Chapter 18: Kelley

Chapter 18

Kelley

I knew I shouldn’t have left the money. Or so much of it. But I wanted to help, not make him feel bad. I panic when I read his message, and now, as the phone rings, my heart is in my ass. And as soon as the phone clicks over, I don’t give him a chance to speak.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

There’s a small laugh, and thankfully, he doesn’t sound too pissed. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“Wait, what?” I sit up in my bed, where I haven’t bothered to get up for the day yet. I have this charity thing I have to go to tonight, and I really don’t want to. When I came out, I was hoping to do this stuff with a partner or at least a date, but I’m still not comfortable with the scrutiny that will come with taking a man to one of these things.

Thad’s voice is soft and warm as he says, “I appreciate the gesture, I really do, but it’s way too much.”

“It would have been more if my bank had allowed me to take more in one transaction,” I mumble.

“I don’t want to accept it?—”

“Please do. You have no idea what you did for me while we were away.”

The smile on his face is evident in his tone. “I have a pretty good memory of exactly what I did for you.” He hesitates before lowering his voice. “And I thought about it all weekend. Do you know how awkward it is being hard around your parents twenty-four seven?”

Parents? He was there all weekend, only half an hour away from me? It kinda hurts he didn’t let me drive him there on Friday, but I assume he had his reasons, and I keep telling myself it wasn’t because of me, even though deep down, I think it was.

“I don’t know what’s going on with them or with you, but you should keep the money to help them. I know they’re in some kind of financial difficulty, and you don’t have to tell me what, but please let me help you.” I can’t believe I have to beg someone to accept ten thousand dollars. “I know what it’s like to go without. Growing up, my family struggled. I relied on scholarships and handouts to get where I am. Let me?—”

“If you let me finish …” Thad laughs again, his voice like silk. “I don’t want to accept it, but I’m not really in a position not to. Maybe one day, when I make it to junior agent, I’ll be able to pay you back?—”

“It’s not a loan. It’s a gift.”

“I’d feel more comfortable if it were a loan. If it’s a gift, it makes me feel like a whore.”

“Shit. I didn’t think of that. Oh God, I am literally treating you like a whore.” I gasp. “I’m the worst.”

“Don’t think like that. You are not the worst. You’re actually really sweet and thoughtful, and you have no idea how much I appreciate this, even if I don’t like it.”

“Okay, it’s a loan, then.” I’ll do anything to make him feel better about it. “Pay it back to me whenever you can. There’s no rush and no interest.”

“When I sign my first big client and I get them a deal where my commission can cover it, you’re getting it back.”

“Deal.”

The line goes silent for a beat, like it always does before someone says, “ Anyway, nice chat, talk later, bye .”

I cling to the desperation of keeping him on the line, so I, being the really smooth person that I am, say, “Did you get that rain in Trenton on the weekend? It was that annoying drizzle where it wasn’t enough to make the excuse to stay home but was miserable if you were out. Which I was. I had a press conference thing for this event that I’m going to tonight.”

“Yeah, it was raining at Mom and Dad’s too. Thought it might have been trying to snow but just couldn’t get there.”

More silence.

And I’ve run out of things to say. Which is so ridiculous, considering I’ve talked to Thad about things I haven’t ever spoken about to anyone. Though those conversations were more about the type of sex I was too scared to have for fear of it getting out. Not everyday shit.

I’m about to give up and tell him I have to go, even though I don’t want to hang up the phone, when he beats me to talking first.

“My younger brother stole money from our parents to fund his lifestyle where he doesn’t have to work a proper job. He’s changed his number, fucked off to California somewhere, and because my parents are the sweetest people on Earth, they refuse to call the cops or to cancel their card, so I’ve been keeping their head above water financially.”

I don’t think I took a breath the entire time he was speaking. “That’s … shit. That’s heavy. They really won’t cancel their card?”

“I managed to convince them while I was there to do it. They say they didn’t want to cancel it because they have bills come directly out of it, and they’re getting older, so technology isn’t nice to them, but I know they feel guilty about Wylder.”

“Guilty why?”

