad was in the stands, and I might not have been on that mound tonight, but this is still my team.

I can barely look him in the eye when I find him again outside the player’s exit, but he can either read my mind, or it’s that he knows what it’s like to lose a game, so he’s there to welcome me with a warm yet sympathetic smile.

“Go ahead and say it. We sucked.”

He lifts one shoulder. “It was an off night. They happen.”

I step closer to him. “Let’s get out of here before I give in to the urge to kiss you right here where anyone can see.” Not only kiss, but I want to hold his hand on the way to my car, hug him for comfort over the loss, and never stop touching him.

We begin walking to his car, choosing to leave mine here again. The team is going on a road trip tomorrow, so it’ll be here for the next week anyway. “Before we head back to your place, can I take you somewhere?”

“Like on a date?” I try not to sound too excited about that, but it’s possible it shows all over my face because his easy smile drops.

“Uh, well, I was going to take you to eat, so I guess it could be considered a date? But, I mean …”

“It’s not like we’re dating. I get it.” Apparently, I can cover my disappointment better than my excitement because Thad’s shoulders lose some tension .

Once inside his Jeep, he turns on the ignition but doesn’t put the car in drive. He turns to me. “You know, if it weren’t for me being an intern at King Sports and having to pay my dues and we were allowed to date, I’d want to date you. Just want to put that out there in case you think I’m not in this for you or only want to get my rocks off.”

While that makes my chest warm, it also makes me want to come up with a solution on how to rectify the situation.

“Can’t you intern for a different firm?” I’m only half-joking.

“I was lucky to get this internship, if I’m honest. I think the only reason I got it was because Damon sympathized with me over the end of my baseball career.”

I reach over and take his arm. “I was joking about changing jobs. I understand more than anyone about putting your personal life on hold for your career. But I wanted you to know if things were different, I’d want to date you too.”

In the safety of his car, in this darkened and empty parking lot, Thad leans in and kisses me, his lips soft.

It’s a sweet apology that only makes me more upset that our timing is crap.

I might not be completely ready to date out in the open for the public to ridicule my life, my choices in partner, and ultimately who I am as a person, but I’d take that step with Thad if I could.

It’s most likely because this is still new. Sure, we first hooked up almost six months ago now, but in terms of seeing each other, these last couple of weeks are the only time we’ve actually spent together. We’re still in the infatuated, sex portion of getting to know each other, so our thoughts on dating are probably wrapped up in that.

But there’s no denying things are different with him. I can be myself. He accepts my wonky mental health … He has so much potential to be something more than anyone’s ever had in the past.

I’m tempted to talk to Damon about it, ask if there’s any possible way to make it happen, but I don’t want Damon to lose respect for Thad or fire him for the mere suggestion of possibly dating a client. It’s not like he’s my agent though .

But that does remind me…

I reluctantly pull away so I can fill Thad in. “So, Zaka and I had an interesting conversation during the game.”

He laughs and shakes his head as he puts the car in drive and finally takes off. “I kiss you and you think of your teammate? If Zaka didn’t scare the shit out of me, I might have to throw fists.”

That image is sexier than it should be. Thad getting so jealous he wants to punch someone out for me. It’s one of those things that’s sexy in theory but not so attractive in real life when the fallout of that would be a media circus and charges filed, but the thought of it is hot.

“You might want to put those knuckles away, tough guy, because he’s interested in you.” I purposefully leave off the “being his agent” part just to see his reaction.

He frowns. “In me? I was sure he was interested in you last night at the bar.”

That stops me because if he sensed the same thing I did, does that mean Zaka’s queer? “Do you think he’s …”

“He bats for our team? I’m not sure. My gaydar has never been perfect.”

“I don’t think I even have gaydar. Or it’s buried deep down inside me somewhere, and I refused to activate it in fear it would flash in neon above my head, giving me away.”

