Chapter Twenty-Eight

“W ho wants to go first?”

For the first time since they’d left the resort, Burgess and Tallulah looked at each other. The van ride had been brief, but quiet, even if their guide—Apollo—had kept up a steady stream of chatter about the local flora and fauna while they bumped their way through the rainforest to the zip-lining center. Burgess had appeared to be reeling while she’d sat beside him swallowing apologies, reminding herself over and over that she had nothing to feel sorry for.

And she didn’t.

Allowing herself to bond with Burgess had been scary, but she’d learned to trust him and she could still feel the hole he’d verbally punched into her chest. Every time they touched now, her fight-or-flight response was triggered. Unfortunately, not even the hunger she still felt for Burgess could overcome her instinct to survive, to avoid being hurt again.

They stood on the top of a platform overlooking the endless green canopy of trees that seemed to continue right on through the horizon, the thick black wires stretching out and down, before vanishing into a clearing... and she could feel it.

She could feel it.

He’d decided to respect her wishes and let her go.

Her legs were so weak over that realization that a gentle breeze could have carried her clean off the platform. She’d drift down into the trees like a badly folded paper airplane. And the thing was, she’d meant what she said, wholeheartedly.

As soon as the truth was off her chest, however, healing became a possibility for the first time since everything crashed down. The panic she’d felt over his touch this morning was nothing compared to the panic that erupted when he shot her a questioning glance, then away just as quickly, as if forcing himself to detach.

“I’d like Tallulah to go first, so I can be here to make sure she’s strapped in tightly and the damn thing is safe,” he said gruffly, without looking at her.

Tallulah’s heart squeezed.

Burgess was still protecting her. He couldn’t help it.

But he wouldn’t be around to consider her safety much longer, would he?

She’d choked off his air supply of hope.

“Come to think of it, Burgess should probably go first,” said Apollo, still chipper despite the tension blanketing the platform. “I’m going to have to loosen the harness to fit someone his size and it will be easier for me to tighten it around Tallulah afterward.”

That explanation brought her scattered thoughts screeching to a stop. “Wait. Hold on.” She brushed a look across the ample breadth of Burgess’s shoulders. “What is the weight limit for the harness?”

“Two seventy-five.”

“Wow.” Burgess gestured absently to himself. “Just about made the cutoff.”

Who had set Tallulah’s esophagus on fire? “Wait. Is it safe? For him, I mean?”

“I always triple-check the equipment.”

“Yes, but when was the last time you put someone his size on a zip line? ”

Apollo laughed. “That would be never.”

“Burgess,” she breathed, narrowly avoiding a dramatic chest clutch.

Her former boss’s mouth kicked up at one end. “What, are you my bodyguard now?” He visibly hid his affection for her, stuffed it right down. “If something happens to me, you can have my sweatshirt collection, Tallulah.”

Heat blasted the backs of her eyes. “That is not funny.”

Burgess nodded at the harness Apollo held in his hands. “I’d like her to go first. I need to see for myself that she’s secure.”

“Well, I would like to wait for a bigger harness,” Tallulah said, crossing her arms. “For him.”

Apollo shook his head. “They don’t make them any bigger.”

Burgess winked at her. “Where have I heard that before?”

“Funny.” It was a weird place to be—trapped between tears and laughter. “I think I want him to go first. I won’t enjoy myself until I know he made it to the other side.”

Apollo’s head was moving on a swivel. “Why don’t we flip a coin?”

Tallulah calculated her odds of winning against Burgess’s stubborn nature versus her chances of winning against a coin. Fifty-fifty it was. “Fine, let’s flip,” Tallulah said, rocking side to side on the balls of her feet. “Tails I go first. Heads he goes first. Burgess, you have to abide by the outcome, though. Okay?”

A growl crackled in his throat. “The only reason I’m agreeing to a coin flip is that I’m equally unnerved by the cable. I can’t decide if it’s better to test the harness or the cable first to make sure you’re safe.”

Apollo threw up his hands. “I’m telling you, it’s safe!”

“I need to be positive when it comes to her.” Burgess tore his eyes off her with seeming difficulty, a line snapping in his cheek. “Flip it.”

The instructor produced a coin from his pocket, tossing it up into the air and smacking it down on his wrist. “Heads.”

Tallulah’s legs almost gave out.

The air became very thin around her. Was she making the right decision having him go first? Or should it be the other way around? Suddenly she wasn’t so sure.

Apollo was already holding open the harness for Burgess to step into, the beige strips of fabric cutting heavily into his muscled back. This was happening. She was going to have to watch Burgess sail down through the trees. And he was only there in the first place because of her. He wanted to prove he could be as adventurous as her. Wanted to prove they could work.