“Because when we were growing up, Wylder was the artistic one, and I was the sporty one. Mom and Dad worked their asses off to get me everything I needed for baseball, and Wylder was overlooked. They feel guilty for neglecting Wylder, I feel guilty for wasting all their money after not even making it to the minors, and Wylder feels guilty for nothing, evidently. Not even stealing Mom and Dad’s money. I don’t like talking about it because it makes me relive that failure and guilt over and over again. That’s why I was snappy when you tried to ask about it. ”

“I’m sorry I pried. And I’m sorry you’re going through that. Do you need more money? I can send?—”

“Don’t you dare throw more money at me. What you’ve given me is more than enough to cover what I gave them and then some. I can pay back my roommates for the times they’ve helped me out, and I might even be able to get a few months ahead on rent. I’m guessing. I don’t actually know how much is in there. I’m scared of getting mugged in the office.”

I hope he’s joking. It sounds like he is.

Thad giving me this, something real about him, it makes me want to see him again. But how would that even work? He’s in New York, I’m in Philly. I’m not comfortable being seen with men in public yet, and he works for the sports agency I’m signed with.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. Right?

“Do you visit your parents often?” I ask.

“Not as much as I should. Why’s that?”

“I was thinking next time you were in my part of the country, maybe we could go out. Or catch up. I mean, see each other.” I grunt. “Why does this sound like I’m asking you on a date? I’m trying to hang out. Uh, with you.”

“You miss me already? I thought you would’ve been glad to be rid of me. According to Damon, I gave you too much tough love. But after what happened in that boat shed, I think we can agree it was the other way around, wasn’t it?”

I groan and have to push down on my growing cock. “I take it back. I don’t want to hang out with you.”

“Aww, why not?”

“Because you’re way too good at turning me on,” I say quietly.

Thad sighs. “And I really wish the office wasn’t filling up with people right now.”

“It’s probably best we don’t see each other again.”

“It could make things messy,” he agrees. Damn it. I was hoping he might have said screw it, let’s fuck again.

“Just clarifying, messy is a bad thing, isn’t it?” I really need to make sure.

“It is. I need to focus on work and becoming an agent so I can pay a certain baseball player back. You need to be the person you came out to be. You should be dating and embracing being an out public figure. Wait, how’s your social media addiction going? Because you shouldn’t be taking those steps if you’re still checking your phone.”

“I can proudly say that I’ve been cured of my curiosity.” Sort of.

“Why don’t I believe you completely?”

“I didn’t realize I was that transparent. I haven’t looked. I’ve been tempted, but …” I don’t know if I should admit this or not. “When I think about what those comments could possibly say, I think about our time at the cabin.” How good he made me feel. How secure. “I didn’t need validation from the outside world. I didn’t need validation from anyone. I got to be myself. And you did that for me.”

“So what I’m hearing is, I’m basically your hero, and you’re obsessed with me. The money makes so much more sense now.”

“Then you go and say something like that. I’m glad we’ve decided we shouldn’t see each other again. I’m not sure you could hold your head up with how big it is.”

“You’re the one with the ego here,” he teases. “I’m actually that awesome.”

I laugh. “I’ve heard delusion is good for mental health. Must be why you don’t need a therapist.”

“That’s the thing about delusion. The people who have it don’t realize they need therapy.”

“Ah, ignorance. I wish I knew what that was like.”

“It’s fun. I’m perfect.”

Somehow, I think that might actually be true.

“I should get to work, though, before my boss begins to think otherwise.”

I still don’t want to stop talking. Especially knowing we’ve agreed not to pursue this any further. Apparently not even friendship.

“I’ll let you go,” I say. Reluctantly .

“But hey, if you ever need someone to talk you down from going online, I’m your man. Or Brady, if you need a softer hand.”

“If I’m ever in need of some tough love, I’ll go directly to you.”

“Take care,” he says and ends the call.

There’s a text that must have come through while we were talking, and it’s from the team’s publicist, asking if I have a date lined up for tonight, even though I told her I wouldn’t.

I wish I could ask Thad but know it’s not a possibility.

Thinking about what he said though—that I should start living the life I came out to have—I think I do need to find someone. Rip off the Band-Aid. Get a date out of the way.

I hit Reply to Solene and say:

I don’t. You wouldn’t happen to know any cute, single gay guys, would you?

As soon as I hit Send, my anxiety spikes to an eight. Anything over an eight, I can’t come back from, but this? This I can manage.

Worst-case scenario, we go, he’s a horrible person, everyone slams me in the media and comments, and I have the worst night ever.

Best case? I might meet someone who interests me half as much as Thad does.

I can only hope.