“Last night, he …” Thad bites his lip and weaves through traffic effortlessly as he talks. “He didn’t say anything specifically, but he asked about us. I said that we were friends and weren’t allowed to date because I worked for King Sports, which totally gave him the impression we want to, which is true, but I told him nothing has happened to cover our asses. Just the way he accepted it or, I don’t know, had the realization that you might have been with me, it felt a lot like disappointment. Like he now thinks he had no chance with you. But again, I could’ve been reading into that.”

“It sounds similar to how he was talking tonight but about you. Almost like he was testing the waters to see how I’d react if he said he was interested in you. But then he followed it up with he thinks you’d be a good agent on his team. ”

The car swerves. “He thinks what?”

“Not expecting that?”

“Considering the only other client I’ve gotten close to has said he would never want me as his agent, I was beginning to think no one would want my kind of tough-love approach.”

“Whoever that client is must have thin skin and a huge ego.” I grin.

“Or an anxiety disorder and way too many intrusive thoughts running through his head.”

“See, you can logically and rationally tell yourself why I’m not the right client for you, but that doesn’t mean Zaka’s not. I told him to talk to Damon about having you on his team under Merek. Like Brady is for me. I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s … yeah. It’s surreal Frederik Zaka even knows my name. Even more surreal he wants me to rep him. Are you sure he meant me? We barely talked.”

I shrug. “Maybe what you said to him spoke to him on a deeper level somehow.”

“All I basically said was you and I can’t date because of King Sports. I don’t see how that would make him go, ‘Ooh, I want him for an agent.’ Especially when I get the impression he didn’t believe me when I said nothing is going on between us.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to rep him?”

“Are you kidding? Repping someone like Zaka is a dream. The cut on his contracts alone …” Thad whistles. “I’d be stable enough to stop worrying about my parents. But at the same time, I’m worried about getting clients the right way.”

“Is there a wrong way to sign a client?” I look around where we are on the I-95. “And where are you taking me?”

“I’m kidnapping you, and that’s my answer for both questions you just asked.”

“Hey, I was promised food. You don’t need to kidnap me. I’ll go willingly. Who knew playing so badly burned a lot of calories?”

“You didn’t play badly. You had an off night. That’s all. Also, how did you not get kidnapped as a child if you can be lured away with the promise of food so easily? ”

I throw up my hands. “Right? Where were all the vans with free candy when I was a child? The way adults spoke about them, I expected there to be more.”

Thad pulls off the interstate and heads toward the Delaware River, where he turns into a parking lot for an old Irish pub.

“This is where you wanted to take me for dinner?” I ask. It’s the opposite of romantic. It might be on the water, but it’s a dive bar. At least by the look of the outside.

“This place holds a special place in my heart and means a lot to me, and you take that tone?” He mock gasps.

“Sorry. Not judging. Just … thought this was going to be a date. The first and last of ours, seeing as we’re technically not allowed to go on dates together.”

“Luckily, we’re not allowed to date because if you think this is bad, this is still above my dating budget.”

I want to ask where he takes his other dates, but at the same time, I don’t want to hear about those.

We climb out of the car and make our way to the entrance. It smells like I thought it would, of fried food and stale beer.

We’re seated at an old wooden table. The place is loud, the crowd is … an interesting and eclectic bunch, but I guess it does have this old-time charm to it.

We’re handed menus and given two empty glasses with a pitcher of water, and when our server walks off, I lean in and ask, “So, why is this place so special to you?”

“When my friends and I used to go into Philly to party with fake IDs, we’d come here first and fill up on the cheap beer so we didn’t have to spend as much in the city.”

I flop back, no longer leaning toward him, and hold my heart. “So, it’s the most special place of all your special places.”

He looks over his menu and doesn’t make eye contact as he says, “Play your cards right and I might show you my mostest special place later.”

I’m sure he’s talking about his dick, and I am one hundred percent okay with that.

But I can’t lie. I’m also enjoying this. Just being with him. I want to do more of it, even if it runs the risk of getting in too deep .

It’s weird that I can be anxious about dating, too scared to put myself out there, but with Thad, I’m doing that despite knowing I shouldn’t.

If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to make sense of my brain, I wouldn’t have to play pro ball. I’d be the richest man on the planet.