“Burgess, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yeah? I... think I want to.” He looked out at the horizon for a moment, before eliminating the gap between him and Tallulah, stopping before they could touch, but close enough that she could read a new determination dawning on his face. “No, I do. I want to. I think maybe if I’d lived more, experienced more, like you do, I wouldn’t have been so scared to lose hockey. I wouldn’t have thrown you out and ruined my—” He cut himself off with a clenched jaw. “You’re worried something is going to happen and you’ll be responsible, since you’re the reason I’m up here. Don’t be. I make my own decisions. I just wish I would have made the right ones sooner. I should have gone skinny dipping with you. I should have danced in the kitchen, no matter how bad it looked.” He swallowed, glancing back to watch Apollo tighten the final straps across his shoulders. “I might not have you anymore. I might have thrown away my chance, but I’m not going to throw away the lesson you tried to teach me. If it’s the only piece of you I’m allowed, I’m keeping it.”

“All right, man,” Apollo said. “You’re double- and triple-checked. The harness is holding your weight just fine. You’re going to lean back like you’re sitting in a chair. Hold on to the line, just like I showed you, and most importantly, enjoy yourself. My colleague, Ozzie, will be at the other side to help you get down—”

“Make sure Tallulah is secure before you let her go or you’ll wish you were never born, Apollo,” Burgess said, hitting the instructor with a death stare. And then he went.

He didn’t even let Apollo respond, he just went , his beautifully athletic body slicing through the misty air at what seemed like a thousand miles an hour over the lush rainforest—and the breath honestly just evaporated from her body, lungs filling with cement in her chest. Because it was the most painfully inconvenient moment to realize she was still wildly in love with the man. She hadn’t moved on at all, as she’d thought. She’d been existing, going through the motions, pretending not to look for his face in every crowd. Hadn’t she?

But his speech, followed by his pointed leap from the platform made it obvious that... now he was the one moving on. Out of respect for her wishes, her pain.

Which was exactly what she wanted.

Right.

I n the distance, Tallulah leapt from the platform and Burgess curled his fingernails into his palms, squeezing until he could feel blood being drawn. His heart rifled in his chest, the humid air growing even soupier and harder to inhale. She’d be on the ground in ten seconds. Eight. If the line could hold his weight, hers would be a piece of cake. Unless he’d weakened it by going first.

Oh Jesus.

He planted his hands on his knees, cold sweat breaking out on every inch of his body, the feelings completely gone from his hands and feet. Get your shit together. She’d be landing soon and she could not see him like this, hyperventilating over the possibility of her being harmed. The enormous and tragic and unyielding way he felt about Tallulah could no longer be his responsibility. Not when his touch made her feel panicked .

Loving her up close was no longer an option. He’d have to do it from afar.

Later, when he was alone, he’d let the longing and regret burn him alive. But he wouldn’t make Tallulah feel guilty on top of everything else he’d inflicted on her. Not today, probably the last time they would ever be alone again.

The whooshing sound of the zip line cut off abruptly, followed by the most beautiful laughter to ever exist, and Burgess straightened, pasting a serene expression onto his face and quickly swiping at the sweat on his brow. There she was, alive, safe, having her helmet removed by Ozzie, the young man with a long braid who’d just done the same for him. Burgess’s fingers itched with the need to take over the task. He hated anyone being that close to the woman he still considered his own, touching her even in a perfunctory way, but this was the hell he’d signed up for by failing to recognize the treasure he’d once held in his hands.

“Wasn’t it amazing?” Tallulah breathed, looking over at him.

“Yeah.” His voice sounded like a rusted door hinge. “It was.”

Finally, she was freed from the harness, and she bounded over to him, obviously on an adrenaline high, ready to throw herself into his arms. And his heart shot up into his mouth, the anticipation so heavy that his legs turned to concrete. When she was only a couple of steps away, however, the exultant expression bled from her face and she slowed, holding up her hand for a high five instead. Burgess absorbed the contact like a beggar.

“I saw a monkey while I was up there, peeking out over the tops of the trees,” Tallulah said. “Did you see anything?”

“Birds,” he lied. He’d seen nothing but point B.

Was he really learning from Tallulah, then? As he’d claimed on the platform?

No, he wasn’t. He needed to do better.

Like he’d said, if all she left him with was a will to do more, experience life beyond hockey, he needed to focus on that. Needed to cherish what she’d tried to teach him.

“I felt the wind,” he said, mentally putting himself back up on the zip line. “I’m used to the wind, but not it being so warm.”

Some of the tension left her shoulders. “No, we like our cold, don’t we?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure Josephine and Wells took us into consideration with this wedding.”

“I’m not sure, either,” she said, humor dancing in her eyes. “It’s December. We’re supposed to be in coats and mittens.”

“Do you wear mittens?”

Way to sound like a wistful fool.

He couldn’t help it, though. He’d been caught off guard by the image of her walking through a snowy morning in Beacon Hill, wearing his sweatshirt under a parka, breathing warm air into a pair of woolen mittens.

“Yes, I wear mittens,” she said. “They’re superior to gloves.”

“How? There’s no finger mobility. You’re basically a lobster.”

Did she have any idea that her smile was causing a volcanic eruption in his chest?

“Because you can wave like this,” she responded, demonstrating a four-finger wave that was so fucking cute, he needed to lie down.

“That’s the only reason?” he rasped. “Waving?”

“And your fingers stay warmer, because of the body heat. They’re like little people in there, huddling together to survive a storm.”

“I don’t want to think of my fingers as people.”

Her giggle ripped a hole in his throat. “You’re missing out,” she said firmly. “You need to try mittens, Burgess.” His grumble only made her smile broaden. “I can’t believe we’re talking about outerwear while standing in the middle of a Central American jungle.”

“We’re not built for this climate. I sweated through my shirt before I even made it to your room this morning.”

Tallulah’s gaze tracked down his bare chest and stomach, unmistakable lust flaring in the depths of her eyes before she shot them down to the ground. “Oh, that’s why you were disrobing when I opened the door? I thought it was to tempt me.”

Burgess firmed in his board shorts, the moisture drying up in his mouth. So, she still wanted to fuck him, even though it made moving on harder? That might excite him, ply him with satisfaction and gratitude, but he wouldn’t be laying a finger on her. He wouldn’t be the reason she turned into her own worst enemy. Still, he couldn’t quite stop himself from making the situation worse, because he wanted to be inside her more than he wanted to live for tomorrow’s sunrise. And that would be his continuous state until his dying day. “I’m pretty sure you’re the temptation with those little yellow strings hanging out of your shorts, gorgeous.”

A long slide of muscle worked in her graceful throat as she swallowed, eyes closing, as if to savor the intimate turn of the conversation. “It occurred to me on the ride here that this bathing suit is probably not built for cliff diving, but in my defense, I didn’t know we were having an outdoor adventure day when I packed. And it’s the only one I brought with me.”

“I’ll go first. If it comes off when you jump, I’ll shield you and we’ll find the bathing suit together. Shouldn’t be that hard since it’s bright yellow, right?” Something possessive and heavy welled in his chest and it wouldn’t remain trapped inside. “I don’t give a fuck if we’re together or not,” he rasped. “No one but me is seeing you naked.”

Burgess never found out how she might have responded, because Apollo rode into the clearing on an ATV, the churn of the engine splitting the morning serenity in half. “Well, what do you know? You both survived.”

It seemed to cost Tallulah an effort to drag her attention off Burgess, but he wasn’t going to read into that. Or anything she’d said about bikinis or temptation. He’d hurt her too much for her to recover. That’s what she’d said, plainly, and that sentiment was echoing in his ears even now. His possessiveness of this woman had caused him to slip, but that wouldn’t be happening again. Unless, of course, someone else tried to see her naked. In which case, he’d rip the sun down out of the sky, so it would be too dark for anyone to see her.

“Yes, we did,” Tallulah said, giving Apollo a quick smile. “I guess we’ll be adding to your collection of five-star Tripadvisor reviews.”

“Of course they’re all five stars,” Burgess said. “The people who didn’t survive aren’t alive to leave one-star ratings.”

Apollo threw back his head and laughed. “Dead men tell no tales.”

Tallulah coughed. “Feeling less confident in this cliff jump.”

“Ah, come on, it’s going to be just as safe as the zip line.” Ozzie rode up on another ATV. “Let’s get to the jump spot early. Around lunchtime, it gets too busy. Each of you hop on the back of—”

“Nope,” Burgess clipped. So much for keeping his possessiveness at bay. “She rides with me. I made it through her turn on the zip line, but I need to build back some mental stamina before she jumps off a fucking cliff.” He shook his head. “That’s not going to happen if she’s on the back of a different ATV.”

Ozzie and Apollo traded an amused glance.

“Do you know how to drive one of these things, boss?” Apollo asked .

“I know how to drive a snowmobile. Same principle.”

“If you say so.” Ozzie sighed, climbing off his ATV and getting on behind Apollo. “Are you coming, Tallulah?”

Burgess looked down at Tallulah to find her staring at him strangely.

Of course she was. They’d broken up and he was still acting like he had some kind of claim on her. “Protecting you is a habit,” he said, the back of his neck extra warm. “I guess I’m not going to be able to break it so easily.”

Not wanting to hear her reprimand, Burgess strode for the empty ATV and got on, his attention split between the control panel and Tallulah. Was she going to come after his over-the-top display of protectiveness?

When she appeared at his elbow, sliding her leg over the back seat of the ATV and wrapping her arms around his middle, he tipped his head forward and let out a pent-up breath, relief flowing down to his fingers, toes, even as her bare thighs around his hips made the laces of his board shorts feel uncomfortable.

“Ready,” she murmured against his back.

That made one of them.

If he got through the rest of this morning, it would be a miracle.